


Ice, Ice, Baby

by that_one_the_grandniece_there



Series: Ice, Ice, Baby [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Family, Fluff, M/M, Smut, Yaoi, minor gore, not so much violence as much as death and blood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:08:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 28
Words: 90,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23614975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_one_the_grandniece_there/pseuds/that_one_the_grandniece_there
Summary: Sequel to Black Ice.Kakashi Hatake, Copy Cat Ninja of the Hidden Leaf Village, of all people—against all odds, brings home a baby and toddler. He tries valiantly to resist their charms, but eventually gives in and adopts them. Then he finds out they are descendants of the Yuki clan, able to use an ice-release kekkai genkai. He’s smart, talented and capable. Which is why his children have not killed him or frozen off his bits yet. But he’d prefer if they would stop accidentally frosting their whole apartment. Only, there are no more ice-users left, since Kirigakure massacred them all. Or are there? Iruka has been hidden in plain sight this entire time. How could he have missed it?
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Series: Ice, Ice, Baby [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1690264
Comments: 74
Kudos: 200





	1. Team Seven and the Chuunin Truce

**Author's Note:**

> \-------------  
> A. N. This is the second (and main) part of the Ice, Ice, Baby series. While it can be read alone, it would make much more sense if you read the Iruka-centric prequel, Black Ice. For those of you that choose not to read the prequel—here’s a basic rundown:
> 
> Iruka belongs to both the Yuki and Nara clans distantly- he uses watered down versions of each clan's Justus together to form a unique style that becomes known as "Black Ice," but when he accidentally almost kills someone with it during his jounin trials, he withdraws asks to bind his powers; choosing to be a career chuunin. He was adopted by the main branch when he was orphaned, so Shikaku is considered his older brother. He has adopted Naruto, so he is his father. The ‘adult’ shinobi are five years older than they were originally and the events of the chuunin exams and Konoha Crush are happening two years earlier—which to gauge everyone else’s age; Iruka is 25 ½ to Naruto’s 10 here. Kakashi is 28. Asuma is also an older brother figure to Iruka, and not sure if it is ever stated in the real series, but here Konohamaru is raised by the Third, and has never met his dead parents. He is 5. Asuma and Kurenai’s storyline is roughly switched with Hayate and Jugao’s. 
> 
> \-------------
> 
> For everyone else: This is yaoi. That means men have sex with each other here, in great detail and we enjoy it. If you do not, you may kindly take your leave, thank you. I have a potty mouth and I’m not sorry.  
> Also: 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and am making no money writing fan fiction. Thank you for not suing me for using Fanfiction writing as an escapism mechanism.
> 
> \-------------

Kakashi peered at his new genin team. Well, at the three pre-genin before him that were _hoping_ to become his genin team. He doubted they’d pass. No one else had. He sighed and pushed himself away from the wall, making his way into the classroom.

He was momentarily taken aback at how much the jinchuriki looked like his sensei—so distracted by the melancholy thought that he allowed a chalkboard eraser to drop onto his head.

He’d checked in on him in the orphanage a few times, brought him treats, watched over him as one of the ANBU guards, threatened the matron when she got too rough ‘disciplining’ him….. but once he’d been forced out of ANBU, he’d lost track of the boy.

He’d seen him in passing, of course, just recently—with those two Academy senseis—the loud one and the traitor. He looked better than he had that night.

\-------------

Iruka was many things. Overprotective was one of them. He hated that the Copy-Nin walked around reading porn, yes.

But while all of the Jounin-senseis were capable, Iruka felt that Sharingan no Kakashi—not the man of a thousand jutsus, but the man that had helped him find his own calling—he hoped _that_ man might help his son find his way on the path of life.

Besides, if he failed them (as Iruka noted, he had every other candidate team), he’d send them to Asuma, conflict of interest be damned. Or Kurenai—because if Asuma approved of her, then she was good enough people in Iruka’s book.

\-------------

Kakashi was surprised they’d passed. He hadn’t wanted to single his sensei’s son out, especially given how he suspected the boy did not have enough to eat on a regular basis and so was sensitive about food issues; so he’d told the children that the Uchiha couldn’t eat, as he was the one who (like Kakashi had during Minato-sensei’s bell test) demonstrated the most disdain for teamwork.

The blond hadn’t even waited for Kakashi to leave. He’d immediately puffed himself up as big as his ten-year-old self could get and shouted in Kakashi’s face (he must not know the Copy Nin’s reputation; he was even repeatedly stabbing a pokey little finger in the jounin’s direction).

Apparently, it was NOT OKAY to starve someone and to be mean to them and did he know (at least he assumed the blond was talking about him, though he’d said ‘ _old man_ ,’ so Kakashi wasn’t entirely certain…..or impressed) that you needed to take _care_ of your teammates?

Hasn’t he ever gone on missions, and doesn’t he _know_ that shinobi must work together and how did someone who doesn’t care and isn’t even _listening_ pass the Academy? Because _his_ (the blond seemed to puff up even prouder mentioning his sensei) sensei was the best and would _never_ let anyone like Kakashi pass the test.

While the little strawberry blonde was quieter about her dissent, he had noticed she’d slid closer to the Uchiha in solidarity, and despite her seemingly usual annoyance at the Jinchuriki, nodded in agreement with him (about the teamwork anyways—when the blond had continued to rant at the top of his lungs, she’d shrunk back a bit, apparently familiar enough with Kakashi’s reputation to have a healthy dose of fear, unlike the little blue-eyed tyrant).

\-------------

Iruka was happy they’d passed and he loved hearing all about his son’s adventures (or sometimes, misadventures) out and about as a genin.

When he heard, however, that the Copy-Nin had nominated his entire team for the upcoming chuunin exams, he saw red. He was absolutely _livid_.

\-------------

Kakashi had been having a good day. Nobody had stabbed him, threw shuriken at him, tried to burn him alive or garrotte him.

He was having a good day. He’d read Icha Icha in a tree, he’d read Icha Icha on a bench, and he was reading Icha Icha now, in the Hokage’s office while officially nominating his team for the chuunin exams. He was a good multi-tasker.

Sure, Asuma kept sending him funny glances and checking his watch, then the door…… but, like Kakashi himself, he figured all jounin had their quirks, so he ignored him.

It wasn’t until all the occupants felt a roiling, murderous little bundle of chakra approaching (and Asuma started snickering into his hand) that Kakashi got suspicious.

\-------------

Iruka stormed into the Hokage’s office, heckles up, eyes squinted and fists balled. His eyes roved the gathered jounin (he rolled his eyes at Asuma, who was chuckling—probably because of the scene he knew Iruka would make) and gave Kurenai a nod. When his eyes lit on the Copy-Nin, however, his dark eyes went flinty and he stomped right up to face the man.

\-------------

There was a chuunin in front of him. The man was poking him in the chest (pretty hard) and the angry chakra was emanating from him. Kakashi glanced down at the sharp finger that kept poking him in the chest and idly noted to himself that it reminded him of his blond student when they’d passed the bell test.

Kakashi missed most of what the irate man was saying, but did listen when he heard him screech, “Are you even _listening_ to me?”

He eye-smiled insincerely. “Mah, chuunin-san. Not really.”

He noticed Asuma’s snickers die as the other man’s eyes went wide. It would be rather comical, only Kakashi now had more words being yelled in his face.

“How dare you nominate them for the chuunin exams. They’re not ready! How dare you—”

He interrupted the dark-haired nin. “Excuse me, but it is _my_ business. They are my students, my genin, my soldiers.”

Then it clicked, this was their former Academy sensei—Kakashi wasn’t very familiar with him, as he’d never received a team from his class before, but he vaguely recalled the jinchuriki being particularly attached to him. He had been impressed, since he’d failed multiple teams from all of the other classrooms. Though, he was not impressed with him right now.

“Naruto is—”

Kakashi interrupted again, losing his patience and hardening the edge of his voice, hoping his change in demeanor dropped the temperature by a few degrees cooler.

“No longer your student.” Kakashi finished for him at the same time as the chuunin said,

“—my son.”

_Oh._ He hadn’t realised his sensei’s son had been taken in. He squinted at the sensei, trying to look at him in a different light.

_Well, that explains the boy’s penchant for poking and pointing. And yelling. He must have gotten it from the abnormally loud chuunin._

The man’s face was slowly purpling as he gesticulated widely, “Excuse me, _that’s_ what you have to say for yourself?”

_Oh, had he said that out loud?_ Kakashi wondered.

He decided it wasn’t a very good day anymore. And he didn’t particularly like the Academy sensei, whether or not his students were the only ones Kakashi had ever passed.

“You decide, probably on a _whim_ , to put my son’s life in danger and then you have to gall to insult—”

“Iruka.” The Sandaime speaks quietly, but the pony-tailed chuunin hears him and turns.

“Yes, Hokage-sama?”

“That’s enough.” The old man takes a drag on his pipe.

“Yes, Hokage-sama. I’m sorry. Please excuse my rude behaviour.” The Sandaime acknowledges his apology with a nod.

Kakashi snorts inwardly when he notices the chuunin doesn’t apologise to _him_ before turning on his heel and exiting.

\-------------

After leaving the Hokage’s office, Kakashi made his way over to an abandoned training ground that civilians now used as a park. He settled in a private corner and held his book in front of his face, though he wasn’t reading it.

When he’d descended from the Hokage’s office to see the chuunin waiting in one of the lounges, he’d thought the man was there to apologise.

Instead, the chuunin had apparently been waiting for Asuma, who had sidled up to him with a gentle, “Just couldn’t help yourself, could you?”

To which the younger shinobi had snorted and walked off, Asuma following behind chuckling softly.

Kakashi then followed at a respectable enough distance not to get caught and watched as they sparred in one of the training fields; the chuunin obviously outclassed, but still managing to have enough breath to complain about the Copy-Nin the entire fight.

If he weren’t so sour with the chuunin for berating him in public—as if he were one of his students rather than a superior officer, he _might_ have found the chuunin’s disregard for his reputation refreshing.

After sparring with Asuma (and a goodbye side-hug, _really_? Was this chuunin a nurse maid?), Kakashi followed the chuunin home, where he watched his little blond student come running out of an apartment and vault himself over the balcony, just trusting the chuunin would catch him.

Which, he did. With a smile and an affectionate hug, rubbing his cheek lovingly on the little boy’s. The jinchuriki was radiating so much happiness that it was almost blinding.

The chuunin deposited the little boy onto the ground, and asked him to wait as he went upstairs and put away his satchel from teaching at the Academy all day.

\-------------

As Kakashi watches the boy wait for his adoptive father, he notices the boy, though happy when the chuunin had gotten home, kept to himself more and out of the way when alone. He’d noticed some of the boys’ weird behaviours since he’d become his jounin-sensei, but had written them off as eccentricities.

Though, given the treatment he’d received in the orphanage and the various behaviour quirks, Kakashi was starting to believe that most villagers maybe hadn’t changed their ways and had, in fact, been treating his sensei’s son poorly because of the prisoner the hapless boy carried.

Kakashi, while he had never been overly sentimental—was a believer in fairness and, unless warranted otherwise—courtesy.

The way the other shinobi seemed to huff and avoid the boy’s general vicinity and the dirty looks he was getting from the gossipy group of civilians on the neighbouring apartment stoop was starting to irk the Copy-Nin.

It was only after watching the father-son pair all evening that Kakashi developed a new-found respect for the chuunin school teacher.

For every glare sent Naruto’s way, the chuunin would give him a smile, and a pat on the head or a hug.

When another shinobi looked particularly unhappy by the boy’s mere presence, the chuunin would place his own body between them—regardless, Kakashi noted—of the other shinobi’s rank or chakric aura.

For every vendor that warned the pair away simply by turning up their noses, they were responded to with a straight back and defiant glare from the chuunin.

Every heartfelt hello was responded to in kind—the Copy-Nin noticed, unless the other party only spoke to the teacher and ignored the boy. Then they were stoically ignored.

It wasn’t hard for the genius to see that the Academy sensei was a kind-hearted and social being—but that his lifestyle was clearly impacted by taking in the jinchuriki—that despite being looked down on for it, he chose to love the boy anyways. Despite being shunned by some, having his business refused, probably losing more friends than just the white-haired traitor—he loved the jinchuriki unconditionally.

Walking home alone after watching the pair settle in at Ichiraku’s Ramen Stand, Kakashi mused that he was glad his late sensei’s son had found a second father—a father that seemed to be the only gift the poor boy had in a village full of hate. He vowed to do better for his student himself—and maybe, just maybe, he might have a new little soft spot for the chuunin sensei.

Though….. he did _not_ appreciate that the man had apparently passed on not only a sizeable disregard for authority, but also a penchant for bouts of temper to his adopted son.

_Hm, I guess not everything is genetic._

\-------------

Iruka waits a week before he feels his temper has waned sufficiently to confront—er, _apologise_ _to_ the Copy-Nin.

He waits for him in the shadows of the Hokage Tower when he knows Team 7 was due back from a mission.

\-------------

As Kakashi feels the other shinobi approach, he hopes the man isn’t fit to be tied today. He doesn’t think he could handle that after the day he’s had—soft spot for the chuunin and Minato’s son or not.

He’s pleasantly surprised when the other man apologizes to him, and even more surprised when the brunet acquiesces his son’s request to have Kakashi join them for dinner.

Perhaps the day can be salvaged.

\-------------


	2. Never, Never

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: Sorry, I know in the actual timeline that the chuunin exam and the Naruto Bridge Arc are the other way around, but….. it just worked for the flow. 
> 
> Also, Iruka and Shikaku used Tousan/Kaasan and Otousan/Okaasan because they’re from an older generation. The kids in Naruto’s generation will use a mix of that and the more anglicized ‘mom’ and ‘dad,’ because of newer generations’ tendencies to shift to more global/Americanised trends. So, as a general rule, when talking to each other, the kids will call them mom and dad but when talking to the adults and stuff it’ll be the traditional Touchan/san /Kaachan/san.
> 
> Also—that’s the same reason why things like Christmas will appear later in this fic. After all, shinobi travel so much to different nations (and I like to think of the five shinobi nations as roughly equivalent to the five continents) that I’m pretty sure that somewhere along the way, the shinobi would become aware of the traditions from all the nations and given how short their life expectancy, why not celebrate ALL the holidays instead of just their own? After all, life is short. 
> 
> So, I like to think of Konoha as a melting pot of culture and traditions (kind of like in Canada, where I’m from, or major business cities like London, Tokyo and Paris. For example, here in Canada, we can have a town that has a Somali Refugee Centre a block away from the Ukrainian Cultural Centre, which is a block away from the Mosque, which is a block away from the Greek Orthodox Church, which is a block away from the Vietnamese restaurant…..etc., you get the idea).
> 
> Finally, I hope this doesn't suck. A while ago, I had written this chapter to be over seven pages in Word, then I ended up erasing the whole damn thing, keeping only, three lines of the dialogue and starting over again because I wasn't particularly happy with it. This is the second try, and it's not perfect, or still not even what I'd first envisioned, but it is better and therefore acceptable, especially since I've made you wait so long for chapter two. Anywho, storywards!

\-------------

Kakashi….. didn’t really like children, or having a genin team. Sure, it was sometimes amusing to watch their petty arguments, but more often than not, it was just obnoxious.

For shit’s sake, how much more ditzy and heartsick could a pre-teen girl get? (It especially bothered him, because given her high written test scores, she _really_ shouldn’t be this useless compared to not only the boys, but any of the other rookie genin.)

Not to mention, short, dark and serious _seriously_ needed to look into buying himself a personality—wasn’t there a limit on how angsty and emo one kid could be? (It didn’t help matters that he reminded Kakashi so much of himself when he was a broody, angry kid—and well, Kakashi wasn’t exactly his own biggest fan.)

Now, he did have a soft spot for the blond—even he’d admit that. But it was more in the sense of, ‘ _oh, look, he looks like Sensei and acts like Nee-chan, isn’t that kind of cute and sort of nostalgic way_ ,’ not a, ‘ _he’s as talented as Sensei way_.’ Which, while he always had some creative way to get himself out of the trouble he always inevitably landed in—he wasn’t. He had _potential_ , yes. Possibly even more than Sensei or Kakashi himself because of the chakra reserves he’d inherited from Nee-chan. But immediate skill? Not a fat chance. Plus, the boy was as subtle as a gun (and those were the epitome of unclassy weapons, if the Copy-Nin did say so himself.)

And don’t even start with the shit babysitting missions. Weeding gardens, ugh, but fine. Same with harvesting potatoes or apples or whatever. Walking dogs, hm…..he actually enjoyed that one. Cleaning up, not fun—but necessary. But babysitting? Fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck it was the single most awful and obnoxious job in the whole damn world.

Headache from wailing monster? Check.

Disgusting clothes from gremlin-vomit? Check.

Awful smell clinging to everything, even one’s own mask (was nothing sacred?!) from filthy diapers? Check.

Sore feet from sharp fucking blocks left on the floor (he should look into carrying those as caltrops)? Check.

Wet pants and mission report from leaking nappies? Check.

Hardened gruel stuck in hair from breakfast? Check.

Soggy teething biscuits found in one’s own flak vest from two-year old over-sharers? Check.

Dent in paycheque from ruined bedtime book? Check.

Sopping floor from destructive ‘bath time’? Check.

Sticky sleeves from refused cough-syrup? Check.

Also, probably sick from being coughed on by said sick child? Probably check. (He’d give it a few days to see.)

Disabling fear about what will happen when the next generation takes over after watching his three genin trying to care for children? Check, check and triple-check. (Or, maybe just double-check—Naruto seems to really get along with the gremlins. And the way he looks dotingly at the littlest two _is_ kind of endearing.)

Though, on the Naruto note—crippling anxiety over the state of the civilian public-school system after watching Naruto try and help with that one kid’s algebra homework? Check.

(Though, in the Ninja Academy’s defense—most subjects taught were shinobi-oriented and they didn’t focus on civilian subjects like math or grammar as failure-worthy. If you can fight…..you pass. To hell with the rest. How many shinobi make it to 30 anyways? Why would they need math when they’re scary enough to haggle? Why would they need to sign their name when summons are signed in blood? They don’t have time for leisure reading, so as long as they understand most of it….. And don’t even get started on the civilian _arts_ subjects. For fucks sakes, a shinobi isn’t going to _interpretive-dance_ their way to victory or _paint_ someone dead.)

Anyways, back to the point at hand, why, in fuck’s name, would _anyone_ want more than _one_ of these little gremlins, much less five?? It boggles the mind.

A lunatic, that’s who. Only a complete nutter would want five of these little beasts.

Kakashi had never wanted children. This experience certainly reinforces that wish. Gay or not, maybe he should get a vasectomy, just in case.

\-------------

It had been months of D-class missions before Kakashi’s little blond hellion demanded a ‘real’ mission. Surprising, really. Kakashi hadn’t thought they’d make it a couple of weeks until this happened. Perhaps the little bugger was learning some patience after all.

Iruka, while he wasn’t pleased the Sandaime caved, supposed Naruto could do worse than a simple C-class escort mission. Especially with the Copy-Nin at his back. The man may have his faults, but Iruka knew he was a damn good ninja and fiercely protective of his comrades.

Though, when a two-week absence turned into four, then dragged on to five, the brunet was beside himself with worry. Closing in on six, he was almost at the point where he needed to take a mental health day away from work—though giving himself all that time to think and worry might actually make it _worse_.

So….. he made and re-made his son’s bed every night, hopefully packed a second bento everyday (then ended up eating it as dinner), walked around the market and started to talk to the blond (then realised he was alone) and usually ended up at his brother’s drinking every night. He was miserable.

\-------------

When Team 7 hobbled into the Missions Room, Iruka didn’t give a shit about decorum. He threw himself round the desk and onto his knees, his sunny blond launching himself into his arms. The brunet ran his hands through dirty blond hair, checking for blood and scanned his eyes over dirt-dulled orange clothing, checking for tears or distortions that might indicate broken bones.

“What happened, buddy?”

Before his three gremlins….. er, _genin_ could start talking over each other, Kakashi answered, “Well, our easy C-class escort mission turned into a B-class because our client withheld important information.”

Sharp brown eyes snapped up to meet his lone grey one. “What? A B?” The implied, ‘how the fuck did that happen,’ was left unspoken in front of young ears.

Kakashi answered it anyways, knowing the brunet was a force to be reckoned with when going all papa bear. “Tazuna-san was between a rock and a hard place; his people were starving. His family was threatened, but he wanted to give them a chance to survive. So, he lied and said he wanted an escort due to the possibility of highway robbers and such. However, there was an organised criminal organisation operating on their island that had taken out a hit on the bridge-builder via rogue nin.”

Iruka’s arms tighten perceptibly around his small pre-teen. “Rogue nin?”

Naruto struggles to pull his face out of his father’s shoulder. “Yeah, there was this really cool guy—well if he wasn’t trying to kill us, he’d be cool—his name was Zabuza Momo-something.” He bobbed his head enthusiastically, bright blue eyes sparkling.

Kakashi watched as Iruka’s hands fisted tight enough that his knuckles blanched. “Zabuza Momochi, the Demon of the Mist, one of the Seven Swordsmen?” the brunet’s quiet voice was deceptively calm. “ _That_ Zabuza?”

“Yeah!” Naruto hops up, “That’s it, Momochi!”

Iruka takes a shaky breath as he stands and Kakashi offers him a sympathetic eye-smile. “It’s all right, Iruka-sensei. We’re all home now, safe and sound.”

“Yeah,” the brunet mumbles softly, “yeah.” He lands in the chair behind the desk with a soft _whump_.

Sakura is looking at him funny. “Iruka-sensei, why are you so happy to see only Naruto? We’re all back, you know.” The last is said with a little frown. She’d never thought Iruka-sensei had favourites. He’d always been so kind to everyone, and fair too.

As the sensei loses himself in his thoughts and the Copy-Nin’s genin occupy themselves, Kakashi hands their mission report in to the next desk worker beside Iruka, Genma.

“Well, Sakura,” Kakashi pats her on the shoulder distractedly, multi-tasking as he watches Genma read the report, “I’m sure your mom and dad will be just as happy to see you, too.”

She looks at him with a scowl. “Of course, they will, but Iruka-sensei is _not_ Naruto’s dad.”

Sasuke looks at her funny. He murmurs, “Iruka-sensei adopted Naruto about halfway through the six years we were in his class. They just kept it quiet to be fair to the rest of us.”

Sakura gawked at the dark-haired boy. “No way, I’d have known.”

Sasuke shrugged. “Believe what you want.”

Finally, as Genma stamps his approval on the report, Iruka sits up. “Well, accident or not, that was your first B-class.” He smiles a little wobbly smile at the three kids in front of him. “We’ll have a family celebration, I’m sure, as soon as your aunt gets wind of this, Naruto. But it’s tradition to celebrate with your team, too. We do it for every first B and A class mission. Sasuke, we’d love for you to join us, and Sakura, you can ask your parents. Naruto, why don’t you invite your sensei?” The brunet surreptitiously takes the stamped report from Genma, with no protest from the dirty blond, to read it before it’s filed.

Taking that as their dismissal, Kakashi turns away from the desk as Naruto looks up at him. “Well, Kakashi-sensei, you’re coming, right? Dad said you should, so you will, right?”

Kakashi pats him on the head. “Sure. I’ll meet you there. Where should I meet you?”

Naruto blinks, then says, “Probably Akimichi’s Restaurant. We love Ichiraku’s, but we go to Chouza’s when we have more than four of us. You’ll meet us at six, right? Not eight or ten?”

Kakashi laughs inwardly. “Of course, I’ll be there on time. I’m not that bad.”

Behind him, Iruka snorts, wandering over to the filing cabinet, mumbling, “Maybe you should have said to meet us at four…..And you need to go home and bathe before going out in polite company in public, Naruto.”

Kakashi smirks under his mask. As he walks away, he just heard the small family continue their chatter, the blond sighing heavily. “Fiiiiine. I’ll clean up. How about Shika?”

Iruka’s eyes crinkled in a bright smile. “Yours or mine?”

“Uuuuugh, don’t be so _annoying_ , Touchan. _Miiiiine_.” He whined, pushing Iruka’s fingers out of his hair as Kakashi made it out of earshot.

“Well, kiddo, I’m pretty sure Shika-kun will be at the family celebration, but I won’t say no if you want him to come too.”

The blond grinned, “I do. Can Konohamaru come too? I’m sure he’d love to hear my adventures!”

Iruka smiled, glad his son finally had people he could count on and love, “Sure. As long as he’s not with your uncle Asuma and Kurenai tonight, I’m sure Sandaime wouldn’t mind.”

Naruto snorts, “Ebisu-pervert will.”

Iruka frowns. “Well, it’s not up to Ebisu, now is it?”

Naruto grins, “Nah. Konohamaru would sneak away anyways.” He gives his dad a thumbs up.

“All right, kiddo. I’m off in half an hour. You need to go wash up, then pick up a gift for your sensei for taking care of you on that mission and find Konohamaru-kun before dinner at six. If his two little friends are with him, they can come too. It’ll be like a party, just for you. I’ll grab Shika-kun when I let your aunt and uncle know about your first B-class, then I have a stop to make too. See you soon.”

“What am I supposed to pick?” The blond scratches his head. He smiles to himself. He's sure Sasuke won't think to get their sensei a present.

“How about something from the Yamanaka shop?” Iruka smiles, thinking of how many milestones the boy had missed before they found each other, then adds, “Then you could ask Ino-chan to join us too, since Chouji-kun will probably be there with his Tousan already and I’m picking up your cousin.”

"Make it a nice plant. It’s a thank you, to your Kakashi-sensei, for being with you on your journey, we don't want it to fade, like flowers. I'll always be grateful. Pick one out from you and an Usagi-chan from me, okay?”

Naruto nodded vigorously. “Sure! I bet Sasuke won’t get Kakashi-sensei anything!”

“Naruto, it’s not a competition.” Iruka cocked an eyebrow at the blond.

The blond shrugs with a giggle.

Then his eyes light up. “It really will be a party!”

“Of course, your first B-class is a big deal. My team didn’t get to go on one until I was a year older than you, when I was eleven. I’m even going to pick you up a special present.”

“Really?! Well….. Ino-chan isn’t my favourite, but Shika-kun says she’s a good teammate, so I guess I could ask if I’m already there.”

Iruka thinks a second, then adds, “Well, since we’ll have six of you already, why don’t you ask the three other rookies, too? I’m sure if Konohamaru is with your Asuma-jiisan that Kurenai-sensei and her team won’t be too far away.” He smiles, remembering how Kurenai’s little Hinata had always been truly kind to his son.

He leans over and kisses the blond on the top of his head. “Be good, Naruto.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. And don’t worry, I won’t even forget to wash behind my ears!”

"Seriously!"

“I will, see you later, Touchan!” The boy calls as he runs off with a wave.

\-------------

Kakashi walks in the door and gulps. He’s about one second away from turning tail and running, but Iruka spots him and waves him over. The Copy-Nin gulps and then shuffles towards his doom.

He’s not sure how a ‘team’ dinner with _one parent_ turned into _this,_ but along with his team and Iruka, he can also see nine other children. NINE.

And, three of them are very obviously even younger than his genin, and one of _those_ is covered in snot, like he’s never even heard of tissues or handkerchiefs. Another one of the little ones is crawling under the table, tying Sasuke and Kiba’s shoelaces together. He looks suspiciously like the Sandaime’s grandson. Naruto looks like he’s covering for him as he sneaks glances down.

Iruka, seemingly blissfully unaware of the snot-monster and the shrill children’s voices, continues to beckon Kakashi over to sit by him. Kakashi daintily avoids touching any of the urchins….. er, _children_ as he takes a seat beside the sensei.

“Hello, Iruka-sensei.” He glances around. “There’s an awful lot of….. children here.”

Iruka laughs heartily. “Yes, well. It’s not every day a genin team gets their first B-class.” The ‘ _and survives_ ,’ goes unspoken as the brunet smiles at his son.

Kakashi clears his throat. “Yes, well….. I’m not exactly….. _comfortable_ around children.”

Iruka smiles warmly at the Copy-Nin’s discomfiture and pats him on the knee consolingly. “Don’t worry, Kakashi-san. I’ll protect you from them.” He leans forward conspiratorially, “After all, you _did_ bring my son home.”

Kakashi sighs. He doesn’t suppose he’s getting out of this dinner.

Iruka lets out a short, sharp whistle. “All right, mini-nins. Has everyone washed their hands?”

To Kakashi’s surprise, eleven of the twelve children’s eyes all snap in Iruka’s direction and all of them are nodding obediently.

Iruka grins mischievously. “Konohamaru-kun?” He calls, mock-sweetly, “I’m sure you’re going to wash your hands again after touching all those shoelaces, ne?”

A red-faced pre-genin forehead appears at the end of the table, followed closely by two downcast eyes and a sheepish smile. “Yes, Iruka-ji—uh, sensei.”

Iruka nods succinctly. “Good. You can do that while I hand these out.”

He pushes envelopes towards all four members of Team 7. Then, he nods at Naruto, who pulls a large box from under the table and puts it in front of Kakashi. Iruka produces another, smaller box and hands it to his son.

As they begin opening them, Kakashi notes that the children’s envelopes all have encouraging congratulations cards in them, while his is a thank you. Unused to receiving gifts, he cautiously pulls the lid off the wrapped box with holes along the sides.

Inside, he peers down at two plants. Naruto pipes up, “Touchan said to get plants, because flowers die. That way, you can look at them anytime and remember how much it means to him that you brought me home safe.” The blond is blushing a cherry-red at this point, but continues, “ ** _I_** thought they could be like your pets, because your dogs are ninjas not pets, so I named them. I like _my idea better_. So, they’re called Mr. Ukki and Mr. Inki.”

Iruka gently pats Naruto on the knee. “That one, _Mr. Ukki_ ,” he smiles, “is a gold dust plant. _He_ is pretty easy to take care of, Naruto liked him because he’s shiny. I picked the other one, because it’s even easier to take care of, as it’s a succulent. It’s called monilaria obconica. It’ll survive on its own even if you’re gone for weeks for a mission.”

Naruto adds gleefully, “And it looks like it’s growing rabbits. RABBITS, Kakashi-sensei!” He pouts, “Touchan wouldn’t let me get the one that looked like _dolphins_. But, they really are easy to take care of, Touchan got me one when I first moved in with him, instead of a puppy; I call mine Usagi-chan and sometimes I forget to water her, so Touchan does it, but she’s never gotten sick, even if we wait a looooong time.”

Kakashi smiles sincerely under his mask. It’s not only a gift, but it’s well thought out; however unlikely that it seems, these people seem to care about him. While he wouldn’t let anything happen to a comrade or his students if he can help it, he’s unused to be thanked for doing his job. He also wonders what it might feel like to love someone so much, that the fact that someone helps them because it’s their job makes you want to do things for them or buy them plants. He’s not sure he can wrap his head around that. He ruffles Naruto’s hair. “Thank you, Naruto, Iruka-sensei. I’ll take really good care of them.”

Naruto positively beams and Iruka nods at him. Then Naruto opens his present. It’s a senbon poison tipping practice kit, a tag making calligraphy set and a new set of kunai, with orange ribbon-wrappings instead of the traditional red or white. Naruto launches himself into Iruka’s arms, and despite his reservations about children, the sight makes Kakashi smile.

Iruka, perhaps unsurprisingly, given his profession, Kakashi ponders, manages to keep all twelve children in line through dinner and he himself only has to interrupt his genin’s narrative of their mission a few times. Boastful as he’s prone to be sometimes, Naruto is surprisingly honest when telling the tale and he and Sasuke seem to feed off each other—positively though—when recounting the way they had fought alongside each other. Sakura is a bit withdrawn and quiet unless she’s berating Naruto, but Kakashi surmises it’s because she may feel inadequate—not having accomplished as much as the boys, other than grasping the chakra-climbing quickly.

Kakashi is surprised when the evening is over that he doesn’t immediately feel like rushing home to his own solitude. He watches as Iruka hugs each child and sends them off with a smile when their families come to pick them up. Before Sasuke leaves, Kakashi overhears Iruka pull him to the side, out of notice of Sakura. The brunet smiles at him and hands him a small wrapped box.

“I wasn’t close to your parents,” the sensei begins quietly, “but I attended school with several of your cousins. I want you to know, that you are always welcome in our home. I think they would have been proud of you.” The teacher leans forward hesitantly, knowing how stand-offish the dark-haired young man can be, but Sasuke surprises Kakashi by leaning in the last few inches and hugging his former sensei.

“Thank you.”

Iruka smiles over the top of his head. “You’re welcome, Sasuke-kun. Congratulations on your first B-class.”

The boy nods then hurries off. Naruto sticks his tongue out at him on the way past, but doesn’t make fun of him for hugging Iruka, nor for having his Touchan’s attention. Iruka ruffles Naruto’s hair. “Take it easy on him, sometimes, eh, Naruto?”

Naruto snorts but shrugs in an affirmative sort of way.

“Kakashi-sensei, please hold on a minute. I’ll walk you home, if that’s all right?”

Kakashi puts down his box of plants and nods. He watches Iruka settle the bill with Chouza and then approach the last three kids left.

Naruto looks up. “Are we walking with you too?”

Iruka smiles. “Nah, you can go home. Shika-kun has permission to stay at our tonight, so I think you’ll be okay walking home without me. Chouji, your dad said you could go too if you’d like.”

Chouji considers the two other boys for a minute, then shakes his head. “Thanks, Iruka-sensei, but maybe next time. I think those two will be fine together.”

Iruka ruffles his hair. “Sure thing, kiddo. See you next time.”

Kakashi picks up his box and the four of them exit the restaurant. Iruka hugs the boys to his sides, then kisses Naruto, and to Kakashi’s surprise, Shikamaru too—on the head. “Okay, boys. Stay together, stay safe. Go straight home and don’t forget the second layer on the front door.”

“Never do.” Shikamaru nods. “Come on, Trouble, let’s go.”

“I am not Trouble. You’re Lazy!!” He nudges the darker-haired boy as they wander off chatting into the night.

Iruka turns back to Kakashi. “Well, Kakashi-sensei, thanks for bearing with us. It meant a lot to Naruto for you to be there.”

Kakashi nods as they head towards his apartment, Iruka offering to carry one of the houseplants on the way. “A bit of a pricey outing, though. I mean, I was thinking of treating my three to dango or something for surviving, but feeding twelve kids and two adults, sensei?”

Iruka thought back to the first birthday he’d helped Naruto celebrate, after he’d found out that they boy had never had one—and not only that, but that since it was the anniversary of the Kyuubi attack, people were even harsher towards him than usual. He hated that his son was now able to find himself on B-rank missions, even accidentally, because they were dangerous; but he also wouldn’t hold back celebrating a ninja milestone when Naruto wanted so badly to prove himself.

Iruka laughs. “He missed so much before I adopted him. And I wasn’t kidding. It’s a family tradition to celebrate the first A and B class missions. Naruto is part of my family now and I’d like to pass our traditions down to him. Besides, it wasn’t that bad. I get a kind of family discount from Chouza.”

Kakashi notes Iruka’s lack of honorific for Chouza but says nothing, instead asking, “Because of Chouji being one of yours?”

Iruka smiles, hedges a bit, “Mmm. Something like that, I guess.”

They walk in a comfortable silence for a while. Then Iruka speaks softly. “I really am. Thankful, you know. That you brought him home safe. All of them.”

He sighs, staring up at the stars as they keep walking. Kakashi nods and he continues, “There’s only so much I feel like I can do, teach them as much as I can and then I have to let them go. Into our dangerous world. It’s always made me worry, but it wasn’t until Naruto that I understood what it felt like to all of the parents on the other side of the desk at parent-teacher conferences. I….. well, unless you have children of your own one day, Kakashi-sensei, I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much it really means to me that you were there for him when I couldn’t be. That you put your life on the line to protect him every time you guys leave the village.”

The brunet stops in the middle of the road. He looks at Kakashi for a long moment, it drags until Kakashi is almost uncomfortable, then the brunet cautiously leans forwards and wraps the Copy-Nin in a side-hug like Kakashi had seen him do to Asuma.

“Thank you, Kakashi.” And then he keeps walking, Kakashi frozen a second before catching up. He felt a bit warm inside, just like he had when Naruto had been explaining how much thought the pair had put into his gift. Perhaps side-hugs weren’t as silly as he’d thought, after all. He doesn’t want to ruin the moment, so he bites his tongue on the, ‘I never want kids,’ that flits through his brain.

A. N. So, Iruka is only hiding his gift to Sasuke from Sakura because he knows that Sasuke has no one else to do these types of things for him, kind of like Naruto before he adopted him. He knows Sakura has parents to do them for her, but he also doesn’t want her to feel left out because she’s the only one he didn’t buy for. Naruto knows, but in Naruto fashion, he doesn’t mind because he likes to see other people happy and he remembers what it was like to be alone even if Sasuke is not his favourite person right now.


	3. Failure, Failure

Chapter Three: Failure, Failure

The only thing Kakashi hated more than being wrong was admitting it. He’d been annoyed when Iruka had challenged him; he’d insulted the man in public and yet, it had been Iruka that had apologised, and Kakashi had thought the other man owed it to him.

Now, though, now, as Kakashi looked over the smoking ruins of the arena, contemplating just how much everything had gone to shit, he admitted to himself that he had been in the wrong.

Not only had Sasuke defected because their team hadn’t been skilled enough to fight off the attack that left him with a curse seal—(in Kakashi’s mind, that was Iruka—1, Copy-Nin—0); but Sakura had completely coasted on the boys’ talent, so she obviously wasn’t anywhere near ready either (Iruka—2, Copy-Nin—0). Finally, while the blond ball of inexplicable sunshine had survived and won his fights, it hadn’t exactly been talent that got him through them, it was more a combination of slight creativity and a helluva lot of luck (Iruka—3, Copy-Nin—0).

So, when Iruka sidled up, Kakashi suddenly found his sandals very interesting and studiously avoided looking at the brunet.

“How are the kids?”

Kakashi sighed. Later, they’d deal with the destruction and losses wreaked. For now, he needed to suck it up, his pride be damned. “You were right, Sensei.”

Iruka cocked his head and raised an eyebrow in question. He’d only meant were they _safe_ , but he didn’t interrupt the other man.

“They weren’t ready. Taking the chuunin exams is about _passing_ the chuunin exams and becoming a chuunin, not playing around like a test of skill—just because I thought they’d survive wasn’t enough of a reason for me to put them through that. I _knew_ none of them would pass, because chuunin must show not only talent, but leadership ability—so I shouldn’t have nominated them just because I was sick of their whining about not being challenged. For fucks sake, Naruto won one of his matches by….. he—”

“It’s ok, Kakashi-san.” Iruka grinned, “You can say it.”

Kakashi flushed under his mask, and stayed quiet.

Iruka chuckled. “My kid only won that match because he passed gas.” He laughed harder.

Kakashi snorted, the floodgates finally open as he splutters, “Oh my God, he literally _farted_ in that poor kid’s face.”

They both laugh heartily, then sober quickly.

“I acted like I was superior because I felt like I was right. I never even apologised for insulting you, even though you apologised for doubting me—which you, given all this—had every right to do.” Kakashi ran a hand through his dirty grey hair. “I’m sorry, Iruka-sensei. And….. and, you were right. I just wanted you to hear that from me.”

Surprising him, Iruka slid an arm around him in another side-hug. “I know you feel that way, but….. it’s not just about being right and wrong. When you’re responsible for other people’s lives, whether they’re your subordinates, students or children, you need to do what you think is right for them. You did that. I would have done it differently. That doesn’t make one of us better or worse. Or even right and wrong. It simply makes us different. A shinobi village cannot be run only by people that think the same. If it were, we’d never learn, grow or move forward. We’d be stuck perpetuating the same mistakes and the same prejudices, over and over, because no one would know any better. Because we are different from each other, we push each other to move beyond our comfort zone, to learn and understand other perspectives; to grow as people, shinobi and friends. I trust you with my son’s life, just as I would trust you with mine. I want _you to know that_ , Kakashi-sensei. I still trust you with my son’s life.”

Kakashi shuddered, and feeling a tear gather in the corner of his eye, he stepped away from Iruka gently. “Thank you.”

Iruka hummed. “Now, let’s go find my boy. Let’s start cleaning up this mess.”

\-------------

The next time Kakashi saw Iruka, it was at the Sandaime’s funeral. His arm was wrapped around the young Sarutobi as they stood next to the gravesite. Unfortunately, there had been no body for them to bury for his uncle, Asuma. Kakashi didn’t know where the boy would go, as his parents had died in ANBU shortly after his birth. His grandfather had raised him with the help of tutors and nannies and since he no longer had his uncle to take him in in the Third’s absence, the Copy-Nin wondered if he would be another Hokage-legacy sent to the lonely orphanage like Naruto had been.

Kakashi wanted to approach the brunet, he felt inexplicably comfortable with the other man and found himself hoping more and more that he’d meant what he’d said that day of the attack about them being friends. He didn’t want to interrupt their grieving, though, so he shuffled to his empty apartment quietly. He spent the rest of the afternoon sitting in his windowsill and looking out at the rain, absently stroking the leaves of his plants, sometimes quietly talking to them, his Mr. Ukki and Mr. Inki, thinking about all the village had lost, about his students and about Iruka and Naruto.

\-------------

Iruka and Kurenai sat side-by-side in front of Shikaku—the jounin commander was acting Hokage until the team sent out to retrieve Jiraiya-sama returned.

He sighed and ran a hand over his dark hair. “I assume you know why I’ve called you both here.”

His brother and the young woman both nod sadly.

Shikaku continued. “I’ve been officiating the implementation of all the Last Will and Testaments of our fallen soldiers. You two are the only two adult shinobi named in the wills of both the Sandaime and his son, Asuma Sarutobi.”

The sombre pair nodded again.

“Their grandson and nephew, respectively, was also named. However, as you both know, until a ninja becomes genin, they are considered by law a child and any inheritance goes to their guardian for safe-keeping until they come of age or are promoted, whichever occurs first. It is not common knowledge, but I know, Kurenai-san, you were betrothed to Asuma. I also know, Iruka-kun, that you became close with the Sandaime and his son, and that you considered each other family. Kurenai-san, would you consider raising Konohamaru-kun? Asuma was named his guardian in the Third’s will, and Iruka was named his guardian in Asuma’s will; but as Asuma’s de facto spouse, you would also have a claim to the boy equal to Iruka’s.”

Kurenai took a deep breath. “It is not common knowledge, Shikaku-san. But…..” she pauses, lays a hand on her belly softly, “but Asuma and I are expecting. I’m only three months along. We were going to announce it along with our engagement after the chuunin exams, but…..”

Iruka tightens his hold on her hand. They weren’t close, but he’d already begun to think of her as a sister the moment Asuma had asked her to marry him—and if she was carrying his adoptive brother’s child, well, there was no question about it—they _were_ family now.

“I would like to have contact with Konohamaru-kun, given that my child is his cousin. But…..with losing Asuma, and as a first-time single mother, I’m not sure I’d be able to be the support he needs. I know it’s a lot to put solely on you, Iruka, but he only just began calling me Baasan, but you’ve been his family since he was born. I want to be involved in your lives, like I want you to be involved in mine, and the baby’s, but I think it would be better if he was in your care.”

Iruka smiled softly at her. “I understand. I’m happy to have him. I want you to know, though, that I considered you family the second my adopted big brother decided to love you. You and your baby won’t be alone either. I will be there every step of the way.” The brunet stands and pulls the ruby-eyed woman up and into his arms gently. “We’re in this together now, Aneki.”

Shikaku clears his throat gently. “Now that that is settled, I think it best if we explain a little more why you were so close to the Sandaime and his family.”

Iruka and Shikaku take turns explaining why Iruka had weekly tea with Sandaime and sometimes Asuma, and how he and the Naras are also connected.

As Asuma’s significant other, she inherits his house in the Sarutobi compound, with Konohamaru set to inherit the rest upon his graduation to genin. With the majority of the clan gone, save for a few elders living out their retirement from shinobi service on the edges of the compound, it was mostly empty and (serendipitously) shared its longest border with the Nara compound.

Iruka decides to move into a house further from the main house, located at the edge of the property, halfway between Kurenai and Asuma’s home on the Sarutobi land and his brother’s house on the Nara grounds. Shikaku mentions in passing it’s the cottage his grandfather, Zarame, had been raised in by his mother.

As per protocol, Konohamaru must remain in the orphanage for a full month, in case a blood relative with a claim to him steps out to challenge Iruka for guardianship.

\-------------

It doesn’t matter how many missions Kakashi takes. He still feels like a failure. He only has two-thirds of his team left and despite being one of the strongest jounin currently serving Konoha, he’d been powerless (and fucking scared shitless, if he was honest) against Orochimaru.

Life slowly seems to be going back to some semblance of normal for the rest of Konoha, but Kakashi feels stuck. He is listless, aimless and, though he’s been alone for so long he doesn’t even recognize it as loneliness—there’s a bone-deep, sad emptiness in him. Nothing he does seems to be able to fill it up.

He’s tried everything. He fills his belly with warm food, he fills his days with the rushing heat of challenges from Gai, he even enjoys the hot burn of liquor on his tongue now and again, but—as with everything else—the momentary reprieve doesn’t last long.

The closest he comes to banishing the cold is when he sits with his remaining two team members and Iruka at Ichiraku’s stand. The blond ball of sunshine is the warmest spot in Kakashi’s life—and he can’t deny how the boy’s father seems to bring heat to his chest; he can’t even remember the last time being in someone else’s company made him feel this way—well, actually, he _can_ —it was when he was with his Sensei and his wife—the last time he’d felt like a part of a real _family_ ; but the feeling would always fade in the dark of night, once Naruto and Iruka and Sakura had disappeared into their own homes—and he didn’t want to admit it because it both scared and upset him.

Because, as much as Kakashi knew in his line of work, at his caliber of ninja, he probably shouldn’t indulge in the fantasy of _belonging_ somewhere, he couldn’t help starting to wish he was a part of that small family—despite never wanting children, despite knowing he’d lost everyone else he already cared for—and despite knowing that while they were kind to him—he wasn’t actually a part of their family—he wanted it.

For the first time since he could remember; loss, duty and caution be _damned_ , he _wanted_ that warmth. He wanted to belong. He was tired, so tired of being cold—and now that he could put a name to it, _lonely_.

Stumbling into his apartment after another bloody, shitty, cold mission, Kakashi’s eyes immediately zero in on Mr. Ukki and Mr. Inki in the corner of his window and he goes to say hello to them and pet their leaves pathetically in greeting before even heading to the shower.

_For fucks sakes, I’m insane_ , he thinks to himself. But looking at the small plants, he thinks of the small family that gave them to him and he thinks of how much thought they put into it and it’s petty and selfish—but in that moment, he’s _jealous_.

Jealous because he knows he’s not like them….. he can’t love like them and he can’t put himself out there like them and he doesn’t think of others the way they do—and he’s so fucking cold and he envies the warmth that they give each other that he knows he’ll never find—because he’s _him_.

He’s fucking _Sharingan-no-Kakashi_ , he’s a _failure_ and a friend-killer, he _hates_ children and he couldn’t take care of one even if he _didn’t_ —so no one will ever look up to him like Naruto looks at Iruka; and he’s _cold_ and _wretched_ and even his own father didn’t want to stay with him, so how could Kakashi ever be worth a family?

Had he ever really been capable of love? He’d killed his own teammate. He’s pushed away the student most like him, he’s pushed away his whole team, just like he always pushes everyone away. He’d never be good enough to love a family as much as his father _should_ have, but _didn’t_ love him (otherwise he’d have _stayed_ with him)—after all, he was the failure son of a failure and if his father couldn’t love him, then maybe he was just like him and was incapable of loving anyone too.

_I’m a failure. **Failure**. FAILURE._

And Kakashi can’t bring himself to hate the little family that he envies, but he hates himself. Every weakness, every mistake, every cold, hard corner of his shrivelled heart. He _hates_ it.

\-------------

Iruka pauses at the gates to the orphanage. He’d had to stay here for a month after his biological parents died, before he’d been allowed to be adopted legally by his aunt and uncle. He’d also had to stay here a month before he was permitted to emancipate himself from his brother when his adoptive parents died and he got his own apartment.

They hadn’t been good experiences, but he knows he’d been one of the lucky ones. He’d gotten out after that first month, he’d had a clan to take him in, somewhere he belonged. He’d had the support of both that same clan, as well as the Sandaime and Asuma after that second time. A lot of shinobi orphans, he knew, never had what he had.

He remembers the first time he’d visited Naruto here. When he’d found him swinging in the rain when he was five and a half, new to Iruka’s class. That had been even more depressing than his entire two months here combined. The way Naruto had been treated….. even lesser than the rest of the orphans, despite protecting the village every day, simply by existing and being the demon’s prison.

He hates that Konohamaru has to be here now, after losing everything too. Naruto had never known any better until Iruka had shown him kindness, and then love and acceptance, but Konohamaru was like Iruka—he did know what he was missing because he’d had a family before. In some ways, that was even harder than not knowing. Iruka hoped Konohamaru would be happy with he and Naruto.

They’d only been gone a little while, but he missed the Sarutobis already. Even though he’d spent more time physically with the Third, Iruka thinks he misses Asuma more. Sandaime had been like a parent—but Asuma had been like a second brother, and having grown up with no siblings, then with Shikaku, and finally, Asuma—Iruka knew that the bond between siblings was just different—and that the bond between families of choice could be so much stronger than just blood. He hoped it would help Konohamaru to have Naruto. He knew Naruto would be a good big brother. The kid was just made like that.

Sighing deeply, Iruka steels himself and walks up to the ominous looking dark wooden door. He has an appointment, so he walks in and makes his way to the office. One of the matrons is there (thankfully the head matron from when Naruto was here has been replaced, otherwise, Iruka is not certain he’d be able to keep his head) and looks up at the chuunin.

“I’m here to speak to my nephew, Konohamaru.”

The matron looks down and shuffles some papers over the desk. “Umino Iruka?”

He nods.

“Come with me.”

They head to the back of the building.

“We keep the newer arrivals in a separate room for the first month. It makes it easier—both to quarantine them and prevent fifty kids from getting sick and….. so they don’t get attached to the others if they are the lucky few that will be going to new homes at the end of their month here.”

Iruka nods, “How has my nephew been adjusting?”

“As well as can be expected, better than most. Then again, he knows he has you. Not all of our children have family that can come for them at the end of their month.”

They came upon a wooden door and the matron pushed in. Iruka could see three beds and a crib lined up against the back wall. There were two children playing with toy soldiers at a small table and Konohamaru sitting on one of the beds with a book.

Iruka smiled and opened his arms, calling out, “Konohamaru-kun.”

Konohamaru looked up and his face, marked with tear tracks, briefly lit up in a smile. “Iruka-jiis—I mean, Iruka-sensei!”

Iruka patted his head as he murmured, “It’s ok, Kono-kun. We’re not at school. You can call me whatever you’d like, just like when you’re at home.”

Konohamaru nodded and fisted his hands in Iruka’s shinobi blues. He whispered forlornly into the chuunin’s shoulder, “I don’t like it here, Jiisan. It’s lonely and the food tastes funny and the bed smells different than home.”

“I know, buddy.” He rubs the small back soothingly. “You don’t have to stay here for long. Soon you’ll get to come home and stay with me and Naruto, ok?”

“I know, but why do I have to stay here at all?” He glances to the side, then murmurs, “Those two big kids don’t want to play with me, and the baby is crying all of the time. We have to stay separate from the rest of the kids because we’re new and school isn’t open yet, so I’m just stuck here all day.”

“Well, Naruto is staying with his cousin today and I don’t have school either, or any missions, so I can stay with you all day, if you want me to.”

Konohamaru nods his teary, wobbly consent.

“Ok, buddy, what do you want to do first?”

“Can we go for a walk?” Iruka looks up at the matron and she nods.

When they get back from their walk, the room is a lot noisier. Iruka lets Konohamaru go to the table in the corner with the bag of daifuku and amanatto he’d bought him in the market. As Konohamaru covers his ears and starts a colouring page, Iruka looks questioningly at the young man changing all of the bedsheets.

The young man sighs. “It’s the baby. Nori-chan had been walking and humming to her, but it’s Nori’s lunch break. I’m just the guy who changes the linens here—I usually only work with the older kids. But I’ve heard no one can calm the baby. She’s colicky, or something.” He leaves the room with a shrug.

Iruka sidles up to the crib. Shikamaru was the only baby he was around for any great length of time. He’d adopted Naruto later in the boy’s childhood, and he’d only babysat Konohamaru once or twice when he was that small. Even as inexperienced as he was with children below academy age, Iruka knew his nephew had been an easy baby.

Shikamaru had been born as lazy as he was today, which meant that he’d not been fussy or even very active as a toddler. Iruka hadn’t even been certain his nephew _could_ walk until he was _three_ because he was prone to just lying around, or rolling on the floor to reach things. The boy had only given in to walking once his father and uncle had been ordered by Yoshina not to carry him around anymore.

Iruka slowly ran his hand down the baby’s tummy. He wasn’t sure if they were a he or a she, as they were wearing a yellow onesie, but the baby couldn’t have been more than a month old. He repeated the stroke over the baby’s tummy, this time pushing a little green healing chakra into his fingertips in case the infant _was_ colicky or had a tummy ache. As the baby’s wails turned into softer, hiccupping sobs, Konohamaru came to climb up the opposite side of the crib.

“Wow,” he whispered, “she’s not usually quiet for anyone.”

“She?”

The five-year-old nodded. “Uh-huh. Her birthday was the day after I got here. They call her ‘Baby Dove.’”

Iruka frowned, rubbing down the infant’s tummy again. “Why?”

Konohamaru shrugged. “You know, she’s kind of cute when she’s not screaming.” He reaches in to touch her hand. “But she’s usually screaming.” The infant wraps her fingers around Konohamaru’s index. “I don’t know, they just call her that.”

Iruka hummed a response. “Do you think the matron would mind if I picked her up?”

Konohamaru shrugged.

“Would _you_ mind if I picked her up?”

Konohamaru frowned. “Why you asking me? Why would I be mad?”

“Well, I _am_ here to visit _you_ …..”

Konohamaru thought about it for a second. “D’you think she’d stop crying all the way if you picked her up?”

Iruka smiled. “Maybe.” He slid a hand beneath the baby’s head, and another beneath her back. “Let’s see.”

He cradled the infant to his shoulder, rubbing gentle circles on her back, and her hiccups calmed to deep, even breathing.

Konohamaru’s eyes widened. He clambered over the crib to cling to Iruka’s back, face peering into the baby’s. “You did it, Jiisan.” He ran a tiny finger over her cheek. “She’s _quiet_.”

Iruka smiled. “Mmhm.” He hummed, then walked to the rocker nearby Konohamaru’s table. “How about you colour a picture for the ice-box and I’ll keep the baby quiet for you?”

Konohamaru crawled out from behind Iruka and started colouring. Iruka rocked gently. He’d missed this. Shikamaru, lazy baby he’d been, had been an amazing cuddler. He hummed a song he remembered his biological mother humming to him, one he’d hummed to his nephew.

Not ten minutes later, the intake ward’s nurse, Nori, walked in. She stopped short in the doorway, eyes wide.

“What are you _doing_?” she breathed.

Iruka and Konohamaru both startled a bit. Iruka flushed. “I’m sorry, should I not have picked her up? It’s just that, well, she was crying, and Kono-kun said she hasn’t stopped….. I thought she may feel better if she got some proper rest, and…..” He stands, heading back towards the crib.

He trailed off, unsure, but the young woman just continued, “No! I mean, no, it’s not that. Goodness knows we could always use volunteers to help with the children. That’s not what I mean. It’s just….. I’m here all day, the matron stays with her at night, but in the four days she’s been here, she’s never stopped crying completely. How are you….. how are you even _doing_ that?”

Iruka scratched his scar self-consciously. “Um, I don’t know? I’m just holding her?”

Nori walked up and ran a hand down the baby’s back. “Well, as long as you don’t mind, then please. Feel free. I’m sure your nephew and the two other rascals here appreciate the break in the noise.”

Iruka nodded and settled down again in the rocker. Konohamaru coloured his picture for the fridge, another for Naruto and read a picture book out loud to Iruka and the baby. Iruka put the baby down to help the staff supervise dinner, then returned to the intake ward.

When he, Konohamaru and the other two boys returned, the matron was there bouncing the infant in her arms, but the baby was crying again. Iruka nodded to her politely, then let Konohamaru share one treat from his bag with each of the other boys before sending him to brush his teeth. While the boy was gone, he approached the matron and crying infant.

She smiled at him ruefully. “Care to give it a try again, Sensei? I hear you got her to stop earlier today.”

Iruka smiled back and accepted the baby into the cradle of his left arm. He smiled down at her as she quietened quickly. He looked up when he heard the sharp intake of breath from the matron.

“Well, Sensei,” she ran two fingers over the baby’s downy hair, “I guess I heard correctly, then.”

Iruka smiled. “I used to love cuddling with my nephew when he was this age.” He patted her back soothingly with his other hand. “Why do you call her ‘Baby Dove?’ Kono-kun said that’s all he’s heard anyone call her.”

The matron smiled sadly. “ANBU live and die anonymously. When they put on the mask, they take off even their dog tags. Her mother’s mask was a Dove. The ANBU commander that brought her to us said her father was an informant from another country, dead after his usefulness had run its course and her mother died giving birth. As she was ANBU, he couldn’t give us her name. But…..” The matron ran her hand through the baby’s short tuft of hair again, “But she loved her child enough to carry and birth her, despite the circumstances of her conception. I call her Baby Dove in honour of her mother.”

Iruka nodded. “I just thought of this, but the first time I picked her up, I used healing chakra over her tummy, in case it was upset. It could be that her mother had the same chakra affinity as I do. She’s only a few days old, if her mother was ANBU, her chakra was probably impressive, and the baby would have been exposed to it throughout her whole pregnancy.”

The matron nodded, frowning. “That’s possible. As a shinobi’s offspring, she may have been able to sense that, and then have it disappear, along with her mother’s voice. That’s very possible.”

She sighed as Iruka rocked the baby.

“What is your affinity?”

Iruka looked up, smiling, “My main affinity is fire. I’m a bit of a rarity in that I have _two_ secondary natures, and my three sit adjacent on the elemental wheel. My secondary affinities are water and wind.”

The matron frowns. “Well, that’s unfortunate. We only have two shinobi on staff—chuunin tasked with corralling the older shinobi orphans. They both have an earth affinity.”

“Well,” he hands the baby back regretfully as Konohamaru comes back from the washroom, “it’s just a theory anyways. It could just be she has colic.”

\-------------

Kakashi slams his fist into the wall again. The mission to retrieve Sasuke failed. He was well and truly gone, and both Naruto and Sakura were heartbroken. Kakashi would say the same for himself, only he wasn’t entirely convinced he still had a heart whole enough to break.

The Copy-Nin had spent the better part of his day climbing his favourite cliff face. I was almost a sheer drop, and one of the few exercises that continued to challenge him. Now he was methodically destroying each of the walls of earth he’d constructed from a jutsu, with only his fingerless gloves as protection. His knuckles were as bloody as he’d seen Gai’s before, he was pretty sure he’d fractured a few of the bones in his hand, if not outright broken several, and he still didn’t feel any better.

_He was a failure. **Failure**. FAILURE._

He punctuated each thought with another blow to the unforgiving dirt and stone.

_Fractures were nothing. Broken bones were nothing. Blood was nothing._ Kakashi was nothing. _Failure, **failure** , FAILURE._

\-------------

Note: Yeah, Kakashi is pretty damn mean to himself, but I mean, like all the ninja he has had a pretty rough life. And after Minato, no one was really there to check him on it, like some of the others had. So, he doesn’t understand a lot of things, especially family. He’s got some soul-searching and learning to do, but don’t we all? Besides, you can’t fix what isn’t broken…… so he’s very broken at the moment.


	4. That One Friend

Kakashi threw himself into his missions. He went back-to-back, as often as he could.

Jiraiya was back in town, and didn’t seem too keen on taking the position of Hokage, rather, he wanted to foist it off on his long-lost teammate, Tsunade. The sage, however, wasn’t 100% sure where she was at the moment, and until he could locate her and then go convince her, he and Shikaku would run the village jointly—hopefully holding the leader of Root at bay until Tsunade could take office. It was alarming how powerful Danzo had gotten while hiding in the Sandaime’s shadow quietly.

Kakashi was occasionally tasked with accompanying Naruto and Sakura on their D and C ranks, but for a brief interim, the remainder of his team was paired up with the remainder of Asuma’s, as Shikamaru had been the only one to make it to chuunin. From what he’d heard from Genma, the Tokubetsu jounin who had been supervising them, Naruto, Ino and Chouji seemed to work together exceptionally well. Sakura, though she’d always orbited Sasuke, now kept more to herself. Naruto seemed the only one to be able to get to her and that was sporadic. She definitely did not get along with Ino.

Given the dynamic between the two girls, more often than not nowadays, Sakura would be sent to work with Gai or Kurenai’s team while Naruto took Shikamaru’s spot on Team 10 and Shikamaru himself would lead them. Apparently, the four-man cell made an amazing, if not miniaturized, team.

Kakashi felt more like a failure than ever. Apparently, not only did no one need him, but his favourite blond student did better under the tutelage of _another ten-year-old_. Kakashi didn’t want to hold a grudge—having made chuunin at six himself, then jounin at thirteen, he felt a kindred spirit with the young Nara genius….. but still. He felt useless.

He was a failure.

And Sasuke, the student most like himself, had abandoned the Leaf Village. What did that say about him? No. Sasuke left for his own reasons. Intellectually, Kakashi knew that. He had nothing to do with the boy’s decision. But that didn’t make him any less lonely or any less cold, or any less jealous, or any less left out.

When he wasn’t on missions (mostly because Shikaku had started to notice what he was doing to himself, running ragged), he threw himself into his training. He was already one of the most skilled jounin in the Hidden Leaf, but even the best could always get better.

\-------------

Iruka had been the one to tip his brother off to Kakashi’s self-destructive behaviour. He knew from their chat the day of the attack on the chuunin trials, that the silver-haired shinobi blamed himself for a great many things, many of which weren’t his fault. He also manned the desk more often than not—the Academy (not following the civilian public-school schedule, due to the twice a year chuunin exams) having let out for the next month and a half before they’d start to distribute new pre-genin registering over that time period to join those already in their classrooms. So, he was privy to just how many A and B-ranks the man was pulling.

He’d also noticed, on the few occasions Kakashi would still join he and Naruto for ramen, that the man was becoming worriedly slim. While he’d always had a slender build as compared to Iruka, who was an inch shorter but built huskier—Iruka was pretty sure that once his lovable (but let’s face it, completely oblivious) son took notice that ‘isn’t Kakashi-sensei getting kind of scrawny?’—that there was, indeed, something to be worried about.

So, he enlisted Naruto and Shikamaru to hunt down the man’s training grounds and drag him back to Iruka. The chuunin-sensei, once he had him in his sights, was relentless. He’d sent the boys off to procure a picnic while he tore into the older nin.

“I know what you’re doing, Kakashi-sensei. You can’t—”

“Mah, Iruka-sensei, I—”

The brunet swung an accusing finger in the Copy-Nin’s direction. “Don’t you interrupt me, you.”

Kakashi looked a bit startled and wide-eyed. He blinked once owlishly and wisely stayed quiet.

“Keep in mind,” Iruka began, more gently this time, “I’m not saying any of this as a colleague. So, forget rank and duty and fucking politics for once. Forget being polite and considerate. I’m going to be brutally honest, and I’m doing it as your friend.” He paused, narrowed his eyes at the other man. “Do you understand?”

Kakashi bit his lip, but nodded.

“You can’t keep doing this. You’re running yourself into the ground. I hand you most of your missions, so I know _exactly_ what you’re doing, _how often_ you do it and how hard it is. I don’t just _look_ at you, like the rest of the village that only sees the Copy-Nin. When **_I_** look at you, I _see_ you. I _see_ you working harder, training more and withering away. Your clothes are loose. Too loose. Your shoulders droop. Not in your usual, ‘ _I’m pretending not to give a damn_ ,’ way, but in a, ‘ _I really don’t actually give a damn_ ,’ way. What happened—I don’t know what you’ve been telling yourself, I don’t know what you believe, but it wasn’t _your fucking fault_. Sasuke made his own decisions. Take it from one of Anko’s best friends—Orochimaru and his promises can be very seductive. No matter what you did or didn’t do, he’d have found a way to seduce him away from the Leaf. He wants that boy, he needs him for whatever twisted reason he’s dreamed up. Sakura? Yeah, she’s reeling. But guess what? If she’d have fucking grown up and not based her happiness on one person—on a pre-teen boy, for fuck’s sake, she wouldn’t be feeling like shit. That’s not on you. That’s on pre-pubescent hormones and possibly ignorant parenting on her parents’ part. And _my_ kid? Kakashi—that’s just it. He’s my kid, it’s my job to worry and blame myself and think up all the ‘what ifs.’ If an Academy student killed themselves from the stress of shinobi life, would you blame me?”

“Iruka-sensei, that’s diff—”

“Kakashi. If an Academy student killed themselves from the stress of shinobi life, would you blame me?”

“Iruka…..”

“If an Academy student killed themselves from the stress of shinobi life, would you blame me?”

“…”

“ _If an Academy student killed themselves from the stress of shinobi life, would you blame me?_ ”

“No, of course not.”

Iruka tilted his chin down and raised an eyebrow. “ _’Of course not_.’ And yet.”

Kakashi fidgeted under Iruka’s intense scrutiny.

“ _And yet_ , you think your students’ well-being, happiness and success in life hinges solely on you. _And yet_ , you think you’re to blame for every mistake, every misstep, every blunder. _And yet_ , you would blame yourself for _the exact. same. situation_. You blame yourself for Sasuke. _Stop_ , Kakashi. Just stop.”

Iruka walks forward after heaving a deep sigh. He places a hand on each of Kakashi’s shoulders. “I can’t keep up with you. I can’t stop you from all the negative thoughts you think. I can’t follow you wherever you go and make sure you’re careful with your life. But.”

Kakashi can feel himself trembling.

“But, I can help you slow down when you’re going too fast. I can listen when you need to get it off your chest. I can be that friend that won’t judge—who loves you no matter what, that’s always there to patch you up and put you back together. Don’t you think everyone deserves a friend like that?”

\-------------

Kakashi is overwhelmed. He didn’t know what to expect when Naruto had shown up with Shikamaru in tow and dragged him straight to his dad. He didn’t know what was going to come out of Iruka’s mouth when he’d started talking. Fuck—how could he have predicted all of _that_?!? The man was like a silver -tongued genius, how did he _always_ know what to say? How could he _see **right through**_ the Copy-Nin, when no one else even seemed to _see_ him?

Kakashi’s stomach started to do weird things. It felt like he was full of butterflies. He was freaking out, because he felt so lonely and so cold and here was a gigantic ball of sunshine, offering the hand of friendship, and Kakashi….. Kakashi wanted _more._

It was selfish. It was greedy. But Kakashi didn’t _want_ a _friend_. He wanted _everything_. He wanted love, and lust, and family, and friendship and every damned thing in between and…..and—he didn’t even know if Iruka was _into_ men. He was so fucked. It wasn’t funny, but it was definitely just his luck.

So, instead of answering, he replied with a question instead. “Do you have a friend like that, Iruka-sensei?”

Iruka smiles gently. “I had three.”

Kakashi frowns. _Had._ He licks his lips under his mask. “Asuma?”

Iruka nods. “He was like a big brother.”

“And?”

“And Anko, I think I already mentioned her. We met as chuunin, but became close when we started teaching at the Academy, the same year.”

“And?”

Iruka smiles again. “And my other brother.” He pushes Kakashi onto the bench nearby. “But that’s a story for another day. Today is about you.”

Kakashi slumps. He leans against the nearby tree.

“You know, even Naruto noticed something was wrong. I mean, I’ve suspected for a while now that you’re working too hard and putting yourself down because of this shitstorm, but when my oblivious kid asked me if I thought you were ok, I couldn’t keep telling myself it was my imagination anymore.”

Kakashi wasn’t sure If Iruka realised he was rubbing his shoulders and biceps consolingly, but he didn’t draw attention to it in case the brunet stopped.

“I’ve already told the other desk workers at the management level to limit you to B-ranks for the time being—”

“I knew it! I _knew_ they were doing it on purpose.”

“He.” Iruka smiled, stopping his hands and sitting beside Kakashi on the bench, facing the other direction. “Well, someone has to watch out for you, and you’re obviously not going to do it yourself. Anyways, like I was saying before I was so rudely _interrupted_ ,” Kakashi grins unrepentantly beneath his mask. He feels lighter, liberated now that his dark spaces are filling up with warmth, “you’ll be on moderate duty until I believe you’re ready for more.”

Kakashi frowned. “Can you do that?”

Iruka smiled. “Yeah. Along with Genma and Iwashi, I’m actually the most senior Missions Desk worker. I was the Sandaime’s personal office apprentice. He, uh….. started me there as a pre-genin, actually, because I didn’t always behave at school.”

Kakashi raises his hands to his heart and mouth in mock surprise as Iruka continues. “So, it’s going on nearly two decades now that I’ve worked there. Genma and Iwashi were Minato-sama’s assistants. They started after me even, but given how talented they are and how Genma takes no shit off no one, Sandaime didn’t revoke their position once he returned to office, even though he promoted me to work as their equal. Once a new Hokage is inaugurated, things could change—one, two or all of us for that matter could be replaced by whomsoever she chooses, but until then, other than the jounin commander and acting Hokage, we’re pretty much it for running the village—administration-wise anyways. Shikaku would make all the political military decisions if it came down to needing that in a new Hokage’s absence. His second—a position shared by Inoichi and Chouza, would be considered the deciding vote if he were incapacitated in any way.”

Kakashi hummed. “You sure know a lot about how things run.”

Iruka smiles again. “You’d be surprised. My brother taught me well.” He pauses, picks imaginary lint off of Kakashi’s shinobi blacks. “Both of them, actually.”

Kakashi stills Iruka’s hand with his own, and he’s pleasantly surprised when Iruka doesn’t pull it away, but instead keeps talking. “If you insist on continuing to train, I’ll ask you not to do it alone. I don’t care who’s with you, whether it’s Gai, or myself, or even Naruto. I just don’t think you should be alone.”

Kakashi nods. He can do that.

“You need to eat regularly.”

“I do—”

“NOT rations, Hatake Kakashi. You need to eat real food, healthy food. And more of it.” Iruka pinches the hard muscle of Kakashi’s bicep. “Your muscles, impressive as they are, will start eating themselves if you don’t feed your body properly. You haven’t a nanomilimeter of fat on you anywhere, do you? You’ll be just skin and skeleton, Kakashi. Even athletes of shinobi caliber need some good fat in their diet to function optimally.”

Kakashi sighs. “I hate cooking for myself. It’s lonely, and kind of depressing to cook in a shared kitchen, with no one to share with.”

Iruka looks up. “Do you….. live in the barracks, Kakashi?”

Kakashi avoids making eye contact.

“How long have you lived in the barracks?”

Kakashi rests his chin in his hand, still refusing to make eye contact.

Iruka takes his chin in hand and forces him to look him in the eye. “Since when have you lived in the barracks, Kakashi?”

Kakashi waits for a long time before answering so softly Iruka barely catches it, “Since my father died.”

Kakashi lowers his eyes at Iruka’s sharp intake of breath.

“Kakashi. Your father died when you were seven.”

Kakashi shrugs listlessly.

“Oh, Kakashi.” Iruka folds the lanky man into his arms. Kakashi doesn’t fight him. He brushes his hand through his hair soothingly. “The barracks are for shinobi who are rarely in the village, Kakashi. They’re no place for a person to live for twenty-one years.”

Kakashi slowly, tentatively wraps his arms around Iruka’s torso, below the chuunin’s arms. “After my month in the orphanage, it seemed ok, because Minato-sensei’s wife asked me to dinner more often than not. Then I _was_ one of the shinobis that was mostly away from the village once I made jounin. After….. well, _after_ it didn’t seem worth it at that point to bother looking for an apartment just for me that would seem emptier because it was bigger.”

Iruka pushes Kakashi to arm’s length, holding him in place as he speaks. “When Konohamaru’s month at the orphanage is up in two weeks, we’ll be moving to a cottage I’m . . . paying for . . . at the edge of the Nara compound. But the lease on my current apartment isn’t up for another three months after that. Why don’t you take it over, to see how you’d like living outside the barracks? And you could join us for dinner some days, too. How does that sound?”

\-------------

When the boys return with a picnic and Iruka drags them all to the orphanage to pick up Konohamaru for the afternoon, Kakashi is both petrified and excited at the new prospects for change in his life.

Despite being surrounded by _three children_ —one who’s even still _pre-genin age_ , he enjoys the afternoon immensely. And given the promise of more dinners and training with a good friend—well, that night, as he falls asleep next to the window with Mr. Ukki and Mr. Inki, the warmth doesn’t disappear.

\-------------

Kakashi has spent more time with Gai lately (and he doesn’t even mind that much), given Iruka’s Never Train Alone ultimatum, but he’s also taken to asking the chuunin spar with him. Iruka’s chakra reserves are well below average, but he’s damn creative. He has even sought out Tenzo at the barracks and trains with him sometimes too. Kakashi enjoys all of his time spent _not alone._

He’s already started joining Iruka and Naruto at their apartment for dinner on Fridays, and he decides that once he moves in and they move to the cottage, he’ll offer to host another day of the week, so he’ll have _two_ dinners _not alone_ each week. He’s sure Gai or Tenzo would like to meet him for drinks sometimes too, if he’s feeling ambitious and wants _three_ dinners not alone sometimes.

\-------------

When Iruka comes home for the celebration dinner Yoshina planned for Konohamaru’s last day at the orphanage with not only Konohamaru and Naruto, but an infant tucked in the crook of his arm and a pink baby bag over his shoulder, Shikaku is not surprised. Amused, but not surprised.

“Two-for-one day at the orphanage?”

“ _Shut_ _up_.”

\-------------

Once Kakashi has moved all of his (very few) belongings into Iruka and Naruto’s vacated apartment, he heads over to their new place for dinner. He’d offered to pick up take-out, as they’d all have spent all day moving.

When he knocks on the door and the Sandaime’s grandson opens it with wide eyes and a finger held up to his lips, Kakashi nods and follows him in quietly. He’s finally getting used to having the younger gremlin around. It helps that he’s _not_ the snot-monster child. If he ever had to spend time with _that one_..... well, he wasn’t _going_ _to_ spend time with that one.

But as they approach the living room and Kakashi catches sight of _why_ the boy had come to the door with his finger to his lips, he stops dead. And almost drops their dinner.

“What the _fuck_ is that?”

\-------------

Note: 'After' is after the Kyuubi attack.


	5. Iruka's Little Monsters

“Itsa baby sitter!”

Kakashi looks at the little Konohamaru-gremlin. “Naruto is babysitting again?”

“No,” the little gremlin scrunches his nose, “it’s a baby.... sit—sit, no! Sis...sister. Yeah, a baby sister.”

“That’s a goblin in a diaper.”

“She is _not_!” The gremlin stomps. “I _like_ her!”

“I don’t.”

“Well, you’re a stupid dummy-head, then.”

“I am not a stupid dummy-head, I am a _genius_!” Kakashi glares down at the five-year-old.

“Kakashi!” Iruka admonishes, coming out of the hall leading upstairs, “Arguing with my kindergartner?”

Kakashi ignores the civilian wording and answers, “No. I’m _winning_.” He narrows his eyes at the gremlin behind Iruka’s back. The gremlin scrunches his nose and sticks his tongue out.

Iruka snorts. “All right, Mr. Winner, keep your voice down. I don’t want you to wake Hato-chan.”

“Hato-chan? The diaper-goblin has a name?”

Iruka sighed. “Kakashi.”

“Why is that _goblin_ in your living room, Sensei?”

Iruka sighed. “Because Kono-kun and I couldn’t just _leave_ her at the orphanage. No one could calm her. She’d never have slept properly, then she’d never have grown properly, and—”

“And Iruka-jiisan could get her to stop crying, every time. No one else could do that,” announced the foot-stomping, scarf-wearing gremlin.

Kakashi barely stopped himself from baring his teeth at the boy. “Well, I don’t want her here.”

Iruka snorted. “Well, she’s not going anywhere. Stop being such a big baby, Kakashi and just take your sandals off. And the both of you need to wash up for dinner.”

Iruka flapped a dismissive hand at them as he went in to the living room, relieving Naruto of the frilly pink bundle ( _goblin_ ) he’d been cradling.

Kakashi and the gremlin glared at each other some more. When both Iruka and Naruto ignored them and started unpacking the take-out, Kakashi sighed and put his sandals in the genkan, then made his way to the sink.

Not to be outdone, the little Konohamaru-gremlin tried pushing his way past Kakashi. Kakashi elbowed him back.

“I don’t think so, little gremlin. I was here _first_.”

“I _live_ here.” The gremlin used both arms to shove at Kakashi.

“Well, I’m not moving. I’m washing my hands.”

They heard a sigh from behind them. “Boys! Do I need to come in there and supervise you?”

“No, Sensei,” in unison with—

“No, Jiisan.”

The gremlin stuck his tongue out at Kakashi as he finished washing his hands. Kakashi was tempted to step on the end of his scarf. Being the mature, capable shinobi he was, he resisted the urge. (Just barely, but Iruka didn’t need to know that.)

The gremlin ran into the room and launching himself, butt-first into the spot next to Naruto. Kakashi picked his way through the room daintily, careful not to touch any of the gremlin or goblin paraphernalia and perched primly on the end of the seat _furthest_ from the goblin.

Iruka snorted (again), “You can come closer, you know. She doesn’t bite.”

Kakashi sniffed. “No.”

Iruka chuckled. “If I didn’t know any better, Kakashi, I’d say you were _afraid_ of her.” Kakashi could see the challenge in Iruka’s eyes, but his inner competitor couldn’t help rising to the bait.

“You’re afraid of babies, Sensei?” Naruto’s eyes were as wide as saucers. “I didn’t think you were afraid of anything. Just wait till Shika-kun and Sakura-chan hear this!” He crowed.

The little gremlin grinned wickedly. “Heh. Some grown up _you_ are.”

Kakashi bristled. “Naruto, you will tell them _no such thing_! I am not afraid of anything. I am a shinobi of the Leaf. I am a jounin, I am Hatake Kakashi, Copy-Cat-Ninja of the Sharin—”

Iruka grinned and interrupted him. “Then I’m sure you wouldn’t mind holding her.”

Kakashi’s eyes went wide as saucers. “W—what?”

Iruka smiled and cocked his head innocently ( _NOT!_ ), “Well, if you’re not afraid, then you won’t mind—”

“No!” Kakashi shoved his panic down, barely keeping from hyperventilating. He couldn’t touch that baby. He was Hatake Kakashi, Copy-Nin, Friend-killer, ANBU, he couldn’t—

He froze as Iruka gently pulled one of his arms into a cradle and placed the goblin ( _baby_ ) in his arm. Iruka pulled his other hand to gently rest underneath her bottom. “Like this, you need to support her head and back.” He patted Kakashi’s arm, smiling gently as he sat in front of them on the floor, on his knees.

Kakashi looked down at the frilly pink goblin ( _baby_ ). He gulped.

Iruka smiled gently, leaving a supportive hand on his arm as the boys were scarfing down their food in the background.

“There, Kakashi. Not so bad, is it?”

Kakashi gulped again and looked up, his grey eye meeting Iruka’s warm brown gaze.

“It’s not..... I shouldn’t—You don’t want me to—”

Iruka smiled and leaned forwards into Kakashi’s space, over the baby. His hand came up to Kakashi’s chin and made him look into the Sensei’s eyes.

“Nonsense. You are my _friend_. I trust you with my life. I trust you with my son’s life, Kakashi. Maybe not with sharing the sink, but I’d trust you with my nephew’s life too. I trust you with my baby.”

Iruka lets go of his chin and runs a hand down the baby’s tummy. Kakashi watches in morbid fascination as Iruka’s gaze goes all soft and his smile all fuzzy. This, this— _baby_ reduced a capable, level-headed chuunin-sensei into a pile of goo. This baby was _dangerous_.

Kakashi chanced a peek down at her. She was heavier than she looked. But, she was warm, and, since she wasn’t screaming, she was kind of cute— ** _NO!_** He was Hatake Kakashi. He _hated_ children. He needed to resist. He shoved his arm forward, releasing the small bundle as Iruka’s arm came up to meet his.

He refused to look the sensei in the eyes, he didn’t want to see what was there, whether it was hurt or betrayal or anger, he didn’t want to see it. He occupied himself with his dinner instead. Iruka didn’t try to get him to hold his daughter again that night. Or at any of the dinners that followed.

Sometimes, Kakashi would catch him looking at the Copy-Nin with a sad sort of resignation, but he ignored it. Whenever he was over visiting the small family, he’d occupy himself with food or Iruka or Naruto. He refused to look at the goblin ( _baby_ ) and the gremlin stopped talking to him after dinner three or four. It doesn’t make him jealous when he notices that the gremlin starts calling Iruka ‘Touchan’ like Naruto after dinner two. It _doesn’t_.

Kakashi doesn’t _need_ people. He only _tolerates_ Iruka and Naruto and Gai and Tenzo because the psych-nin tells him to be social all the time. He doesn’t stay because he doesn’t want Iruka and Naruto to worry about if he’s eating or sleeping or training too hard. He doesn’t _love_ anyone. He doesn’t _need_ anyone. Kakashi _hates_ children. (That’s what he tells himself.)

Iruka’s gremlin and goblin were _not_ changing Kakashi’s mind.

Kakashi was..... glad ( _not_ ). He pets Mr. Ukki and Mr. Inki’s leaves as he falls asleep in what used to be Iruka’s old room in his new apartment. This was all he needed. Kakashi was happy. _Really. He was._ (He told himself.)

\-------------

Iruka didn’t know what to do. Kakashi kept coming for dinner, and he was glad his friend looked healthier, had a little more meat on his bones, didn’t always look so tired, but..... after that first time he’d met Hato-chan, he would admit he was..... _disappointed_.

Iruka isn’t an idiot—he knows that even if his friend was gay (which he wasn’t going to hold out hope for, at this point), that Iruka had a lot of baggage.

It’s not like the chuunin isn’t confident in himself—he knows he’s a damn good teacher and a capable shinobi (despite his chakra being limited), and he’s had enough lovers in his time to know he’s not lacking in _that_ department, and while his type is very different from himself— _objectively_ , he knows he’s not ugly. He knows a lot of shinobi are proud of their scars, but Iruka doesn’t love his two most prominent ones—mostly because of the memories associated with them, but he likes his long hair and he’s been complimented on his smile.

And _he_ doesn’t see his children as a burden. They’re his _gift_. He’s known since he was a child that he was bisexual, and that his preferences leaned more towards men or androgynous women—so the possibility of being a biological father, while not non-existent, is low. So, being given the opportunity at parenthood was one of the best things he could have ever dreamed of happening to him.

Having the opportunity to be for _his_ children what his Otousan and Okaasan and the Sandaime had been for him when he was orphaned was like the icing on the cake of that gift. But he knew it would take a special man or woman to accept getting involved with a single father of _three_ —one of which was the village’s jinchuriki (he wasn’t naïve enough to believe that just because _he_ loved him, everyone would accept the boy).

All this to say, that he didn’t even think that was the _problem_! He knew, deep down, on an instinctual level, that Kakashi could be that man. That despite digging his heels in, being dragged kicking and screaming, fighting and scratching all the way—that, well..... for lack of a better way to put it, he truly believed that Kakashi _wanted_ a family.

Why the man was so hell-bent on fighting or ignoring his own desires aside, Iruka could _see_ it sometimes.

The Copy-Nin hid it well, but the way he’d look at Naruto when they trained. Like he was _so proud_ he was fit to burst. (Though all he’d say was, ‘Practice again. Ten more perfects before you’re done.’ And go back to pretending to ignore him, face in a perverted book.)

The way his shoulders had truly relaxed the one time he’d held the baby. (And the smile Iruka could see under the mask, however briefly it lit on his lips when he’d watched Iruka stroke down her tummy—Iruka knew Kakashi didn’t think he’d caught that.)

The way he’d carried Mr. Ukki and Mr. Inki the night he’d gotten them, as if he cherished them, because people he cared for had thought of him. (And Naruto said he’d even caught him petting the leaves and saying good-bye before they left on longer missions. Maybe this one was part insanity—but all shinobi had their quirks, Iruka supposed. It helped them to deal with the shit side of life they saw every day.)

The way he’d beaten himself up wretchedly for failing Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura. (And how Iruka knew he was the one doing the upkeep on the Uchiha compound, without being asked or compensated; knew he’d pass by Sakura’s house after she was due back from missions to check on her, even if he never approached and how when he thought no one was looking, the way he’d ruffle Naruto’s hair.)

The way he _pretended_ to avoid his best friend Gai, but when it came down to it, really _didn’t_. (And the way Iruka had even seen him being friendly to others, too, like Genma, Ibiki and a sloe-eyed brunet he didn’t know very well.)

No matter what the man _told_ them (or tried to convince _himself_ of), Iruka _knew_ he wanted to _belong_. He was lonely and he craved love, and companionship and family.

He just didn’t know how to help Kakashi through it.

(Even if he’d only ever be just his friend, Iruka loved all of his friends and wanted them to be happy. He wanted to help Kakashi find what he was looking for, no matter what that was—honestly, he’d _prefer_ it if he was part of that picture, but he was happy with the niche he’d managed to carve out for himself, the family and friends he loved and the career he was passionate about—and he wanted his loved ones to be that happy too, so he’d be content if the Copy-Nin was truly happy, in whatever capacity that left him.)

But he also couldn’t keep him on moderate duty forever until the man figured it out.

\-------------

Kakashi had one more C-class with Sakura and Naruto before he’d been promised he could return to full duty. Iruka had told him that after this mission, his son would be sent to retrieve Tsunade with Jiraiya and that he had a feeling the Toad Sage intended to keep the blond with him, for whatever reason the old man was so secretive about.

(And Iruka was _not impressed_. Apparently, Sanin or not, Iruka held a deep-seated dislike for the man upon learning he was Naruto’s legal God-father but had done nothing for him the child’s entire life. It seemed the only thing keeping him from _acting_ on said dislike was the blond himself—the Toad Sage had promised (without asking Iruka’s permission, which was another black mark in the Sensei’s book, obviously) to train the boy and Naruto was over the moon with excitement after learning how well-known and strong the Sanin was. The message was clear to all: you don’t fuck with the Sensei’s kids, no matter who you are, or you’ll get an earful..... and the glare-y eyes. Unluckily for Iruka, Jiraiya was used to getting earfuls and glare-y eyes at every bathhouse he visited. Ever. He was pretty immune to them at this point. Iruka’s glare-y eyes worked on everyone. He wasn’t used to them _not_ working. He was not impressed.)

So, Kakashi knew it was like a gift for him—one last chance to work with _his genin_ , his kids, before they moved on without him. He wouldn’t admit it, even to himself, but he was eternally grateful to Iruka and Genma for this mission. (Because, apparently, Jiraiya also didn’t want the boy to leave the village without him, for more secret-y reasons known only to him at this point—and, as acting Hokage with Shikaku, until Tsunade either accepted or declined, he’d tried to put his foot down on this one. Iruka and Genma had had to fight for it and the Toad Sage had only given in when Shikaku had forced the issue, siding with the desk workers unless Jiraiya revealed his secret reasons. Apparently, it had helped that Iruka had said it was the Copy-Nin accompanying the genin.)

\-------------

Kakashi followed his remaining genin at a sedate pace and watched them wistfully. He was loath to admit it, but maybe he’d missed this. Just a little.

Sakura snorted, making a face, “Just because you want something to be true, doesn’t make it true, Naruto.”

The blond just glared as he stomped up to Izumo’s open line. Kakashi followed, noticing Iruka was off to the side and filing scrolls, so they wouldn’t be able to hand it in to him anyways….. Not that Kakashi had any preference, because he _didn’t_.

“Hey, kid.” The long-haired chuunin held out his hand for the scroll as his desk mate, Kotetsu, leaned over and interrupted,

“Brat. He means, ‘Hey, brat.’” The spikey-haired chuunin grinned.

Naruto rolled his eyes. “ _Not_ a _brat_ , Pineapple Hair.”

Kakashi grinned under his mask as Izumo laughed out loud and Kotetsu spluttered.

“Excuse me, blondie?”

As Izumo stamped their report, and handed it back to Naruto, he said, “He does have a bit of a point, Tetsu—I mean, if your hair were green—”

“And his face was yellow—” Naruto added.

“Don’t even think about it, brat!”

Izumo smiled placatingly towards Kotetsu, then spoke to Naruto, “Your Touchan’s on filing today. You can bring this over to him next.”

Naruto nodded, then stuck his tongue out at Sakura, and scrunched his face up at Kotetsu, “If you keep calling me brat, we’ll make sure your hair turns green and your face turns yellow. Then everyone will see how pineapple-y you are!”

“You couldn’t get past our traps.” Kotetsu folded his arms over his chest and slumped back hard.

Izumo nudged the other chuunin, “Yeah, but Iruka can.” He winked at Naruto, “Just make sure not to mix up our shampoo and soap bottles, kid. I’m not the one who needs to learn how to behave.”

Naruto nodded. “Course not, Zumo.” He leaned forwards, glancing at Kotetsu on the trip forwards, “You’re my _favourite_ neighbour.”

Kotetsu just snorted, “ _Former_ neighbour, _brat_ ,” as Kakashi ushered them away, noticing a few other teams heading in the door. “Okay, guys. Let’s get this done. We don’t want to start a line.”

He barely heard the muttered, “Iruka would _not_.”

Followed by a mumbled, “Remember the winter holidays in year zero, Land of Snow?” as they wandered off.

Iruka looked up as they headed over. His whole face brightened upon seeing Naruto. “You’ve been gone a couple of days. I was worried! I’m so glad you’re back though.” Naruto launched himself into the brunet’s embrace.

Kakashi smiled under his mask, “Don’t worry, Sensei, I’d never let the kids get hurt if I can help it.”

Iruka smiled, rubbing his hands up and down Naruto’s back unconsciously. “I know, Kakashi. How’d it go?” The ‘and if you can’t help it?,’ went unsaid. The ninja path was never certain, they both knew that. Kakashi managed to keep his hand from shooting out and holding onto the other man’s hand consolingly, but just barely.

Iruka pushed Naruto back a little. “Well, how about we celebrate?” His smile, Kakashi noted, was only slightly strained.

“Celebrate? Why, Touchan?”

(Apparently, Jiraiya hadn’t told Naruto how long they were leaving for. Kakashi’s heart pinged for his student and his best—(yes, he’d realised that while Gai and Tenzo were good friends, Iruka was, hands-down, his _best_ friend.....he wasn’t _entirely_ socially inept or emotionally stunted. Well, mostly.....)—friend. It’d be hard for them to be separated, especially since Naruto finally had all the love from a family he ever could have wished for as the neglected orphan he’d been.)

Iruka hesitated, “Well—”

Kakashi took pity on him and interrupted, “Because after today, I’m back on full duty.” He gave a Gai-esque thumbs up to Naruto. “Don’t you want to help me celebrate?”

Iruka smiled gratefully and ran his fingers through Naruto’s hair. Kakashi knew the father-son pair would have to have a serious discussion about Naruto’s near-future soon, but if he could give them a night to spend together without that worry hanging over the bubbly blond’s head, he was all too happy to do it.

He didn’t even care that Iruka would probably invite multiple children. Well, mostly. Or rather, he’d endure it because he ~~loved~~ —no, _cared_ about them.

\--------------

When Kakashi walked into the restaurant, he was surprised to see, in addition to Iruka’s small family, no less than **twelve** other children, Gai, Kurenai, Genma, Kotetsu, Izumo, Anko, Ibiki, the elder Ino-Shika-Cho team, Shikaku’s wife and _Tenzo?!_ –all abuzz around a table at the back; the little a snot-monster was crawling under the table while a nearly orange-hued redheaded girl ran around after Iruka’s gremlin. It was so chaotic, he almost turned around and walked right out again.

He _thought_ he could handle this. But, maybe, he decided, he couldn’t. Naruto, Iruka’s gremlin and his goblin were one thing—but he wasn’t going to spend time with _fifteen_ children, and the snot-nosed one was just gross; no, thank you very much, _ew_. Unfortunately for him, Iruka spotted him and waved him over.

“Kakashi-sensei, only ten minutes late! Given Naruto and Sakura’s stories, I’m impressed.” He smiled, pulling out a chair beside himself for the Copy-Nin.

“Yes, well, you know how the little beasts exaggerate. Besides, I thought that the faster we get this over with, the faster I could go home in peace.” He grumbles, taking his seat, knowing he’s not usually late for their ~~family~~ —uh, _regular_ dinners; and giving small, polite nods in greeting to the other adults.

Iruka laughed. He leaned towards Kakashi conspiratorially and whispered, “Don’t worry, Kakashi-sensei, your secret is safe with me.”

Kakashi arched a pale eyebrow at the other man. “And what secret would _that_ be?”

Iruka smiled mischievously, “That you actually care for your little….. what did you call them, _beasts_?” He cocked his head with another smile. “A little birdie told me our blond is your favourite.” His eyes crinkle.

Kakashi snorted. “Hm. Think so?” (He wondered what _birdie_ that would be. If it was Genma or Gai, he’d kill them. But he liked the sound of ‘our,’ even if he’d be loath to admit it out loud. Or to himself. Or _ever_ , really.)

Iruka called out to Naruto, “Hey, Naruto. Look who’s here!”

The sunny blond turned and his face lit up. He ran over, then pulled something out from behind his father. “Kakashi-sensei, Kakashi-sensei!”

“Uh, yeah?”

“I got you something, we got you something!” He shoved another wrapped box with holes in it towards the Copy-Nin, and the pale shinobi realised that everyone’s attention had followed the loud blond and was now on them.

“Again?” Looking at the holes in the box, he prayed they hadn’t gotten him something like a kitten this time—but then, he glanced and Iruka in the corner of his eyes and realised the chuunin wouldn’t do something that presumptuous. He took a breath and opened the box.

Iruka leans in and whispers as most returned to their previous conversations, “Thank you for giving us this evening. I’m planning on talking to Naruto about his training trip tonight, but the fact that you’re willing to put up with this much social interaction for us, well..... it means a lot to me.”

“I suppose that’s why Gai and Tenzo and Gai’s team are here?”

Iruka smiles. “Well, I invited all of Naruto’s friends to get to hang out with him, but I figured you might be more comfortable with some friends of your own. And—Gai’s kids are around Naruto’s age, plus, Anko kind of has a thing for Ibiki.” He winks. Kakashi shudders.

“How’d you even _find_ Tenzo? Or _know_ about him for that matter?”

Iruka grins mischievously. “I have my ways.”

From inside, Naruto pulls a Spider Plant, which he then points at and whisper-shouts, “His name is Mr. Kikitaru and I got him because you’re the best sensei _ever_!” He glares over at Gai’s mini-clone, _Rock Lee_ , his mind supplies, and Kakashi can literally feel the tension ratchet up as the older boy glares back, (this must be a recurring argument between them, if their glares are anything to go by—it’s kind of endearing that Naruto thinks of him as such, though, Kakashi knows, if it were down to him and Iruka-sensei—well.....he guesses he’s glad he’s Naruto’s Touchan now and not a sensei anymore or there’d really be no competition) but is stopped from speaking by Gai’s hand on his shoulder, fingers tightening almost imperceptibly.

Then, Naruto reaches in and pulls out succulent with vines full of dolphin-shaped leaves. Naruto adds, “That one is from Touchan, and even though he _says_ it’s because you ‘helped me on my journey,’” (the blond even utilizes air-quotes here), “it’s really because you’re one of his favourite grown-ups,” the boy leans in and whispers, “but he won’t admit that’s why,” before adding louder, “I call that one Mr. Tanoshi and it’s a seni—sena—.”

Iruka, Kakashi notes, is steadily turning pink as his son details why the Copy-Nin is being presented with gifts, more specifically, at Naruto’s last, quiet pronunciation (the brunet avoids eye contact a little too).

The chuunin clears his throat. “Naruto wanted to buy that one instead of the rabbits last time, so I finally gave in. It’s called senecio. It has some pretty flowers when in bloom.” He smiles over his daughter’s head.

Kakashi rest a hand on his knee under the table and feels Iruka’s fingers curl around his briefly, then flit away. “Thank you Naruto, Iruka. I’ll take as good care of them as the others.”

“Yeah,” Naruto squishes himself in between the two men, sandwiched sort of on top of Iruka’s leg, “Are you going to talk to them too?” His eyes sparkle as he talks about Kakashi’s habit.

The blond boy smiles up at him sincerely, placing a small warm hand on his arm and between that and the intense way Iruka is smiling at the both of them, Kakashi feels his own cheeks heating up and reddening. He glances his eyes about nervously.

Iruka snaps out of it and clears his throat, “Well, now that we’re all here, why don’t we start? I ordered the large platters and they should be here soon.”

Kakashi hears a tinkling laugh nearby. He’s surprised to see it’s from Anko’s mouth. He’d imagined her voice a bit rougher.

“You _talk_ to your plants, Hatake?”

Kakashi blushes, _hard_.

Anko leans around Kurenai, who’s seated right beside her. “You _like_ this guy, Iruka?”

Iruka blushes _harder_.

\-------------

Notes: If it’s not obvious, Kakashi has dubbed Konohamaru as ‘Iruka’s gremlin,’ or just gremlin/the gremlin for short and the baby (Hato-chan) as ‘Iruka’s goblin,’ or diapered-goblin/the goblin. And, the 'sloe-eyed brunet' is Tenzo. I always imagined someone 'sloe-eyed' looking like the clone girl form Cloud Atlas, and Tenzo's eyes remind me of hers. Kikitaru and Tanoshi are supposed to be names that mean the opposite of the Doomy/Gloomy Ukki and Inki. The 'Year Zero- Land of Snow' incident will eventually be a side story; in short, all of Iruka's former prankster friends count years from Year Zero, Land of Snow-- like year one 'before or pre,' year three 'after or post,' etc.. Year Zero was the year Iruka went on a mission and learned about Halloween, April fools and Christmas, and played all sorts of pranks, namely a Mistletoe Fiasco in Year Zero. Hato is supposed to mean Dove. I almost wanted to take Sasuke meet-up with the team on their 'last mission' and come home, but in the end, obviously, I chose not to. Also, finally, I know I've Neve really physically described the baby. I will eventually.


	6. Relaxation is Relative

Kakashi knew his best friend was hurting. Though, the brunet probably wouldn’t admit it—he may be more emotionally open than Kakashi, the Copy-Nin knew, but he was also a natural care-giver—despite which—he rarely accepted care from others.

Not to say he didn’t accept love, or friendship, gifts or even gestures of goodwill. It was more that he never spoke his troubles, never expected anyone to shoulder his burdens with him or sought the same kind of help. He so freely bestowed upon others. As much as he supported others, the chuunin did everything on _his_ own. Kakashi admired the independence and determination, but more and more, he was resentful that the chuunin felt like he needed to do everything by himself.

Kakashi was _here, dammit_ , he was _right here_. And sure, maybe he wasn’t the best at expressing himself, and he probably made more work than helped when he was over (babies and children were _not_ his thing); but he wanted to be there for the younger man because he ~~loved~~ —no. Nope, no way, no. Not going there..... He _liked_ him and _admired_ him.

(And maybe he also though he was very handsome, but he _wasn’t_ going to admit that out loud.) And maybe he hadn’t ever actually told the sensei he _liked_ him, like, ‘ _liked him’_ liked him, like _that_ ; and he was an anti-social and emotionally blunted person in general; and he antagonised the gremlin on purpose and he read porn in public, even though it bothered the teacher; and not only did he still eat rations when he wasn’t eating at Iruka’s—and if he was in a bad mood, he’d sometimes open the ration bars in front of the other man and eat them passive-aggressively to show the other man that he could do what he _wanted_ ; and— **Ok**. So, Kakashi could admit that maybe, probably (DEFINITELY) it was his own fault that Iruka didn’t ask for his help or even realise Kakashi wanted to give it.

But that didn’t mean that he didn’t want to help. So, here he was. He’d volunteered for this.

No, actually, he’d pretty much _forced_ the teacher out the door, with instructions to just fucking relax, already. Genma was taking the over-worked and over-tired teacher to lunch, then Anko was supposed to take him to the mixed public onsen.

And Kakashi. Well..... Kakashi was _babysitting_.

Sitting on the floor and staring at the gremlin from across the table. The gremlin narrowed his eyes.

Kakashi dried his sweaty palms on his trousers. He should have traded jobs with Genma or Anko. Genma _liked_ kids. Was it too late to switch with Genma? Could he catch the pair before they made it to the restaurant?

Except, except..... he _wanted_ Iruka to know that he was making an effort. It was _easy_ to spend time with the sensei. He liked it, so it was never a chore and it wouldn’t prove how much he wanted to be there. But spending time with Iruka’s _kids_ did show how hard Kakashi was trying. The Copy-Nin sighed internally. The things he put himself through. Honestly.....

“So, grem—uh, I mean, kid. What do you want to do today?”

The gremlin snorted. “With you?”

“Um, yes? I mean, I’m here, so.....”

“Nothing.” The gremlin narrowed his eyes. “Why are you even here?”

Kakashi shrunk in on himself a little bit. How is it that such a miniature person could make him feel so..... _inadequate_?

“Because your Jiisan, uh, dad, um..... Touchan, he uh asked me to—”

“Touchan _asked_ **_you_** to babysit?” Kakashi could hear the incredulity in the boy’s voice.

“But you don’t even _like_ us!”

Kakashi pulled at the collar of his vest, which was feeling a bit tight at the moment. “That’s not true.”

He took a deep breath. “I don’t _not_ like you.”

“ _’I don’t not like you_ ,’” the gremlin mocked (honestly, was one of the requirements of being Iruka’s children an innate ability to tear people apart simply with your tone of voice? The chuunin and his boys seemed to have it down to an art, even this mini-one!), then snorted. “Well, you don’t _like_ us either.”

“I don’t—”

The gremlin interrupted as he stood. “You don’t _not_ like us. I get it. You just like my dad. Like, like him like _that_. How Naruto likes Sakura-chan. You want _him_ to like _you_.”

Kakashi gulped. This kid was only six?

“But _I_ don’t like _you_.” He pointed at the Copy-Nin. “Because you said Hato-chan is a gubb—a, a _goblin_. And Hato-chan is my baby sister and I love her. You’re just a stinky old man!”

“I am **not** _stinky_ —”

“And I’m going to tell Touchan that _I don’t like you_ —”

“And I’m not an old man—”

“And I don’t want you here—”

“And you need to behave, or—"

“And I’m not doing _nothing_ with _you_ —”

“And your dad said to _be good_ —”

“Not even colouring or reading books—”

“And you need to stop shouting so the gob— _your sister_ doesn’t wake up—”

“Because Naruto-niisan says that Touchan says that you read _naughty_ books—”

“I’m not kidding, grem—uh, _Konohamaru_!—”

“Whatever _that_ means, and—”

“Look!” Kakashi scrubbed his hands through his hair roughly. He couldn’t believe he was _arguing_ with a _six-year-old_ , that they are shouting over each other like his genin. (And the kid was winning.)

He gets down to the kid’s height and holds him by the shoulders.

“Your Touchan needs a break, _ok_? You’re a pretty good grem—uh..... _kid_ , ok? And the gob—the.....the _baby_ is kind of cute. And your dad loves you all very much. But he misses Naruto. And he’s not going to say anything because your Touchan is the strong one. Your Touchan is the strong one for _everyone else_ , and he’s _never_ going to ask for help, even if everyone **needs** help _sometimes,_ ok. He’s my friend. He’s my _best friend_ like the snot-monster and the orange-girl are yours. And I _know_ you don’t like me, ok? But _I_ love him—like you love your family, ok? And I love your big brother too, because I’m his sensei. And I can’t say it out loud sometimes, ok? I _never_ say it out loud. But I _do_. And I’m _trying_ to help. I’m trying my best. And I know that my best isn’t as good as your dad. I _know_ that. Just..... _please_ , just let me help, _ok_?”

The kid’s eyes are as wide as saucers. Kakashi takes a very shaky breath.

He can feel himself trembling all over. He’s never admitted any of this out loud. For shit’s sake, he’s hardly even admitted it to _himself_ most days, but, there. He’s said it.

And his head didn’t explode and the world didn’t quake and the sky isn’t falling. He bites his lip under his mask. Was that too much for a six-year-old?

He drops his hands from the boy’s shoulders. He slumps, resigned. This was _not_ how he’d imagined the afternoon to go. If Konohamaru gets his way, Iruka is going to hate him.

The boy speaks in such a small voice that Kakashi wonders if he imagines it. “Ok.”

They don’t move for a long time. The silence stretches out around them. Kakashi closes his eyes briefly, then moves to get up, but he feels a small hand on his arm. He raises his eyes, and sees the boy leaning over to look him in the face.

“I don’t _not_ like you,” he says, with a mischievous grin. And for now, that’s enough for Kakashi.

\-------------

Iruka knows he’s over-protective, he knows he’s a worrier and he knows he can be one-track-minded. Everyone has their faults. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

But when one of his most laid-back friends keeps complaining that he’s too uptight and obsessed? Well, maybe he’ll admit that he’s a _bit_ of a control-freak—and that leaving his kids alone—even if he trusts Kakashi with his own life—scares the hell out of him.

Not because he thinks his friend is incapable, or because he thinks he’s the perfect parent, it’s just that—well, he’s not _there_ and..... and—now, maybe he understands why so many of his student’s parents are always up in his face.

It’s just a parenting thing—it doesn’t matter _who_ you leave them with, because no matter who it is, it _isn’t_ you. And anything could happen, and even if Kakashi can and _will_ take care of everything and make sure his kids are safe if, say, the house burns down, the fact is, Iruka wouldn’t be there with them when they need him. And it’s not about trust or ability. He just doesn’t want to miss anything. Whether it’s good or bad or something in between.

Maybe, if Naruto weren’t so far away and so cut off from communicating with them, he wouldn’t feel so helpless and he wouldn’t then project the need to over-protect the other two and control his own life down to the minute—and maybe, once Hato-chan got older and hit some of those milestones he was so afraid of missing (like first words and steps—that he’d never gotten to witness with his boys because he’d adopted them later), then, _then_ it’d be easier.

But this? _This_ wasn’t relaxing. It was awful. (No offense to Genma, who was, in fact, good company. Just for the record.)

“I’m sorry.” Iruka stands abruptly. “I can’t do this.”

Genma sighs, but smirks. “Go get’em, papa.” He waves the younger nin off. “And don’t worry, I’ll let Anko know!”

The tokujo shakes his head fondly. Who’d ever have guessed that the Prankster King of Konoha would grow up to be The Number One Responsible Parent?

Then again..... that just meant he _knew_ how much trouble a kid could get into. Ok, so maybe it made sense.

\-------------

Kakashi could compromise.

He’d _rather_ be writing a story about a dashing grey-haired ninja and the brunet teacher he’d sweep off his feet..... _but_ that would be a very inappropriate story for a six-year-old to illustrate, and he liked his balls where they were, thank you very much, so he wasn’t going to risk Iruka’s ire.

_Instead_ , he was writing the story about the Great Naruto Bridge for the little gremlin, er..... _boy_. The gremlin was colouring all the pictures.

Kakashi noticed he always drew the Sakura-stick person screaming it’s head off. The Naruto-stick person always had the coolest weapons and the Sasuke-stick person always wore a frown and crossed arms, even when he was fighting the Haku-stick person or carrying the Kakashi-stick person with a Naruto-clone. He’d only protested the gremlin’s pictures once—when he’d drawn the Kakashi-stick person with swirly, x-ed out eyes after fighting the Zabuza-stick person. Inaccuracy of stick people in the first place _aside_ —Kakashi did _not_ ever look like that, even when he was chakra depleted. The gremlin had rolled his eyes and drawn the Zabuza-stick person like that instead.

That was ok, though. At least they understood each other now. Maybe this baby-sitting thing wasn’t so bad. He just hoped the actual baby didn’t wake up. The gray-haired nin shuddered.

\-------------

Iruka had only been gone just over an hour and a half. It had taken he and Genma a forty-five-minute walk to get to the tea house in the centre of town, then he’d managed to sit the for a full fifteen minutes before bolting back home—so he knew Kakashi wasn’t expecting him back home yet.

He’d snuck in the door very quietly, so as not to wake Hato-chan, just in case, but then he’d stayed quiet when he’d caught sight of the scene in the living room. Iruka snuck around the kitchen counter to watch where he wouldn’t be spotted.

“Why is the Sakura-stick still screaming? We’re in the Missions Room now.” The Copy-Nin sounded plaintive.

“Because Sakura is always screaming.” Konohamaru stated matter-of-factly. “And she’s punching Naruto-niisan on the top of the head too, see?” The pre-genin slides his paper around to the other end of the table, where Kakashi is busy writing on another sheet of paper.

“Well, I won’t argue with that. She does that a lot.”

Konohamaru nodded. “She’s not very nice to Niisan.”

Kakashi scratches his chin. “No, I guess not. But she’s not _always_ mean, either.”

Konohamaru snorts. “You’re just saying that because you’re her sensei and you’re supposed to say nice things about her.”

“Well, it’s true that I’m her sensei too. But I don’t say nice things if I don’t mean them. Besides. It’s not a nice thing. I said a _neutral_ thing.”

“What’s neutral?” Iruka notes that Konohamaru stayed on the same side of the table as Kakashi after showing him the drawing.

“Hm.” Kakashi pauses his writing and thinks. “Well, it means not good or bad. Just kind of like, it _is_.”

Konohamaru sighs, and Iruka can imagine him scrunching his nose and frowning. “Oh. I get it.”

“You do?” Iruka can see Kakashi in profile as the Copy-Nin turns slightly to face the boy.

“No.”

Iruka can hear Kakashi chuckle softly. Then he lifts his hand, almost as if he’s going to ruffle Konohamaru’s hair like he does to Naruto, but at the last second, just drops his hand into his lap again.

“Well.” The Copy-Nin stretches his arms out behind himself. “I’m done writing. We just need one more picture of Naruto’s big party and then it’s done. How about I go make us some lunch?”

Konohamaru doesn’t look up when Kakashi rises, but the little boy mumbles, “I like wagashi.”

The Copy-Nin snorts. “I’m not feeding you wagashi for a meal. Your Touchan would kill me.”

Iruka watches as Konohamaru turns a wavery smile and wobbly eyes up at the Copy-Nin. “But—”

“No.” Kakashi turns, as Konohamaru slouches and pouts. He catches sight of the kitchen.

“Iruka?!”

Iruka smiles sheepishly. “I, uh, missed you guys.”

Kakashi quirks an eyebrow. “Did you drop Genma?”

“Um.....”

He chuckles. “Did you even eat before you came back?”

“No?”

The gray-haired nin sighs. “You were _supposed_ to be having a relaxing afternoon, Iruka.”

“I _know_ , I know. But I _missed_ you guys.” He shrugs with a blush.

Kakashi smiles under his mask. “Well, you’re at least not going to cook. Come here and let the grem—er, _Konohamaru_ , read you our story and _I’ll_ make lunch.”

They end up having a picnic in the back yard. Iruka finds it very relaxing, and explains the joys of cloud-watching to Kakashi and Konohamaru.

Kakashi smiles as he watches the young father nap with his daughter laid across his chest. He could get used to this warm feeling in his chest.

\-------------


	7. It All Falls Down

\-------------

“That’s disgusting.”

“It’s just a diaper, Kakashi.”

“It’s gross, Iruka. How can you _touch_ that thing?”

Iruka laughs. He’s gotten used to Kakashi hanging around more and more since Naruto left, probably because the blond left a gigantic, sun-shaped hole in all of their lives, and despite missing his son, he likes having the other man around. He doesn’t feel like the weight of the world is _only_ on his shoulders anymore. He likes having someone to share the burden with. He learned to be fierce and independent when he lost his second parents because he had to. He fought for Naruto alone because no one else would stand with him. But he likes not being alone anymore.

Maybe more than he should, and sometimes he thinks he’s reading more into it than he should. But, he can’t really help it. Kakashi has even been getting along with Konohamaru.

(Most of the time. Well, at least when Iruka is looking.)

Iruka, despite his best efforts otherwise, is falling in love with one of his best friends.

“I’m never touching one of those things.”

Iruka chuckles again. “Pass me that romper, Kakashi.”

The chuunin can tell his friend is scrunching up his nose by the way the mask crinkles. He picks up the purple and yellow romper between his thumb and index finger, touching the least of the thing as possible.

Iruka laughs. “It’s _clean_ , Kakashi.”

Kakashi drops it into Iruka’s waiting hand. “Nothing about gremlins is _clean_ , Iruka.”

(Now that she’s over six months old and can sit up on her own, Kakashi has decided that the goblin has graduated to being a gremlin the other gremlin, despite still being a pre-genin, is almost a mini-nin now—like he considers his students. Not that he’d ever admit that to the kid. Ever. Even under duress.)

“Your gremlin vomits and excretes mucous out of her nose and defecates and urinates. It smells bad. All. The. Time. I don’t know how you stand it.”

Iruka sighs and quirks an eyebrow at the other nin. “Don’t be so melodramatic, Kakashi. She’s not ready to be potty trained yet. It’s just spit-up. And I don’t let her crawl around with snot on her face like Udon.” The brunet pauses and Kakashi can see even him shudder. Udon must be Konohamaru-gremlin’s snot-monster friend. “You can say ‘snot’ you know. I know you’re a genius. You don’t always have to use big words.”

He pats Kakashi on the arm as he passes by and Kakashi leans away from the gremlin’s reaching hands.

They head down to Iruka’s kitchen, where he puts the gremlin in a highchair. Kakashi delicately sweeps blocks and markers out of his way with one hand as he sits at the opposite end of the table as the baby.

“Do you need help making lunch?”

Iruka is rummaging in the cupboards, back to Kakashi. “How about you feed Hato-chan while I cook this time?”

“No.”

Kakashi has never given in, even after spending the last few months hanging around Iruka’s house. He occasionally spends time with the older gremlin, but he’s never touched the _baby._ The baby is dangerous. Copy-Nins should not be allowed near babies.

“Kakashi.....”

“No.”

Iruka sighs. “Fine. I’ll feed her. You make yakisoba.” They both start to move to their tasks.

“You know, one of these days—”

“No.”

Iruka chuckles. “Don’t you ever want—”

“No.”

“One day, you might change your—”

“I won’t.”

“What if you meet a nice—”

“I’m gay.” Kakashi freezes. He _hadn’t_ meant to say that out loud. He slowly turns his head, pupils dilating.

Iruka’s hand pauses mid-spoonful of goop to Hato’s mouth. He doesn’t even notice when she sticks her fingers in the mushy vegetables. He turns his head slowly to face Kakashi, mouth opening and then snapping shut again.

Kakashi looks mortified; he’s gaping under his mask. It sounds like he might be hyperventilating.

Iruka isn’t breathing at all.

Then similar panicky thoughts flash through two heads at once—

_Oh, God, I hope he’s ok with this. What if this makes things weird? What if he asks me to leave? Oh, God, can he see me blushing? I’m so embarrassed. I should have kept my mouth shut. I can’t believe I said that. I can’t believe I said that_ out loud _. Oh my, God. He knows now._ He knows _. Can he see that I like him? Should I tell him that I like him? I can’t tell him that I like him. I’m not ready for this._

_He’s gay? Oh my God, he’s gay. That’s a relief. Wait, he looks embarrassed. Should I say something? Does he want me to say something? What does he want me to say? Should I pretend he didn’t say anything? Oh God, he’s gay. I’m so glad he’s gay. Wait, shit. I shouldn’t think that about my best friend. I should say something. I need to say something. Iruka, you idiot—_ say something _!_

“Well, look at me.” He shrugs widely, throwing his hands open, accidentally dropping the spoon full of food all over his kitchen floor. He doesn’t pick it up. _I’m an idiot_.

“I mean, uh..... I like guys and I have kids.” Iruka licks his lips. “I mean, I like women too, but.... Um. Sometimes. Not as much as I like guys. I like guys more. Um. This isn’t coming out right. Forget I said anything.”

He snaps his mouth shut, cheeks painted a brilliant red. Kakashi blinks at him.

“ ** _So_** , how’s Mr. Ukki doing?” He says, just a bit too brightly.

\-------------

Konohamaru frowns. He looks between his Touchan and Kakashi. They’re acting funny. Well, funnier than usual. Funny weird. They won’t look at each other and their faces are all red.

Konohamaru squints. “Were you yelling at each other?”

They both turn to face him and answer, “No.”

“Are you..... mad at each other?”

“No.”

“Did you fight?”

“No.”

“So, what’s up then?”

“Nothing, bud.” Iruka pats him on the hand.

“So, you’re still friends?”

Iruka smiles. “Yes. Don’t worry about it, kiddo.”

Kakashi coughs gently. Konohamaru squints at him.

“Is this because you like my Touchan? Like how Naruto-niisan likes Sakura?”

Kakashi drops his fork and turns tomato red, from the tips of his toes to the top of his head. Iruka chokes on his food, banging his hand down on the table as he tries to dislodge the bite and his eyes water.

“What?!”

Kakashi has started to shake his head in a panic. He waves his hands in front of himself. “No.”

Iruka wipes the sauce off his chin and turns questioning eyes to his friend. “Kakashi?”

Iruka frowns. They could deal with this, talk it through. He’s ok with this—but Kakashi’s reaction is a bit worrisome. “Are you ok?”

“No.” His chair clatters to the ground as he stands abruptly.

“Kakashi,” Iruka stands, he needs Kakashi to know that they’ll be ok, no matter how things turn out. He ducks his head, one hand reaching out—

Kakashi backs away, eyes wide. “I need to leave. I need to go. I have to leave.”

“Kakashi,” Iruka begins gently, raising his hands slowly, like he would approach one of the startled deer, “It’s ok, let’s—”

“I have to go.” The Copy-Nin grabs at the door.

“Kakashi,” Iruka bites the inside of his cheek to keep from raising his voice in panic. He doesn’t want to lose his best friend over one misunderstanding—or whatever this is. “Just listen to me for a minute—”

Iruka is still moving slowly, he doesn’t want to spook him. Kakashi looks like a wild animal, hurt and trapped.

“Hey.” Iruka leans down, tilting his head so Kakashi can see his face even though he’s looking down. “Hey, Kakashi. It’s going to be—”

“No.” The Copy-Nin bolts.

Iruka frowns at his friend’s empty place at their table.

Konohamaru goes back to his dinner.

“Grown-ups are weird.”

Iruka deflates.

_Well. That sucked._

\-------------

Kakashi runs across the village at top speed. He locks himself in his apartment. He doesn’t know what to do.

He’s been alone almost since he was Konohamaru’s age. He doesn’t know how to be a family. He doesn’t know how to..... how to _any of this_.

What is he supposed to do? He curls up in the darkest corner of his bedroom, under the window. He wraps his arms around his knees. He rocks back and forth.

It never occurs to him that he _had_ been doing it—that he _had_ been part of a family since Naruto had brought him home to his Touchan like a stray.

It doesn’t occur to him that Iruka didn’t _want_ him to leave, that Iruka tried to _stop_ him from leaving.

_Friend-Killer Kakashi. Son of the White Fang. No precious people. All dead. Cold-Hearted Kakashi. No family. Just an ANBU. A nameless, faceless, heartless tool. Fucking Sharingan-no-Kakashi. I hate children. I can’t take care of them. Iruka loves his kids._

It doesn’t occur to Kakashi that even if he won’t admit it, he does too. It doesn’t occur to him that he _had_ been part of their family since Naruto and Iruka had ‘adopted’ him. It doesn’t occur to him that Iruka might love him back, or he wouldn’t have wanted him around.

_I killed my own teammate. I pushed away the student most like me. I pretend I don’t care about my students or my friends or anyone. My father didn’t love me._ I’m _not capable of love. I’m a failure. **Failure**. FAILURE._

And Kakashi loves the little family that he’s a part of, but he hates himself so much that he can’t see past his hurt. Every weakness, every mistake, every cold, hard corner of himself. He _hates_ it.

_I can’t go back. They deserve so much more than I can give them. Than I’ve done. They deserve better than me. My hands are bloody. My heart is dead. Gone with all my precious people. I’m Cold-Hearted Kakashi now. It’s better this way. They’ll be better off this way, safer, happier. Just like how Naruto is better off with the Toad Sage as his sensei, not me. How Tenzo was when Kakashi left ANBU. How Obito and Rin would have been if I’d listened. How Minato-sensei and Nee-chan would have been if I hadn’t listened. How Sasuke would have been if I’d seen his pain and made him stay._

Kakashi _thought_ he’d been building impenetrable fortress walls around his heart. Turns out it was just a flimsy house of cards, and now, they were all falling down. For the first time in twenty-one years, Hatake Kakashi cried.

_They deserve better than me._

_My hands are bloody._

_I’m Cold-Hearted Kakashi._

_It’s better this way._

_I’m a failure. **Failure**. FAILURE._

****

\-------------

Iruka wants to follow Kakashi right away.

He doesn’t want this to push them apart, because if Konohamaru was right, then Iruka wants Kakashi back—even if he has to convince the Copy-Nin that all the work it would take was worth it, that _Iruka believed Kakashi was worth it._

Because he didn’t doubt his kid was right. But he’d seen Kakashi react by pulling away so many times and he knew it wasn’t because the Copy-Nin didn’t want to be around. He knew it was because he was so hard on himself.

But he couldn’t leave his kids alone. He’d talk to him tomorrow.

\-------------

Kakashi took a months-long S-class mission the next morning before Iruka could catch up to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the angsty-angst-angst, but I like writing stories that have a balance of angst, sweetness and hilarity. I think it makes them more realistic and enjoyable. Anyways, though. I did just want to say, it gets better. I've pencilled out all the rest of the nineteen or so chapters left and I'm excited to keep writing. Also, I'm going to try incorporating a couple of 'different' (in the sense of being unusual) concepts towards the end that I hope no one minds. I think they're nice, anyways. We'll see. Anyways, I wanted to do a bit of a vote here for Kakashi's kids (because they show up within the next three chapters, and at the speed I'm turning it out, that'll be, like, in a day or two) and I have a couple of options and I'm still not 100% decided, because the specifics won't change my storyline too much; but I do want to choose the option that best suits this AU.  
> .  
> .  
> So: You can vote by commenting or sending me a PM/DM.  
> .  
> I am leaning towards a baby under one and a three or four year old.  
> .  
> But I've also considered it being a newborn and/or there being a third.  
> .  
> I'm also leaning towards them both being boys.  
> .  
> But making the infant a girl might mesh better when getting Kakashi and Iruka to bond and move faster towards being a family again.  
> .  
> Any opinion on a combination on any of the above would be appreciated. I am leaning towards certain ones, but I also like to hear ideas on how something else might fit better.


	8. Nowhere to go, Can’t Run Anymore, Don’t Want to Hide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! For those of you that have read Black Ice before this, I just want to say that I know their characterization has changed slightly, and I was going to say something nearer the beginning but then I usually had so many other notes or just completely forgot like the spaz I sometimes am--but please keep in mind that they’re also older and have been shaped by experiences since then (as the majority of the prequel was when they were teens- a full decade ago). Plus, for those that aren’t aware- I may not have mentioned this in the prequel’s summary, but Kakashi doesn’t even remember most of Black Ice. I’ve wanted to say it for a while, but I definitely needed to pop it in here before this parallel that I throw out in this chapter.
> 
> Aaaaalso..... sorry not sorry for Naruto’s letter. I tried to balance his rambling tendencies with his dislike of work (the writing/spelling part), but also to infuse it with his personality. To show he’s a bit scatterbrained and has the attention-span of a gnat, but wants to talk a mile a minute about everything at once; and to check on everyone and reassure them that he’s ok (even if he’s lonely).
> 
> Finally, just a heads up. Itachi is a genius, man. Like, he’s supposed to be even smarter than Kakashi if his promotion ages are anything to go by. So, he gets bored easily, and he likes to give people nicknames. And change the nicknames, like, every time he talks about one of them (he only does it in his head, or when he talks about them, not to them). People he likes are the only exception—he’ll call them whatever he wats, right to their face. Sorry if that makes it hard to follow who’s who. If it helps, he does always keep with their theme—i.e. in this chapter, Kabuto the medic gets a bunch of doctor names and Kisame and Samehada get fishy-monikers.

\-------------

At first, Iruka was disappointed. Disappointed that he and his best friend were at odds and that Kakashi had gone on a mission and now they might never (God forbid) work it out (because that skinny idiot was a coward that panicked and ran away). How could he worm his way into Iruka’s life, make himself a part of their family, and then just bolt when things got complicated? (Not even—the jounin was just uncomfortable.)

Then he’d been worried. Worried, and anxious, and scared, because Kakashi had worked himself up into a tizzy and then gone and done something idiotic (which he did). Because he was on an S-class that Genma said he’d _begged for_ and if he wasn’t in the right state of mind, that idiot could get himself killed. (He’d better fucking not.)

Then Iruka was pissed. Pissed, because for fucks sakes, if that idiot went and got himself _killed_ because he was fucking afraid of _talking about feelings_ , well then, he’d just better hope Iruka was in a good mood when he got his hands on him, because it was _not fucking ok_ to risk your life because you were running away from your commitment issues. (He wished he could jab his finger into a bony, obnoxious chest as he punctuated each of those thoughts with an angry stomp on his march to the Hokage’s office, because that would make him feel a lot better. Plus, it seemed to bother Kakashi to be poked. That was a bonus.)

Then he was resigned. He’d worked himself up into his own tizzy—a vicious spiral of fear and worry and anger, when deep down, all he wanted was for his best friend to come home, so he could hold him and pet his hair and tell him everything would be fine. That no matter how mad he got, he’d always want Kakashi to come back to him and he was always welcome in his home and he’d always be in his heart, whether Kakashi could learn to accept that or not.

Iruka sighed. Why did he always fall in love with the _troublesome_ ones? Oh, fuck. He sounded like his brother. Shikaku would have a heyday with that one.

As his thoughts tapered off, he wondered why the new Hokage would have asked to see him.

\-------------

Tsunade rifled through his file again. Well, his official file. She didn’t have time to re-read his folder from when he was a pre-genin. (As much as the first time had amused her.)

Umino Iruka was an interesting character. She would eventually grow to like him; perhaps even beyond the capacity of a leader assessing her shinobi. Because Umino Iruka _was_ an interesting character.

As was _Nara Oshika_.

Shikaku had told her. Their great-grandfather hadn’t been that honest, and it’d gotten them in a tight spot.

And Iruka, or Oshika, or whatever he was calling himself, was an oxymoron.

He was a capable **_shinobi_** , but a **_kind-hearted_** man.

He had lost almost everything to the _Kyuubi_ , but was fiercely loyal to and protective of the _jinchuriki_.

He _chose an unassuming career_ _away from the limelight_ , but had ended up as the Third Hokage’s _most trusted administrative assistant_ , _without expectation of recognition_ for it.

He was well-loved and his **_patience_** was touted by parents and students alike, but his **_temper_ **was well known (and had been felt) by all.

He was a **_mature and responsible adult_** , but he was also (yes, even more than his son) the most **_prolific and creative prankster_** their village had ever seen.

He was **_fiercely independent_** , but the epitome of a **_family man_** that consciously surrounded himself by loved ones.

He was..... _a puzzle_.

Shikaku had made it clear he wished, since the incident that nearly cost his brother his ability to walk—that Iruka would permit him to remove the seal. He also made it clear that the obstinate chuunin had refused.

Tsunade was no fuinjutsu master, but she was the greatest medical nin the world had known. She’d been amazed at the work that Shikaku, Iruka and Hizashi had done. The Fourth had been a true seals master and their work rivalled his mid-career accomplishments—but it wasn’t as infallible as it could have been.

From what she _theorized_ , if Shikaku wanted the seal removed, the window to successfully do so would have closed years ago. To attempt it now may kill the sensei.

Konoha was, despite Orochimaru’s recent attempt, still the strongest of the five great nations. They had suffered losses, but it was nothing they couldn’t weather. With firm direction and decisive action under Shikaku, aided by the administrative team of Genma, Iruka and Iwashi, they’d mostly recovered economically, infra-structurally and organisationally by the time Jiraiya had tracked her down.

With her at the helm, they’d grown beyond what they’d been before, politically and socially. Their medical system was thriving, she had a strong enough rapport with the civilians that there wasn’t any pushback from the council yet (knock on wood, _and everything else_ , just in case, given her luck) and she’d established herself as a just and more transparent leader than her predecessor—so she had her soldiers’ trust—the greatest asset of an effective leader. The solidarity borne of crisis had even knitted the community closer together.

To say she needed another jounin, then, would be a bald-faced lie. That doesn’t mean she didn’t _want_ one.

Umino Iruka chose and _preferred_ the life of a chuunin; but Nara Oshika had been deemed competent enough to be offered the promotion to jounin, despite his apparent apathy to the advancement.

She was a big enough person to admit that she wanted it mostly to slight that blood-thirsty, misogynistic, megalomaniacal bigot that called himself Mizukage of Mist—who’s bloody customs and history disgusted her.

And maybe to rub in non-allied nations faces. (But only a little.)

She seriously doubted, the strong-willed sensei would be happy to be the shinobi equivalent of a performing monkey, however.

She sighed. Maybe she shouldn’t even bring it up. Why poke a sleeping bear?

She picked up the letter she’d received that morning. She had been going to use it as an excuse to open a dialogue with the young sensei, to gauge the possibility of allowing her to attempt to remove the seal, given her medical proficiency.

But she wouldn’t. No amount of hubris was worth a man’s life.

\-------------

Iruka smoothed the paper down on the table of the tea house. He smiled unconsciously as he ran his fingers over the creases in the letter.

Tsunade had given it to him that morning. It was from Naruto.

Iruka nibbled on his bottom lip. It was a nervous habit. He missed his kid. He missed him _so much_.

Touchan-

I’m sorry I haven’t written in a long time! I really miss all of you. I talk to all of your pictures every night in the album you gave me, Touchan. Even Kakashi-sensei’s. I kiss Hato-chan’s picture goodnight every day. I think it might be wearing out a bit from where I touch her hair. I’ve been collecting rocks for Kono-kun in each place we stop, and I take pictures of the most interesting clouds for Shika-kun. I collect seeds from all the different plants, to see which ones we could grow in our window. Ero-sanin says I couldn’t write because it’s too dangerous. He says I won’t be able to very often. It kind of makes me sad, but I’m training _really_ hard. I’m going to make you proud and soon, everyone will know that I am going to be the best ever. Then they’ll stop hating me and I can become the youngest Hokage _ever_. Can you imagine that, Touchan? I bet you can. You always tell me that I can do anything I put my mind to. I tell myself that when I fall down lots of times and it gets really hard to get up again. I make sure to eat all of my vegetables, even though I don’t like them, because I remember that you told me they’re good for helping me to be healthy and grow. I hope you’re all healthy and I hope you’re still making sure that Kakashi- sensei eats enough, because he’s one skinny guy. I bet his Touchan never made sure he ate his vegetables as a kid. I hope that Hato-chan isn’t growing too much without me. I don’t want to miss anything. I like being a big brother. I miss Hato-chan and Kono-kun. And I miss Shika-kun, because he’s like _my_ big brother, just like _your_ Shika is your big brother, Touchan. Tell Shika-jiisan and Yoshina-baasan that I miss them, too, kay? I miss yours and baasan’s cooking, cuz Ero-sanin isn’t a very good cook. I miss Teuchi-san’s ramen, too and Chouza-san’s barbecue. I just miss everybody and my bed and my favourite tea cup (I don’t get to have tea every day like you and me used to do before bed, after Kono-kun and Hato-chan went to sleep. Ero-sanin goes to the onsen instead and I have to stay at the camp and sleep.) and I even miss playing Shogi with Shika-kun even though I would always lose. Remember the day before I left? The day Kakashi-sensei helped you trick me into my good-bye party because he said it was for him? I still remember, and I think about my party and all of my friends anytime I start to feel too lonely. Do you think of me when you get lonely? Or when you need help with Hato-chan? I liked helping out with Hato-chan. I don’t think Kono-kun is a big enough big brother yet to do all the stuff I could help with. I hope you don’t get too lonely, Touchan, because you were always there for me. And I remember how you gave me another present, just like it was my birthday again, and I hope I get to come home before your birthday, and my next birthday, and Kono-kun’s and Shika-kun’s and Hato-chan’s. I don’t want to miss anyone’s birthday. And I use the journal from my present every day, to write down my adventures every day, just like you said, so I can share them with you and Kono-kun and Shika-kun when I get back. And I’m getting so strong that I think that when Sasuke comes home, (and if he doesn’t want to come home, then Kakashi-sensei and I will just make him come home, because I know Sakura-chan wants him to come back and I think he’d want to come back sometime too, you know?) I’ll even be stronger than him, too. I miss him too, you know? Sometimes I think I shouldn’t, because everyone was so mad at him when he ran away, but he was a good teammate, you know? Even if he _did_ think he was better than me. He still protected me anyways, you know? And I keep thinking how he didn’t have his Touchan like you to help him be the best person he could be and maybe he would have stayed if he did, so maybe we shouldn’t be so mad at him. I miss Sakura-chan too, but anytime I say so, Ero-sanin says I should meet different girls, and he makes me talk to them when we go to the market or the onsen or on special days where we get to stay at an inn instead of camping. It’s kind of embarrassing, but I’ve made lots of new friends. And I like camping too. It reminds me of when Shika-kun and I used to camp in the backyard of Jiisan and Baasan’s house. Plus, if we camp, I don’t have to give Ero-sanin all my money to help pay for the inn or the onsen. Then I can use my money for things I want, like trying ramen in different villages and buying things for Kono-kun and Hato-chan and Shika-kun. But sometimes, he wants it anyways to do research and that sounds important so I help him out. Anyways, I wrote a really long letter, because I knew you’d like that and I don’t know when I can write again. Don’t cry, ok Touchan? Because I know you are. And you’ve probably got that weird look on your face that you get when I’ve done something good and you think I don’t know you’re making _the face_. But it’s kind of like you’re smiling, but you’re also crying, and your shoulders shake and that funny laugh-huff-hiccup- sob sound comes out of your mouth. It’s funny, but for some reason, it also makes _me_ want to cry too. But a happy kind of cry. But I don’t want to cry, because I am a strong shinobi and I’m on an adventure. And you don’t have to worry, because I’m wearing the new armour you got me for under my jacket. I wear it every day and I even wear my old one at night under my pyjamas, because I know you worry. I love you.

Love, Naruto (the next Hokage)

He’d have to make sure his eyes weren’t all puffy and red before he went home, because Konohamaru would notice, but for now—for now, Iruka cried.

\-------------

Kakashi was fucking cold. He hated the Land of Mist almost as much as he hated the Land of Snow. It was always So. Fucking. Cold. And wet. Kakashi hated the cold and wet. He hated the bone-deep chill of constant rain.

He’d asked for a long mission because he was avoiding his problems at home, but this wasn’t exactly what he’d had in mind. He knew beggars couldn’t be choosers, but he repressed a shiver wondering why the hell it had to be _here_ , of all places. Oh well, it really wasn’t any of his business. All he needed to do was follow orders. Only, even if he’d asked for the longest mission as far away from Konoha as he could get, he just wished those orders had taken him somewhere warmer, at least this once.

His orders had been to locate and observe several information drops made by a former Konoha-nin. The little shit that had screwed with his genin during the exams—Yakushi Kabuto. Apparently, the usual spy running around out here wasn’t yet privy to who the rat bastard was selling to at the moment—because apparently, he didn’t just work for the snake sanin, he’d sell to the highest bidder if it suited him. He was supposed to intercept and either destroy or return any information gathered and sweep the map clean of whomever got in the way.

He inwardly cursed his mask. He hated himself for being so weak that he felt he needed to wear it all the time. Every time he breathed out and the cloud of his breath caught in the fabric, it was freezing the damn thing to his whole fucking face. He wished he were home already, in nice, _warm_ , Fire Country. He wished he was home with Iruka, _his_ Iruka and even the gremlins. He _missed_ the gremlins. Even his quilted, fleece-lined vest wasn’t keeping out the chill or the sharp snowflakes.

_Fuck it,_ Kakashi thought, _I have eight damn weeks for this if I need them and I’m ahead of schedule. I need to find a place to camp and fucking get warm. Preferably a cave where I can hide a nice, warm fire._

(Not that campfires could ever get rid of the chill of loneliness, he didn’t want to _admit it_ , but somewhere, deep down, he knew the only thing that could banish that freeze was his family. And hadn’t he just royally screwed that up? He’d settle for the pillow he had in his pack, but even as he set about searching for a cave, he knew he’d pretend it was Iruka’s shoulder under his head, or the middle gremlin’s weight on his side; like when they’d gone cloud watching and the little beast had snuck up on him and surprise-cuddled the chuunin, but close enough between them that his feet had sat upon Kakashi’s ribs.)

It was then that he felt chaotic bursts of chakra from up ahead. Now, most shinobi with a lick of sense would just pass on by unless they happened to be close to their own village. Kakashi, however much of a genius he may be, was like that curious cat that got itself killed. Sometimes, he really was an idiot. So, he dampened his own chakra and sped up, changing his heading slightly, more towards the obvious fight.

\-------------

What a shitshow. Itachi was fucked and he knew it. His partner, Fish-guts, was nowhere to be seen (probably off splashing in some muddy puddle with his little fishy friend, the useless mother-fucker) and none of the other two-man cells had been dispatched anywhere in their near vicinity.

Itachi wasn’t _arrogant_ or anything, but he was the best damn genjutsu-master **_any_** side of Fire Country. But that slimy snake bastard was starting to get jumpy because he suspected his little medic friend was two-timing him (it was true, but it didn’t make him any less paranoid or Itachi any less fucked, because now _he_ had to deal with the consequences) and had sent a full, jounin-level contingent after him.

Itachi and Tuna-face were supposed to be leading the four four-man squads away from the information drop point of Doctor Pasty and The One-Eyed-Wonder; and when Itachi and the Stupid Swordfish had split up to thin out the herd, _three_ of the four squads had tailed _him_.

Now, Itachi had whittled his opponents down to half and all—but fuck, the Sharingan really took it out of a guy, you know? He was so dead tired on his feet that he was swaying precariously if he tried to stand still too long.

The trick to not falling over, he’d decided, was to throw himself bodily into whichever direction he was lurching too far—that way it appeared as though he was doing it on purpose. Then he could just do it in another direction and keep _not_ falling over.

\-------------

Kakashi came up carefully on the fighting nins, settling himself in a tree out of their line of sight to observe before deciding what to do.

As he watched, he realized that one was Akatsuki and the other four were Sound. Ah, rogues and traitors both. Lucky him. Given his current mission, he did not exactly want to kill himself (figuratively) now and regret it later. However, none of these assholes were anyone he or Konoha wanted running around out here unsupervised. And maybe it wasn’t exactly professional, per se, but Kakashi was _not_ above killing them all _just_ to get rid of the Akatsuki one because they were gunning for his favourite student. Maybe it was a good thing Kakashi was passive-aggressively quasi-suicidal….. only, he really _wasn’t_. Not anymore. Hadn’t been since his ANBU days, and as much as _he’d_ been the one to run away from _Iruka_ —when faced with the _very real_ possibility of _not_ being able to go back? Well, he _really did_ want to go back.

But..... Naruto. _His_ Naruto, _Iruka’s_ Naruto. _Naruto_ was out here. He was out here and Akatsuki was _looking_ for him and **_fuck_**. Kakashi was _fucked_ , because that wasn’t really a decision at all, was it?

Decision made, Kakashi shot down quickly so as not to lose the element of surprise and tore through the first Sound-nin with frightening ease, with a well-aimed Chidori blazing through the air.

\-------------

Itachi lurched and staggered his way through another four-man unit before quickly bandaging his left leg and stumbling off towards the last four-man unit. If he survived this, he was going to fucking _murder_ the Dumbass Dhufish and his slimy, steelhead sword for not being better fucking backup. He threw out his right arm to catch himself on a nearby tree.

Or maybe _not_ so nearby—he missed and landed on his fucking face in the fucking snow. Itachi _hated_ his job sometimes.

\-------------

As Kakashi’s strength began to fade, a knot formed in his stomach, the icy grip of fear clutching his heart—what if he didn’t make it home this time? What if this was it? If this was his last mission, the one he’d fail? The one that killed him? Then he’d never get to go home. He’d never get to tell Iruka how he felt and the middle gremlin would forever believe that he only ‘didn’t _not_ like him.’

His last sight before passing out from chakra depletion was that of the Akatsuki member hobbling off a way and then hitting the ground hard. Whether or not he’d killed himself in the process—at least, Kakashi thought, that the other asshole won’t make it either and he won’t fucking touch my kid. Naruto would have one less criminal to worry about. He passed out with a small, satisfied smile.

\-------------


	9. Don't Ask, Do Tell

\-------------

Itachi didn’t like or dislike people, per se. He either found them interesting, or he didn’t. (What can I say, it must be a suffering genius thing. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ )

Looking across the flames dancing in the small cave he’d found, at the slumbering form of the Copy-Nin, Itachi decided that despite the older man’s penchant for blindly following orders and asking no further, he found Kakashi very interesting. He’d have saved his life either way, of course. He was a spy, not an actual traitor; and while he’d be encouraged to ignore another, less valuable nin— he couldn’t let an asset as strong as Hatake Kakashi die if he could help it, or Konoha would make their displeasure with him known, the retribution probably through some form of bounty, warrant or other.

And since Tall, Dark and Herring was so close to dead that he’d be out cold twice or thrice the length of Hatake, he could help it. This just made it more..... _interesting_. He remembered the Copy-Nin had served in Root before they’d served in ANBU together. He wondered how much Hatake knew about Danzo; how much Itachi could safely tell him. If the Copy-Nin was reticent or became antagonistic, this rescue could go sideways fast. He hoped Hatake could be reasonable.

As Itachi stoked the dying flames and added another log to the fire, Kakashi stirred. It was just a slight tense of the shoulders, then the other man forced his next breath to continue in his relaxed ‘sleep’ pattern.

Itachi wanted to roll his eyes. It was a typical shinobi response—and he’d expected more of the Copy Nin. He could tell the moment that Hatake read his chakra; sensing only neutrality. A nin of their caliber knew that if you woke to positive chakric readings in unfamiliar territory, someone was probably trying to genjutsu you. Neutrality was good.

Itachi pulled the collar of his (unmarked—he was smarter than to broadcast his Akatsuki ‘allegiance’ to an active-duty Konoha jounin) coat and slid his headband off to let his hair fall softly over his eyes, obscuring the greatest means of identification, then he nodded to the older man as he sat up and turned to face him.

\-------------

Kakashi paused as he sat up. He soaked up his surroundings slowly. Something felt..... _familiar_. He narrowed his eyes across the flames at the stranger sitting there.

A curtain of long, dark, hair swept over his forehead. The barest top of cheeks showed over the collar of his coat. Dark eyes peered at him—

No. It was a scarf. Kakashi felt like the other man should be wearing a _scarf_ , not a collar. And he was too old. His eyes were too dark, his skin too light—

_His dream_. It reminded him of the boy from his dreams. He hadn’t had one in over a year, almost two, since his mid-twenties, but even the circumstances, the weather, the cave, seemed to ring a bell. He _felt_ like he should remember _more_ , but he _couldn’t_.

\-------------

“Hello, Kakashi-san.”

Kakashi frowned. The Copy-Nin was well known, but the tone of voice suggested the speaker actually _knew_ Kakashi personally, even if it wasn’t well. He wracked his brain. With the little he could see of the person, it was difficult to draw any concrete conclusions as to who it might be.

“Don’t be alarmed, but I’m going to weave a contained, low-level genjutsu before we talk about who I am. By giving you fair warning so you could fight me off, I hope you’ll understand my motivation is not sinister and you’ll not interrupt me?”

Kakashi clenched and unclenched his fists. After two Chidoris and an intense Sharingan induced genjutsu during his last fight, he’d not just depleted his chakra—it felt like he shoved senbon through all his tenketsu. Wary or not—he would probably have better luck cooperating than antagonizing his counterpart. He nodded tightly.

\-------------

Itachi wove a small, gentle genjutsu, layering his old ANBU mask over his features before lowering his collar and pulling his hair into a low, loose ponytail at the nape of his neck.

“Say my name, Hound-Taichou.”

Across the cave, Kakashi cocked his head. “Weasel.”

Itachi repeated, “Say my name, Taichou.” _Not codename title, you idiot_.

Kakashi frowned. “Weasel.”

Itachi sighed. “No, _say my name_ , Taichou.” _How hard is it? Look at me. Just look at me._

\-------------

Kakashi clenched his jaw. He was getting tired of this. He’d played the stranger’s game. He wanted answers. “I _am_. Your name is—”

“No.”

They stared at each other across the flames.

“Say my _name_ , Kakashi.” _He willed him to remember. The name of the ANBU that went missing when I did._ Given who he was, Hatake _needed_ to say it himself, or he’d think he was stuck in a high-level genjutsu.

Kakashi frowned. Was that supposed to be a fucking clue? He didn’t _know_ Weasel’s name. ANBU were meant to be anonymous. Weasel was—

“Say. My. Name. **_Kakashi_**.” I _was never hidden. My title was my name. What you see is what you get. I am_ —

Kakashi tensed all over as Itachi saw the spark of recognition in his single eye.

It was staring Kakashi in the face the whole time. Right in front of him. Weasel’s mask was painted to look like a _weasel_. Like an ‘itachi.’ _Itachi._

“Say my—”

“Uchiha Itachi.” Kakashi slides a hand over his right thigh. The tips of his fingers tickle the top of his weapons pouch.

“I wouldn’t try that, Taichou.” Itachi drops the genjutsu, mask melting away to reveal tired features. “You may wield the Sharingan as well as a natural born user, but your body—not designed for the strain, does not heal as quickly as mine.” Itachi feels sympathy for his kindred spirit-- if not in blood, then in sight. 

Kakashi stops and thinks. If Itachi had wanted him dead, he’d have killed him already. But if he planned on letting Kakashi live, then he shouldn’t have revealed his identity. There had to be a catch.

“What do you want?”

“I want to tell you a story.”

Kakashi rests his hand over the flap of the weapons pouch.

“Will you listen?”

He leaves it there, but his fingers make no motion to open it, showing he’s still on guard but will not make the first move if a truce is offered.

Itachi smiles, a wan, weary thing. “Once upon a time.....”

\-------------

After months of learning that he could depend on Kakashi, Iruka was feeling the strain. His workload, family and social life had never seemed too much before—but once he’d had free time, once he’d had a person that acted like a life partner and matched him where he could be met, covered what he couldn’t and pushed where he needed it (and whom he had felt secure enough with to do the same)—it made it seem like load from before was overwhelming, because he’d only had to carry part of it for the last few months.

Now, though Hato-chan slept through the night, and Konohamaru-kun had school to occupy him all day, Iruka was exhausted. He had been using a shadow clone (technically, no one was supposed to know it, but there were only so many times he could watch his kid do it without picking it up, and Sandaime had never expressly forbidden him from utilizing it.....) to stay with his daughter while he worked at the Academy, and he’d even cut back his hours at the Missions Desk, thanks to the set number of banked hours new parents got to use when needed for their child’s first year.

After the distance that had temporarily grown between he and Shikaku several years ago, Iruka would never again voluntarily give up his time with his family, so that meant that his social life was always the first thing to drop off. Which is another reason why he missed Kakashi so much.

Because, as much as Anko, Genma, Kotetsu and Izumo were his oldest friends, and Kurenai had been spending more time with him and Konohamaru as her pregnancy progressed—Kakashi had become his _best_ friend.

Sure, Anko and Kotetsu didn’t like kids almost as much as the Copy-Nin, but no matter how much he _claimed_ to hate ‘gremlins,’ he’d still spent 90% of his waking hours away from missions with the Uminos. Willingly.

Gen and Zumo _liked_ kids, but they only stuck around for so long before they were itching for a drink, or a pickup, or whatever else had caught their attention (shiny things. Shiny things were often the culprit. Those men were like birds, honestly.) at the moment.

Iruka wasn’t even sure if it was because it’d been less work. It just _felt_ like there was less work because mundane jobs didn’t feel like chores if you had someone to share your time with.

Sometimes they talked while Iruka took care of Hato (Iruka will admit that as much as he loves his children and his classroom, he’s been missing conversation from people over three feet tall lately; and Kakashi was a good conversationalist); sometimes Kakashi would convince Iruka to take a break, and he’d rediscover the joy of cloud-watching or afternoon napping surrounded by his kids and his best friend; sometimes, the Copy-Nin would help (he liked to organise things. Even _more_ than Iruka did and Iruka was the definition of a paper-pusher-nin. The chuunin thought it must be slight OCD due to his genius level intellect), like when he needed to shelve books or rearrange lesson plan collections.

But most of the time, _most of the time_ Kakashi didn’t even _do_ anything. He would just sit there and read while Iruka went about his day.

And it was comforting.

With most of his ex-lovers, with his traitorous friend, Mizuki, silences had always felt like they needed to be _filled_. They were uncomfortable and awkward.

Not like the silences he shared with his brother, or his oldest friend Anko, or his first (and only female) lover..... or, most recently, Kakashi.

He never felt like they had to force it. They were content just to _be_ together. He really missed his best friend. God, he hoped he was safe.

It wouldn’t even matter anymore if he never wanted to speak to Iruka again. He just wanted him to come home safe. Needed to see him come through the gates in one piece. Just knowing he was alive and living his life somewhere in the village would be enough.

\-------------

Kakashi had been sceptical at first—and rightly so. Itachi was known far and wide as a deserter. Once he’d heard Danzo’s name, however, and about the division, indecision and scheming within the Uchiha clan, he listened closer.

Danzo had been the one to try and use Kakashi’s friend Tenzo to assassinate the Third Hokage. He could see him orchestrating malcontent and dissension within the ranks of the Uchiha to dismantle Konoha from the inside out ad usurp the military and administrative government. The man was slipperier than an eel. And stunk worse too.

Once they had come to an understanding, they had taken the time to rest and heal. They took care of each other. Itachi had been right, it took Kakashi longer to heal—but if he didn’t want to send his comrade to his death when they parted ways, then Kakashi had to accept (for now) that Itachi needed to return with his partner—which meant that Itachi regularly siphoned his own chakra into the Shark Swordsman to heal the damage that, left alone, would have been fatal.

\-------------

It’s while Itachi is away collecting firewood that Kakashi does it. He uncovers the Sharingan and scans the small cave. There’s no doubt about it. Right there in his head, a side-by-side comparison of the cave he’s standing in and the one from his dreams. With the boy with the kind eyes. He’s found proof. It wasn’t a dream. The cave was real. Which meant, so was the boy of his dreams.

\-------------

Itachi peered at his current comrade. Aside from their intellect, they were similar in many other ways. Both were more naturally inclined to introversion, had followed eerily similar career progressions and had lost precious people—by their own hands.

While they were both inherently quiet, Itachi, who had been forced to work in enemy territory, isolated from _all_ friendlies and alienated for his perceived choices—felt himself opening up to the Copy-Nin like one would, perhaps, to a sibling.

For his part, despite the over half-decade age gap, Kakashi felt a kindred spirit with the younger man (and perhaps guilt for failing Sasuke). Despite his usual desire to hide anything personal, for fear of it being used against him, Kakashi, too, confided in his comrade.

Usually, they’d find themselves in agreement. Occasionally, like today, they’d push each other.

“Do you know what I’d give to have my family back? To go home? And you threw that away? How ungrateful can you be? Don’t you realise how lucky you are?”

Kakashi sighed harshly. “Of course I do. I knew it the _second_ I thought I’d die.”

Itachi snorted. “Well _that’s_ perfect timing.”

“For fuck’s sakes, what do you want me to say!? I was scared. I ran. I screwed up and I’m sorry.”

It was quiet for a long time. The light of afternoon gave way to the dark of evening before his friend answered.

“I don’t want you to _say_ anything.” Itachi made eye contact with Kakashi. “I want you to go home, tell your family that you love them. Do whatever you need to fix it. Start from the ground up if that’s what it takes. Don’t take your good fortune for granted again. Hold on and don’t let go. Rebuild it again anytime you fall. I can never get back what I lost, but you can. There’s still time.”

The silence stretches loudly again, on until the flames die down to embers.

“What if I can’t get it back? I ran away. What if he refuses me?”

“Then keep trying. Don’t give up. Don’t lose hope. When people say you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone, they’re right. If I had the chance you have, I would die trying.”

“Hope is a painful thing.”

“So is despair.”

. . .

Neither speaks until the morning dawns the next day.

. . .

“This will be our last day, I think.”

Kakashi looks up from the rations he’d foraged for them.

Itachi kicks at the Ugly Oarfish. “They’ll be looking for us soon and besides, I think I’m strong enough to carry Amity Island and the Sardine Sabre now.”

“Who? Isn’t that Hoshigaki? I wasn’t sure before, but after spending two weeks staring at him, I’m pretty sure.....”

“It’s a joke. Like the movie. I saw it in the capital once, at the cinema.”

“Right. The cinema. Like the projectors they use on sheets back home.” He purses his lips and nods, then quirks an eyebrow when no extra information is forthcoming. “Why is that funny?”

“Because—you know what? It’s not worth it. Never mind.” Itachi dismisses it with a nod and a small wave of his hand.

The Copy-Nin nods. “Is it insensitive for me to say I’ll miss you?”

Itachi gives him a tiny, demure smile. “No. I think I’d like to know that I’ll be thought of without hatred by a brother in arms.”

“I will then.”

“Kakashi?”

“Mm?”

“Your sensei. From what you’ve told me, he’s a good man, and I even remember him. My brother and parents spoke highly of him, despite him being new to the Academy then.”

“Sounds about right. Everyone likes him; or at least, most respect him. Those that don’t aren’t the type that matter though.”

“He and his son are close to my..... brother, even now?”

“It’s an odd friendship, between Sasuke and Naruto, but I believe it’s sincere and deeper than it appears. And every word I spoke about our return after our first B mission was true.”

The first real smile Kakashi has seen from the other man crosses his features quickly. Then disappears like a shadow.

“ ** _If_** my brother goes home..... will you make sure they find their way back to each other?”

“ ** _When_** Sasuke comes home, whether by choice or dragged, kicking and screaming by Naruto, I’m sure they’ll gravitate to each other on their own. Sasuke knows he will always be welcome in Iruka’s home. But if they don’t—then I will make sure they find each other and that he is taken care of.”

“I think..... I think I could die in peace knowing he’ll be all right, you know?”

Kakashi stands, momentarily pausing his task. He places a hand on the younger nin’s shoulder.

“You know, if you’re ever able to come home..... you would be welcomed too. That’s just who they are.”

Itachi takes a deep, shuddery breath, but doesn’t shake Kakashi off. He smiles ruefully. “I think we both know it’s too late for that. But please, do tell Tsunade about me. Only Danzo and the Third knew before..... and I don’t trust him to pass it on. If I die doing my duty, I want to know that even if they don’t, _can’t_ publicly acknowledge it, my country will know.”

Kakashi nods.

“And the rogue informant you’re here for? I can tell you, he’s a double-agent. Working for both us and the snake.”

“Thank you.”

They eat their rations in near-silence, then erase all traces of their camp.

“Everyone wants to grow up and be us. Every kid plays ninja. They have _no idea_ what it’s like to be us.” Itachi looks wistfully in the direction Kakashi will be taking, towards Konoha. “I guess I have to go now.”

Kakashi stares off into the distant horizon, places a hand on the younger man’s shoulder. “You can leave. I’ll remember you, though. I remember everyone who leaves.”1

Itachi pauses, a pained look and indecision on his face. Then he tentatively reaches out—for a handshake, a pat on the back—Kakashi isn’t sure.

But, he’s feeling brave, and pulls the younger nin into a _real_ hug—he loves his Iruka’s side-hugs (even though he used to think they were silly), and he already _had_ people he could lean on, like Gai. He knows Itachi has no one.

Itachi probably hasn’t been hugged—or even _touched_ outside of battle in the six years he’s been gone. But he has Kakashi now, because Kakashi can be brave too and show his emotions, just like his family has been teaching him.

It makes the Copy-Nin uncomfortable when Itachi breaks down in wracking sobs and sinks into it..... **but he doesn’t let go.**

\-------------

Note: Kudos if you got the Amity Island reference :) . Sorry if it ruined the flow if you didn’t. Yeah, I’m a dork like that.

PS 1. This is from Lilo and Stitch. They literally legit have the best family of choice quotes. It just seems to me like something Kakashi might say, what with all the time he spends at the Memorial Stone. And like, understanding Itachi on a basic level because they are so similar.


	10. Little Man With a Big Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, guys, I just wrote my favourite chapter yet because I wanted to get the dialogue out of my head and into a document before I forgot it, but now I’m vibrating because I wrote it out of order because the idea just hit me to add it as the epilogue and now I can’t wait to share it..... OMG, I need to write the rest of this FASTER. Never mind..... I caved and posted it as an omake because I have no self-control. Miyagi-sensei would be so disappointed. But..... unless you don’t mind spoilers, read the rest of this first. Because it has some major (but not all) spoilers in it, so I marked it as a one-shot.
> 
> And you know what? I’ve been loving writing Konohamaru and Kakashi together. I put more and more of them in than I had planned because I love writing them more than I ever thought I would, because Konohamaru really speaks his mind and Kakashi needs that—and even Naruto isn’t as rude as Konohamaru, because he wants people to like him so much. Plus, Kakashi so childish because he never got a childhood, and I just like their dynamic. Plus, we already know he has a soft spot for Naruto and it’ll be so easy for him to fall in love with the baby (because, well, baby—and that’s why he thinks she’s so dangerous); so, this is also a good way for the middle child to get some parental bonding. :)

\-------------

Kakashi pulled his chakra in as close as he could and dampened it as low as it would go. For all intents and purposes, he would now appear no more remarkable than a normal civilian. He tucked himself up as tight as he could make himself in the crook where the largest branch met the tree trunk.

He felt something swish across his arm.

No, he was being paranoid.

He felt it again and twitched, turning to the side to see.

Nothing there.

He sighed. He really was paranoid.

Something nudged him in the shoulder.

He whipped his head around. Nothing there.

Maybe he was finally losing it.

Something wet brushed the back of his hand.

He jumped to his feet, whirled around and pinned it to the tree trunk with one hand.

The cat was not impressed. It howled and bit into the soft meaty juncture between his thumb and forefinger.

Kakashi screeched and dropped his hand, releasing the cat as he simultaneously tumbled gracelessly out of the tree, wind milling his arms uselessly as he wobbled on one shaky leg.

He landed at the bottom on his back, one foot laying alongside the tree, the other foot up in the air against the trunk. He spotted the middle gremlin, arms crossed over his chest and foot tapping in impatience, flanked by his two minions, arms on the orange girl’s hips, the snot monster crouching. Because of the angle of his up-turned head, to Kakashi, they all appeared to be upside down.

“Uh..... hi, grem—er—Konohamaru.”

“Have you been spying on us from the tree?”

“How come you’re all outside?”

“It’s recess. Why were you spying on us from the tree?” Konohamaru narrows his eyes. “I’m mad at you. You didn’t even come say hello when you got home, and my dad _knows_ you got home two days ago because he works in the _mission room_.” His foot tapped harder.

“Uuhhhhh.....”

All three kids were now staring at him with arms folded across their chests. They were glaring.

The orange one piped up, “He didn’t visit you?” She looked at Konohamaru. “I thought you said, he was, like, your dad’s boyfriend or something?”

Then snot-monster opened his mouth to speak. “That’s not nice. We don’t like it when people are not nice to Iruka-sensei. He’s our _favourite_.”

“Yeah.” The orange one angrily balled her fists. “You need to be nice to our sensei! You big stinky, mean old man!” She stomped her foot.

If they weren’t so miniature (and snotty), they _might_ have been _almost_ intimidating. (But _seriously_ , why did gremlins keep calling him old and stinky? He wasn’t stinky! If anyone was stinky and dirty, it was the gremlins.)

Kakashi’s mind, however, was stuck on one thing. “You told your friends I’m Iruka’s boyfriend?”

The middle gremlin blushed. “Well, I know you _want_ to be!” He sticks out his tongue. Then he pouts. “Why didn’t you come visit?”

Kakashi turns over, then pushes himself to his feet. “You,” he points, “and you,” then waves them off, “ _not_ Iruka’s gremlins. Scram.”

They don’t move. The orange one frowns and glares at him harder. Konohamaru sighs. “It’s ok. Get lost guys. I’ll catch you up later.”

With one last scrunchy face in the Copy-Nin’s direction, the orange one nodded and turned to walk off. The snot-monster sniffled (the snot was still there) and followed her. Either Kakashi was losing his touch, or kids had no respect these days.

He sighs and walks over to sit on the nearby bench. He nods his head at the empty spot next to him, which the middle gremlin rushes to fill. He plops his little round bottom on the seat, feet not touching the ground.

“Why didn’t you come see us?”

Kakashi smiles to himself. “Miss me, kid?”

The gremlin snorts. “Fat chance.”

Kakashi pats him on the head. The kid shoves his hand off and glares at him.

Kakashi eye-smiles at him. “I think you did.”

The gremlin crosses his arms on his chest and glowers. Then he wriggles so he’s at the edge of the bench. Kakashi can tell he’s about two seconds from jumping of and hitting the road. His hand shoots out to hold onto the kid’s shoulder gently.

“I missed you guys too.”

The kid stops wriggling and turns back.

“Why didn’t you come see us then? I missed writing stories with you and Touchan was all sad when you were gone on your mission.”

Kakashi sighs. “Can I tell you a secret, kid?”

The gremlin frowns.

“Your dad scares me.”

Kakashi might have laughed at the poor kid’s surprised, WTF face, if he weren’t actually serious. He slumps.

“He scares me more than anything else.” _Well, other than_ gob _—babies_.

The kid scrunches up his face, forehead wrinkling in confusion. “But aren’t you stronger than my Touchan?”

Kakashi chuckles. “I guess you could say that. If we’re talking about being a ninja, then yeah.”

“But,” the poor kid looks confused, “that’s not what we’re talking about?”

“You know, Konohamaru, I was only a little bit older than you when my Otousan died.”

The kid wriggles closer to him on the bench.

“And my Okaasan died when I was really little. I wasn’t even big enough to remember her.”

Kakashi peeks down. The kid is pressed right up against his side now. He tentatively wraps an arm around the boy’s shoulders. The boy cuddles in closer. He looks up at Kakashi with watery eyes.

“That’s really sad.” His lip wobbles. “I lived with my grandpa and Asuma-jii because my mom and dad died when I was too little to remember them, too.”

Kakashi smiles ruefully under his mask. He’s rubbing soothing circles unconsciously on the boy’s arm.

“That’s sad too. I’m sorry you didn’t get to meet them.”

The kid plays with some of the ties on Kakashi’s vest. “But then I got to stay with my Touchan, who was my Jiisan too, but when I asked if I could call him Touchan like Naruto-nii does, he said I could.”

“Yeah, your dad’s really good at this family stuff, huh?”

Konohamaru nods.

“I’m not really good at family stuff.”

The kid looks up at him and frowns. “You’re really not.”

Kakashi laughs out loud.

“But you’re getting better.” The Copy-Nin feels a small hand on his knee, the boy has turned to face him.

“And you can only get better if you practice.” He leans forward, as if he’s sharing the secrets of the world. “That’s what Touchan says about throwing shuriken and tying bandages. You only get better if you practice.”

The little boys stands up on the bench and takes Kakashi’s face in his hands. He leans in to look him in the eyes, until their noses are touching.

“I don’t mind you practicing on us.” He smiles beatifically.

Kakashi smiles. “And I’d like to practice with you guys. You’re the only family I want to practice with, because you guys are the family I want.”

The boy’s face scrunches up into a smile.

“Then why didn’t you come see us?”

Kakashi shrugs. “I was worried, I guess. I kind of ran away, and—”

“You _did_ run away.”

“Yes. Well. Then I was worried if you guys wanted me back.”

“I thought you were a geen—gene—um, I thought you were really smart?”

Kakashi shrugs. “Sometimes even grown-ups worry about silly things. But then I stayed away because I was scared, and then I’d stayed away, so it looked like I didn’t want to be there, and then I thought, well, maybe now it’s too late to go back—”

“Grown-ups are stupid.”

Kakashi smiles. “It’s complicated. Your dad might still tell me no. He might not want—”

“You’re especial—no, um, epically, yeah, that’s it—epically dumb.”

Kakashi frowns. “Hey, I—”

“Touchan wants you there.”

“Was he, uh, mad when I left?”

“Oh, yeah. Was he ever!”

Kakashi gulped. Iruka would never kill a comrade, right?

“But then, then he was worried. He did the worry face. The one where he stares off into space and bites his lip. Then he was sad. But he tried to hide it. He doesn’t like it when he thinks other people get sad because he’s sad. He wants to make everybody happy.”

“Ah.” Kakashi nodded. That sounded like the chuunin.

“I’m going to fix it, ‘kay? I’ll blow off my dad today and you meet me here after school. I have a plan.”

The bell for the end of lunch hour rings and he jumps off the bench and bolts towards the Academy building with a shouted, “Bye, Kakashi! See you after school!” Over his shoulder.

Kakashi sits, momentarily stunned. Then he rubs the tip of his nose and smiles.

\-------------

Iruka sighs. He’s glad Hato-chan outgrew the phase where she’d only settle down for him. Because (while he won’t admit it), after Kakashi got back (and didn’t come see them), he’d been picking up extra shifts in the missions room just in case he might accidentally run into him (he didn’t even care if his behaviour was bordering on pathetic).

She was spending the afternoon with Genma and Shikamaru at the park. Iruka always felt a bit better about leaving her if Shikamaru or Yoshina was with her and whoever else was babysitting—because, well, he _knew_ it was irrational, but they were family, so it just made him _feel_ better, ok, no matter how irrational it was, dammit. Plus, she was almost nine months old now, and it didn’t feel as much like he was abandoning his tiny, helpless baby so much anymore.

As the kids come in from lunch, he notices Kono-kun and his two stooges deep in conversation. He smiles at them. “Hey, what’s up kiddo? What’s got you so fired up?”

Konohamaru’s eyes go wide and he scratches the back of his head as the other two run to their seats. “Nothing!”

_Hmmmm. That was an awfully fast answer. My kid is up to something._ Iruka rubs his chin in thought. _Oh, well. When is he ever_ not _up to something, anyways?_

It isn’t very reassuring, however, that Iruka notices Konohamaru isn’t paying attention to any of his lessons, instead scribbling furiously with his crayons on a paper that magically disappears (or his son throws himself on top of bodily, with an ‘innocent’ smile) anytime Iruka passes by near enough to try and peek at it.

He sighs. He’d thought Naruto was bad. But his second kid got into so much more trouble. His shoulders slump.

_I’m getting too old for this shit. And Tsunade doesn’t pay me enough._

\-------------

When Kakashi looks up as the final bell rings letting classes out for the day, Konohamaru and the orange girl are running towards his tree.

They stop at the bottom, breathless. Konohamaru looks up.

“We did it! Touchan thinks I’m going to Moegi’s house.”

Kakashi frowns. He peers down at them. “You know, if your Touchan can’t find you at the other gremlin’s house if he looks for you, he will be very worried.”

Konohamaru shakes his head. “It’s ok. He won’t have time to look, he’s at the Missions Desk with the Hokage today. We’ll be home before supper.”

“But if he does, and it scares him that he doesn’t know where you are, you could get in a lot of trouble. And give your Touchan a heart attack.”

Konohamaru shrugs. “I’m almost always in trouble for something anyways.”

“Hm. I don’t doubt that.” He crouches to hop down.

“No! Don’t. Touchan might see you out the window. I’ll walk with Moegi-chan and you go in the trees. We’re going to the Central Market.”

Kakashi salutes and the orange gremlin giggles. He can’t help adding, though, “He might also think it’s weird his kid is talking to a tree.”

Konohamaru sticks out his tongue.

Kakashi smiles and hops through the trees, following the same route the little gremlins run. He heads up to the rooftops when they near the end of the road.

He drops down beside the gremlins when they stop at a house nearby the market.

The little orange gremlin opens the gate.

“Bye, Moegi, see you tomorrow!”

“Good luck, Konohamaru!” She waves.

“All right, where to, oh wise and noble gremlin?”

The kid snorts. “Well, first, I have to show you my plans. Without a proper plan, nothing will get done right.” He waves a large paper, rolled and tucked up into a scroll shape.

Kakashi smiles. Gremlins could be cute, and that definitely sounded like something Iruka would say to his kids. Kakashi bows gallantly and gestures in the direction of the market. “Lead on, little man.”

They’re sitting at a small table on the edge of a civilian park. The boy has opened his gigantic paper. All over it, Kakashi can see stick people. Or, more precisely, a Stick-him, Stick-Konohamaru and a Stick-Iruka.

He examines the pictures as the boy chatters on incessantly in the background.

At the top of the scroll, Stick-Kakashi and Stick-Konohamaru are at what looks like a vegetable stall.

Then, there’s Stick-Kakashi and Stick-Konohamaru at the book store.

Then Stick-Kakashi and Stick-Konohamaru go to the Yamanaka flower shop.

Next, Stick-Kakashi and Stick-Konohamaru are walking with a basket.

After that, they’re at what looks like Iruka’s cottage near the Nara compound.

Then, they’re in the kitchen. It looks like Stick-Kakashi is cooking.

After that, Stick-Iruka comes home, and Stick-Kakashi holds out what looks like a plant to him.

Next, Stick-Iruka is hugging Stick-Kakashi and Stick-Konohamaru is cheering.

Then all the Stick people sit down at the table. They must be eating (why they’d be eating purple and red blobs, he’s not sure, but whatever).

Then the little Stick-Iruka and Stick-Konohamaru go sit on the couch. But it looks like Stick-Kakashi is going to the door. Kakashi frowns.

Konohamaru clears his throat. “Are you even listening? Kakashi! This is the most important part.” He slams his little hand down onto the Stick-Kakashi in front of the door.

Kakashi looks up at him, and Konohamaru unrolls the last little bit of the scroll.

“See, you’ll go and get Hato-chan from her nap, ok? And you’ll sit with her on your lap while we’re in the living room, because that will make Touchan really happy, because you never hold her. And then everything will be ok again.”

The last Stick Family picture is of a Stick-Baby on Stick-Kakashi's lap and Stick-Iruka with hands held in front of him looking at them with hearts for eyes. _Oh, boy._

Konohamaru nods with finality, as if that was that and everything was solved.

Kakashi bit his lip. The kid wanted him to _hold the baby_. He gulped.

No wonder the kid had left that part of the scroll rolled up. He was a smart kid.

\-------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm finally getting back more work hours after the COVID19 shutdown, so I may post a little slower than I have been, but hopefully not by too much!
> 
> Also-- Kakashi finally meets his kids in the chapter after next, so today is the last chance to vote. I'll be writing the next chapter either super late tonight or tomorrow morning.


	11. Life, Life is Everywhere, but no Balls to be Grabbed

Konohamaru, to Kakashi’s surprise, grabbed his hand as they started towards the market proper, away from the orange gremlin’s house.

For a second, Kakashi considered shaking him off, then he looked down at the boy; eyes trusting, a boy who’d lost his family just like Kakashi, but still loved his new family – and wanted Kakashi to be a part of that family, and he squeezed a little tighter instead.

Konohamaru grinned a large, close-eyed smile up at the Copy-Nin. His heart did a funny little flip-flop.

They went to the grocery stalls first. Konohamaru seemed to know exactly what they needed.

Kakashi was amused to note that Konohamaru, despite only being six, was a fierce haggler (no doubt a trait inherited from his adoptive father—who would have had to learn the skill when on his own as a teenager) and that he was very specific in which stalls he would and would not visit (Kakashi guessed the ones he disregarded were ones that the whole Umino family were taught to eschew because of the owners’ treatment of the jinchuriki).

The stalls they did visit seemed to recognise the boy (not only as the Sandaime’s grandson, but as a frequent visitor) and would smile at him indulgently when he examined different foods and wares. A lot of them asked why was doing the family’s shopping this week without his father, shooting puzzled glances at the Copy-Nin. Konohamaru would just wave them off, saying they were making a surprise for his dad. Kakashi would just shrug wryly and follow the boy to the next stall after paying.

Next, Konohamaru did indeed drag him to an out-of-the-way used bookstore, and shoved a cookbook into his hands. It was called, “Modern Takes on Traditional Recipes: Ramen and Bibimbap.”

The boy grinned. “Touchan likes cookbooks. We eat at Ichiraku’s and Akimichi’s a lot because he thinks it’s a good idea to use kunai as kitchen knives and Shina-baasan yells at him for it—so he’s learning to cook better suppers because she says kids need better nutrition than take-out and raw vegetables; but he needs cookbooks to do it. He’s good at easy things like rice and eggs and he cuts up really cute bentos with kunai..... but he’s wanted this cookbook for _ages_. The shopkeeper's niece said she’d keep it on hold if they ever got a copy in, because it’s half about ramen, which Tousan loves and he thinks maybe he can even learn to like maize gohan better if he tries to cook it different ways like the bibimbap in here. But we’re always busy with homework—” the boy leans forward conspiratorially, “it sucks being the teacher’s kid, ‘cuz I have extra practice at home; and with taking care of Hato-chan, so we haven’t come to the bookstore in _weeks_ and we used to go every Sunday.” He opens the book to a page near the beginning and says, “You’re going to make this one.” He taps a recipe with his index.

Kakashi peers down. _Dolsot Bibimbap._ “Why this one?”

“Well, Touchan doesn’t usually like mixed rice, but me and Shika-nii do, and even Naru-nii likes it almost as much as ramen, so he’s trying to like it more. He wanted to start with this one, ‘cuz it’s different than normal mixed rice, ‘cuz it’s all crispy on the bottom; and I think if you can do it, it’ll impress him, ‘cuz you have to use those special hot bowls we got, which makes the recipe harder to do.”

_Hmm. I suppose following a recipe is kind of like following instructions for a jutsu_ — _and I’m good at those. Plus, the Sharingan might come in handy for cooking._ Outwardly, Kakashi nodded.

Konohamaru tried to pull him towards the front, saying, “You might have to fight the shopkeeper’s niece for it, because she said she’d save it for Touchan, but I’ll help you if you need me to.”

Kakashi stayed put. He looked around. Konohamaru said they used to go every week, but hadn’t made it in weeks. “Hey, kid.”

Konohamaru stopped pulling on his arm. “Yuh-huh?”

“Let’s just look around for a bit, ok? You said your Touchan wouldn’t get home before supper anyways, right?”

When they finally made their way up to the counter, Kakashi had amassed quite a collection. How he’d never known about this bookstore before was beyond him, but he loved it.

He was more excited than Konohamaru to be here, he was like a kid in a candy shop (he imagined, he’d never liked sweets much, so he wouldn’t know. Maybe more like, he was a genius in a bookshop. Was that even an expression?), and he’d picked out all of the books himself (though he’d gotten Konohamaru’s approval on some of them. (Not on his romance novels...... but he’d asked the kid’s opinions on the books he’d bought for the rest of them—and the prices were a good tenth of the original prices—so he felt justified if he bought two or three times as many.)

The Copy-Nin left Konohamaru to hold their bags near the shop entrance as walked up to the counter and placed all of his purchases in front of the clerk, a young woman with perfectly manicured pink nail polish on.

She smiled at him flirtatiously and started ringing the books through, but she paused at the cookbook.

“Oh, I’m sorry, shinobi-san, but I’m saving this book for someone special.” She tilted her head in a smile and made to pull the book behind the counter.

The way she said ‘ _someone special_ ’ set Kakashi’s teeth on edge. She better not have designs on _his_ Iruka.

He grabbed the edge of the book possessively. “Well, I’m _buying_ it for _someone special_.” He barely restrained himself from hissing it at her.

Her grin became a little more forced as she tugged on the book. Kakashi didn’t budge an inch.

“I’m sorry, _sir_ , but I’m going to have to ask you to let go of the cookbook. My _best_ customer asked me to save it just for him.”

Kakashi, remembering the kid had said she was only the owner’s niece, growled, “I want to speak to the owner, _miss_.”

She narrowed her eyes. “I _am_ the owner.”

He yanked jerked the book closer to his side of the counter. “I have it on good authority that you don’t own the shop. You just work here for your uncle.”

She frowned, but obviously knowing she’d been had on that point, continued with a different tack. “You can’t have this book. I’m saving it for Iruka-kun.”

“I think you meant to say, _Iruka-sensei_. You don’t have his permission to call him that.” Kakashi sneers snidely.

“Oh, and how would you know? You don’t know anything!” She yanks on the book.

“Stop that. You’re going to rip my damn cookbook. And I know, because he’s polite and he doesn’t let just anybody get that familiar with him. He has _some_ sense of decorum.” Kakashi’s tone indicates that he doesn’t believe the clerk has the same. He pushes down so that the book rests on the counter between them.

“I _said_ , I’m keeping it for _Iruka-kun_.”

The way she enunciates each syllable of ‘Iruka-kun’ and punctuates each with an attitude-y jab of her chin has Kakashi seeing red. 

“Stop calling Iruka kun. He’s not your damn kun. He’s not your anything. And ring the damn book through. You’re a clerk, that’s what you’re here for.” Kakashi tries to flick her fingers off the edge of the book.

She bristles. “If you don’t stop it, I’m not selling you any of the books.”

Kakashi sneers through his mask. “I’m sure your uncle will love to hear how you’ve cost him not only a new customer, but his best customer as well.”

She grimaces disbelievingly. “I don’t care if you come back, and you don’t know anything about our customers.” Neither of them notices the brief rustle of fabric bags near Kakashi’s feet.

Kakashi smiles fake sweetly under his mask. “Ah, but didn’t you say ‘ _Iruka-kun’_ is one of your best customers? Simpering fool as you are, I believe that, as I have it on _good authority_ that he and his gremlin visit every week.”

She snorts. “What makes you think he’ll stop visiting because you say so? He won’t stop visiting because _you_ say so. He’ll be happy _I_ saved _his_ book from someone _else_.”

Kakashi laughs humourlessly. He’s had it. She obviously has a thing for his Iruka, and he’s going to put a stop to it now. “Visiting, hm? He comes here to buy books, you tittering civilian, not visit with _you_.” Kakashi knows he should stop there, but he keeps going, hoping he won’t have to eat his words later as he forges on, “And I _do_ know, because I’m his _boyfriend_.”

In her moment of shock, Kakashi triumphantly yanks the book all the way back to himself. He hugs it to his chest childishly.

The clerk sputters. “Iruka-kun doesn’t _have_ a boyfriend! He’s straight. He _has_ to be, he has kids and I—”

Kakashi feels a tug on his pants as Konohamaru (who isn’t tall enough to see over the high counter yet) climbs up him, to peer at the clerk over the top of the Copy-Nin’s shoulder.

“We’re ‘dopted, lady. And this is gonna be our other dad soon, long as he listens to me and doesn’t mess up again.” He then scrunches his nose at Kakashi, and whines, “What’s taking so long? I been waiting and waiting by the door like you said.”

The clerk is gaping at them. Kakashi wonders, since he’s still practicing and all, if he could still be a good parent if he had a favourite child.

Konohamaru squints at Kakashi. “Was it ‘cuz you needed my help getting Touchan’s cookbook? I _told you_ you would, but you said you wouldn’t. You shoulda listened to _me_.”

Kakashi beams at the clerk behind his mask and reaches up to pat the kid on the head. “So, I should have, kiddo.” He turns his face back to the girl and says brightly, “So, how much do we owe you?”

\-------------

Iruka drops into his seat at the missions desk. After having so many free afternoons since Hato-chan and Konohamaru came home, he wonders why he had ever thought nearly 16-hour workdays were a good idea.

The Hokage looks over at him. She smiles and waggles a hip flask at him.

“Long day, Sensei?”

“Yeah,” he takes a sip, then coughs, “whoa, Lady Tsunade. That’s the strong stuff.”

She smiles, and offers him another sip, “Sure is.”

He declines politely. “I shouldn’t, but thanks.”

“So, what’s got you all down in the dumps, Sensei?”

He sighs. Peers around. As the shift change usually takes a good half hour, there’s no one else in the room besides them. “Well, Lady Tsunade—”

She interrupts, “Just Tsunade, kid.”

He nods. “Well, Kakashi got back to town the day before yesterday—”

“Hatake Kakashi?”

“Yes.”

“Hm. Did he do something to piss you off? I heard you guys had it out about the chuunin exams before I came home.”

Iruka smiles wistfully. “No, actually, we’ve become very good friends since then. I’d thought, perhaps, more, but—”

She sits up, scenting some good gossip (Iruka, not knowing his new Hokage very well yet, fails to notice). “Yes?” she prompts.

“Well, he usually spends a lot of time with my family, but he hasn’t stopped by—”

“Hm. He hasn’t been to the hospital.”

Iruka frowns. “That’s good to hear. I’m glad he’s home safe, and in good health, then too. But, I guess I just...... well, maybe it’s too forward, but I suppose I expected him to stop by.” He sighs sadly.

“Why don’t _you_ go see _him_?”

Iruka shrugs. “I thought about it. But I can’t just leave my kids alone, and showing up on someone’s doorstep with a baby is kind of pushy..... and I don’t want to spook him.”

“Spook him?”

Iruka hesitates. He doesn’t want to go around gossiping about their personal life, but he could really use the advice, and Tsunade was a medic, so wasn’t there, like, doctor-patient confidentiality? She _was_ his doctor, after all—she was the supervising physician for _all_ shinobi—so she must be bound by _some_ code of secrecy, and this felt a bit like a counselling session..... sometimes he really missed the Third.

“The last time we had dinner together, well, my kid said something that freaked him out a bit. I guess I just don’t want to be too presumptuous.”

“Are you kidding? Go grab life by the balls, kid.” She nods decisively. “After you get off work, you should go straight to his place. We only live once—and as shinobi, we don’t usually even live as long as regular people. You want something, Iruka, then go and get it.” She pumps a fist in the air, then takes a long swig from her canteen.

Tsunade eventually slides down to nap on the table (double shifts are rough no matter who you are, from genin to kage), but she’s given Iruka enough to think about that he debates with himself his whole shift. Once he’s decided, though, he can’t sit still and his knee bounces under the table until the minute hand ticks his shift down.

\-------------

Kakashi is so enamored of how the little gremlin had told off the bookshop clerk, that he lets himself be conned into buying andagi and chinsuko, even though it’s before dinner. He warns the kid to save the cookies for everyone after dinner, but lets him munch on the still-warm donuts.

Apparently, having a sweet-tooth wasn’t genetic, either, as both Iruka and Konohamaru inhaled sweets like Naruto inhaled ramen. It was a good thing they were a ninja and ninja-in-training, Kakashi thought, or they’d both have heart attacks by the time they were thirty. Maybe that’s why Iruka pushed vegetables so hard..... he thought they’d balance each other out or something like that.

He pushed open the door to the Yamanaka shop and looked up as the bell tinkled melodically. He didn’t usually come here. Konohamaru strode through the aisles with purpose.

“Ino-chan!” He called, looking up and down aisles. “Where are you? I need your help.”

A smiling Inoichi sidles up to the Copy-Nin calmly. “I thought you didn’t like babysitting missions, Hatake-san? Naruto says you call those missions, ‘The Dregs of the Toilet from T and I?’”

Kakashi chuckles softly. “Yes, I suppose I have called them that on an occasion or two. I’m not exactly babysitting. We’re sort of just..... hanging out.” Kakashi shrugs.

Inoichi smiles knowingly. It’s a bit disconcerting, if Kakashi does say so himself.

“Mmmmm, I wonder, Hatake-san. Would this new interest in certain Academy students have anything to do with their pony-tailed Touchan?”

Kakashi hopes his blush isn’t too noticeable. He decides it’s a good time to change the subject. “Umm, I think we’re here to buy a plant.”

Inoichi smiles knowingly again. “Well, then I can definitely help you. What are you looking for, Hatake-san?”

Kakashi frowns and bites his lip. “Uh, I think you’re going to have to ask Konohamaru. He’s in charge of this mission.”

The boys wanders up, Ino in tow with a long wooden tray with slots for clay pots across the top. Each has a different plant in it.

Inoichi smiles. “Ah, nice selection, Konohamaru-kun.”

Konohamaru smiles. “My Touchan tried growing them on his own, but he used an earth jutsu ‘cuz he thought then he could speed it up, but then they got big as trees. He didn’t think we should eat them anymore after that. They might have been raydee—raydee—radio-acts-live then.”

Ino pokes him gently. “Radioactive?”

Inoichi glances at Kakashi as the four of them make their way to the counter. “May I ask, Konohamaru-kun, why Hatake-san is buying these cooking herbs if you want them for your Touchan?”

Konohamaru smiles. “Oh, that.” He climbs up onto the counter using Kakashi’s arm as leverage. “’Cuz he really wants to impress my Touchan, ‘cuz he likes him. Like, _likes him_ likes him, Inoichi-san.”

“Ok,” Kakashi slides a gloved hand over the kid’s mouth. “I think that’s quite enough, kiddo.”

(It was one thing telling off a flirty, uppity civilian and quite another to let _Ino Yamanaka_ hear any type of gossip. If he wasn’t careful, the whole village would know he had a thing for the Sensei before they even made it back to their house to start supper. Naruto had mentioned she liked to spread information by ‘practicing’ her mind jutsu on all her friends—she’d mind-meld everyone like a three-way phone call and then spread all sorts of secret ‘intel’ she’d heard. He’d told Kakashi on their last mission that the new iteration of Team 10 probably knew more about what was going on around town than the Hokage, since grownups didn’t often notice when a kid was hanging around and would say almost anything. Kakashi wondered if he and Ino were practicing it long-distance while the blond was traveling. Given what he’d heard about the new Team 10’s closeness, he wouldn’t put it past them.)

Inoichi smiles. “Well then, may I make a suggestion, Hatake-san?”

Kakashi lifts an eyebrow. “Sure?”

The blond smiles again. “Iru-kun doesn’t like cut flowers, because they die. But now that he lives in the cottage, he can plant his own garden, to enjoy for many seasons to come. Wouldn’t you like him to think of you every time he looks out his window?”

Kakashi lets go of Konohamaru’s mouth and leans forward as the boy pops another donut in his mouth, handing one to Ino, as they both watch the grown-ups with interest.

Inoichi continues quietly. “Iris was his mother’s favourite, camellia was their mother’s favourite, and the wisteria vine is his. He always said he’d love a quaint little house with a koi pond surrounded by irises, a walking path bordered by camellia flowers and a wisteria vine creeping up the gate and side of the house. Then you could choose something you like as well.”

Kakashi is a little puzzled by Inoichi’s wording about Iruka’s mother, but the older blond shinobi seems to know enough about the sensei that Kakashi is nodding his agreement at the end.

He thinks a moment, then says, remembering the courtyard of the Hatake estate prior to when he’d closed it after his father’s death, “How about hostas, to round out the camellia-flower path, a cherry tree for the blossoms every year and a few maples for shade?”

Inoichi beams. “You sound like you know a bit about gardening, Hatake-san.”

Kakashi shrugs. “Not a lot, my dad used to tell me about how my mother loved it..... but I also thought that once the trees got big enough, the little gremlins might like to climb them.”

“Gremlins?” The blond looks like he’s trying to stifle a laugh.

Kakashi blushes again. “Uh, I mean kids.”

The older shinobi chuckles. “You must really love them, if you’ve already given them your own pet name.”

Kakashi’s visible eye goes wide. _That was_ not _why he called them gremlins! It_ wasn’t...... _Really._

Inoichi, ignorant to Kakashi’s inner turmoil, continues, “When Iru-kun first started at the Academy, he used to call them his _rascals_. When he was in a really bad mood, they were his _hellions_.”

Inoichi pats Kakashi on the hand. “Iru-kun is a trooper. We all want to see him happy. Will you need a hand?”

(By ‘we’ Kakashi assumes he means the villagers at large, or probably, more specifically, the families in his classroom. _Inoichi_ means the old Ino-Shika-Cho team that had watched him grow up, and were the only ones left who knew all of the real him.)

Kakashi grins and summons a handful of shadow clones (Naruto, Sharingan..... yeah). “I think we’ll manage.”

After he and Konohamaru depart, Ino turns to her dad. “How come you’re helping him?”

Inoichi smiles down at his daughter. She’s too young to remember what Iruka was like during the time he’d spent sequestering himself away from his brother, Shikaku, because of all his guilt. She’d been a toddler then.

But Inoichi remembers. And if Sharingan-no-Kakashi, the Copy-Cat Ninja, man who claims to hate children and anything remotely social can learn to truly love Iruka’s kids (the way Inoichi can see he does) because he loves the sensei and to put himself out there despite his questionable social skills..... and can weather losing all the people he has and endure the village’s derision of his father with the grace he did at such a young age, and still serve to protect those that treated him poorly..... well, then he’s good people in the Yamanaka’s book.

The blond man pats her on the head. “Because he’s a good man, and your Iruka-sensei deserves a good man.”

\-------------

Iruka hadn’t taken his break during his shift at the missions room so he could get off half an hour early and have enough time to take Tsunade’s suggestion and go see Kakashi himself to invite him over for dinner before Genma and Shika-kun would be dropping Hato-chan off at home.

He knocked on the door and waited.

And waited.

He frowned, peered around the side of the building. None of the lights in his former apartment were on. That was odd. He knew Kakashi hadn’t taken another mission yet, as he’d been in the office both days Kakashi had been back in the village.

Iruka pinged his chakra out. The Copy-Nin was nowhere in the vicinity. He sighed in disappointment and turned around to trudge down the steps.

With one last, doleful glance at the apartment complex, Iruka wearily began the long march home.

Grab life by the balls, indeed. The only balls he wanted were nowhere to be grabbed. Just his luck.

\-------------


	12. A Plan Interrupted, Lives Changed

\-------------

Kakashi had sent his clones ahead to landscape the backyard, hoping against hope that Inoichi knew his Iruka as well as it seemed. He and Konohamaru set up the wooden herb garden in one of the kitchen window sills and set to work on supper.

Konohamaru was making more of a mess than helping in the kitchen, but after everything they’d been through together today, Kakashi couldn’t find it in himself to scold the little gremlin. He was quite fond of him, after all.

He’d just smeared the sauce for their side dish, gamja jorim, over the kid’s cheek with a laugh, sending the boy in to a fit of giggles as he tried to catch the Copy-Nin to retaliate.

He wasn’t fast enough to catch him, but they did, however, bump into the shelf hard enough to knock a small bag of flour onto their own heads. The boy shrieked with glee and even Kakashi, covered in flour though he was, was smiling, when they heard a brief rap at the door, followed by its opening and a boy’s voice calling out.

“Tadaima, Jiisan, Kono-kun!”

The six-year-old turned towards the genkan and dragged Kakashi with him, calling, “Okaeri, Shika-nii!”

Once they caught sight of each other, the two parties froze.

Konohamaru was dragging a flour-covered Copy-Nin into the living room from the kitchen, Shikamaru was bent over placing his shoes on the low shelf and Genma stood in the door with Hato-chan on his hip, batting her wandering hand gently away from the sharp senbon in his mouth.

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, but Genma had less tact. He burst out laughing. Seeing as how he was having trouble collecting himself, the older boy spoke first.

“Do I _want_ to know, Kono-kun?” he drawled in his lazy manner.

Konohamaru beamed. “We’re making supper!”

Genma, finally settling, held Hato’s hand fast so she couldn’t grab the small silver weapon and finally spoke, “And it looks like Hatake is doing a bang-up job of _that_.” He guffawed again.

Kakashi glowered. “Shut it, Shiranui. I’d like to see _you_ cook.”

Genma grinned. “I _can_ actually cook.”

“So can we.” Kakashi glared some more.

“Mmhm.” Genma couldn’t stop grinning. “So, where’s Iruka-kun?”

Konohamaru piped up. “Touchan’s not home yet, you’re early. But me an me an Kakashi can take care of Hato-chan!”

Genma smirked as he slid off his sandals. “As well as you can cook?”

Konohamaru, who completely missed the dig, responded enthusiastically, “Uh-huh!”

While Kakashi narrowed his eyes at the other nin and grumbled, “Another, word, Genma, I’m warning you—”

The tokujo settled himself on one of the chairs with Hato-chan in his lap.

“What are you doing?”

Genma grinned at the younger man. “I’m staying to watch the fireworks once Iruka finds out what you’ve done to his kitchen.” He smiled a shit-eating grin.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. “No, you’re not.” The pre-teen picked up the baby, yanked on the other nin’s arm and then shooed him towards the door.

“Hey!” He pouted. “I want to—”

Shikamaru cut him off. “I said no.” He reached over to the side table, using a series one-handed seals and pushing some chakra into the lock, and pulled out a vial. He handed it to the tokujo.

“The fire spider venom Iruka-jii promised you for your senbon tips for babysitting this week.”

Genma sighed as he slipped his sandals back on. “You’re no fun, kid.”

Shikamaru shrugged. “Don’t care, old man.”

Genma pouted, but pocketed the vial and saluted before turning and opening the door. “Tell Iruka that I expect to be updated about these fun times over lunch next week.” He gave a final small wave over his shoulder as he disappeared.

Shikamaru turned to face the flour-covered duo. He sighed. “So troublesome.”

Konohamaru grinned sheepishly.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. “Ok. You,” he pointed at Kakashi, “Iruka-jii’s clothes should fit you. There’re standard issue uniforms in the closet, civvies in the bottom two drawers and the comfy stuff in the middle two. I shouldn’t _have_ to say this, but since you walk around the village reading porn, I will. _Don’t_ go in the underwear drawer, it’s the top one. Make sure you brush the flour out of your hair. Put your clothes through the washer and don’t track flour all over the house or he’ll kill you. He doesn’t like to do chores any more than I do.”

The boy paused, adjusted the baby onto his other hip and continued, eyes zeroing in on the younger boy. “You. You have twenty minutes to wash up in the bath. Twenty minutes, Kono-kun, or I’ll come in after you and drag you out, got it? Do not get flour all over the bathroom. Do not drip water everywhere. You are a pre-genin, so I hope that’s not too hard for you. You might as well put pyjamas on, because it’s almost evening anyways.”

It puzzled Kakashi why the Nara would call Iruka uncle, but he’d also seen the brunet kiss the boy on the head like his own children, and Naruto talked so much about the Nara that he’d assumed they were best friends—close enough that the blond often called him Shika-kun or Shika-nii; and they had been in Iruka’s class together for six years, so he supposed perhaps that the boys had been close enough for their families to grow closer too. And, maybe even more so now, since Iruka was obviously renting from the clan, seeing as his cottage sat just inside the limit of their compound.

Since no one had moved yet, Shikamaru barked, “What did I just say?!” sending Konohamaru skittering off in the direction of the washroom.

Kakashi did a double-take. He’d thought the Nara was the laziest of the bunch of rookies, but now he could see why he’d been the only one to make chuunin this round. Behind all that disinterest, there was the son of the Village Hidden in the Leaf’s _jounin commander_. Despite just having been given orders by an eleven-and-a-half-year-old, he was kind of impressed.

They stared at each other for a moment.

“Well?”

Kakashi grinned wryly. “How come you’re giving orders, oh, commander mini-nin?”

Shikamaru sighed. “I’m not an idiot, Kakashi-san. I know why you’re here, why you’ve been hanging around since you became Naruto-kun’s sensei. Honestly, Kakashi-san. I thought **_I_** was lazy. It’s been almost a year. If it’s taken you this long to make a move, you _obviously_ need all the help you can get. Just do what I tell you. I know Iruka-jii, so I know what I’m doing.”

“That still doesn’t explain _why_ you want to help me.” Kakashi quirked his head.

Shikamaru reached around the couch to put the baby on the floor, then he turned back to Kakashi with a serious look on his face.

He crossed his arms. “You’ve been hanging around long enough to know Naruto and I are like brothers.”

Kakashi nods.

“You’re also his sensei, so I assume you know how he’s been treated his whole life. Before Iruka-jiisan adopted him, I asked my Tousan why everyone treated Naruto like that. He said he wasn’t allowed to tell me, but that I didn’t have to be the same. That I could treat Naruto better if I thought I should. So, Naruto was always my friend, and now, we’re family. When _he_ found out why people act like that, he told _me_.”

Kakashi had figured as much. He nodded again.

“Being treated like garbage..... it either breaks you or makes you a pretty good judge of character. If Naruto-kun loves you—and I know he does, even if he won’t admit it and says you’re late and perverted and annoying—well, then you’re obviously a good person. Iruka-jii and Naruto-kun have enough of not good people, so if a really good one wants to be a part of their lives, then the least I can do is to help you stick around.”

The boy shrugs. “Don’t get used to it though. I prefer napping to putting effort into things. Today is like, a one-time deal.”

Kakashi smiles under his mask. Given the boy’s strong opinions on the Umino family, he doubted he’d hesitate to help again; he was pretty sure the Nara would go to great lengths for them, but if he wanted to appear aloof, then who was Kakashi to push him?

“All right, give me five minutes, _Commander_.”

The boy nods, but adds, “But if you screw up, I’m telling my dad.”

Kakashi frowns in confusion as he walks away. Why would telling Shikaku be a threat worth making? Were he and Iruka really that close friends? He shrugs. Oh well, as long as the Nara boy was helping him, he could think about that later.

\-------------

Kakashi’s uncovered eye is blown wide, his breathing is fast and shallow, and he feels all hot and tight in his skin. His heart is beating double-time and he can feel sweat beading in the small of his back. He’s backed as far as he can get to the wall and is boxed in, the couch in front of him, Konohamaru on one side and the Nara kid dangling the baby at him on the other.

“Just hold her, Kakashi-san. Babies don’t bite.” Shikamaru is started to sound very annoyed. The boys had been trying to corner him for the last quarter of an hour.

“But Shika-nii, Hato-chan _does_ bite! Touchan says she’s tethering right now.”

The mini-commander glares at the younger boy. “Keep your mouth shut, Konohamaru. I thought you _wanted_ him to hold her? You can’t _tell_ him things like that. And it’s teething. She’s _teething_.”

Kakashi shrinks back pathetically. The mini-commander growls, then pounces.

Kakashi finds himself wound in the boy’s tight hold, a happy, wriggling baby squished between them. She’s drooling on her fingers, which are in her mouth. She pulls them out, a string of slobber still dripping off them as she firmly plants the drooly digits on the Copy-Nin’s bare forehead.

It’s cold and wet and slimy. He lets his head loll to the side, hoping she’ll stop. Instead, she rubs both hands all over his face and giggles loudly, then shrieks at the top of her lungs in amusement like a velociraptor.

“Auuurgh,” he gives out a mangled gurgle and slumps, glad the wall is there to hold up most of his weight.

\-------------

The Copy-Nin has finally calmed down. He’s sitting on the couch, baby balanced precariously on one leg, his hands supporting her back and tummy so she doesn’t tumble over in either direction. It’s not so bad. This is not so bad.

Except that the mini-commander is now glaring and sending copious amounts of killing intent his way, obviously not pleased with how long it had taken Kakashi to acclimate himself to baby-holding.

Konohamaru is practically vibrating in the seat beside him, torn between extreme excitement that his plan was going to work and worry that Kakashi wasn’t holding on tight enough and was going to let his sister fall (obviously, Iruka’s helicopter-parenting translated to helicopter-brothering in his middle child).

Kakashi rubs the hand on the baby’s back up and down. She coos at him and he smiles. She grabs the thumb and index finger of the hand on her tummy and babbles at him happily.

He preens. She _likes_ him.

The mini-commander rolls his eyes. “Oh, my, God. You’re like a child. I can literally _see_ everything you’re thinking in one eyeball.”

Kakashi resists the urge to stick his tongue out. Can’t the commander see that they’re _bonding_ here? He shouldn’t interrupt their moment. It’s rude.

He leans closer to the baby and makes a face. She bops him on the nose, and he doesn’t even mind.

They hear keys in the door.

\-------------

Iruka finally makes it home. He’s tired, hungry and in a rotten mood.

He missed dinner, because he’d been correcting papers over the lunch hour so he wouldn’t have homework this weekend; he couldn’t find Kakashi anywhere; he’d trudged up and down the village looking for him as long as he’d dared without getting home later than he’d told his nephew and he could feel a tension headache brewing.

He should have had more of Tsunade’s sake when she’d offered.

He wearily drags his feet up the stairs of his front stoop, balances his satchel on one arm to check if the door’s locked (he’d always told Naruto and Shikamaru to lock the door since they were allowed to stay home together once they’d graduated to genin, because he was a worrier and, what if? So, just in case, whenever they were alone, it should be locked—and he’d not changed his mind just because his nephew was a chuunin now, so when the knob turned in his hand with no resistance, he was both puzzled and a bit annoyed.

He pushed the door open, dropped his briefcase, kicked off his shoes messily in a mini-fit of temper and called out a gruff, “Tadaima.”

He heard his nephew and son call out in tandem, “Okaeri.”

His interest (and dread) was piqued when he noted the tone of his middle child’s voice. He remembered the little stinker had been up to something in class today. He really didn’t have the patience or energy to deal with an issue right now, so he crossed his fingers, hoped for the best and stepped out of the hall and into sight of the living room.

He blinked.

Rubbed his eyes.

Blinked again. Nope, still there.

He stepped back into the hall, out of sight, and then forwards again.

Yup, still there.

He stared.

Kakashi was on the couch, kitty-corner to his nephew in the armchair and right beside his son. _With the baby on his lap._

Maybe the stress and lack of sleep was finally getting to him. He even imagined the smell of cooking wafting around.

He brought his hands together to form a symbol, then let out a mumbled, “Kai.”

Yeah, no. Still there.

He inched forwards incredulously and when he reached the couch, he briefly ignored his daughter shrieking for a second and grabbing at him, to reach over her head and poke the Copy-Nin in the chest.

He was real. Despite himself, Iruka’s jaw dropped slightly.

_Well, fuck me._

\-------------

Kakashi cursed. He cursed his luck, he cursed this mission and he cursed the shitty timing.

After Iruka had recovered from his initial shock, dinner had gone very well.

He’d fussed a few minutes, of course. He wouldn’t be Umino Iruka if he didn’t worry and fuss over injuries and long absences on missions. That’s just who he was, he was a worrier. It made it hard for the chuunin when his loved ones were sent out and he had to stay behind, but if he was being honest, Kakashi kind of liked it. It was proof Iruka cared about him. It showed him, more than words, that he was one of Iruka’s precious people.

As Konohamaru had predicted, the chuunin had been impressed with Kakashi’s culinary prowess (he’d only ever done really simple things for them before—like soups and salads, and the occasional, drop-it-all-in-one-pot noodle dish like stir-fry or yakisoba).

He’d thanked the Copy-Nin for the meal, and for the little kitchen herb-garden, but it was the rest that had stolen Kakashi’s breath away.

When he’d shown Iruka the backyard, the sensei had gasped. He’d gathered Kakashi up in a tight hug and thanked him. When the two of them had stepped away from the munchkins on the veranda to walk through the garden, and Iruka had seen _which_ plants Kakashi had brought, and Kakashi had stuttered out that Inoichi had helped him pick them and why, he’d grabbed the Copy-Nin roughly by the shirt and kissed him, _hard_. It was through his mask, of course, but Kakashi still smiled at the satisfying memory. His lips had tingled.

And the _expression_ on Iruka’s face anytime he’d looked at him with Hato-chan in his arms. It made his heart skip a beat, _every_. _damn. time_.

It wasn’t exactly the heart-eyes Konohamaru had drawn. It was better.

It was better, because it was real, and Kakashi was in love with a man that he was pretty sure loved him back.

Then, he’d gotten an urgent summons from the Hokage. Apparently, it couldn’t wait. Of course it couldn’t. If he was anyone other than Hatake Kakashi, and the shinobi code hadn’t been drilled into him since before he could walk and talk, he’d have quit on the spot. He’d inherited a fortune from the Hatake estate, and given his minimalistic lifestyle and the farms still let out for rent on his family land, it was growing every day. The only thing stopping him from telling Tsunade where she could shove it was his sense of duty to protect his village and his loved ones (and didn’t it feel damned good to have loved ones again, a gift he’d thought lost to him years ago).

_Fuck my life. Fuck my luck._

\-------------

Of course, as soon as things seemed to be going right for the Copy-Nin, he just had to go and get the mission from hell. He was back in the Land of Mist. Seriously.

_For fucks sakes, the Land of Mist. AGAIN._

Anywhere else. Couldn’t he ever get a mission anywhere else? Ever?

He’d rushed through the job, another quick assassination—this time a high-level nin poised to stage a coup of the current Mizukage. While none of the other four great nations wanted to see his bloody reign continue and all hoped someone would take over soon, none of them wanted it to be a man who was rumored to be even more violent, malevolent, prejudiced, manipulative, divisive, and—well, you get the picture— than the current leader. As a matter of fact, Tsunade had mentioned in passing there was a good female candidate, Terumi Mei, that looked like she may overthrow him soon in a democratic coup—but that was probably still a year or two’s campaign in the making. Political rebellion took a bit longer to come to a head than forced usurping.

He wanted to go home. He was taking a little-known route through the rural coastline just inside the Land of Mist. He’d be less likely to be spotted (and consequently delayed) by any nin of any concern or threat level if he was only passing through tiny towns on his way back to Fire Country.

It was getting dark, and as he approached the next small town, he decided it was small enough that he’d be safe spending the night in their sole inn. He built himself a henge and hid his weapons in a scroll.

\-------------

Kakashi woke in the middle of the night. As an ANBU-level nin, he knew better than to doubt his instincts. So, instead of trying to force himself back to sleep, he carefully listened for anything that may have woken him. He didn’t hear anything.

He moved to the window, silent as a shadow, and peered out. The main street was empty. The town was dark and silent.

Deeming it safe enough to try the next option in his sensing arsenal, he slowly and carefully unfurled a small tendril of his chakra, trying to sense any other shinobi-developed signatures in the immediate area. There were none.

Hm.....that was odd. Kakashi frowned.

He stretched his chakra out further. Kakashi could feel a child’s chakra wavering in the woods nearby. It was less developed than Konohamaru’s. And it felt _afraid_.

Something was _very_ wrong.

\-------------


	13. No Good Options

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I maybe should have mentioned this earlier, but obviously, the Yondaime Mizukage in my story isn’t just awful because Tobi’s controlling him, as he is this way before ‘Tobi’ even exists—but bad could always be worse, so I guess if you like to stick more to cannon, Tobi is why the civil war is rearing its head again (though not just the first time).

\-------------

Kakashi made sure to keep to the shadows as he descended the stairs. He could smell blood. The reception area and dining room were clear, but the door was left open. Kakashi let it remain that way, as it let in the only light in the room. He was the only guest that evening, he knew, so he skipped the two guestrooms and slid down the wall towards the innkeeper’s quarters.

Kakashi kept his back to the wall beside the door as he slid one foot out to toe it open, peeking over his shoulder through it without leaving the shadow of the wall. In the beams of moonlight, the room appeared clear. He slid in, and the coppery tang of blood assaulted his nose. The smell, he noted, was strongest in here because the innkeeper and his wife were dead in their bed—throats slit and blood pooling darkly on the sheets beneath them.

He methodically cleared each room, then made his way into the cold street. He tracked the footsteps leading away from the inn..... right next door to the tiny grocers. Their door was ajar as well. Getting a sinking feeling in his stomach, Kakashi entered the house. The grocer and his wife were dead in their beds as well. As was their twenty-something daughter.

Kakashi’s gut clenched. He prayed to God his theory was wrong, but still checked the next house, and the next. In every house, he found the same thing. Door ajar, villagers with their throats slit in their beds. He created a handful of shadow clones to make the work faster.

It didn’t matter. He was still too late. His only consolation was that none of the bodies he’d found had been younger than their late teens..... Even if they hadn’t managed to, at least he had not yet found a victim _incapable_ of fighting back.

His thoughts wandered to Iruka’s children and he shuddered. Kakashi had become inured to death and violence as a shinobi—but he knew that if he were faced with finding a child in this state, he wouldn’t have the stomach for it. He’d struggled losing Obito and Rin, and they’d both been fourteen to his eleven. If he found one Naruto’s age, or Konohamaru’s? His throat watered with bile as the thought of finding a baby like Hato in one of the homes.

It would be a strain, but he called on a dozen more kage bunshin, determined to cover more ground quicker. His thoughts strayed to the undeveloped, quivering chakra he’d sensed in the woods. Leaving his clones to the village, he took off at a dead sprint towards that one point of light in the dark.

\-------------

The first dozen clones finished their sweep of the town. There had been several about three dozen beds empty, but of all the beds that were not, there were no survivors. All told, there were ninety dead so far.

The second half-dozen, based on the footprints throughout the town, determined that it was those that should have occupied the three dozen empty beds that had perpetrated the mass murder.

It was civilians carrying out the killing—which meant no flashy bursts of chakra. No wonder Kakashi hadn’t noticed anything was wrong until he’d suddenly been surrounded by a chakra-less void.

Only one question remained? Why?

\--------------

Meeting up back at the inn, the near score of Kakashi-clones conferred in hushed tones. The real Kakashi needed to be apprised of the situation, but they didn’t want to completely disperse until they knew why one third of a village had suddenly turned on the other two-thirds.

One clone from each group dispersed himself so Kakashi would know what was going on. Two began packing up Kakashi’s belongings into his kit and the other fourteen grimly set out to find the missing third of the town.

They didn’t have far to look. After criss-crossing a large field, all of the civilian tracks led to a clearing on the edge of the forest. The Kakashi-clones took to the tree tops to listen.

About a dozen teenagers were off to the side, with one or two children and elders among them. The rest of the civilians were roughly divided into five groups of five.

The leader of the first group, an angry-looking man with dark blond hair and bulging biceps; standing in front of the meanest-looking bunch, was in the middle of a speech, “—‘re rid of the clansmen hiding in our midst. My group took care of _their kind_.”

A middle-aged woman spoke up next. She wore what looked to be a butcher’s apron over her dull clothing. “And my group has wiped out all those that fought in the resistance. The Mizukage will no longer be able to claim we’re a village of traitors.”

A younger man, barely out of his teens, stood at the front of the third small grouping, a group made up entirely of younger adults with runners builds. “We’ve met halfway with the groups from both Idomachi and Mizutoshi. The groups from Numatoshi and Ike Taun were no shows. We’ll need to follow-up tomorrow to verify their success of their cleanse.”

Someone from the back of the first group pipes up. “If they’ve failed, we’ll need to enforce the new way _for_ them. We cannot show any weakness if the Mizukage’s forces turn up here again.”

The Kakashi-clones clench their fists and forced themselves to take a deep breath.

So, it was a concerted effort, through multiple towns, to wipe out any hiding kekkai-genkai heirs and anyone who had ever spoken against the current Bloody Mist regime.

This is what it had come to. Neighbours killing their neighbours in the still of night because one man decided to divide his country and turn his people on each other.

If Terumi Mei didn’t hurry up, her predecessor wouldn’t be leaving her a people to save. They’d all be gone, clansmen or not; resistance or not. This is what paranoia and hatred bred. Death. Mistrust. Endings. Another half decade at this rate and Mist would be wiped entirely off the map.

He’d missed part of what the next group had been saying, “—and we’ve pinned the notice to the stage. Once we string up the bodies of the resistance fighters, everyone will know that dissension is no longer welcome here.”

Kakashi’s clones didn’t wait for the last group to speak. He’d heard enough.

He couldn’t get too involved. Mist was not his country, and it was not as if he could undo any of what the remaining villagers had done—the best he could do was to stop the victims from being further desecrated by being hung up in a town square like that barbarian had suggested.

He would also send a clone as a runner to warn as many people in Numatoshi and Ike Taun of what may be coming their way—it was too late to do much else other than hope they were strong enough to fight back, as the darkness was obviously already so ingrained in their midst he couldn’t hope to weed it all out in one night.

\-------------

Kakashi reeled as another clone dispersed itself, giving him the memories of the angry mob in the woods.

His last baker’s dozen clones were heading back into the heart of Semai Taun, to burn the victims’ houses to the ground, so the murderers could befoul them no more.

The real Kakashi pushed harder. If there were groups like these in the surrounding towns as well, and there were no other chakra signatures to be found nearby, he didn’t feel it was safe for him to leave the tiny chakra signature alone any longer than necessary.

He tore through trees, bushes and snowdrifts. He flew across a meadow and two shallow streams. He could feel himself nearing the small bundle of light as he dropped into a clearing, at the far end of which was a rocky hill surrounded by a thicket.

A pair of cold hands suddenly grabbed his arm. The woman they belonged to then reached up to touch his headband.

“The Leaf,” she rasped, and he realised that the reason he hadn’t noticed her before arriving here was because her chakra-signature was dying—it was so low he’d confused it for just another small animal in the forest. She had three gashes in her chest, two of which, Kakashi could tell form the positioning, had punctured her lungs.

Still, she held onto him with surprising strength, and instead of the fear or anger Kakashi had expected—as a matter of fact, was _used to_ in the faces of civilians from non-allied nations, when she looked up at him, he saw _hope_.

“A shinobi of the Village Hidden in the Leaf, of Fire Country?” She breathed laboriously, the adrenaline of her panic seeming to start to fade away, leaving only weakness.

Kakashi frowned and nodded.

“This is what our civil war has brought. The murder of our own loved ones in the name—not of protecting them, but of saving them extra pain. You are of another nation, shinobi of Konoha, and not an ally. But do you have a heart?”

Kakashi licks his lips nervously under his mask. Only a year ago, he’d have given the answer of no. He could no longer claim that with the conviction he’d once held.

“Will you save my family? Do you have children, shinobi-sama?”

Kakashi stays silent for a beat. He doesn’t know how to explain his situation, exactly. It’s complicated. He settles for, “I have students.”

The woman smiles and nods anyways. “What would you do for your students, shinobi-sama?”

An image of Naruto’s bright smile and cerulean blue eyes flashes through Kakashi’s mind. There’s only one answer he can give.

“Anything.” He growls, grip tightening on the kunai he’d palmed when she’d startled him.

Blood is dripping onto the woman’s chin now. “Will you save my family, shinobi-sama?”

\-------------

Kakashi can see three donkeys off to the side of the clearing. A man—Kakashi assumes to be the dead woman’s husband, is lying face-down in a pool of his own blood several paces away from them. Given the splotches of blood weaving in and out of the nearby copses of trees, he’d been staggering about for a good while before succumbing to his head wound—he’d been bludgeoned in the back of his skull.

The mob of villagers’ handiwork, but as the woman had whispered, through wetly rattling breaths in Kakashi’s ear, the couple had managed to hide their most precious treasures. The villagers hadn’t found them. They’d made sure of it.

And, Kakashi notes, a tear sliding unbidden down his cheek, she’d even held on long enough to get them help. He had no doubt she’d have held on longer—as long as she could, if he hadn’t come along and given her hope. It looked like her husband had been leading the donkeys away, probably to throw any lingering civilian murderers away from what he and his wife had hidden.

His own breath stutters as Kakashi imagines Iruka in the couple’s place. Iruka’s face bloody but hopeful. Iruka, leading vile monsters away, first walking, then crawling, then dying in white snow stained with the red of blood, fingers still wound in the reins. Iruka, clutching at someone’s arm, begging them for mercy—not for himself, but for his greatest treasures.

Kakashi marvels at the strength and persistence of a parent. But he can see it being his Iruka too easily. He would do anything for his children. He hits his knees and crawls forward, suddenly desperate to hold the couple’s treasures safe in his own arms. He barely has the presence of mind to summon a pair of kage bunshin before devolving into near-panic.

He pulls frantically at the thorny vines, clawing them away—unheeding of the cuts and scrapes being rent into his skin and finally, _finally_ , sees a crawlspace.

The Copy-Nin is on his hands and knees for a good two minutes before the natural tunnel, created from the roots of trees on the hill, opens wider. He kneels in the dimly-lit cave and waits for his eyes to adjust.

Kakashi takes a deep breath and crawls forwards.

Two more body-lengths in, the glow from the light-stick he’d activated glints off of something shiny.

A boy, smaller than Konohamaru, with dark hair and eyes, that remind him of his lost student, is sitting in the dirt, a small kitchen knife in his hands, pointed roughly in the Copy-Nin’s direction.

The boy speaks. “Mama said, ‘Shhhhh.’”

\-------------

One of the new shadow clones keeps watch, while the other unfastens the mules’ leads from the father’s stiff fingers. There is no house to burn around the couple, he doesn’t have the time to dig them proper graves and he’s sure as hell not leaving them to rot here, after everything else the angry mob has already ruined. With no other viable options, he places preservation seals on the bodies, and then seals them into a scroll. He’ll bury them in the cemetery on the Hatake compound.

Given the roving groups trying to re-form this stretch of countryside, Kakashi will have to travel as a very obvious outsider if he doesn’t want to be targeted, but not as an enemy shinobi. He fastens the mules together in a triangle formation and fashions a rein that he’ll be able to use to have them pull the wagon he’d seen at the inn where he was staying, but will still be able to steer with. If he takes the two ponies from the stable there, as well— they _should_ have enough strength combined to pull both his weight and the wagon comfortably.

He’ll rig some sort of canopy of a set of sheets, so he can pretend to travel as lost part of a merchant caravan. He’ll line the inside with linens to make it more comfortable for his charges, then cover the whole damn thing with a silencing barrier and a henge to make it look to the civilians as if he’s peddling various copper wares. He can’t risk that their faces are known. He’ll have some of the pack travel with them, out of uniform, as if they are just junkyard dogs protecting their cart.

It’s a crazy, difficult plan, but as soon as the thought had crossed his mind, ‘What if it were Iruka’s kids?’ he knew he’d never be able to leave them behind.

If their parents had been targeted here—no matter what it was for, they would never be safe and he knew he’d want someone else to do for Iruka’s children (that he’d begun to consider his own) what he was doing for them. He could only hope that God forbid, anything ever did happen—there’d be someone like him there for them.

\-------------

Kakashi raises his hands slowly. He doesn’t want to startle the boy, especially since that knife looks pretty sharp.

As Kakashi peers at him, he decides that he’s not just smaller than Konohamaru, he’s definitely younger. Konohamaru is already missing some teeth, and this little gremlin still has all of what Iruka calls ‘milk teeth.’ He’s also rounder in the cheeks and has short, pudgy fingers.

He uses a low, soothing voice as he begins to speak. “Hey, little gremlin, what’s your name?”

The boy frowns. “Mama said, ‘Shhhhh.’”

“Can you tell me your name, little man?”

“Shhhhh!” The knife wobbles and wavers in his tiny grip.

Kakashi lowers his mask to try and appear less threatening. “I know, little gremlin. Mama said, ‘Shhhhh,’ because there’s bad people outside, right?”

The boy, eyes wide, nods.

“Mama wants me to help you. I won’t let the bad guys get you, ok?” He gets low and smiles gently.

The tip of the knife starts to tip towards the ground.

“Mama said, ‘Stay here.’”

Kakashi inches forwards, making his movements as small and slow as possible.

“I know. But we can’t stay here anymore. It’s not safe, little gremlin.” Kakashi begins to reach one hand cautiously towards the knife.

The boy frowns. “Not safe?” He scrunches his nose. “Bad people?” He starts to lift the knife again.

Kakashi holds in a sigh. It would not do to lose his patience. “Ok, little gremlin, I’m sorry, but I’m really going to need you to give me that.” He continues to inch forwards.

The boy tightens his hold. He whispers. “Bad people.”

Kakashi finally manages to lay his hand over the boy’s tiny one on the blade. “I know, little gremlin. But it’s ok now. Kakashi is here.” He eases the knife away and pockets it instead of putting it down where the boy could reach it again.

“Hey, I promise I’m not going to hurt you, ok?”

The boy looks like he’s thinking about it. He bites his lip. “Mama? Papa?”

Kakashi pulls the boy gently into his lap as he drops from his haunches onto his behind on the ground. “I’m sorry, little gremlin. Your Mama and Papa are...... They’re.....” Kakashi remembers finding his father’s body on the floor of his study. He still can’t bring himself to go into that room anymore. “Mama and Papa are sleeping.”

The boy pouts. “Sleeping, ‘shhhh!’”

“Yeah, little gremlin. Sleeping.” Kakashi brushes his fingers through his hair as the boy lays his head down on the Copy-Nin’s shoulder. “Sleeping,” he whispers.

He lets the boy rest a minute, then he says, “Ok, little gremlin. Do you think you can be a big boy for Kakashi?”

The boy sits up and smiles. “I’m a big boy!”

Kakashi pats him on the head. “I’m going to pick up the basket, ok? Then we’re going to go outside, and I really need you to be quiet, ok?” Kakashi lifts himself into a kneeling position and pulls the large wicker basket towards himself.

The boy watches, then says, “Babies sleeping. Baby’s not a big boy like me.”

Kakashi leaves one hand on the edge of the basket, but brings the other up to his lips. He leans forwards and smiles. “Ok, remember, little gremlin. You need to be a big boy and be quiet, ok?”

The boy nods and mirrors his finger to his lips. “Quiet. Shhhhh!”

“Yes,” Kakashi nods. “Quiet.” He takes the boy by the hand and pushes the basket through the tunnel.

Kakashi crawls towards the thicket and raises a hand to one of his clones, who helps him get to his feet. Another clone moves to stand in front of the basket. Kakashi keeps the boy’s hand in one of his own, and dusts the snow off his knees with the other.

The boy is staring, wide-eyed, at one of Kakashi’s clones. He tugs on Kakashi’s sleeve, points at the clone and whispers in awe. “ _Two_.”

Kakashi nods with a sheepish smile. He doesn’t mean to confuse the kid, but it’ll be dawn in a few short hours. They don’t have much time. He lifts the boy to ride on one of the donkey’s backs, then summons the pack. He gives them the order to dress down and flank the boy and donkeys towards the inn with two of his clones (having already sent the fourth to prep at the inn) as the other one helps him.

Kakashi opens the basket. He blinks. _Well, shit._ That’s..... not a baby.

\-------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :( Oh, booey. This didn’t turn out quite like I’d imagined or wanted, but this is already a re-write and I don’t think it’d get any better if I did it again. I hate when that happens; it’s like writer’s block—only I know what I want and still can’t seem to get it out on paper properly. It’s so frustrating because that feels so much! And it’s not like anyone notices, because when you’re reading a story, that’s just the way it is, but when you’re trying to tell it, you’ll know it’s not exactly right. Gahh! And bah-humbug. Oh, well. At least I’m looking forward to a scene I’m excited about that’s in either the next chapter or the one after that. 
> 
> Anyways, as always, thanks for reading!!


	14. What Do I Do, What Do I Do? Or, A Rose, By Any Other Name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, before anyone tears into me for the, um, ‘food’ Kakashi gives the littler ones—keep in mind, he’s almost brand-spanking new to the care-giving thing and he’s also kind of panicky. Plus, they’re at a tiny grocer in a village with few children and so I don’t imagine they’ll have things like Pablum and infant formula stocked regularly. Just sayin’, it ain’t perfect, but he’s doing his best. Besides, he gets some of it pretty close, and it’s not forever. Once they’re back in Konoha, Tsunade the medic will set him straight. A bit of junk food never killed my kids.  
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

\-------------

I mean, there _was_ a baby in there. It looked like it was Hato’s size, maybe a bit bigger..... but there was also a _goblin_. And a _rabbit_ , of all things, but that was beside the point. The goblin didn’t look any bigger than when Iruka first brought Hato home.

This was bad. This was very bad. A Hato-sized baby, Kakashi could deal with—at least he knew Hato-chan ate real food, even if it was mushy most of the time.

But Kakashi didn’t have boobs, to, to like, _feed_ a _goblin_. What was he gonna do?

(He was panicking so hard, it failed to occur to him, that _Iruka_ didn’t have boobs either, and his baby had survived.)

He lifted the edge of the nightie the goblin was wearing to check its belly button—yup, there it was. Gross little stubby thing hadn’t even fallen off yet. This was a _new_ goblin.

A very new and very helpless goblin and it didn’t have a mom or a dad or even an Iruka to take care of it.

_It had Kakashi._ He started hyperventilating.

Kakashi wasn’t good at baby-ing. Iruka was good at baby-ing, but Iruka wasn’t here to hold Kakashi’s hand through this.

Konohamaru and the mini-Commander weren’t even here to make him pick it up or make a plan to help him. All of a sudden, he really missed Konohamaru’s crayon Stick-Kakashi. Konohamaru always made Stick-Kakashi know what to do. But Kakashi _didn’t_ know what to do.

He was so lost in his panic-induced languor that he didn’t notice his clone moving until it had smacked him upside the head hard enough to knock his chin into his chest.

“Get a hold of yourself, you idiot. It’s a goblin, not the end of the world. I’m going to tie it to you like Iruka used to do with that giant blanket-thing, and then you’re going to hold onto the other one, I’ll take the basket and we’re going to move through the trees.”

Kakashi eyed the clone. “How do _you_ know what to do? You’re _me_.”

Kakashi could tell the clone was smirking under the mask. “Yeah, but clones don’t have as much emotion as the original. We’re not burdened by such mundane things as common _panic_.” He sniffs daintily. “So, I’m channeling my inner mini-Commander. _Someone_ needs to tell you what to do.”

Kakashi shakes his head as the clone starts to move to do what he’d explained. “I can’t believe I’m having this conversation...... _with myself_.”

He side-eyes the clone and sighs, allowing himself to be turned and prodded and fit into a fabric sling-like thing to affix the goblin snuggly to his chest. Once they’re done, and both the goblins are secure, the Kakashis peer into the basket at the rabbit. It peers back at them, but doesn’t move. Clone-Kakashi shrugs and leaves it there (must have been a family pet, maybe he’ll see if Konohamaru wants it when he gets home. He doesn’t think Iruka will mind..... _much_.) as he hoists the basket into his arms and launches himself into the tree tops.

Real-Kakashi catapults himself after him gently, making sure to cradle the Hato-sized goblin’s head so its neck wouldn’t snap.

Neither of them notices the shadowy, four-legged figure taking to the canopy behind them.

\-------------

By the time they reach the inn, moving slower than either of them had liked (Kakashi wasn’t sure how much jostling was safe for the goblins...... Iruka didn’t usually run with the sling. He just used it so his hands could be empty while he was doing other things, like dishes and laundry.), because Kakashi didn’t want to hurt the goblins.

Clone-Kakashi (currently being the more level-headed of the two—Kakashi thought he might not disperse him once they started moving, he was actually very helpful) placed the basket in the back of the wagon when they arrived, helped Kakashi unfasten the goblins and re-place them in the basket and then pulled Kakashi into the grocers next door.

The rest of Kakashi’s clone mini-army had already packed enough food for him and the oldest gremlin already, so they were just picking up something for the middle one and looking for anything that could possibly be fed to a brand-new goblin.

Kakashi, thinking back on what Hato-chan usually ate when they had all eaten together, suddenly wished he had switched jobs with Iruka every once in a while. Maybe then he’d know what he was doing.

He remembered a mushy-cereal type thing, so he grabbed a bag of oats, one of cornmeal and one of bran flakes. He could maybe mix them and make a mushy cereal?

Then there were vegetables. Iruka made Hato-chan eat a lot of mushy peas and carrots and stuff.

Kakashi grabbed a large bag of shelled peas. Glancing around, he also grabbed bananas. Lots of bananas. Those were mushy.

Tomatoes were mushy too, but Kakashi doesn’t remember Hato eating those. How about persimmons? Were persimmons mushy? Was yuzu too sour? How about black pumpkins? Naga-imo? Kabocha? Satsuma-imo could be mushy if cooked long enough, right? He paused in front of the green peppers. Ew, no. Gross.1

Then he started to think about the tiniest goblin. It could only drink things, and its mother wasn’t there to give it milk. He picked up a couple of glass jars and some cheese-cloth. Maybe he could rig a drinking-contraption-bottle-thingy from that.

He looked over the cold-shelf. Cow milk, goat milk, organic milk, what the actual hell? Why in fuck’s name did there need to be so many kinds of milk? What was he supposed to feed it? He grabbed some of everything. He also managed to find a dusty old can of something labelled ‘Baby-formula,’ which felt like hitting the jackpot, but did things like that have expiry dates? It was really dusty.....

Now. What else? Feed them, clothe them, oh. _Oh._ Oh, God. Kakashi was going to have to change diapers. _Oh, God_. He couldn’t do this.

And Iruka was going to laugh his ass off at him when he got a hold of the mission report. Because he would. With Kakashi gone as late as he predicted he’d be, Iruka would be all over that shit as soon as he could make it to the missions room. He just hoped Genma didn’t file it. Iruka was one thing, but Genma an entirely different beast. He’d _never_ hear the end of that. He hoped Tsunade would let him pare down the details—because this was technically off-script, but you never knew with a new hokage.

\-------------

As soon as Kakashi was sat at the head of the wagon, with inner-Commander Clone-Kakashi (he’d have to think of a better name, or this was going to be a long trip) safely ensconced in the back with the various gremlins and a fucking _rabbit_ , Kakashi gave the signal and the last of the Kakashi-army set fire to the village with katons before dispersing themselves as he clucked to the donkeys and ponies and they rode off.

Again, he didn’t notice the large animal following their path from the trees above.

\-------------

Kakashi stopped to water the pulling team and offer them snacks (they could graze when they camped at night, but for now, apples and carrots would have to do, because he was not stopping until they were out of the conspiracy zone—the mob had mentioned four other towns, and until they were well beyond those, Kakashi was going to push as hard as he could without causing harm to the team) a few times throughout the day.

At the first stop, a couple of hours after dawn, he approached his clone, (Kagami, he’d decided to call him, since he’d be sticking around so much longer than the average bunshin) and the biggest gremlin.

The boy, who Kagami had been helping to relieve himself in the bushes, looked up at them in awe and said, “Two!”

Kakashi smiled and pulled his mask down. “Yeah, kiddo, there’s two of us. Do you like that?”

The boy nodded happily as Kagami helped him scrub his hands clean with sand and water.

Kakashi kneeled down. “What’s your name, gremlin?”

The boy cocked his head, like an inquisitive bird or puppy. “Papa calls me his Big Boy.”

_Oh, boy_. Kakashi scrubbed his hand down his face.

“But what’s your name? What does Mama call you?”

The boy thinks for a minute, then, “Mama calls me Big Boy too, not like a baby. ‘M not a _baby_.”

Kakashi heaves a huge sigh. One more time. “What can I call you, kiddo?”

“I’m a big boy!” The toddler says indignantly, as if Kakashi has insulted his person by implying he’d like to use a name instead of calling him ‘Big Boy.’

Kakashi grins resignedly. “Gremlin it is then, kiddo.”

He sends Kagami to rub down the team’s haunches and check their legs for strains or other signs of fatigue and make sure there is not too much chafing from the lines as he sits with the boy, peeling an orange for him and halving some grapes.

The boy asks, eyes wide, “Where Mama and Papa?”

Kakashi grunts. He hates to lie to the kid, but doesn’t know what else to say, so he settles for some half-truths. “Mama and Papa asked me to take care of you, little Gremlin. Mama and Papa are going to be gone for a while.”

His little lip quivers. “Gone?”

Kakashi tries to distract him. Distracting is good. “What is your baby called?”

The boy mumbles around a mouthful, “Baby.”

_For fucks sakes_. He’s not even going to ask about the littler one.

\-------------

He decides they’ll stop in the early evening for a four-hour rest, before continuing to travel under the cover of darkness. As he finishes setting up his barriers and a slew of traps, making sure the pulling team is secured but comfortable and calls up the pack to patrol, Kagami sets up a heat tag to use for cooking and warmth instead of a fire that would create smoke. He boils potatoes, carrots and peas for the middle goblin until they’re completely soggy and gross and makes a quick burdock and kabocha stew with tofu for them and the Gremlin.

After dinner, he and Kagami stare at each other in a stand-off. Kakashi is holding the Goblin out, trying to get Kagami to take it, and the clone is refusing, arms crossed over his chest.

“I summoned you to help, so you need to help.”

“This is an abuse of the kage bunshin, Kakashi.”

Kakashi jiggles the Goblin a tiny bit in Kagami’s direction.

“It doesn’t even matter anyways, you’ll get the memories once you disperse me.”

Kakashi sighs as he eyes the squares of fabric he’d cut and the pins they’d taken from the inn. Of all the things he’d ever wished he hadn’t missed with his Sharingan, his best friend changing his kid’s diaper was not one that would have crossed his mind regretting not recording. Until now.

The nappy ended up being folded wonky and was lumpy on one side, he’d stabbed himself hard enough in the thumb to draw blood with the pins no less than five times and the Goblin was getting squirmy because of how long it’d taken, but it would have to do.

The damn diaper was _on_ , and that was as good as it was going to get.

\-------------

They’d been on the road for nearly half a week already before Kakashi felt like they were a safe enough distance from the little town he’d dubbed Civil War, Ground Zero.

The oldest gremlin was getting rangy from being stuck in the wagon, and since Kagami was so often busy feeding or diapering the other two in the wagon-bed, the Gremlin managed to climb out of the henge’d wagon to clamber up Kakashi’s back and peer through his grey hair, much like Konohamaru liked to climb his back. They reminded him of monkeys.

He swatted a sticky hand away from his ear. “Why are you sticky, Gremlin?”

The Gremlin giggled. “I eated.”

“What did you eat?” Kakashi didn’t dare pull the kid onto the bench with him. It was too high of a fall. He let the Gremlin cuddle into his back instead.

It really reminded him of Konohamaru. Kakashi was getting homesick. He’d never had a family to go back to since his dad abandoned him, and while he didn’t hate how he was currently spending his time, he wasn’t used to be away from Konoha long enough to miss it—and there hadn’t been much to miss before Iruka’s family anyways.

“Nanas.” The Gremlin grabbed two handfuls of Kakashi’s hair.

_Oh, joy_. Now his hair would be clumpy and stuck together in two hand-sized bunches and he’d smell like bananas all day.

Kakashi kept on for another half hour, then carefully steered the team over to the side of the road.

“Tell you what, Gremlin, how’d you like to ride on your own, just like a big boy?”

The Gremlin’s face lit up. “Ride?”

Kakashi summoned Bull—at two hundred and fifty pounds and more than two-feet tall at the shoulder, the mastiff was definitely horse-sized compared to a thirty-pound toddler.

Kakashi also remembered that Bull loved Naruto. He figured he’d like a little one even better.

When they were done their quick lunch and rest, Kakashi gave his hounds their marching orders.

“Bull, are you strong enough to carry him for a little while?”

Bull huffed and shook as if he were laughing. Pakkun answered for him, “He says of course, Boss. What, do you think he’s a weakling? Forget the pup, he could carry _you_.”

“Ok,” Kakashi patted his largest hound on the head. “I get it, no need to show off now. That’s good though, he’s getting bored being stuck in the carriage. All right, so Bull, he’ll ride on your back, Urushi and Uhei, flank them on either side. Guruko, Akino and Shiba, take their six o’clock and Bisuke and Pakkun, take point as the vanguard and scout. Keep to the side of me, so you’ll be sheltered from any other passing travellers. Ok boys?”

Pakkun nods as the rest fall into place around Bull. Kakashi plucks the Gremlin off the ground and places him gently on Bulls back.

He guides pudgy little hands to the massive dog’s collar. “Ok, Gremlin, I need you to hold on tight here if you want to ride like a big boy, ok? Don’t let go.”

The boy nods. At the happy flush in his cheeks and excited sparkle in his dark eyes, Kakashi almost drops a kiss on the toddler’s head, as he’s seen Iruka do with his kids and Shikamaru all the time.

_Almost_ , but he resists the urge. He _can’t_ get too attached. This is why gremlins and goblins were so dangerous.

He hops into the wagon decisively, and says, maybe gruffer than he’d intended, “Let’s move it out.”

\-------------

Iruka, of course, is in the Missions Room with Tsunade when Kakashi finally makes it back. Iwashi and two other non-descript chuunin and an older jounin—old enough to retire soon, are also present. It looks like it may be a shift change.

He’d dropped the wagon and pulling team off at the Hatake compound with Kagami to take care of them, so as not to make too much of a spectacle of his return, but still, the littler ones are strapped to the front of his body and there’s the Gremlin hanging off of his hand—and, well, he’s Copy-Ninja-Kakashi and those three things in themselves make him very conspicuous.

When they’d been halfway home and he felt he could spare the protection, he’d sent Pakkun and Shiba to tell the Hokage and Iruka he’d be late, but he was _fine_ ; so they wouldn’t be pissed and worried, respectively.

He’d specifically instructed them _not_ to divulge any details, but since Kakashi viewed Iruka as family, so did the pack and they were a little less formal with him as a natural consequence. Also, as much as Shiba might _look_ like the baddest mofo of them all besides Bull, he was also one of the most likely to give in to Iruka’s bribery (cuddles and steak).

As he approaches, neither Tsunade nor Iruka show any outward signs of being startled by his charges, but that doesn’t mean much. They’re trained ninja. Iruka tidies their tea things as Tsunade accepts his report, then she motions him to follow her, and with a questioning raised eyebrow, Iruka silently asks to join. At Kakashi’s ‘sure,’ shrug, he falls into step beside the Copy-Nin, several paces behind their leader.

\-------------

Once they’re sequestered away in Tsunade’s personal office at the hospital, she pats the examination table. Kakashi dutifully plops the Gremlin down on it.

Tsunade smiles at the little boy. “What’s your name, little one?”

The boy grins widely, “Guremurin!”

Tsunade frowns, but Iruka immediately glares at Kakashi.

Kakashi tries to shrink down as Iruka hisses, “ _Why_ does that boy think his name is **_gremlin_** , Kakashi?”

Each syllable of Kakashi’s name is pronounced like a blow and Kakashi grimaces guiltily. “He wouldn’t tell me his name. I asked at least half a dozen times! And, well..... by the time we got home, well...... _hewouldn’tanswertoanythingelse_.” He finishes in a rush.

Iruka facepalms. “Oh, my, _God_. I can’t _believe_ you. _You named a kid **Gremlin**_ **.** ”

Given Iruka’s reaction, Kakashi was _not_ about to admit that the middle one only answered to Goburin now.

\-------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been waiting for chapters upon chapters to be able to use that last scene between Kakashi and Iruka, lol. Just to be clear, Guremurin and Goburin are the Japanese pronunciations of Gremlin and Goblin, Kakashi’s favourite monikers for little munchkins. And yes, his kids will remain named that. Bahahaha, I couldn’t help it, lol!
> 
> 1\. In Disney's Inside Out, they changed the broccoli from the North American version to green peppers for the Asian version, because of different societal tastes, so I thought it'd be funny to add that feeling here. :)


	15. Homesick, Heartsick, Happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey-
> 
> So, the jutsu Tsunade uses resembles the lab tests they can do on bones to tell where in the world a person grew up due to different mineral contents in local water sources. Figured it’d be easier than to say it was a jutsu that took in to account growth rates, developmental rates, etc. as those can vary by kid/genetic make-up.

\-------------

Tsunade determined, using a very complex jutsu that measured the amount of minerals built up in bones over periods of years and months, that the oldest was somewhere between three and a half and three years, nine months old.

The middle one was indeed older than Hato (who was now almost nine and a half months old), at somewhere between a year and a year and a half-old (the jutsu became more precise the older a subject was, better over two years of age, definitely, and almost eerily accurate for persons over five years of age, down to the month).

The infant, though Kakashi was already certain due to the gross belly-button thing when he’d found her, was indeed confirmed to have been a newborn.

He wasn’t planning on telling Iruka this, either, but after finding her nestled in the black pumpkins and kabocha in the wagon bed, he’d taken to calling her Panpukin (he didn’t think the brunet would like that any more than he would like Goblin or any more than he’d liked Gremlin).

Though he’d gotten a tongue-lashing from Tsunade for mixing the goat and cow’s milk into the can of formula (and using the wrong age-group powder)—apparently, you were supposed to use _water_ , there were different formulas depending on the baby’s age and you were supposed to heat it up so it was _warm_ —, all three were pronounced to be in excellent health.

Tsunade, realising that if Kakashi had left them were they were, they’d have been dead—either from the elements, starvation or being found by the civilians, acquiesced that if it was what Kakashi wanted, the Konoha orphanage would accept them, despite them being from another country.

Iruka, however, looking at Kakashi with that funny face he always made right before saying something that saw right through the Copy-Nin, asked, “Are you sure?”

Kakashi frowned and snorted. “Of course I’m sure.”

He trudged past Iruka out of the office, and after one last look back, Iruka followed him.

\-------------

Iruka followed Kakashi all the way back to the Hatake compound (Iruka had apparently finally been brave enough to put in a request for a babysitting mission, and Gai’s team plus Sakura were staying with Hato-chan and Konohamaru—but the brunet admitted it was only because Shikamaru, Genma, Yoshina and Izumo were out of town on other missions—Kakashi inwardly laughed at Gai, the sucker—and hoped Konohamaru would give his over-the-top friend a run for his money) and helped him to finish unloading the wagon.

He kind of looked at him funny when he started calling Kagami, well, Kagami—but eventually just fondly shook his head and kept working with a little smile.

Kagami had dismantled all the henges and barrier seals on the wagon, taken down the roof contraption and released all of the pulling team into the courtyard and dismantled the makeshift reins as well.

Kakashi was avoiding dispersing him, because he already felt bad enough leaving the little monsters with Tsunade to send to the orphanage and he could only imagine how much worse he’d feel if he had _double_ the memories creating fondness in his head.

They had begun emptying the wagon, first of all leftover food supplies, the non-perishables of which Kakashi immediately sent to one of the town shelters—because he’d stolen it to _survive_ , _not_ to steal and a charity would be better off with it than him.

Then he’d shoved all the baby supplies in the basket that had doubled as a bassinet. He told Iruka he’d send them to the orphanage in the morning.

Iruka had looked at him weird again, and asked _again_ if he was sure of his choice.

(He _told_ Iruka he’d send them to the orphanage, but when the brunet wasn’t looking, he sent his clone to shove it in the back of a closet in the compound.)

Kakashi nodded. He’d made up his mind. His decision was for the best.

It was bad enough he was exposing Iruka’s kids to himself on a regular basis and wanting to stick around. He was too attached to give that up now, even if he _still_ thought Iruka and his family could do better—if they were willing to accept him, he’d stay as long as they wanted— _forever_ if he could.

But he was _the Copy-Nin_. To make a conscious choice for a little person who didn’t know what they’d be getting into, like Iruka, Naruto and Konohamaru _knew_ what they were signing up for by loving him—well. He just didn’t think it was fair of him to do that. At their young age, he was sure the little monsters would be wanted by some really good family.

It _didn’t_ mean he was too attached, he told himself vehemently, if he wanted to keep the junk to remind him of the little monsters. (Yeah, bud. You tell yourself that.)

\-------------

He’d bundled up all the different bags, boxes and packs the kids’ parents had had strapped to the donkeys (probably all of their most prized or important possessions, he’d look the biggest kid up in a few years—maybe if he showed up in Iruka’s classroom one day—and pass the stuff, possibly family heirlooms and history and stuff, onto him then) and sent his clone to put them somewhere into storage in the main house as well.

After catching Iruka looking at he and his clone with another bemused and indulgent smile playing on his lips _again_ , he’d also suggested his clone _stay_ hanging out in the house for a while, out of sight.

Then he’d pulled out the cage he’d fashioned for the large, floppy-eared white rabbit out of sticks and shuffled up to Iruka shyly.

“Hey,” he began, “so..... I wanted to maybe give this to Konohamaru as a pet, but I wanted to ask you first, because, well, it seems like a good idea to ask first.”

Iruka smiled, pulled the cage out of his hand and placed it on the ground beside them. He slid his arms up Kakashi’s arms and around his neck. “Mm. You’re a smart man, Hatake Kakashi.”

As the mood subtly shifted, Kakashi chanced a cautious glance around. His clone was already all the way indoors. He slid his own hands down to rest on Iruka’s waist.

Iruka kissed him on the nose through his mask. “He can keep it if he wants. He’s not as forgetful as Naruto about watering plants, so I know he’ll feed it. But.”

Kakashi allowed himself to be pulled closer to the other man. “But?”

Iruka continued with a coy smile. “But more importantly, I notice that we’ve _finally_ got some time to ourselves. Your clone has finally, finally disappeared. And I, for one, have missed you _very, very_ much.” He punctuated each ‘very’ with a nip to Kakashi’s lower lip, letting the mask snap back wetly.

Kakashi gulped. He was very glad he’d told the clone to stay in the damn house. He tightened his grip and leaned his whole body into Iruka, soaking up his warm, chalky, musky, soapy, sunshine-y smell. Iruka was the smell of home.

Iruka let one hand trace Kakashi’s chest and neck, up past an ear and to the edge of his mask gently. He quirked a questioning brow at the older man and Kakashi nodded. Honestly, if they’d asked, he’d have left his mask off at Iruka’s house a long time ago (at their first dinner, Iruka had, respectfully, offered him a bandana so he could eat comfortably, and since it was always there, the question of not wearing it or his mask had never come up again).

He wore it out in the village and on missions, _not_ in the comfort of his own home. The mask was for strangers, _not_ family. He decided that even if they didn’t ask, he was going to stop wearing it at Iruka’s home any longer.

(Though, he’d make sure, somehow, that Naruto got to see his face before Konohamaru—much as he loved the little monkey, Naruto had tried for the better part of half a year to unmask him and he thought the boy would feel sad and left-out—like a second-class citizen—and he’d gotten enough of that in his life already—if he didn’t get to see it _first_. Maybe he’d send him a picture?)

Kakashi was drawn out of his own thoughts as the fabric slid slowly down his face. Iruka traced a finger sensuously down his cheek in its wake. The brunet bit his lip.

“I’m going to kiss you now.” He breathed.

Kakashi licked his lips. He whispered, “Ok.”

And kiss him, the brunet did. Oh, _fuck_ , was he a good kisser.

One hand was fisted in his grey locks tight enough to pull, but not hurt; the other scratching gently through the short hairs at the nape of his neck. The brunet was just, _just_ on the demanding side of pushy—and Kakashi liked it. As Iruka slid his tongue back out of Kakashi’s mouth and pulled back enough to look him in the eye, he pulled at Kakashi’s bottom lip with his teeth.

“You know, I’ve been waiting to do that since dinner three weeks ago.”

Kakashi grinned lopsidedly. “You know,” he whispered back, “I’ve been wanting to do that since almost a year ago.”

Iruka laughed out loud. “Then we should do it again.”

Kakashi nodded. Iruka glanced around. They were still in the middle of the yard, but he wasn’t sure if his best friend (was he still your best friend if you planned on making out with him regularly?) was comfortable going into his old family home—he’d only ever sent the clone in and the place looked pretty shut up.

He reluctantly let go and spoke. “But first, let’s finish up here. Do you have a stable for the donkeys and ponies?”

“Uh, no.”

“What were you planning on doing with them?”

The Copy-Nin grinned sheepishly. “Didn’t think that far ahead, actually. Just wanted to get out of Mist Country.”

“Hm, well, I don’t think they can stay in the house’s courtyard, it’s too small for the long run, they may ruin it and it’s really designed for the humans that live in the house. I’ll speak to Shikaku, see if we can’t let them roam in the pastures of the Nara complex with the deer. There’s even a shelter we keep for harder winters, it’s like an open-concept barn where they can get out of the wind and have dry straw bedding. I’ve heard there’s this island where a lone donkey got left behind by travelers, and she ended up grouping with the herd of white-tailed deer that lived there.1 It might be a good option, if you don’t know what else to do with them.”

Kakashi nodded. He liked that idea. The donkeys and ponies had gotten them home safely. They deserved a safe home, too. And the Naras, he knew, took good care of their herd of deer. Iruka seemed close with them, at least with Shikamaru’s family, and if they’d let him do that, Kakashi thought it was a great home for the pulling team.

There wasn’t much else in the wagon, so they were good to go. Iruka picked up the cage, smiled at Kakashi and wrapped his arms behind him. The brunet leaned in to whisper to the Copy-Nin.

“Shunshin us home.” Kakashi was only too happy to oblige.

They didn’t see the large shadow laying on the roof of the main Hatake house, watching them.

\-------------

Once they got there, stumbling a little on Iruka’s front stoop because they were tangled up so closely together, Iruka unlocked the door and called out to make sure Gai’s team hadn’t brought the kids home early. Then he’d placed the rabbit cage on a small table in the living room and turned to Kakashi with a wicked smile.

“Now that I’ve got you, and my house, all to myself.....”

Kakashi grinned. “Yes, Sensei?”

“I think I’ll have my wicked way with you.” He advanced on the Copy-Nin with intent.

“ ** _Yes_** , Sensei.” Kakashi breathed longingly.

Iruka bit his bottom lip as he grabbed Kakashi by his weapons belt.

“You’d tell me if this was too much, too soon, right?”

Kakashi grinned. He leaned into Iruka’s space and murmured hungrily, “You remember I’ve been waiting almost a _year_ for this.”

Iruka’s head tilted back. “You were serious?”

Kakashi nods nervously. Iruka had said he’d been waiting three weeks..... Kakashi didn’t want to appear to come on too strong because he’d been wanting it for far longer.

Iruka barked out a short laugh. “Damn, Kakashi, if I’d have known that, I’d have jumped you ages ago.”

“But,” Kakashi cocked his head and frowned, “you said you’d been waiting three weeks.”

Iruka barked out a short, sharp laugh. “I only realised I had your permission to want that three weeks ago, you dork. I’ve had a thing for you since _~~chapter four~~_ that picnic with the boys before Konohamaru came home. I realised it was more than that when I caught you in _~~chapter six~~_ the living room writing stories with my kid. You’re my best friend, you idiot. And do you know what?”

(Now, now, don’t get _too excited_ , Iruka is not Wade and never mind the chapter numbers, he will not be breaking the fourth wall today.)

Kakashi licks his suddenly dry lips. “What?”

“After today, you’re going to be more, too. Because I’m going to fuck you into the mattress.”

Kakashi gulps. _Oh, yes, please._ Then he nods so hard he almost smacks their heads together as he starts to drop his clothes, beginning with his fingerless gloves and vest.

Iruka titters a laugh. He grabs Kakashi’s hands and stills them. “Patience, baby. I’m going to take my time with you.” He keeps a hold of one of Kakashi’s hands and leads him into the bedroom.

\-------------

Kakashi’s clone sits on the dusty floor in the dark room. He’d told Kakashi that shadow clones felt less emotion than their real counterpart—and it was the truth, they were designed as such so they would show no fear in battle—but that didn’t mean they didn’t feel _anything_. They were still reflections of their original’s personality.

And Kagami liked the little gremlins. He was staring sadly at the bassinet full of baby things. With a heavy sigh, he pushes the basket into the closet and pulls the door shut.

Being such near-copies to their human, clones also need to eat if they’re around long enough. But Kagami just pushes the food around on his plate morosely. He sighs again. Long, drawn-out and pouty. He lays his head on the table.

Kakashi had cared enough to bring the gremlins home safely. Kagami, being his clone and therefore inherently _thinking_ like him, knew the Copy-Nin had also grown attached to them, even if he had been driving most of the time and Kagami had taken care of them more often than not—but for shit’s sake, this was also the man who had run from his feelings for his best friend for the better part of a year; had refused to even _hold_ said friend’s daughter (even though he clearly cared for the family, _even_ the baby—whether he’d admit it or not) for almost as long; and was so far in denial about his own humanity that most of the time, he still didn’t feel like he deserved the precious people he now had.

Kagami wondered how long Kakashi would run this time. Would it be so long that some other family took _their_ gremlins? He seriously hoped not, because once Kakashi dispersed him, he wasn’t sure the Copy-Nin could survive the part of him that would miss them like hell; whether or not Iruka was there to put him back together when he inevitably be pushed that part forcefully, by his own stubbornness, to the farthest corners of his mind.

It doesn’t matter if he still has nearly half of Kakashi’s chakra because he’s the last clone left right now. . . . . he still doesn’t have the energy to give a fuck about anything, much less his own basic needs. He pushes the still-full plate off the table and onto the floor in a pique of childishness.

He drags himself to Kakashi’s old room and curls up pitifully on the grimy sheets.

\-------------

Guremurin looks at the lady. She gave him a lollipop when she was done poking at him. He liked that.

He watches the lady wrap his brother in a blanket.

“Where Two?”

The lady frowns. “Two?”

Guremurin nods. “Where my Two? They gone like Mama and Papa gone?”

Tsunade cocks her head. She’s not sure why the boy would call him ‘Two,’ but she thinks he’s talking about Kakashi—then she remembers the report. Kakashi had kept a clone with them the entire way back to Konoha. The boy meant the _two_ Kakashis.

She smiles. “Two went home.”

The boy licks his sticky lips and drops the now-empty lollipop stick on the exam table. “Guremurin go home with Two too?”

Tsunade frowns to herself, then smiles at the little boy. “No, little one, you’re going to go to a different home, with lots of kids, ok?”

She finishes wrapping up the smaller brother and tucks him into the sling on her chest. She starts bundling the infant.

“I wan go with Two. Mama and Papa asks Two to stay with Guremurin and Baby. Two said so. Because Mama and Papa sleeping. Shhhh!”

Tsunade inwardly sighs. She’s used to dealing with shinobi, not toddlers.

“You can’t go with Two. Two went to his home. You are going to a different home.”

The boy is blessedly quiet as the medic finishes swaddling his sister and tucking her in her arm. As she goes to help him off the table though, to walk them over to the orphanage, before he moves to take her hand, he pipes up again.

“Why diff—diff--diffuren?” The boy is frowning in concentration as he sounds out the long word.

She closes her eyes and prays for patience.

\-------------

Once they’re finally in Iruka’s room, the brunet closes and locks the door.

Kakashi lifts an eyebrow with a smile. “We’re alone.”

Iruka shrugs. “Just in case. Believe me, it’s better to be safe than sorry. When I first brought Naruto home, he almost walked in on me jerking off before I learned to always lock the door, and don’t even get me started about dates. Any indication of hugging—not even kissing, mind you, and he’d plunk himself right between me and my date on the couch.”

Kakashi laughed. “Just so you know, Ruka, that door isn’t going to stop Gai if they come home early.”

Iruka pushed Kakashi backwards, so he was lying flat on his back with Iruka standing at the end of the bed. “Then we’d better get a move on.”

He grinned and shucked his boxers, the last piece of clothing he’d been wearing. Then he turned hungry eyes on Kakashi’s underwear.

“Those,” he starts to crawl onto the bed, forcing Kakashi to scoot backwards to make room, “have _got_ to go.”

Once they’ve reached the middle of the large bed, Iruka drops his weight onto the man below him. He eyes the Copy-Nin coyly as his chin rests on the pale chest, then slithers backwards. When he gets to Kakashi’s waistband, he grips it in his teeth and pulls. It’s not enough to get them off, but it is enough to free Kakashi’s half-hard cock.

The Copy-Nin gulps again, then shimmies to remove the garment completely. Iruka doesn’t give him much space and once they’re off, he’s pressed right against the Copy-Nin again. He bites his lip and then makes a show of placing his arms together behind his back. He scoots his knees back and plants them far enough apart around Kakashi’s calves that he can manoeuvre without losing his balance with his arms clasped the way they are.

Iruka runs his tongue around the tip of Kakashi’s half-hard cock. He sucks it into his mouth, then pulls his body back gently, pulling it with him. He lets go and bites his lip again, then repeats the motion until Kakashi is fully hard. Then the brunet grins up at his best friend, hollows his cheeks and goes down on him to the hilt. Kakashi has to tense all of his muscles and bunch the sheets in his hands to stop himself from bucking up into Iruka’s throat.

Iruka pulls back slightly, then continues to bob his head over his lover’s pale cock, obscene, wet slurping sounds filling the room. Kakashi is trembling, almost at his breaking point, when the brunet unclasps his hands and places them on the bed beside pale hips.

He looks up and demands, “Pillow, now.”

Kakashi obliges and Iruka slides it under his pale hips. As Kakashi peers down the length of his own body, he can see Iruka has now almost disappeared between his legs. All he can see is Iruka’s hair and beyond that, an expanse of tan back that ends in his rump in the air.

Then the brunet huffs a small breath onto sensitive skin and Kakashi realises what he has in mind. The pale shinobi gulps and instead of fisting the sheets, he spreads his legs further apart, giving the brunet room to work and tangling his fingers into brown hair instead.

\-------------

Iruka bites his lip. He was enjoying himself. It’d been several years already since his last lover, and if he was being honest, he wasn’t sure he’d ever loved someone like he loved Kakashi. Enjoyed the company, the sex, the companionship? Yes. But he and Kakashi had seen each other at their worst and were still best friends. Iruka knew he could happily spend the rest of his life with his impossible (and impossible not to love) best friend. He wanted this to be good.

He leaned forwards and licked a stripe up the inside of Kakashi’s thigh. When he reached the juncture between thigh and groin, he paused, and sucked a hickey into the skin, then repeated his actions with the other thigh.

He ran his tongue lightly up and down Kakashi’s perineum, light enough to tease—Kakashi whined impatiently and tightened his hold in Iruka’s hair. Iruka rumbled a hearty laugh, then rand his tongue from the base of Kakashi’s spine to his balls.

Kakashi keened, and Iruka rewarded him by swirling his tongue over the tight ring of muscle in front of him. He did it again, then slid his tongue inside. Kakashi bucked his hips up and Iruka reached up to hold him still. He tongue-fucked his new lover into a gooey pile of mush, then sat up and pulled him into a kiss, sliding his hand from fondling Kakashi’s balls gently to sliding his thumb into his lover’s body.

Kakashi whined into the kiss and Iruka nipped his bottom lip. “Patience, baby. I told you, I’m going to take my time with you.”

He pushed Kakashi further up the bed, propped him up slightly on the headboard, then slid back down his body. His tongue rejoined his thumb and Kakashi groaned long and low. Iruka reached a hand above his own head to grasp Kakashi’s cock and stroke in time to the thrusts of his tongue. He removed his thumb and slid two fingers in instead, slowly turning them until he rubbed on—

Kakashi’s back arched and Iruka pulled his head back to avoid a flailing knee. _Found it_ , he grinned.

He pinned Kakashi in place with a forearm slung low across his belly, then returned to his task with fervour. He continued to tongue-fuck and scissor the Copy-Nin open as Kakashi wound his legs around his shoulders. Finally, Iruka sat up, reached over to the nightstand, grabbing a bottle of lube, and slicked himself up.

Sitting on his knees, he yanked Kakashi back down the bed slightly by his hips and leaned forwards to kiss him deeply. He wound a hand through silver locks and pulled his head back far enough to expose a pale neck. He sucked another hickey into his pulse point as he pushed inside his lover. Kakashi gasped and wrapped his legs around Iruka’s waist, digging fingernails into his back.

Iruka stilled as he bottomed out, then slowly pulled back. Kakashi whined and lifted his head plaintively, until Iruka’s lips met his in a wet, messy kiss, full of tongues, teeth and moans. Iruka moved slowly, letting his cockhead drag heavily over Kakashi’s prostate every time he pulled nearly all the way out. Kakashi was slowly losing his mind, whining and writhing and pulling at Iruka’s back as if that could get them closer together than they already were.

When the older nin finally managed to gather is thoughts enough to speak, and mumbles out a, “Love you,” Iruka slid in faster and harder and the force of the movement slid them higher up the bed each time, until they were pressed against the headboard. Iruka reaches down between them and slides his hand up and down Kakashi’s cock, pulling the foreskin with his hand each time. The Copy-Nin’s eyes roll as he lets his head fall back and groans out his release. Iruka smiles down at him and kisses him soundly.

Then he grabs pale hips and really stats moving, thrusting into the other man’s prostate right through his orgasm, until Iruka joins him over the edge with a bellow.

He falls forward onto sweaty skin and they stay like that for a few minutes, until Iruka pulls back and declares, after our shower, “It’s your turn to fuck me.”

\-------------

After their shower, second round, second shower, third round _in_ the shower and supper once the kids came home (Konohamaru was so excited Kakashi was back that he climbed his back like usual and Kakashi prayed Gai and the genin couldn’t see him flinch), Iruka asked if Kakashi would stay the night.

Kakashi had kissed him deeply and thanked him, but said he’d be back tomorrow because he had a few things to do. Once he got back to his own apartment, he knew he’d put it off long enough and he dispersed his clone. As Kagami’s memories came rushing at Kakashi, his relaxed, sated mood disappeared and he had to bite his fist to stop the sound from escaping.

He didn’t sleep very well that night.

He was fine during the day, when Iruka, Konohamaru and the rest were keeping him busy, distracted, but every night, he found it harder and harder to sleep. To tell himself it was ok. But he also couldn’t accept Iruka’s invitations to spend the night, because then he couldn’t go home and hold the little gremlins’ blanket (which he’d snuck out of the Hatake complex in the middle of night two) as he tried (in vain) to get some sleep.

The night he realised the baby-smell was gone from the blanket, and the realisation almost made him cry—he knew he couldn’t deny the obvious anymore.

That night was the first night he snuck to the orphanage and watched the goblins sleeping through the window.

\-------------

Iruka knew something was wrong. He knew what it was, too. He just didn’t know how to confront his boyfriend about it with the other man getting defensive, because if he got defensive and dug his heels in, it could do more harm than good.

Kakashi missed those little munchkins, only he wouldn’t admit it any more than he had admitted he’d loved Iruka and his munchkins for almost the last year.

This time, though, it couldn’t wait a year. Iruka knew that while _kids_ didn’t often get adopted from the orphanage, _babies_ did. If Kakashi didn’t want to lose the munchkins he’d fallen in love with, he needed to get his shit severely together, and fast.

There was nothing for it. Iruka was going to have to say _something_ before it was too late.

He waited until Kakashi’s guard was down. The pale shinobi was almost asleep, stretched out on Iruka’s couch with his head in the teacher’s lap. Iruka stroked gentle hands through his hair as he began to speak.

“You seem tired, Kakashi.”

Kakashi hummed non-committally.

“Haven’t been sleeping well, love?”

Kakashi sighed.

Iruka rolled his eyes and sent a prayer up for patience. His lover was obviously going to be uncooperative and obstinate about this.

“Kakashi, I need you to look at me.” He tugged on the other man, who reluctantly sat up.

“Kakashi, what’s wrong?”

Kakashi frowned. He thought back to all the times Iruka had seen right through him, and he knew hos boyfriend would drag it out of him either way, so he gave in with grace.

“I don’t know.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair. “When I left, the last few times I left on long missions, I felt homesick. Homesick for you and your little monsters and for home, for you, this right here, this had become home to me.”

Iruka smiled gently. “But?”

Kakashi sighed. “How do you do that? How do you know there’s a but?”

Iruka laid a hand gently on his lover’s bare cheek. “Tell me.”

“But I’m home! I’m here and I see you every day and I see your little monsters every day, except Naruto—and I even see Sakura sometimes, and Gai, but it still _hurts._ It hurts like when I’m homesick, but I can’t be homesick because I’m _home._ ”

The Copy-Nin looks so forlorn and lost that Iruka’s heart breaks a little for him. He wishes these things weren’t so hard for his lover. He wishes he’d had a normal childhood, had learned how to express himself, how to feel comfortable in his own skin. With Iruka, he was getting there, but in moments like these, it broke the brunet’s heart. He gathered the other shinobi into as tight a hug as he could give him.

He kissed him on the top of his head and then laid his cheek on it.

“You’re _heartsick_ , Kakashi, not _homesick_ , because you miss them.”

Stubbornly, Kakashi asks, “Miss who?”

Iruka smiles sadly into his lover’s hair. “Your _gremlins_.”

He can feel Kakashi tense in his arms. “I don’t have kids.”

Iruka smiles, fondly this time. “And yet, you knew exactly who I meant, love.”

Kakashi lets out an involuntary sob, then admits in a whisper, “I sneak out at night and watch them through the orphanage’s windows.”

Iruka squeezes him tighter. “Oh, _Baby_.” He whispers out on a sad sigh. He kisses him on the head again and holds on tight as he feels Kakashi’s tears hit his arm.

He lets him cry it out, then they sit in silence, Iruka holding the Copy-Nin and rubbing his back soothingly for a long time before Iruka speaks again.

“It’s ok to want a family of your own, Kakashi.”

Kakashi stills. “But..... I have you. Your kids. Isn’t that enough? Aren’t I being greedy? I’m Cold-Hearted Kakashi. I should not be trusted with kids.”

Iruka pushes him away abruptly and glares into his face. “Now, you listen here, you.” He shakes his shoulders. “You are not Cold-Hearted Kakashi. _He doesn’t exist_. He was made up by the civilians to explain things they could _never_ understand. He’s not you. You. _You_ , Kakashi are warm, and loving and so, so deserving of being loved back. You have a big heart and don’t you think for a minute that there’s not always room for one more in there. Do you think I would stop loving you because you want kids of your own? Are you worried that Konohamaru and Naruto would be jealous?”

He takes a breath. “Kakashi, my _sweet_ , sweet _, stupid_ man. I could never, would never, judge you for falling in love with a baby, when you have accepted me as a _father of three_. It’s not just that that would be a double standard, it’s a bit insulting you’d even think it. I mean, really, Pot, meet Kettle. And _my_ kids..... Kakashi, have you met my kids? Kono-kun didn’t want to leave Hato-chan at the orphanage any more than I did. Naruto _loves_ having siblings that look up to him and need him like he’s never been needed before.”

He takes Kakashi’s face in his hands and makes him look him in the eye. “They know you love them, even if you’re too damn stubborn to ever say it—or they wouldn’t love you back. And they won’t love you any less if they have to share you. Not only were my boys orphans who understand what it’s like to _need_ a family as much as you need _air_ ; but when Hato-chan came home, I explained to them that even if she needed some more attention because she was so helpless, that having another kid wouldn’t make me love them any less—no. Watching them grow into the kind, caring big brothers they’ve become only made me love them _more_ because of how proud I am and I’ve told them as much.”

He took a deep breath and pressed his lips to Kakashi’s lightly before finishing, “You are my best friend. We have been through a lot. We have seen each other at our worst and do you know what? I still love you. I will love you, and support you and be there for you for always. I want you to be _happy_ , so happy. Do you understand?”

Kakashi nodded, then wrapped his arms around Iruka’s middle, sagging onto his shoulder. “What if it’s too late?”

Iruka smiled wryly. “Do you want this?”

Kakashi bites his lip. “I think so.”

“Then we’ll make sure it’s not too late.”

\-------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note- 1- It may have been a mule, not a donkey, but I did actually read an article like this once in real life. I thought it was interesting.


	16. Wing It (Not ‘What Would Stick-Kakashi Do?’)

**Please note, the word ‘retarded’ in this chapter is not used in a derogatory manner.** The word literally just means ‘late,’ as in, it’s development took a very long time. It’s borrowed from French.

\-------------

As they approach, Kakashi tries to veer off towards one of the windows. Iruka grabs him by the back of his flak vest and gives him The Teacher Look.

Kakashi falls into step beside him sheepishly.

“We’re not here to spy, Kakashi. We’re here to set things right.”

Iruka marches right up to the office and clears his throat politely.

The lady at the desk looks up at him. “Back so soon, Umino-san? You know,” she winks, “We have a no return policy,” then grins sarcastically.

He smiles. “I would never, Nori-chan.”

“Well, haven’t you got enough on your plate?”

He leans on the desk and smiles. “Oh, this isn’t about my plate.”

She raises a questioning brow.

He leans in farther over the desk conspiratorially, “My boyfriend here,” he jerks his head towards Kakashi behind him, and she peers around the brunet to give him the once-over, “is an emotionally-constipated idiot.”

She peeks around Iruka again to peer at the Copy-Nin. “But—that has to do with us how?”

Iruka smiles. “A couple of weeks ago, a family of orphans was brought in from another country.”

Nori nods. “Yeah-huh. The Hokage herself brought them in.”

Iruka nods. “Well, you see, Kakashi here is the one who rescued them—”

She cuts Iruka off, “ _You’re_ Two?”

Kakashi scratches the back of his head self-consciously as she stares at him.

“You know, the oldest, he insists his name is Guremurin,” Iruka shoots Kakashi a dark look, “and has been asking when his ‘Two’ was coming back from ‘home’ ever since he got here.”

“Um..... yeah. I used a clone to help take care of them on the way home, so he kind of thinks there are two of me.”

Nori nods. “Ok. So, you want to visit? Because given _Guremurin_ ’s adjustment, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. We don’t want to set him back again.”

Iruka shakes his head. “No, he wants to keep them.”

Nori peers around Iruka to give Kakashi _another_ once-over. “Uh, isn’t he the Copy-Nin?”

Iruka frowns. “Well, yes. What has that got to do with it?”

Nori shrugs. “Not much, I guess, depending on what a social worker has to say.”

Iruka’s frown deepens. His voice cools about a hundred degrees. “That’s ridiculous. It’s a double-standard. I didn’t have to talk to any social worker.” He’s leaning even more in her space, only he’s now giving off an entirely different vibe.

She lifts her hands between them defensively. “Calm down, Iruka-san. I mean no offense, ok? You’re an Academy teacher, so you have most of the clearances already because you work with young children. The permissions you didn’t have were covered when you went through the screening with Shikaku-san at the Tower to adopt your nephew.”

Iruka bounces back on the balls of his feet and answers cheerfully, “Oh, ok then. Why didn’t you just say so?”

Both Kakashi and Nori sweat drop at his abrupt about-face.

“So, what do we have to do?” He cocks his head. “Would it change anything if he’s a jounin-sensei?”

“Hm.” Nori shuffles some papers on the desk. “Well, that would eliminate the background checks..... but he’d still have to go speak to the Hokage, because they’re from out-of-country. Out-of-country adoptions aren’t as simple as in-village ones.”

Iruka frowns. He thinks back to how fast Hato-chan had changed and grew in those first few months. “How long will that take, Nori?”

She shrugs with an apologetic smile. “I’m really not sure, we haven’t had an out-of-country adoption since I’ve been here. They’re extremely rare. But if I had to venture a guess, I’d say pretty long.”

(Kakashi would never admit it out loud, but at this point, he was trembling and the only thing stopping him from grabbing Iruka’s shoulder, shaking it and whining at him piteously was biting his lip so hard it almost bled.)

Iruka sighed. “Is there any way around that?”

Nori grinned at him. “Now, how did I know you were going to ask something like that?”

Iruka leaned on the desk again with a large smile. “I’m just special like that.”

She laughed out loud, then bit her lip in thought. “Actually, you could get an emergency foster permit since the orphanage is so full right now, _especially_ if he’s a sensei—then he could be taking care of them in his own home while the adoption was processed.”

Iruka popped himself up on his hands and kissed her on the cheek. “Have I ever told you that you’re my favourite matron?”

She giggled. “Iruka-san, you don’t even live in the orphanage.”

He shrugs. “My statement stands, Nori-chan. All right, I’m assuming we’ll have to see Tsunade for that permit as well?”

Nori nods. Then glances at her watch. She sighs. “Ok, I really shouldn’t do this, because visiting hours don’t start for another hour, but I have a feeling you’re not going to take ‘no’ as an answer about that permit—so odds are they’ll be going home with your boyfriend by the end of two to five business days, so I suppose setting Guremurin’s separation anxiety back isn’t going to do too much harm.”

Peeking around Iruka at the Copy-Nin with a smile, Nori chuckles at the way he visibly perks and his eye lights up. “So, do you want to visit, Mr. Copy-Nin?”

Kakashi nods so hard Iruka thinks he’ll give himself whiplash. Iruka places a palm on his arm. “Hold on, Kashi. Make a clone.”

Kakashi frowns. “I’ll have to explain to him at some point there’s not _really_ two of me, Iruka.”

Iruka smacks him lightly upside the head. “To send to the Hokage’s office, you moron. It’s still before time for the Missions Room to open and if we catch her in a good mood, she might push that permit through faster, or at least start it right away.”

“Oh. Oh! Right. Ok.”

Iruka makes a clone too, and when the pair turn to leave, Kakashi calls, “Don’t sign anything as Kagami!” While Iruka shakes his head in exasperated fondness for his lover’s (and his clone’s) antics.

\------------

Iruka’s clone turns to Kagami. “So..... you have a name?”

Kagami cocks his head. “Well, last time Kakashi summoned kage bunshin, one of us stayed with him for three weeks. He had to call us _something_.”

Iruka-clone shrugs. “Everyone calls us Iruka when Iruka summoned us to babysit Hato-chan.”

“But that’s just it,” Kagami insists. “How many Iruka’s can there be?”

Iruka clone pauses to think. “Well, right now, we have the chakra reserves to make three proper kage bunshin, or five if we’re pushing it—"

“No! I don’t mean how many can real-you actually _make_ , I mean, if you were ever in the same room, when someone would say, ‘Iruka?’ what would happen? Like, would you both answer? Would only Real-Iruka answer?”

Iruka-clone cocked his head. “Well, when he summons us, it’s usually because he can’t be two places at once _without_ summoning us..... so, we really haven’t ever had that problem.”

Kagami slouches down a bit further. “Oh.”

They walk in silence for a while, then Kagami straightens up suddenly. “We need to give you a name.”

Iruka-clone arches an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Because I’m a Kakashi-clone and I think like Real-Kakashi and I just thought of an idea that I like, so we’ll both like it. Real-Kakashi and I want to have clone-sex with two of us and two of you.”

Iruka-clone gives him a deadpan stare. “That is a blatant abuse of a _technically_ **_forbidden_** jutsu.”

Kagami raises a finger. “Ah, but it’s not technically forbidden to Konoha shinobi that are permitted to learn it. It’s forbidden to share the technique _outside_ of the village.”

Iruka grins and arches his eyebrow again. “Then my point stands. _Technically, **we**_ never got permission. Sure, Sandaime or Godaime haven’t arrested us or stopped us from using them yet—but we only learned it because my kid forcefully borrowed the scroll, learned it and then he taught me and you copied him.”

Kakashi chuckled. “ _Forcefully borrowed?_ Don’t you mean _stole_?” Kakashi bit his lip to hold in another snicker. He tapered off quietly, “Forcefully borrowed.....”

“Oh, shut up.”

“I think we’ll call you Ittsu. Or Ichibu. Or Imeji. Which do you prefer?”

Iruka’s clone just shakes his head and walks faster.

Obviously, that doesn’t deter the Kakashi-clone. He matches Iruka-clone’s pace and keeps rambling, “Or, you could be all three because he can summon at least three of you comfortably. Then we could summon three of _us_ for _lots_ of sexy fun. I could be a Kaedama or a Kaiso too. What do you think?”

“ ** _Our own personal sexual gratification does not count as a proper use of secret village techniques_**!”

(When Iruka-clone notices that Genma is snickering nearby, with about half a dozen shocked civilian bystanders gaping at his outburst..... which happened to be louder than he’d intended, he blushed from the tips of his toes to the root of his hair and rushed off to the Hokage Tower.)

Once Kagami was sure Iruka was _just_ out of his earshot, he smiled smugly. “That’s my boyfriend,” he proudly jerked a thumb in the direction Iruka had taken, then hurried after him.

Genma guffawed out loud. If they’d been discussing what he thought they’d been discussing, he _really_ needed to learn that shadow clone jutsu. He briefly wondered how many bowls of ramen for Iruka’s kid that would cost him. However many it _was_ , the clone sex he could have later would be _worth_ it.

A sparse few civilians tittered amongst themselves. Most were still frozen in shock. Shinobi sure were a weird breed.

\-------------

Kakashi is almost vibrating. Being a genius and a Sharingan-user, he obviously knows where they’re going, if his keeping trying to speed up and pass Nori is any indication, but Iruka just smiles fondly and keeps a loose hold on one of his arms.

He leans in and whispers, “Civilian speed, Kashi.”

Kakashi whines out a sigh impatiently. “It’s been a whole week, Ruka.”

Iruka pinched his arm. “And whose fault is that, oh obstinate one? I asked you if you were sure.”

Kakashi pouted.

Iruka rolled his eyes. “More than once.”

He pouted harder, until the door to the new arrivals room came into sight. Then he yanked his arm from his boyfriend’s grip and burst through before Nori.

“Gremlin?”

From inside the room, Iruka could hear a happily surprised, “ _Two_!!”

When the brunet rounded the doorframe, he could see his boyfriend on his knees on the floor, arms around the toddler he’d met when they’d come home a week ago. His heart melted a little and he fell even more in love with his adorkably emotionally-stunted jounin.

Then Nori opened her mouth. “Did your boyfriend _seriously_ name his kid Guremurin? I swear, the kid won’t answer to _anything_ else.”

Iruka hung his head and ground out, “Unfortunately, yes. Yes, he did.”

Nori chuckled. “He’s lucky naming prowess doesn’t show up anywhere on a parenting-skills assessment.”

Iruka snorted. “Don’t I know it.”

“And with the middle one called Goburin, I mean, you’re his boyfriend and an Academy teacher. You said he’s a jounin-sensei. Doesn’t he know how mean kids can be?”

Iruka’s head snapped up. “He calls the middle one **_what_**?”

Nori chuckled nervously. “I guess he hadn’t told you yet, but, yeah, Guremurin keeps going on and on about his brother Goburin and his baby Panupkin.”

Iruka face-palmed. “No fucking _wonder_ he didn’t want to tell me their names. I’m going to _clobber_ him.”

“Or,” Nori laughed quietly into her hand, “you could just start calling him something like Kaiju or Kemono.”

Iruka laughed. “It’s a good thing I know he loves them or I’d seriously murder him for saddling them with names like that.”

Nori cocks her head and watches as the Copy-Nin settles on the floor happily, wiggling his butt to get comfortable and letting the toddler crawl all over him like a monkey.

“He really must, because _that_ , that is not how I ever imagined the Copy-Cat-Ninja to be.”

Iruka smiled at them fondly, then patted Nori on the arm before sidling over to meet Kakashi’s little ‘monster.’ “He really is something, isn’t he?”

\-------------

“I knew it.” Tsunade was smirking smugly behind her desk.

Kagami was balancing nervously from one foot to the other.

“Do you know how much easier this would have been had you just kept them when you came home?”

Kagami fidgeted under her intense gaze.

“No one would have asked questions, we could have just said they were distant relatives or something. But no, you _insist_ I take them to the orphanage, and then, not a week later. A _week_ , Hatake, you decide to come waltzing back in here and—”

Iruka cuts her off. “In his defense, Tsunade-hime, he has emotionally retarded development, due to severe repression and isolation as a child.”

She sits and stares at them for over a full minute, then bursts out laughing gleefully. “Just to be clear, Iruka, this is the man you’re asking me to give full custody of three impressionable children to?”

Kagami glares at Ichibu (Iruka-clone hadn’t agreed, but also he hadn’t _not_ agreed, Kagami thought) out of the side of his eye.

“Tsunade,” Iruka began, “He—”

She waves a hand dismissively, “Oh, I’m _kidding_ , Iruka, relax. He has you and he kept them alive while he had them. That boy wouldn’t shut up about his ‘Two’ the whole damn exam or on the walk to the orphanage.”

Ichibu-Iruka nodded and Kagami stopped glaring.

“ _But, just so you know_ , it takes about two weeks for the paperwork to have them admitted to the orphanage, much less starting paperwork to then remove them into someone’s custody.”

Kagami deflated and Iruka patted him on the arm. It had only been a week, which meant if it took two, plus however long for the emergency application—

“So you’re damn lucky I never submitted it. If you submit these before lunch, they can be processed in two workdays and they won’t even have to wait the customary 30-day grace period because the original paperwork making them wards of the orphanage will not be found.” She picked up a file from her top drawer and tossed it on the desk towards the pair.

“I work with you almost every day at the missions desk, Iruka. I know you and you know Kakashi. I could tell something was up when you kept looking at him the way you did at the examination, like he’d grown a third fucking head. When the kid wouldn’t shut up about his _Two_ , well, I figured out why.”

She jerked her chin at the folder. “Legal custody forms. Be grateful, brats and get the hell out of my office.”

Ichibu-Iruka bowed politely while Kagami hastily gathered up the papers and held them to his chest tightly.

“Thank you, Tsunade-hime.”

She snorted and waved to dismiss them impatiently, but as they turned to walk out of her office, a pleased little smile lit her face up. Dan would have loved those two.

\-------------

Iruka and Konohamaru had gone with Kakashi to the orphanage to visit the next day, and the next.

After the paperwork had been confirmed, Kakashi and Iruka had gone first thing in the morning (early even by Iruka’s standards, but Kakashi was nervous and excited—therefore irrepressible and, since he was no longer going home to covertly sneak in cuddles with a baby blanket—yes, Iruka had caught him—he had agreed to spend the night at Iruka’s; meaning once he’d woken up, he’d made sure to wake the other up too) to pick up Kakashi’s little (literally, given their names) monsters.

Iruka had accompanied him home to settle the new little family in to Kakashi’s apartment. When they ran into Kotetsu and Izumo heading out for patrol, and Kotetsu raised a brow, Iruka grinned and channeled his inner Shikaku.

“It was three-for-one-day at the orphanage.”

Kotetsu and Izumo both burst out laughing and kept going. Kakashi was so one-track minded, he’d barely noticed the interaction. But Iruka heard his friends continue to talk.

“Hey, wait.”

“What, Tetsu?”

“He had, like _little_ kids.”

“So?”

“Ones that still cry at night and stuff.”

Iruka could imagine Izumo rolling his eyes. “Yeah, _and_?”

“And we live right next door!” (Indignantly.)

“I’ll get you earplugs.”

\-------------

“So, you two are involved.” Iruka nods at Genma over the table as they pass around the soba salad.

“Yes.”

“Like, _seriously_ involved.” Iruka sighs as Chouza plops another tray onto the table and then joins Iruka’s friends.

“ _Yes._ You _know_ that already.”

“Ok, just checking, because, why’d he renew the lease on your old apartment for another six months then?”

“I just think that he needs to find his own parenting style before we move in, I don’t want him to let me steamroll him with childcare decisions just because he thinks I know better, and the transition will be easier for the whole family if we wait until Naruto is home—”

“Yeah, no,” Shikaku interrupts. “It’s because six months old is about when Hato-chan finally started sleeping through the night.”

Iruka ducks his head as a hot blush brightens his cheeks.

“That’s not the only reason! I really _do_ think Kakashi needs to find his footing on his own. I don’t want there to be an imbalance in our relationship. And Naruto needs time to adjust before we just throw this all at him as soon as he walks back through the village gates.”

Anko raises a sceptical eyebrow. Inoichi and Shikaku share a look.

Iruka continues speaking, “I mean, honestly, I wanted more kids, so it’s good luck Kakashi fell in love with these ones, that way, I don’t have to try and convince him to have another one once we’re married and settled down..... and I have no doubt I’ll fall in love with those babies just like my own kids.”

At the continued sceptical looks, Iruka admits, “But, yeah..... I guess it’ll be nice still getting my sleep for the next six months.”

Genma smirks. “You’re _such_ a little _shit_ , Iruka.”

Iruka shrugs. Shikaku laughs. “Iru-kun likes his sleep guys. Don’t mess with his sleep.”

\-------------

It’s three a. m. on the second day Kakashi has brought his kids home, and he’s got bruises on both forearms from where his teething middle monster has bitten him, his _adorable_ three-year-old has decorated the apartment walls with the crayons Konohamaru gave him (Kakashi is no longer impressed by their budding friendship) and the baby just. won’t. sleep.

He’s tried everything. He walks with her. He rocks her. Pats her. For shit’s sake, he even tried _singing_ to her (which he’s never done in front of other people before, so he has no idea if he’s even a decent singer). She’s eaten, been changed (gross), been burped and isn’t old enough to be getting teeth yet.

Kakashi doesn’t know what to do.

_What would Stick-Kakashi do? Hmmmmm..... I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with myself..... In my mind. Konohamaru drew me knowing what to do because he told me what to do..... but that’s just because he knows his Touchan so well—that’s it! Iruka. I literally have the best boyfriend in the world, and he loves kids and he has raised a baby. I’ll just go get his help. Yeah.....only..... I can’t leave the other two alone._

All of a sudden, Kakashi feels a lot more sympathy and understanding for when he’d try and get Iruka out of the house, and _leave_ the kids, or when he’d try and get him to go out _with_ the kids. It really _wasn’t_ as easy as it sounded.

Kakashi summoned Kagami. “Stay with them.” Kagami nodded.

Kakashi shunshinned to Iruka’s doorstep with Panupkin. He knocked. Then knocked again. And again.

Finally, an irate and dishevelled-looking Iruka could be seen through the window stumbling to the door. He yanked it open.

“It’s three o’clock in the morning. You’re lucky you didn’t wake Hato-chan. What are you _doing_ here at _three o’clock in the morning_ , Kakashi?”

Kakashi grinned sheepishly, bobbing up and down in place to rock the baby. He scratched the back of his neck self-consciously. “I need help?”

Iruka rolled his eyes, but stepped aside to let them in. “You’re lucky I love you.”

Kakashi nods.

“But if she wakes up Hato-chan, I’m kicking you out and you’re on your own.”

“You’re the best.”

Iruka grunts. “You just want me for my diapering skills.”

Kakashi chuckles as the door closes behind them. “And your hot body.”

He and the baby both end up staying the night.

\--------------

When Kakashi does the same thing the next night, Iruka helps settle the baby, then sends them home.

The third night, he opens the door, glares and intones dryly, “I love you very much, so don’t take this the wrong way, but go home. I want to sleep.”

Kakashi’s eyes widen. “You wouldn’t—”

Iruka starts pulling the door closed. “I survived with Hato-chan and you can do the same—”

“But—”

“Kakashi.” Iruka comes outside to stand on the stoop with him.

“Naruto and Konohamaru were already school-aged when I adopted them. I didn’t know any more than you when I brought Hato-chan home, but I learned, and you need to learn too. I’m not trying to be harsh. One day, we’re going to blend our families together, and it’s going to be as beautiful and amazing as it will be messy and chaotic. But you need to learn to parent on your own just like you learned how to love me and my kids. Because if you don’t then you’ll never believe you can.”

Iruka pulled the Copy-Nin to him by the biceps and wrapped him in a hug, mindful of not squishing the baby. He let him go and looked him in the eyes.

“You know that I love you. You know that I’d trust you with mine and my kids’ lives. Now you need to trust you, too. You can do this. I believe in you.”

He carefully measured his next words.

“I know you’re worried and I know that part of that, and part of why you tried so hard to distance yourself from my kids is that you don’t think you’re a good dad. Kakashi, you are not your father. All the circumstances and pain and any misunderstandings aside, I know it hurt you when he left you behind. But the fact that you’re worried about doing the right thing, about being a good father means that you are. Because if you care that much, then even if you make mistakes, it’s ok because you have your kids’ best interests at heart and you are doing your best.”

Iruka smiles. “No matter what you tell yourself, you best _is_ good enough, Kakashi. Your kids are _lucky_ to have you. _My_ kids are lucky to have you. And you’re not going to mess them up if you screw up one bedtime story or one bottle or if it takes you a few weeks to learn all of your baby’s different cries—just like it takes other parents that long.”

He kisses Kakashi, then the baby on the forehead and turns Kakashi around.

“Now go home and put your baby to bed, Love, and watch her sleep. Watch her sleep knowing that she’s ok because you took care of her. Watch her sleep and fall in love with her all over again. Watch her sleep and remind yourself that it’s all going to turn out all right. Watch your baby sleep and enjoy the moment, because these moments will go faster than you’d ever believe is possible.”

Kakashi bites his lip, but walks home. Panupkin, cradled in his arms, falls asleep on the walk home.

As he closes the apartment door behind himself, and Kagami appears to tuck the baby in, he whispers, “But how am I going to learn to do this?”

Kagami grins before dispersing himself. “Just do what we do best. Wing it.”

He winks. (Or at least, Kakashi _thinks_ he does. It’s hard to tell with only one eye showing, even if it’s his own face.)

And then he’s gone, and Kakashi slips into bed, leaning over the side to peer into the bassinet to take his boyfriend’s advice.

He watches his baby sleep. He lays a hand softly on the baby’s tummy, and hums under his breath soothingly.

Though he can’t see it happen in his own face like he saw in Iruka’s all those months ago, the lines around his mouth still soften, and his eyes go just a little bit fuzzy, and the hardened shinobi absolutely _melts_.

(Because babies are dangerous, _especially_ to daddies.)

\-------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \-------------
> 
> Dear Any Reader Who Has Watched Monsters, Inc.,
> 
> You know that moment at the end, where Mike recreates the door and Sully opens it and you can just tell that it's a squee-worthy moment the you hear Boo's adorable little voice go, "Kitty!"? Yeah. That's Kakashi and Gremlin here.
> 
> You're welcome.  
> Love, Niecey
> 
> \-------------


	17. A Shiver in the Night

Hey, lovely readers, I’m sorry this update took so long. I’ve been working six days a week to make ends meet the last many weeks during this pandemic; but up here in Canada, we have a long weekend right now, and I only work two hours this weekend, so I finally have some time to get a bit of writing done. Thanks for sticking around!

\-------------

All things considered, Kakashi thought he was doing pretty well. Panupkin was still not sleeping through the night, but she usually calmed down after a walk around the block, and Iruka had shown him this trick that medi-nin used to calm kids’ tummies.

He laughed softly to himself as he picked up a pink and green romper, similar in style to the purple and yellow one he’d disdainfully handed Iruka for Hato-chan all those months ago, and how things had changed so much since then. His own daughter—and wasn’t that just something, to be able to say that, even in his own head?—anyways, his daughter was now wearing Hato-chan’s hand-me-downs, because, well, Kakashi had the best boyfriend ever and even though he could afford new clothes, Hato’s were still in great condition—so he used the money he would have spent on baby clothes buying the kids other things instead, like blocks for Guremurin and Konohamaru to build with (no more crayons, though, never. He’d learned his lesson; but the little pair of monkeys still seemed to always be in possession of new crayons anyways, what the actual fuck? Kakashi was starting to believe it was a conspiracy against his sanity. True, Konohamaru only ever used them to crayon out his Master Plans—which were sometimes scary—when they weren’t plans to help him, but Guremurin loved to colour on the walls), to teddies for Goburin and Hato. His favourite thing to spend money on, however, was to buy books for he, Konohamaru and Iruka at that book shop with the simpering clerk.

Petty? Yes. But oh, so satisfying. Especially when the owner’s niece looked like she’d swallowed a lemon because Kakashi got to hold Iruka’s hand and Konohamaru obviously liked him better than her, despite her working at the kid’s favourite bookstore since before he’d been a part of the family. Then he’d treat them to ice-cream (he didn’t like the creamy sweet stuff, but Iruka and Konohamaru did, and it looked like Guremurin was on track to develop a sweet-tooth to rival theirs).

Kakashi, having never taken his holidays because he used to have no one to spend them with, had so many banked hours in addition to the standard time allotted to new parents, that he usually ended up at Iruka’s place during the day, staying with Hato and his own kids (and sometimes Shikamaru, when the boy had no missions) while Konohamaru and the pony-tailed chuunin were in class.

He liked the days Shikamaru showed up, because then he could nap. It was rough getting next to no sleep every night—he was used to missions with little sleep, but then he’d be able to go home and conk out for 24-hours straight. No such luck with a baby in the house. He had developed a new-found respect for the survival abilities of not only his boyfriend (he liked the sound of that, too), but any competent parent of an infant. It was no easy task.

And yet—as much as he’d been adamant that he never wanted a family, that he didn’t even _like_ kids, it was one of the single most rewarding things in the world to hear one of them call him Tousan.

(Goburin had been the first to say it, because his older brother had been stuck on the idea of calling Kakashi his ‘Two,’ but had come around eventually. Kakashi had chosen to teach them ‘Tousan,’ so that when he and Iruka formally blended their families, there would be a distinction between that and Iruka’s ‘Touchan.’ Oh, the extra work of being gay and worrying about two father titles—not that Kakashi was complaining. He felt like the luckiest guy in the world, especially since his boyfriend was bisexual and could literally have almost anyone, but chose him. It made Kakashi feel like a king. Choosing Tousan also left Papa, as he’d heard Guremurin call their biological father, _for_ their biological father—about whom, along with their biological mother, Kakashi planned on telling them when the oldest graduated out of the Academy.)

With all the comings and goings of children, babies and visitors, neither Kakashi nor Iruka had noticed the large, four-legged shadow that hung around all the time yet. It still followed Kakashi around since it followed him home form Mist Country, but once it had gotten a good read on his chuunin, it had also taken to following Iruka around. Konohamaru and Shikamaru had thought they’d seen something, once or twice, but they brushed it off as their over-active imaginations. Guremurin was often too pre-occupied with his new Tousan and his new best friend, Konohamaru, that he didn’t notice it, but Goburin sometimes did and would reach out longingly, grabbing at air. The grown-ups brushed it off as a toddler’s fancy. The rabbit Konohamaru had inherited knew it was there, though. She always knew. And on dark, quiet nights when she’d manage to get out of the house, the large animal would land silently in the yard and softly bump noses with her. She only ever had wonderful things to tell him about she and the children’s new family. She’d also noticed what Iruka’s seal hid. It puzzled both she and her larger companion. But still, they waited patiently.

\-------------

Kakashi shivered. It was not yet winter, but the cold was enough to wake him in the middle of the night. He sat up groggily and reached out a hand to run it over his baby’s tummy. She _felt_ warm enough. Maybe he was just coming down with a fever?

He frowned. No. A fever wouldn’t make his breath hang in the air like frost. It didn’t feel like a genjutsu, either. He summoned Kagami and motioned for the shadow-clone to stay with their daughter. Kagami slid a kunai from one of their vests hanging nearby, just in case, and nodded. Kakashi slid from his bed to go check on the boys.

He crept down the hallway, shooting a furtive glance into the washroom (clear) and further down the hall into the open area kitchen and living room (he’d give that a more thorough check later) and reached out to turn the knob of Naruto’s old room.

Kakashi started. The doorknob was not only cold to the touch, it had frost formed all over it in fuzzy white—he could see at the melted area where his hand had touched. Worried, he opened the door and looked over the sleeping forms of his sons. Goburin was hunched and shivering under the covers in his large crib, so Kakashi carefully set a heating jutsu over him. The shivering stopped.

He turned to the oldest and frowned. Guremurin wasn’t shivering, and his entire bed wasn’t just frosted. It was covered in half a centimetre-thick sheen of ice.

Kakashi pinched himself. Yeah, no. He was definitely not dreaming this. He reached out cautiously and gently tried to shake his toddler awake. The three, almost four-year old rubbed his eyes sleepily.

“Tousan?”

Kakashi smiled. “Are you ok, Gure-kun?”

Guremurin frowned at his adoptive father. “Yes?”

He slid to a sitting position near his pillow. “Why you wakin me up? Iss’nigh’time, Tousan.”

Kakashi’s smile faltered. “Aren’t you cold, Gure-kun?”

Guremurin frowned. “No.”

Kakashi picked him up, then turned him in his arms to show him the bed. “Look, Gure-kun. There’s ice in your bed. Didn’t you feel that?”

Guremurin frowned harder. His voice sounded really small when he answered. “No.”

Kakashi tried to smile reassuringly, though he was starting to worry. “Well, I felt the cold, so I came to check on you guys. It’s kind of frosty in here, so how about you and Goburin come and stay with me, hmm?”

Guremurin nodded. Kakashi put him on the ground and turned to pick up Goburin, jostling him as little as possible so as not to wake him. He took Guremurin’s hand and they walked the few steps over to the master bedroom. Kakashi settled Goburin in the cradle with his sister, thanking his lucky stars the one-and-a-half-year-old still fit. Just in case, he set the warming jutsu above the little ones. Then he helped Guremurin climb up into his own, too-tall for a toddler bed and pulled the covers up around his son.

Kakashi knew he wouldn’t be sleeping anymore tonight. Instead, he kept a watchful eye over his oldest. By morning, his worries had only grown ten-fold.

The cold hadn’t been a fluke. The cold was coming from Guremurin. Kakashi had heard of similar things happening in other gifted clans. Hyuga children waking in the middle of the night, screaming because they could all of a sudden see through the walls and thought they were ghosts. Akimichis having to buy pyjamas two sizes too big for their toddlers, in case the little ones accidentally puffed themselves up due to a bad dream or something. It wasn’t a common occurrence—no, it was only when a child came into a kekkai genkai too early for them to control it; too early for them to realise what it was, or to have been taught clan ways yet.

When he’d met the dying woman in the forest, seen her husband dead in the snow, the thought had never even crossed his mind that promising her to save her family meant he’d end up with a child with a kekkai genkai. He had never read the father’s chakra as he’d been dead before Kakashi even arrived, and hers had been fading already as she was so close to death, so he had no idea they might have been nin. But obviously, one of them had to have been. At least one of them was from one of the hunted-to-near-extinction shinobi clans of Kirigakure.

And just his luck—not only did their biological child inherit it—but he was presenting it early. So early, that he had frosted nearly their entire apartment over in one night. _Accidentally._ Without even realising it. Kakashi had just gotten used to the idea of being a father—he’d just gotten the hang of it—and now, not only was his kid the proud owner of a very rare kekkai genkai—but he was also barely four and Kakashi had no idea how to control ice. His primary elemental affinity was lightning, for shit’s sake! How could he teach his kid to control something he knew next to nothing about?

Kiri had killed off the ice-clans. They had buried the knowledge of their kekkai genkai and obliterated any traces of them, as well as any scrolls about them. Genius as he was, even Kakashi had his limits and if he had no information to go on, he was flying blind. And, while Guremurin had seemed to be fine; Goburin—who had been shivering in the next bed over, obviously wasn’t immune. How was Kakashi supposed to deal with the fact that one of his kids could accidentally freeze one of his other kids while they were all sleeping?

Not to mention, if he took Goburin in his room to keep him safe, Guremurin would feel like Kakashi didn’t trust him, or ..... something. And it wasn’t Guremurin’s fault—no one was to blame, it was just nature—and the kid was too young to understand and Kakashi had little to no information to work with. What was he supposed to do?!

\-------------

The large shadow on the apartment roof across from Kakashi’s jumped onto the Copy-Nin’s balcony when he felt it. It wasn’t a surprise, really. With the child’s traumatic experience losing his biological parents and then the stress of learning an entirely new culture, even with a loving family that took him in—was just enough to push his clan’s natural instincts over the edge.

The large animal nosed at the window. He could feel the chill from out here. If the boy didn’t learn to control his gift within a reasonable time frame, he could end up accidentally frosting the whole building, not just his family’s apartment. This was dangerous. The animal took off to the Hatake compound, where he knew the adoptive father had left the biological parents’ belongings in storage.

\-------------

Iruka didn’t understand. Why was Kakashi all of a sudden pulling away? He had noticed a few months ago that Kakashi had started looking a bit worse for the wear, but the other man hadn’t said anything. They’d continued to spend time together, but Kakashi had started acting a bit oddly. Iruka knew that he, himself had gone through a helicopter-parenting stage, when Hato-chan was still an infant, but Kakashi was taking it to a whole new level, and it was pretty selective, too.

The Copy-Nin refused sleepovers for Konohamaru and Guremurin anymore, and he always, always had his shadow clone, Kagami, watching Guremurin from the shadows, where he thought no one noticed. But Iruka noticed, and he noticed it was only with Kakashi’s oldest. He was starting to get a bit paranoid that Kakashi might _fear_ his oldest son or something equally crazy.

They were cleaning up after a birthday barbecue for Guremurin (they’d simply chosen a day around when his birthday would have been, given Tsunade’s age-estimates, as they may never know for sure) when Iruka decided to approach his boyfriend about the issue. If all went according to plan, they’d be moving in together in a few months’ time, and Iruka wanted to know what was going on before then.

Kakashi peered up as Iruka approached. He sighed internally when he noted the look in his boyfriend’s eye. He knew what that look meant. It was Iruka’s determined face. The jounin had been dreading this day since the night Gure-kun had first frosted their apartment.

Kakashi did realise his behaviour might seem suspicious—since the Ice Incident, he’d refused to let Guremurin sleep over at Iruka’s with Konohamaru anymore—but while he knew it was for their own safety—not only Guremurin and Konohamaru’s, but for their entire family—he couldn’t let the secret get out or the whole lot of them may be targeted by Kiri-hunter nins—he also knew that only he knew it and that because of the nature of the problem, he couldn’t tell Iruka. It was a real shitty catch-22.

Iruka sat beside Kakashi in the grass. “It was a good party.”

Kakashi grunted. The less he said, the safer it would be.

Iruka frowned and tired again. “It was nice that Jiraiya brought Naruto to meet everyone this morning, just for Guremurin’s birthday.”

(Iruka smiled warmly at the memory. Naruto had been sad that Hato-chan had grown as much as she had, but he was excited his dad and sensei were together and that that meant he’d have even more siblings before long. Konohamaru had introduced Naruto and Guremurin and Gure-kun ended up taking a liking to the blond, as most people do. Once he’d met Panupkin, and realised he could have another little sister, but that she’d grow as quickly as Hato while he was off training, he’d begged the Toad-Sanin to let him stay. He had not been a happy camper when he’d been unceremonially dragged off again before dinner. Iruka had just been happy to be able to hold his son, even for only a little while, after so many months apart.)

Still no response. Iruka gently kicked at his boyfriend’s leg and slid down the tree trunk to lie beside him in the grass. “Kono-kun asked if Gure-kun could stay the night for his birthday.”

Kakashi sighed internally. “No.”

Iruka peered over at him. “He hasn’t stayed over in a while, Kashi. They miss each other.”

Kakashi sat up abruptly. “I said no.”

Iruka frowned as his boyfriend fled. It felt like there was a rift growing between them, and the tighter he tried to hold on, the more Kakashi pushed him away. Only this time, Iruka didn’t know what was wrong, or how to fix it.

\-------------

It had taken a few weeks to get through the Hatake’s wards. Another week to search the house for what he was looking for, but he’d finally found it. But who to give it to?

The adoptive father seemed like the obvious choice..... but a long time ago, there had been that girl from this village. Kohari. She’d been born to Yuki Boshi, known here as Zarame.

The large animal frowned. He’d left after watching the girl well into her teens. Her father had never been trained, and while she had—she hadn’t shown the family’s affinity for ice. So, he’d left to watch Yuki Boshi’s cousin—Yuki Aka. Her daughter had the affinity, though weak, and the boy he was currently pre-occupied with, Guremurin—he had inherited it from her, though, by the looks of it, his gift was stronger than his mother’s.

That man, though. The one with the pony-tail and the scar across his nose. He smelled like Kohari. As the great-grandson of Boshi—he would, in theory, be the next in line to become the clan-head, had the clan still been together. But Howaitotaiga had been watching him since the Hatake had brought the children to this village, and he’d never once seen him use ice. Not once. He had never even used wind and rarely used water; the two parent elemental affinities of ice. He favoured fire, the opposite, and natural enemy of ice. 

Every now and then, though, Howaitotaiga thought he smelled like an ice-user too. Then the scent would be gone.

Howaitotaiga dropped the book in his mouth. There was another, similar book. It should be somewhere in that cottage. Nozomi would have hidden it, but if he could get in, he could find it. Then he wouldn’t have to choose. One book for each of them.

He needed to get into that cottage. No—he already had someone inside. _Sunoshuhare._

\-------------

Kakashi frowns as he picks up the small leather-bound book on his bed. He hadn’t left this here. He checks the entire apartment, and all of his wards before cautiously opening the tome. He sucks in his breath sharply. It’s a clan book. A _Yuki_ clan book. It’s written in multiple hands, as if it were a notebook passed on from one generation to the next. He’s so relieved that he has something now to help him with his son that he almost decides to ignore the fact that someone knows. Almost.

Instead, he triples his wards and stops leaving the house. Even to see Iruka or Konohamaru. He sends Kagami to do the shopping. Once he figures this shit out with his kid, he’ll make it up to Iruka and his monkey.

\-------------

Iruka stops in front of his stoop. There’s a book laying there. It looks old and worn, and it’s binding is soft with age. He peers around suspiciously. He slips his key into the lock, then uses his now empty hand to reach for the book.

He makes Kono-kun his afternoon snack and boils tea for he and his nephew as the book sits on the table. It’s not until Shikamaru is settled on the sofa with his tea and Iruka is alone in the kitchen that he opens it. When he does, he drops his cup. The scalding water pools around his feet.

He doesn’t move. Doesn’t notice. Shikamaru comes running into the room, asking him if he’s all right, and what was that crash I heard, Jiisan?

He doesn’t move. Doesn’t notice. Someone knows.

Iruka hits his knees, hyperventilating.

_Someone knows_.

\-------------

When Konohamaru skitters into Shikaku’s study, the man looks at his nephew questioningly. Konohamaru has tears streaming down his cheeks, he’s panting and shouting.

Shikaku holds him by the shoulders and tells him to calm down.

“What’s wrong, Kono-kun?”

“Shika-nii said to come get you.” The brunet’s eyes are wide. “Something’s wrong with Touchan. Shika-nii said to come get you.”

Shikaku races off to the cottage as Yoshina pulls Konohamaru into a hug.

\-------------

Shikamaru meets his dad at the door. Shikaku has never seen his son this distraught. Then again, he thinks, as he spots his brother, his nephew has never seen his uncle like this either. He turns and tells Shikamaru to go home, and take Hato-chan with him. He tells him to keep his cousins there overnight and he’ll help uncle Iruka. Shikamaru nods and turns to leave.

“Tousan?”

Shikaku cocks his head.

Shikamaru gulps and peers at his uncle, eyes blank and sitting in a puddle of tepid tea water. “Is he ok?”

Shikaku smiles. “Yeah, he’ll be all right. He’s pretty tough when he wants to be.”

Shikamaru nods. “He just, sort of..... dropped.” The boy nods to the table. “He was reading that book.”

Shikaku picks up the book and peers inside.

Ah. No wonder. The memories this would have brought up. And the worry that he knew his brother always felt about his family’s safety would be quintupled.

Where did his brother even get this book? He and their father had searched for something similar so hard, and had always come up empty-handed. Had it been hidden in the cottage? No—Iruka wouldn’t have reacted like this if he’d gone looking for it himself.

Before his son could leave with his baby cousin, Shikaku stops him in the hall. “Where’d the book come from?”

Shikamaru bit his lip. “I think he picked it up from the steps outside. It wasn’t there when I got here though. Someone must have dropped it off between when I got here and when he got home.”

Yeah..... that would do it. If someone had found out their secret, it would explain Iruka’s reaction. Damnit.

\-------------

After memorizing the book cover to cover, Kakashi decides a visit to the Archives is in order. Obviously, someone in the village knows about ice users. He needs to know who that might be and how they found out about him and his adopted son.

He waits until the dark of night, then leaves Kagami with the kids.

He’s former ANBU, so at one point, he had the clearance to look this shit up legally. As a regular jounin..... not so much, hence the nighttime escapades.

Kakashi starts with immigration records from Mist. Nothing unusual. Then again, they would have been refugees, hiding. They may have lied, or stayed under the radar completely. He widens his search to all immigration during the first Mist refugee era. Given that the book survived, it would most likely be someone who had gotten out before it got really bad. Any later and they wouldn’t have risked bringing possessions with them. Whoever gave it to him is also old and skilled enough to have observed the Copy-Nin and his family for a while now. That ruled out the second and third waves. The list during the first wave, a period of about five years, is about a hundred to two hundred names long.

He skims.

DENKO, Aito. No. Lightning Country. He could tell by the name.

No. No, no, no, no.

No. No, no, no, no.

No. No, no, no, no.

INABIKARI, Daichi. Lightning.

INABIKARI, Kaiya. Lightning.

No. No, no, no, no.

INAZUMA, Giichi. Lightning.

No. No, no, no, no.

No. No, no, no, no.

KATABUTSU, Ikki. No. Stone.

No. No, no, no, no.

KESSEKI, Hiroto. Stone.

KESSEKI, Mao. Stone.

KESSEKI, Naoko. Stone.

No. No, no, no, no.

KUROGANE, Andrea. Land of Iron.

KUROGANE, Hitoshi. Land of Iron.

No. No, no, no, no.

_No. No, no, no, no._

_No. No, no, no, no._

_No. No, no, no, no._

_No. No, no, no, no._

OCHA, Nishi. Tea Country.

OCHA, Noritaka. Tea.

OCHA, Rei. Tea.

OCHA, Sachihiro. Tea.

No. No, no, no, no.

_No. No, no, no, no._

**No. No, no, no, no**.

SAKO, Kiyoshi. Sand.

No. No, no, no, no.

SANDO, Fumihiro. Sand.

SANDO, Sora. Sand.

SANDO, Tadashi. Sand.

SANDO, Umeko. Sand.

No. No, no, no, no.

SHIN, Taichi. Iron.

SHIN, Tsubasa. Iron.

No. No, no, no, no.

SOSO, Akira. Grass Country.

SOSO, Tamiko. Grass.

SOSO, Yoshiki. Grass.

No! No, no, no, NO!

No. No, no, no, no.

_No. No, no, no, no._

**No. No, no, no, no**.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

NO! _NO!!_ **NO!!!!!**

He was getting nowhere, damnit!

The Copy-Nin moves onto the Incidents Reports. He ignores most of the sections, such as Illnesses, Administrative and International. The Civilian section is small and yields nothing and the Academy files are sealed so well they’re practically impossible to get into (he thinks, with a wry smile, that that is probably his boyfriend’s doing). So, he skips to Injuries. Luckily for him, those are filed alphabetically according to incident type, so he tries to go straight to I for Ice.

**_Harpoons._** No, not yet.

**_Hatchets._** Still not far enough.

**_I. E. D. s_** No, woops, too far.

**_Ice._** Jackpot.

Kakashi smiles. This is Fire Country, so Ice incidents are few and far between and have usually been limited to incidents involving visiting shinobi for the chuunin exams. There are only about a dozen or so incident folders from the last twenty years. The older files are archived underground after 25 years, but this should be long enough. He hopes. It’s almost as long as he’s been alive, in any case.

ICE- File 0901233

Damage to Arena in Training Field 30. Chuunin exams preliminaries. Structural damage sustained from icicles.....blah, blah, blah.

_Yeah,_ no.

ICE- File 0927867

Damage to hand due to unknown ice jutsu. Returning shinobi, Inuzuka, Ashi, healed, loss of use of two fingers. Date: August 28th..... blaah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Nope.

ICE- File 1013013

Primary injuries: damage to scalp and hand during jounin trials.

Hmmmmm. That was actually promising. Very promising. Chuunin exams were often held jointly with other allied nations, but only local or immigrated and naturalised nin could participate in Konohan Jounin Trials, when they were nominated. Kakashi kept reading.

Testing chuunin, Namiashi Raidou, healed. Supervising medi-nin: Mono, Furui assisted by Yamanaka, Hatsukoi. No permanent damage other than scarring. Chuunin promoted to jounin. Secondary injuries: damage to right hand and arm. Testing chuunin, Nara, Oshika, healed. Supervising medi-nin: Mono, Furui assisted by Yamanaka, Hatsukoi. No permanent damage, no scarring. Chuunin declined offered promotion to jounin.

Raidou. Brilliant. Kakashi was on good terms with Raidou. Furui, Kakashi knew, was a wise old healer that had passed several years ago. Hatsukoi, he was not as familiar with. He didn’t remember ever hearing about an Oshika Nara, either, though for some strange reason, the name set of butterflies in his belly.

He started by looking up Hatsukoi Yamanaka. Apparently, she had been a young chuunin at the time of the incident, about sixteen years old. She’d been training under Mono for a year and a half already. She passed away not long after. Damn. One less lead.

Kakashi ignored the butterflies in his belly and looked up Oshika Nara. There was a file missing. It was the Nara’s. Kakashi checked, double-checked and triple-checked. In the spot where his file should have been alphabetically, there was nothing but a slip of paper on it with a number. Kakashi was not a paper nin. He didn’t recognize this administrative code. Just when he was debating whether or not he should ask his boyfriend, the super-paper-pusher, he heard a rustle behind him.

“Enjoying your nightcap, Kakashi?”

He turned slowly, surreptitiously memorising the number with his Sharingan before turning.

“Tsunade-Hime.”

She raised a well-manicured eyebrow. “Is there any particular reason, brat, why the administrative nin who put a seal on this archive room woke this fine morning, and informed me, in a panic, at 2 a. m., that _someone_ was muddling about in here?”

Kakashi cleared his throat nervously. “I.....”

The Hokage held out her hand imperiously. When Kakashi sheepishly handed her file number 1013013, she barely suppressed a sharp intake of breath, and frowned at him.

“What are you doing with this, brat?”

Kakashi gulped and shrugged.

She narrowed her eyes.

\-------------


	18. Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

\-------------

She really didn’t think he meant any harm. She wasn’t even sure he knew. Besides, he was Umino’s boyfriend—surely it wouldn’t do any harm to let this be?

Umino himself had contacted her barely two hours ago—telling her, in a panic, that someone was in Archive Room 20.

Now knowing which files were housed there, (the one she’d confiscated from Hatake that was now sitting on her desk and the two that she’d (thankfully) had in her own desk drawer since becoming Hokage) she knew why Iruka would panic. (And why he’d made sure he was the administrative nin to set the wards on that particular room.) She felt for him, she did. She understood the need make difficult decisions, to keep secrets, to protect your loved ones.

So, here she was, at 3-oh-fuck-off-o’clock in the morning, sitting at her desk, alone, in the dark, in the Hokage Tower, staring at the files Hatake hadn’t managed to find. This one contained several pages, but the one that would have blown the Hatake’s mind was the one on top.

File number 1100124.

Nara, Oshika

D. O. B. : May 26th

Sex : Male

Hair : Brown

Eyes : Brown

Height : 178 cm.

Weight : 64.1 kg.

Identifying marks : Scar over nose, tattoo on left pectoral (initials UK, UI, NS and NM entwined in a compass)

Blood Type : O

Ninja Registration number : 011850

Clan affiliation(s): Nara (Konohagakure), Yuki (Kirigakure), Umino (Uzushiogakure)

Academy Graduation : 10 years

Chuunin Promotion : 14 years

Jounin Promotion : Declined at 16 years

Next of kin : ~~Nara, Shikantekku~~ DECEASED ~~Nara, Mami~~ DECEASED Nara, Shikaku

Relation : ~~Father, Clan Head~~ ~~Mother~~ Brother, Clan Head

Because it wouldn’t take a Hatake genius to figure out that it was nearly identical to a folder that had disappeared when the boy had been six, then reappeared to replace the same number file mere months after this one had last been updated, over a decade and a half ago (and with the same nin registration and file number, which should be **_impossible_** , on both counts—and the first of which was, suspiciously enough, written in Hiruzen Sarutobi’s hand; and the second in Asuma Sarutobi’s hand, as if _someone_ were trying to hide which administrative nin had replaced the folder; while updates were done in an actual administrative nin’s hand on the replacement folder—Iruka himself, to be more precise), only for the replacement folder to _only_ ever be updated by Iruka, the Archive room it’s stored in to be sealed by Iruka..... and the list of ‘coincidences’ goes on and on:

File number 1100124

Umino, Iruka

D. O. B. : May 26th

Sex : Male

Hair : Brown

Eyes : Brown

Height : 178 cm.

Weight : 66.2 kg.

Identifying marks : Scar over nose, tattoo on left pectoral (initials UK, UI, NS and NM entwined in a compass), large scar on spine at top of back, tattoo on left side (tree with initials UN) and SK, UH

Blood Type : O

Ninja Registration number : 011850

Clan affiliation(s): Nara (Konohagakure), Umino (Uzushiogakure)

Academy Graduation : 10 years

Chuunin Promotion : 16 years

Jounin Promotion : Failed at 17 years

Next of kin : ~~Umino, Ikkaku~~ DECEASED ~~Umino, Kohari~~ DECEASED Nara, Shikaku

Relation : ~~Father~~ ~~Mother~~ ~~Adoptive Brother~~ **Cousin**

Tsunade looked at the last few lines. Failed jounin exam at 17. He _could_ have passed that. Her eyes linger on the ‘adoptive brother’ scratched out almost beyond recognition and replaced with ‘cousin.’

_Hn._ Anyone with eyes could see those two were more than cousins, if one paid enough attention and knew what to look for, no matter what Iruka decided to scribble in his file.

Tsunade decided she was finally going to speak to Iruka. _Whether he wanted to talk to her or not_.

\-------------

Kakashi sighed. He’d been lucky to get out of there without being punished. Tsunade had seemed surprised, for some reason. Then she’d treated him almost as if she felt sorry for him. She couldn’t know about Gure-kun, could she? Was a kekkai genkai something that would have popped up in her medical exam with his son? If it was, why wouldn’t she have said something to him?

No, Kakashi decided. She didn’t know about Gure-kun. It was something about that file that made her act that way. Which only made him more suspicious. Who, exactly, _was_ Oshika Nara? Why would she basically let him off scot-free for looking him up when she didn’t even know why he was looking him up? (And why _the fuck_ did that name send butterflies through his tummy when he didn’t even _recognise_ it and was happily relationship-ing with his chuunin-sensei?)

Kakashi didn’t like not knowing things. He hated being in the dark.

Oshika Nara. _I will find you._

\-------------

Iruka sighed. Not only had his boyfriend continued to act like a spastic monkey (that had basically become a shut-in this week), but he was now being summoned to the Hokage’s Office at Six-oh-ass-o’clock in the morning, before classes at the Academy even started.

He’d also been worried sick about who knew his secret and what might they do to him or his kids, or his brother’s family, his friends or his students because of it. Iruka had a lot of precious people who could be used against him. He had a lot to lose.

And he’d given up his cursed gift—which he was man enough to admit could have been one of his greatest strengths had he been strong enough to harness and use it properly (but he was too weak, damnit)—to keep the secret, so he had puny chakra reserves and shit control over them to use to defend those loved ones now.

Fuck, could he _ever_ make the right decisions? Would he ever stop hurting his loved ones because of his own idiocy?

Shikaku had done his best to console his brother, and Iruka knew Shikamaru hadn’t felt anyone dropping off the book—so it could have been some weak civilian or even a latent jutsu placed on the house to hide the book until—

Until _what_? Who was he kidding? His great-grandmother Nozomi had been a civilian, as had her son Zarame. They couldn’t have hidden the book like that and talented as his nephew was, Iruka couldn’t help but think that maybe Shika-kun hadn’t noticed because the book-leaver was too high-level to _let_ themselves be noticed. Which meant that the dark circles under his eyes from not sleeping and keeping watch over his kids instead were very warranted, thank you very much.

\-------------

Tsunade carefully closed the two nearly identical folders and placed them neatly in the middle of her otherwise empty desk.

\-------------

Iruka blanched when he saw what was sitting on the Hokage’s desk.

\-------------

Tsunade watched the colour drain from her shinobi’s face.

“Iruka.”

He bowed respectfully, though his eyes never left the folders. She knew he could read the numbers, even from that distance and upside-down.

“Tsunade-Hime.”

_Hm. Interesting_. Respectful as Iruka was, after months of tea and sake with her at the Missions Desk and here in her office after hours, he was one of the few shinobi who had dropped the honorifics and treated her as a friend, rather than simply his leader.

Was he returning to honorifics because he was afraid? Oh, that wouldn’t do. He was her very favourite chuunin. He amused her even more than some of her eccentric jounin.

“The man who was in Archive Room 20 last night.....”

Iruka sucked in a breath, eyes lingering in a frown on the folders.

“Did _not_ get his hands on these files.” Tsunade smiled inwardly as her shinobi released his breath in a sigh of relief.

He cleared his throat. “And, Milady?”

She raised a brow. “And, Iruka?”

He bit his lip. “You’re a smart woman, Milady.” His eyes briefly left the folders to meet hers.

She smiled. “And you’re a smart man, _Oshika_.”

He swallowed nervously.

She sat up straighter. “Come here, Iruka.”

He got up and approached her desk. She reached out a hand to him, and he slowly placed one of his in hers. She held it, palm up, in her hands.

“You know, I was almost married once.”

She looked up, meeting his gaze. “I like to imagine, if we had had children, that they’d have been something like you.”

“Milady?”

Tsunade released his hand and smiled. “Or at least, I hope they would. I’m not here to intimidate you or force you into anything. You really do remind me of me and my fiancé. I want you to know, that you have nothing to fear. Or, at the least, nothing more than any other active duty shinobi. You are Konoha, and we stand by you, **_I_** stand by you..... no matter what name you choose.”

Iruka licks his lips nervously. Tsunade continues.

“No matter what gifts your grandfather passed to you from Mist. No matter what gifts you choose to or not to embrace. You are my shinobi. My ...... friend.”

He smiles a weak, but grateful, watery smile.

She points to the folders. “There is only room for one Ninja number 011850 in the archives. The other is yours to do with as you see fit. I won’t have you living scared in your own home. You choose which file I keep and you can burn the other one.”

Iruka reaches out and flips one of the folders open.

“But.”

\-------------

Shikaku is happy to finally be able to tell his brother to just get some rest, damnit. He’s had a contingent of clan chuunin, led by one of their jounin, patrolling near the cottage at night.

Iruka had told him he didn’t need guards, but they weren’t really there for that. They were there to get a perspective that Iruka wouldn’t see from inside the cottage. And boy, did they ever get a different perspective.

They’d noticed the large animal stalking the cottage at night. With an animal’s chakra—well-developed enough to be a summons or not, it was still not as noticeable as a shinobi’s chakra; so it managed to not rouse the chuunin from his slumber, and it only ever appeared in the night.

It would wait on the roof, and then, when a small form appeared out of the house, it would drop down into the yard and touch noses with the smaller creature. They would stay there for a few minutes, and then the larger would leave and the smaller return to the house.

The smaller creature—a snowy-white lop-eared rabbit, Shikaku knew, had been a gift to his nephew, Konohamaru, from Kakashi. The animal had apparently been the family pet of his sort-of brother-in-law’s children. Which meant it had been from a family _hunted_ by the Mist regime, and _not_ a hunter from Mist.

Though, this probably meant that Kakashi’s children had far more in common with Iruka than anyone thought. Which, all things considered, may also be why the book was delivered now. That was enough that Shikaku would be keeping an eye on his soon-to-be-brother-in-law’s small family. The brunet thought back to the incidents during first, his little brother’s chuunin, and then jounin trials. He shivered.

_A much closer eye. Just in case._

\-------------

“But?”

Iruka stops, one of the folders in his hands.

“But I’ve spoken to your brother. You know that your great-grandfather never told Sandaime of your heritage. Not until your biological parents died and your uncle adopted you.”

Iruka nods tightly.

“Shikaku-san did not want any issues that might arise from me not being aware. I’ve known since I accepted the post of Hokage.”

Iruka frowned. That was almost the whole time she’d known him. “Tsunade?”

“I.....” She sighed and steepled her fingers as Iruka dropped back into his seat for this discussion. “I admit, before I got to know you, well, I had hoped to remove the seal.”

Iruka frowns.

She holds up a hand in a ‘wait’ gesture. “I’m a renowned medi-nin. The caliber of seal that your brother, yourself and your sensei designed was on par with some of the Yondaime’s mid-career work, and he was a seals _master_. To be able to successfully undo it would have been a crowning achievement for a medi-nin. I was only thinking like a medi-nin then. Iruka, you’ve become my friend. Truly. And to be honest, it may be too late to ever remove the seal safely. It could kill you, _even if_ I were the medi-nin to do it.”

Iruka nods. “That’s ok, I don’t want it removed anyways.”

She smiles. “I know. But you made that decision at 16 years old. A permanent decision, a grown-up decision and you had your reasons. I, honestly, as a medi-nin, would encourage you not to remove it. But your brother. He’s known you since you were a pre-schooler. He knows you better than anyone else, maybe even yourself, because he has a different perspective than you. He has watched you grow up. He seems to think you need to seriously rethink your decision—and not just _say_ you will, but actually consider it and all the possibilities with that big old Nara brain of yours. The adolescent brain is not completely developed. Not that you were a stupid kid—but it might be worth considering again. Because, Iruka, once you burn that file, it’s gone forever. It is the _last_ paper trail, or trail of any kind that exists outside of you and your brother’s heads that shows ALL of who you are. Sure, your brother’s family and the other two Ino-Shika-Cho clan heads know a bit—and you and Hatsukoi didn’t erase everything, only a name from your larger circle’s memory—but we can’t keep changing the archives, and I just don’t want you to lose too big a part of who you are. It’s possible that another medi-nin, with even more potential than me, is discovered tomorrow and could help you in ten or twenty years. But it’s also possible that I die tomorrow, or that you or brother forget some little detail about the seal and you’ll never be able to be your whole self again. So.”

Iruka is biting his lip as she finishes.

“I’m not going to stop you, no matter what your decision is. I will support you. But.”

Big brown eyes look up at her in worry, so round and so lost that for a split second, it’s hard to imagine this is a grown man, a capable shinobi, a father—and not the hurt, lost and scared 16-year-old he once was.

“I will not accept your answer today. Take your time, think it over, and when you’re ready, if it’s what you decide, bring that file back for us to burn together.”

Iruka nods.

\-------------

Shikaku had been observing his almost brother-in-law personally for the last few nights. He couldn’t risk sending even clansmen, in case the small family _did_ have the same secret as his brother.

And, from what he’d seen, they did. Or, at least one of them did. It was too soon to tell for the little ones. The large animal had kept away as Shikaku watched, but he could sense it nearby. Kakashi was running himself ragged, but it wouldn’t be enough very much longer.

From what Shikaku could tell, Kakashi’s oldest—the one with the most-developed chakra—had been leaking chakra at night and frosting the small family’s entire apartment.

Shikaku could sense that Kakashi had a low-level jutsu going all night, near the little ones (so he assumed it was a warming jutsu to protect them) and he would stay in Naruto’s old room with the oldest instead of in the master bedroom with the babies. The man was probably not getting much sleep, and each night, Shikaku noticed that the frost spread a little further from their apartment; out along the walls towards the neighbour’s balcony.

The last night, he had felt Kakashi cast a containment jutsu—but he wouldn’t be able to hold those all night, every night just to keep the ice contained to their space. Talented as the jounin was, what he really needed was an ice-user to train the boy.

He needed Iruka. Shikaku smiled wryly to himself.

Iruka wouldn’t break the seal for himself, but he would break it for a helpless child. His lover’s child.

If only Kakashi knew that.

Well, Shikaku could fix that.

\-------------

Kakashi had gotten nowhere with Raidou. The man would get this weird, fuzzy look on his face when Kakashi asked him about his jounin trials. He’d start to mention the name of his opponent, but he’d only manage to get an “O,” out before stuttering and saying he couldn’t remember.

When Kakashi suggested it was ice that had left the scarring on his head and arm, Raidou had said it wasn’t, that he’d had a training accident with his friend, Iruka.

He didn’t understand.

And the more he thought about Oshika Nara, the more he had those recurring dreams about the boy with the long hair and the fiery eyes.

Last night he’d had a new one. It was weird. He’d been facing what looked like the South wall in the Sandaime’s office, looking at the boy in travel clothes. Then, for just a second, the boy had looked pained—pure anguish had contorted his features, then sadness...... then they’d changed, and Kakashi had seen Iruka’s face where the boy’s had been, only...... only, he’d looked much younger and he’d been crying. Then Kakashi had woken up in a cold sweat (literally, Gure-kun had frosted his sweaty shirt to him).

Kakashi startled slightly as he felt a strong chakra stop beside him.

“You look like shit.”

Kakashi peered, narrow-eyed, at the jounin-commander.

“Thanks.”

The brunet smirked.

“You’re Iruka’s boyfriend. We met at Naruto’s going away party.”

Kakashi frowns. “We met when I made jounin, over a decade and a half ago.”

Shikaku flaps a dismissive hand at him. “Nah, that doesn’t really count. That’s just work.”

Kakashi arches his eyebrow.

“Shikamaru says you’re getting pretty serious with Iruka.”

Kakashi frowns again, in confusion, then recalls all the weird little things he’d noticed before—how Shikamaru had threatened to tattle to the commander, how he called Iruka Jiisan, and Naruto and Konohamaru called the mini-commander Niisan, how Iruka would kiss him on the forehead, and leave Hato-chan with him even though he didn’t trust some full-grown shinobi with his daughter.

He replies slowly, “Yes.”

Shikaku claps him on the back. “Good then, I think this is overdue. You’ll drop by the compound tonight for dinner. We’ll see you at six. Make up some excuse to leave the kids with Iruka and Shikamaru.”

Kakashi frowns. “I—”

“At six, Hatake. Not seven or eight. I’ve heard from my nephew how you do enjoy showing up late.”

Shikaku supposed he could spend days giving the Hatake coy hints and let the genius figure it out on his own, and he would have loved to have had a first family dinner with Iruka there so he could embarrass the shit out of his little brother, but the situation was pretty urgent. He’d settle for efficiency if he had to. Jounin commanders had to make a lot of tough calls, after all.

At a loss, Kakashi simply mumbles, “Your nephew?”

Shikaku waves over his shoulder with a smile. “Naruto.”

Kakashi frowns. He has _so many_ questions.

\-------------


	19. Don't Let the Door Hit You (On Your Way Out)

\-------------

Kakashi didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to leave the kids with Iruka. Not that he didn’t trust him, but what if Gure-kun lost control? Iruka was a capable sensei—and Kakashi loved him—but his chakra reserves were less than a third of Kakashi’s to start with. And he wouldn’t just have Kakashi’s three to worry about—no.

Guremurin and Konohamaru would be _together_ (shudder) and then there were the _three_ babies. Even with Shikamaru’s help, it’d be more than a handful. At almost two now, Goburin wasn’t just _walking_ (like Hato-chan had just begun to learn)—he had started to _run_ places (and maniacally giggle with glee, but that’s besides the point).

Kakashi’s musings were cut short by Iruka’s hearty laugh. “Kashi, baby. Get out of your head.”

The brunet slid his arms up and around Kakashi’s neck. Iruka was so glad Kakashi was leaving the kids here, if only because it seemed like a big step back in the right direction, where they’d used to lean on and count on each other.

“Remember, I’m an Academy Sensei, Kakashi. I regularly supervise twenty to twenty-five small children. Only, unlike ours, the ones at the Academy, all have sharp, pointy objects. That they like to throw. And half-assed formed ideas about jutsus. Believe me, this is nothing.”

Kakashi sighs. He leans into Iruka’s touch. He’s so tired. He feels so isolated lately. And damn, but does his sensei’s fingers feel good on his scalp. He moans softly.

Iruka chuckles, then pulls him into the house. “You know,” he whispers silkily, “I’m really glad you stopped by to ask me to watch them tonight. You have perfect timing.”

Kakashi stumbles. “I do?”

Iruka nods and shuts the door behind them. “Do you know where the kids are right now?”

Kakashi frowned. _Of course_ he knew where the kids were right now. What kind of parent did Iruka think he was? “They’re at home with Kagami. And I summoned a second clone, too.”

Iruka grinned a shit-eating grin. "And what's that one's name, Love?"

Kakashi smacks him playfully, making a mock-wounded face.

After a few moments of tickling and cuddling, a muffled, "Kaiso," could be heard from the vicinity of Iruka's chest. The brunet laughed heartily. God, he loved this idiotic man.

Iruka laughed. “Not those ones, love.”

The brunet pulled him closer. “Listen, what do you hear?”

Kakashi frowned. He didn’t hear anything.

Iruka pushes him up against the wall and leans in close to his ear. “Genma took Konohamaru and Hato-chan to the park. He says being a good uncle helps him get more dates.”

“Oh, ok.” _Oh._ **_Oh!_**

Kakashi shuddered as Iruka slid his hands into his vest, pushing it off slim shoulders.

“We have the house _all_ to ourselves. Like I said, _perfect timing_.”

Iruka turned and walked down the hall towards his bedroom backwards, eyes twinkling with mischief. He beckoned with a crooked finger and Kakashi stumbled after him quickly.

The Copy-Nin was so tired that when a bare arm reached out from the bathroom to yank him in, he almost landed on the floor. Iruka laughed at him.

“Tired, Baby?”

Kakashi nodded. Iruka smiled at him, remembering his first few months with a newborn daughter.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you. I’ll do all the work, you just sit back and enjoy, love.”

The brunet finished stripping off his pants and boxers, then set to work on the fastenings and bandages of Kakashi’s uniform while the large tub filled and the room steamed up.

He pushed the Copy-Nin gently down to sit on the bench, then slowly ran his fingers through silver locks, soaping them up, then titling a tired head back to tip a bucket of warm water over, working the suds out with deft fingers. He runs a soft sponge over Kakashi’s back, following behind with wet, open-mouthed kisses.

Iruka kneels in front of the older man and takes one arm in both his hands, slowly massaging from his tense shoulder down to the tips of his fingers, then repeating the motion on the other arm. Kakashi moans almost piteously, his head lolling and dangerously close to falling asleep under his lover’s ministrations.

He’d forgotten what relaxed felt like. Iruka hummed gently as he finished washing his lover, then quickly soaped up and rinsed himself off, leaving his hair for later and simply tying it up out of the way in a messy man-bun.

He guided the tired Copy-Nin into the large tub and slid in behind him. He worked all the knots out of Kakashi’s tense back and then slid his arms around a trim waist, one cupping his balls gently while the other stroked him to full attention. Kakashi let out a low growl and let his head rest on Iruka’s shoulder.

Iruka chuckled lowly, then slid out from behind the other man and rested his silver head on a soft towel. The brunet reached behind himself and made a show of spreading himself open before climbing into his lover’s lap. He placed two tan arms on either side of the pale face and leaned down to kiss him sloppily, tongue delving into the other’s hot mouth. He pulled back slightly and bit his lip with a smile, finally sliding down on the other nin’s cock.

Kakashi let out a shaky breath as Iruka fully seated himself with a whine. The brunet, his knees firmly planted on either side of pale, slim hips, lifted himself and then slowly slid back down, kissing Kakashi deeply, then pulling his bottom lip into his mouth as he pulled back. Kakashi keened quietly.

Iruka chuckled again. “Fuck, I missed this.” He smiled as he slid up and then back down, the water sloshing messily around them. “It feels like forever since I’ve had you all to myself.”

Kakashi slowly slid his hands up toned thighs to settle loosely around his hips. “Missed you too. Sorry I’ve been so.....”

He struggled to find the right words.

Iruka, much to Kakashi’s chagrin, decided to help him out. “Distant? Grumpy, cold, snarky, mean?”

Kakashi frowned. He didn’t think he’d been _that_ bad. He pulled Iruka down, hard, and the brunet let out a guttural moan. The Copy-Nin grinned. Yeah, that spot, _right there_ , that could shut his man up. He lifted his hips to meet Iruka’s downward thrust and was rewarded with another sharp cry.

“Fuu-uuuck.”

Kakashi laughed, and tightened his hold on dark hips with renewed energy. “That’s the idea.”

He quickly set a much faster pace and within minutes, Iruka was coming all over their chests. The brunet grabbed his pale wrists and held them in place as he slowed down to ride the Copy-Nin until he came, completely spent, not a minute later.

Iruka smiled down at him. “You weren’t that bad,” he kissed him on his sweaty forehead. “And I get it. The first few months are killer.”

He stood and stepped out of the tub, quickly drying off as Kakashi watched him. Then the brunet reached for him and helped him out of the tub, towelling him off gently and wrapping him in a soft cotton bathrobe.

Iruka pulled him out of the bathroom and across the hall into the bedroom, where he proceeded to tuck the Copy-Nin into the brunet’s bed.

\-------------

Kakashi woke to the smell of food. Good food. It smelled like miso, and maybe..... yakitori?

He sat up slowly, savoring the feeling of feeling refreshed. He peered around the bedroom. It wasn’t his, but it was familiar. He thought back over the morning. He’d stopped by his boyfriend’s house to ask him to watch the kids tonight, under orders (thinly veiled as an invite) from the jounin commander to join him for dinner. They’d had the house to themselves, and after a lovely bath, he supposed Iruka had let him rest. Judging by the angle of the light spilling in Iruka’s south-facing window, it was probably about midday. It must be lunch he smelled.

He stood and stretched, then noticed the shinobi blues on the end of the bed. Kakashi preferred blacks, so they were probably his boyfriend’s. Iruka knew they were about the same size, with Kakashi being only an inch or two taller (but a lot slimmer), so he’d probably left them out for the Copy-Nin while his were in the wash.

Kakashi slid into the well-worn uniform and just held it up to his nose, enjoying the musky, sunshiny, chalky smell of his Iruka. He smiled to himself. He was a damn lucky man.

\-------------

Kakashi knocked on the door nervously.

Shikaku answered the door, only he wasn’t dressed in his usual uniform. He wore a blue cotton yukata. Kakashi wondered if he’d missed a memo from Shikaku about a dress code.

He followed and tugged self-consciously at Iruka’s shirtsleeves. He’d felt completely comfortable wearing his boyfriend’s clothes in the comfort of the cottage, but now he was wondering if the commander would be able to tell how loose they were on him. He bit his lip under his mask. He wasn’t used to feeling uneasy, or at a disadvantage. But this was the jounin commander, outranked only by the Hokage herself. And the man had basically commandeered Kakashi for dinner.

The older jounin led him into a kitchen area, where it appeared he had been cooking. He gestured at Kakashi to take a seat at the long wooden table, as he poured the silver-haired shinobi a glass of plum wine.

He murmured his thanks as he sat. Shikaku turned from the stove, dimming the flames, as he smiled at the younger shinobi.

“Hatake!”

Kakashi nodded. “Sir.”

Shikaku’s smile turned slightly feral. “Changed your clothes, just to visit?”

Kakashi gulped. “Uh—”

“Uniform seems a bit loose on you, eh?”

Kakashi licked his lips under his mask, then lowered it to gulp the wine down. “I guess.”

“Hm.” Shikaku tugged at his beard, then turned back to the stove as he added flippantly, “Probably because it’s my brother’s uniform and not yours.”

Kakashi watched as the man flipped the okonomiyaki in the pan.

“Your brother?”

Shikaku nodded. “Iruka. Did you have _fun_ with him this afternoon?”

Kakashi gulped. Wait. “Wha—”

Shikaku cocked his head in the Copy-Nin’s direction. He places a warm sake by Kakashi’s hand to replace the empty wine goblet on the table. “I’m sure you’ve heard my son call him Jiisan, no? And haven’t you attended not one, but _two_ parties Iru-kun hosted at our friend Chouza’s restaurant?”

Kakashi swallowed thickly, then downed the cup of sake. He really should have connected the dots sooner. He was supposed to be a fucking genius.

“And,” the goateed jounin leaned a hip casually against the table near Kakashi’s seat, “I’m pretty sure Naruto and Konohamaru call their cousin Niisan. And Shikamaru is always babysitting Hato-chan. And our other really close family friend, Inoichi. He helped you design a garden for Iruka, did he not?”

Shikaku leans forward and his eyes glint dangerously as he places another full cup in the Copy-Nin’s grasp. “Welcome to the family, Kakashi,” he purrs lowly.

Kakashi tries to repress an involuntary shudder. _He’s dating the fucking jounin commander of the Village Hidden in the Leaves_ baby brother _. Oh, God, he hoped he couldn’t smell the sex on him._

\-------------

Shikaku smiles to himself, leaning in the front door and watching the Copy-Nin meander off to his brother’s place. 

He knew that the fair-haired genius would feel cheated if he didn’t ‘figure it out himself,’ so he’d sent him home with a..... keepsake.

A photo of his little brother..... with his name printed in plain sight all over the front of it.

_His clan name._

\-------------

Kakashi leaves the Nara household in a bit of a daze. Dinner hadn’t gone as badly as he’d feared. Sure, Shikaku had scared the shit out of him at first, but he was actually pretty chill once you got to know him (Yoshina was still scary as fuck, though—she’d shown up for dessert and she’d almost made Kakashi shit his pants).

Shikaku had even joked with him about Iruka’s A-type personality and had shown him a bunch of family albums with pictures of little Iruka in them.

He peered down at the photo in his hand that Shikaku had let him keep. Iruka looked to be about ten or eleven years old. He was scratching his scar self-consciously and leaning against a tree, with three of the Nara deer behind him.

\-------------

Kakashi stopped in front of Iruka’s door. He knocked. Iruka opened it, smiling a little perplexedly.

“Why’d you knock?”

Kakashi smiles. “You were a cute kid.” He tries to bop the brunet on the nose, and Iruka catches his hand, laughing.

“Ok. And how would you know that, Mister?” He pulls Kakashi into the house and shuts the door behind him. He pulls down the other nin’s mask and kisses him. “Oh, have you been drinking?”

Kakashi grins. “Yup!”

Iruka laughs. “Well, I guess you’re staying the night, then.”

Kakashi smiles happily. He’s not drunk, exactly, but he’s had enough at the Nara house to make him forget why, exactly, he stopped letting his son sleepover at his boyfriend’s house.

“Sure!” He chirps.

Iruka shuffles them into the living room and Kakashi plops himself onto the couch. He leans back contentedly, stretching his feet out and then stretching his chakra out. It pings the three little ones in Hato-chan’s nursery, their chakras all calm, indicating Iruka had already put them to bed. Then there was Iruka puttering about in the kitchen, Konohamaru’s pet bunny in the hutch in the backyard; and finally, Shikamaru and the boys’ in Konohamaru’s room. Shikamaru’s chakra is relatively calm, but still awake, while Gure-kun and Kono-kun’s are slowly fading out of consciousness. Maybe the older boy is reading them a bedtime story or something.

Iruka sidles back in with a loaded tea tray. He smiles at Kakashi. “This feels nice. Domestic. Like home.”

Kakashi yanks his mask down, now that he’s at his boyfriend’s house. “Mmm.”

“Like it used to.”

Kakashi flaps a hand at Iruka and the brunet laughs softly as he slides into the spot beside the Copy-Nin. He adds to Iruka’s thoughts in a murmur, “Like it’s supposed to be. Like it will be, soon.”

Iruka smiles and plays with Kakashi’s hite-ate, slowly sliding it off, then replacing it with one of the softer, more comfortable length of stretchy cotton he kept around just for that. He snuggles in happily to Kakashi’s side. “You only have about three months left on your lease.”

Kakashi hums contentedly. He’d like to forget all his troubles. So, he does, just for tonight, while he’s just fuzzy enough to. Tomorrow, he knows, he’ll be back to barely bailing water in the sinking ship of his reality. He’ll be panicking and worrying and keeping vigil over his son instead of sleeping.

But tonight, Iruka’s cottage smells like home, he’s pressed warmly against Kakashi’s side and everything is right with the world. Just for tonight, Kakashi promises himself. He’ll let go just for tonight.

“Yeah.”

Iruka pauses in combing his fingers through the other nin’s hair.

“Kakashi?”

“Mmhm?” Kakashi hums softly. The alcohol might be getting to him, just a little.

“Before we do this, before we move in together, there’s something I need to tell you.”

Kakashi hums non-committally again. Iruka sure wants to talk a lot tonight. He swings his arm around his boyfriend and pulls him harder into his side.

Iruka’s voice comes out muffled, “Kashi! I’m serious.”

Kakashi chuckles. He doesn’t want Iruka to think he isn’t listening, so he puts his mind in what he calls ‘Mission Headspace,’ where he can zone out but still make it appear like he’s awake. He and Iruka were best friends before they even started sleeping together, and they’d seen each other at their worst and still loved each other. There wasn’t really anything Iruka could say that would make him change his mind about them, and well—he’s just so tired from all the sleepless nights, and he’d had the three drinks with Shikaku—which, admittedly, weren’t a lot compared to what he could knock back on a regular day—but.....

He was warm.....and comfortable.....with a full belly.....a few drinks to relax.....the sex earlier had really loosened him up.....he knew his kids were safe because his Iruka was there.....he hadn’t slept properly in over two weeks.....and..........he was..........so..........tired..........just........................so.........................tired.....................

.....so..................................................

\-------------

He woke in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. He sat up abruptly, then slid out of bed without jostling his boyfriend and ran from Iruka’s room.

This was a bad idea. A very bad idea. What had he been _thinking_? He could feel the chill from here, and they were on separate floors of the cottage.

He raced upstairs, prepared to skid down the hallway, then froze at the top of the stairs.

Konohamaru was in the hall, Gure-kun folded in his arms protectively as the older boy peered into his room.

Kakashi walked up slowly. Konohamaru looked up at him, worry clear in his eyes. He pointed into the bedroom. Shikamaru was on one of the beds, sleeping. But he was covered in frost. His lips were blue.

Kakashi forcefully choked down his panic. He opened his Sharingan eye, then caught Kono-kun before he hit the floor, as he dropped him into a pleasant dream. He laid him gently in the second bed, and created a localised heating jutsu in the room. It was stronger than the one he usually put over his little ones at home, because the space was bigger and he hadn’t had the forethought to use a containment jutsu last night.

He knelt down beside Shikamaru, and gently ran green healing chakra as unobtrusively as possible over the boy, so as not to wake him.

Fuck, why’d he let his guard down? How could he let this happen?

Once he was sure the boys would be fine, he scooped up Gure-kun and headed into Hato’s nursery to pick up his two little ones.

He needed to get them out of here. It wasn’t safe. They needed to go home, where he could contain it. He needed at least that illusion of control to keep his sanity.

He kissed the top of his oldest son’s head. They couldn’t keep this up forever.

Oh, God, what was he going to _do_?

\-------------

Iruka woke to an empty bed. He reached over and ran a hand over the empty space, but it was cold. Kakashi must have gotten up really early.

He padded down the hall to see if the older man had started breakfast. He couldn’t smell any coffee, though, so maybe Kakashi was reading, or sitting with one of the little ones. Iruka smiled to himself at the thought of Kakashi in the rocker in the nursery, with one of the little ones on his chest.

The kitchen was empty. The brunet frowned, then headed upstairs. He looked in on Naruto’s room, even though he knew it would be empty, if only because he missed his oldest so much, then headed to Konohamaru’s room. His son and nephew were in the two beds, but Gure-kun wasn’t with Konohamaru, where he’d left him last night after tucking them in.

Iruka frowned as his heart sped up. Something was wrong. He moved quicker down the hall to Hato’s nursery, only to find his daughter..... alone.

Iruka frowned harder. Kakashi and the kids were gone. Not in the kitchen, or the living or anywhere else. The Copy-Nin had just taken them....... and left.

He pushed his chakra out. No, they weren’t in the garden either. He went downstairs and checked the counters and table for a note or something. Nothing.

He padded heavily back into his room and sat dejectedly on the edge of the bed. Was it because of what he’d said last night?

What was going on?

\-------------

Kakashi was exhausted. He’d stayed up since they’d left Iruka’s place and had kept a close eye on Gure-kun. The cold seemed to be getting stronger every night. The ice was no longer half-a-centimetre thick. It was over a centimetre thick and wouldn’t thaw out without a heating jutsu anymore. Guremurin was starting to realise he was _different_ —and the incident with Konohamaru and Shikamaru had really gotten to him.

Kakashi bit his lip as he thought back to the roof-hop home, when Guremurin had looked up at him, dark eyes wet with tears and asked in a tiny voice, “Am I bad, Tousan? Did it hurt Shikimara?”

The Copy-Nin huffed in annoyance and angrily dropped his head in his hands. He fucking _needed_ to find that ice-user. He started a bit as he heard one of the babies start fussing in his room. He patted Guremurin softly on the head and turned to check on the little ones.

When he walked into the room, Goburin was sitting up, running his little hand up and down his sister’s belly. She was the one starting to fuss.

The almost-two-year-old looked at Kakashi and asked, “Where Hato-Baby? Why home?”

Kakashi grimaced. Neither of the little ones had woken up when they’d left last night, so all Goburin would have remembered was falling asleep in his friend, ‘Hato-Baby’s’ crib, at Iruka’s house.

Iruka. Maybe he should have left a note or something. He shook himself from his thoughts and smiled at the toddler.

“Hato-Baby is at her home. We needed to leave because your brother wasn’t feeling well.” The Copy-Nin reached into the crib and lifted the baby to his shoulder.

Goburin pulled himself up next to the bars of the crib. He lifted his arms in an ‘up’ gesture, and Kakashi lifted him out with one arm and slowly and gently levered him to the ground, where the toddler took off running, shouting. “You ok, Gure?”

Kakashi couldn’t help the smile that flitted over his lips as he watched Goburin go.

It disappeared, though, with the frantic knocking at his door.

\-------------

Iruka had left a clone at home. Between the clone and his nephew, everything would be fine there. Then he’d run at top speed across the village to his old apartment. He banged on the door desperately.

His boyfriend opened the door.

“Iruka?”

And..... seemed surprised to see him? What the actual hell, after just disappearing into the night?!

“Kakashi!”

The brunet reached out to grab the other man’s shirt, then smooth it down, then run his hand gently down the baby’s back.

“You just left! Are you guys ok? What’s wrong? Where are the boys?” Iruka tried to step into the apartment to check on his boyfriend’s sons.

The Copy-Nin slid to the side, blocking him.

“Kakashi?” Iruka frowned.

“You.....” the Copy-Nin hesitated, but finished with, “.....can’t come in.”

Iruka gaped open-mouthed at his boyfriend. He opened and closed his mouth a few times.

“What?” He licked his lips nervously. “I what?”

“Can’t come in,” Kakashi repeated more firmly this time.

Iruka stood there, starring at him in shock. He seemed to snap out of it when Izumo stepped out of the next apartment and walked by with a cheerful wave to them.

The brunet licked his lips.

“Is this because of last night?” _Oh, God, he hoped it wasn’t. He’d never told anyone outside of his family, his sensei and his brother’s team before. After everything, this couldn’t be what drove them apart, surely?_

_Oh God, he knew what happened? This was bad. It would be safer for Iruka and his kids the less they knew and the more they were apart. At least for now._ “Yes, of course. You realise it’s not safe, right?”

Iruka frowns. “Not safe?” He parrots in a small voice.

Kakashi frowns at his tone, but nods. “Because of Mist.”

Iruka repeats softly, woodenly, “Because of Mist. Right.”

The brunet shuffles off slowly. Kakashi’s frown lines deepen, but then he senses the boys up and about out of Gure’s room after one last look, peering around the door at Iruka fumbling down the hall, he closes it and gets to work getting the kids breakfast.

\-------------

The little ones were down for a nap and Guremurin was curled up in Kakashi’s lap with a stuffed plushy—he still hadn’t gotten over what had happened with Shikamaru last night. Kakashi was rubbing soothing circles into his back absently.

Now that he had more time to think about it, Kakashi wasn’t too happy with how things had panned out with his boyfriend. Tired or not, worried or not, he should have done a better job communicating with Iruka. He felt like something wasn’t quite right with the way the chuunin-sensei had shuffled off, like his world was ending just because Kakashi wanted to keep he and his family safe. Didn’t Iruka understand that Kakashi only wanted what was best for everyone?

He leaned forwards and picked up the photo that of kid-Iruka that had ended up on his kotatsu. He rubbed a finger longingly down the side of the picture. He needed to find that ice-user, so that he and his family, he and his Iruka could get back to their life together.

He continued to rub soft circles on his son’s back as he smiled at the old photo.

_Actually._

Actually, he’d drunk a bit at dinner yesterday, so the thought hadn’t crossed his mind. But—Iruka had a different last name than his brother. Why would—

Kakashi gasped. His hand stopped and Gure-kun looked up at him questioningly.

_There it was, in the white margin around the photo_ , in an elegant script he assumed to be either their mother or father’s writing, **_an inscription_**.

It read:

Oshika Nara, April 14th, training ground #3

Kakashi’s heart stuttered in his chest.

Iruka was a Nara. Shikaku had the stories and the pictures to prove it.

It was definitely Iruka in the photo. Brown ponytail, warm eyes, scar slashed across his features. There was absolutely no mistaking that face.

But—

Iruka _was_ a Nara.

One boy.

Two names.

Oshika Nara. Iruka Umino. Two names. One man.

_Oshika Nara_.

Kakashi found him.

\-------------

Shikaku smiles. Inoichi raises one elegant eyebrow. Chouza flips the yakitori skewers.

“You’re in a good mood, Nara.”

Shikaku chuckles. “I had Hatake over for dinner last night. Figured it was about time he got to know the family. Gave him one of the pictures of Oshi-kun when he was a genin.”

Chouza turns from the grill. Inoichi lifts both eyebrows in surprise. “Of _Oshi-kun_?”

Chouza frowns. “Are you sure that was a good idea?”

Inoichi cocks his head to the side. “I don’t think your brother is going to be too happy about that.”

Shikaku shrugs. “Iruka told me that he was going to start telling him more. Since they’re planning on moving in together and everything. He said he wanted to make sure Kakashi knew ‘ _everything_ ’ before they commit like that. So really, I’m just helping him out. You know, like a good big brother.”

Chouza snorts. “Uh-huh. I’m sure he’ll agree.” He guffaws. “Kid pics.”

Inoichi laughs. “Pretty sure Chouza, Asuma and I all rank higher on the favourite brother scale than you, **_deer._** ”

Chouza laughs so hard he accidentally snorts water out his nose.

Shikaku smacks both blonds on the back. “Oh, my God. You didn’t. Not the deer puns.”

Chouza laughs harder.

Shikaku shrugs again. “Besides, I been watching Hatake pretty closely lately. He got into the Archives a couple of nights ago.”

Chouza drops a couple of yakitori in front of each of his friends on plates. “So?”

“It was Room 20.” The brunet picks up the first stick and bites into it, moaning appreciatively.

Inoichi purses his lips in thought..... _Room 20, huh?_

\-------------


	20. It's Not About You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I have looked up the word ‘segare’ so many times in different dictionaries, just to be sure, but it’s supposed to mean both “my son,” and “brat, punk.” I am purposefully writing Tsunade as motherly towards Iruka because it’s a relationship I’ve never before explored in any of my AUs and I like it, so I thought it’d have a feeling close to ‘the son of my heart, but still a pain in my ass’ expressions put together, which I feel is something Tsunade would say/feel. Usually more towards Naruto, but Iruka kind of draws people in too. Anyways......
> 
> (It also has a third meaning—penis—but we’re going to ignore that one because we’re not using kanji or hiragana anyways, so it doesn’t matter. Also, I know it bugs some people when people use Japanese terms when writing in English—HOWEVER—to the people it bothers, take it from me (I don’t speak Japanese, but I DO speak two languages fluently and a third at a very basic level)—that it’s not just because we want to ‘show-off’ or ‘sound fake-authentic.’ There are literally words in French that I can’t directly translate in English to get the same feeling (like eblouissante (it should have an accent, stupid keyboard) When I think it, I say it out loud in French, whether the rest of my sentence is English or French, because there is no English word or phrase that properly captures it's meaning), and I imagine the same can be said for many of the traditional Japanese words I frequently use (like honorifics—they have a distinctly different feeling than anything we use in English). So that’s why they’re in my stories, anyways. To create a FEELING that I can’t adequately convey in English—at least for me that’s why. Sorry if it bugs you.)
> 
> ALSO! For those not versed in bar terms, ‘rotgut’ is the cheapest alcohol on the shelf, as opposed to ‘top-shelf’ products. You get way more of it for a lot cheaper cuz it’s shitty quality. Kakashi can afford the good stuff. But let’s face it: in this situation, he’s there to get capital D drunk. As fast and as thoroughly as he can.

\-------------

Iruka slumps in his chair. He’s in the Mission Room, Tsunade is beside him and she looks over at him worriedly.

“Iruka?”

He rolls his head in her direction.

“Are you all right, Sensei?”

He sighs deeply. “It’s not a Missions Desk conversation, Tsunade.”

Her lips quirk into a small smile. “Sake, my office, after our shift?”

Iruka smiles sadly. “Perfect.”

She reaches out to pat him on the hand. He catches her fingers, so she leaves their hands entwined for a minute. She only pulls away when a returning shinobi enters the room. She doesn’t miss how her young friend swipes a hand quickly over his eyes before putting on a beaming smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, to greet the shinobi.

“Hello, Chuunin-San. Welcome home. Thank you for your hard work.”

\-------------

Kakashi can’t find him. He’s tried the cottage, the Academy, the Missions Desk, Ichiraku’s..... At the Missions Desk, he could have sworn he felt his boyfriend’s chakra, but the minute Kakashi got close, it disappeared—almost as if Iruka had been pulling it into himself to hide it from Kakashi.

Kakashi didn’t understand. Why would Iruka be avoiding him? Wouldn’t he want to see Kakashi, to hear if Kakashi finally had Gure’s problem under control so they could stay under the same roof together again, safely?

Honestly, the Copy-Nin was surprised that Iruka seemed to know what had happened when he came over that morning. Perhaps Shikamaru had been more awake than he’d thought? Or Kono-kun had remembered, despite his Sharingan-induced good dream?

He checked the Memorial Stone, Anko’s place, Genma’s..... he knew Kotetsu and Izumo were on gate duty today, so he couldn’t be at their place. He’d even sent his dogs around the perimeter of the Nara compound in case he was hiding out there. Chouza’s restaurant wasn’t open until lunch time.....

Yamanaka! That’s it. The flower shop. He hadn’t tried there yet. Maybe Inoichi would at least know where Iruka was.

\-------------

Inoichi could feel the Copy-Nin approaching.

He’d been surprised when Shikaku had informed them yesterday that not only was Iruka telling Kakashi everything, but that Kakashi probably knew already—since he’d broken into Archive Room 20—the room that Iruka had personally sealed because it was the only Archive room left in Konoha that had any traces of his double-identity.

There was the jounin exam incident with Raidou and the mission to the border of Mist, where he’d returned with the ANBU-masked Copy-Nin in tow.

Iruka and Asuma had no problem purging the Archives of any solo incidents or Iruka(or Oshika)-centric files when they’d re-invented him after the Kyuubi attack; but Iruka had drawn the line at purging any files involving someone else.

So, Inoichi figured, when Kakashi walked in his shop that morning, that the Copy-Nin already knew everything.

“Hatake.”

“Yamanaka.” Kakashi leaned on the counter. “I was wondering if you knew where my boyfriend was? I can’t seem to find him anywhere..... but you’re pretty close, aren’t you? Do you happen to know where he is?”

Inoichi smiled. “Sure we are. I watched him grow up.” The blond smiled. “Sometimes it’s still hard not to look at him and still see that little kid, you know?”

Kakashi smiled. “I need to talk to him about,” Kakashi peered around and leaned in closer, “about _Oshika_. I need to talk to him about.....stuff.......about...... ice and..... _Mist_.”

Inoichi smiled. “He’s working at the Missions Desk today. I’m surprised he didn’t tell you. Anyways, it’s nice to know he’s found someone he can trust. Someone he shares everything with. Look, I don’t know if he knew it was you, but I know that you know now, so.....”

Kakashi cocks his head to the side. “So......what?”

Inoichi makes a vague gesture to Kakashi’s head.

Kakashi feels a slight prickle in his senses, then he’s flooded with memories.

He sees the cave. Smells it. Feels the damp, the cold. He sees the boy, the boy with the kind eyes and the black ice. He can taste the air, the ozone. He can feel the chill of the calligraphy brush on his arm. He can see.....

Iruka. He can see _Iruka._ The boy of his dreams. Th boy he called Konoha. It was Oshika Nara. He was Oshika Nara. He was Iruka.

Iruka was the boy. The boy was real. Kakashi remembers.

Iruka, the Sandaime and Shikaku had Inoichi take his memories.

_Kakashi remembers._

He stumbles backwards blindly, out of the shop. He barely registers Inoichi calling to him, speaking to him. He needs to get out of here.

He remembers.

_Kakashi remembers._

\-------------

Iruka sighs into his cup, and the Hokage leaves her desk to wrap an arm around him on the couch.

“Maybe it was a misunderstanding?” She hopes it was, because other than Shizune—the last person she called family left, and Naruto—her gaki—and Iruka—her segare—and Jiraiya, her perverted teammate; Kakashi (her brat) was one of her favourites.

She also had her eye on that Hyuga girl—the timid one. With her Byakugan, she’d make an amazing healer. (And Tsunade would love nothing more than to help turn her into a tough, badass woman who needed no man—and wouldn’t be pushed around by her over-bearing father anymore either..... but anyways, back to the matter at hand.....)

Iruka chuckles darkly, bitterness colouring his words as he speaks, “I wish it were, but look at the facts, Tsunade.”

He drains the cup again and Tsunade fills it.

“We get together. Go through some rough times, yeah, but then we’re back on track and everything. But the night I tell him I have a seal that hides an ice-release kekkai genkai, he and his kids disappear into the night?”

Tsunade frowns. Damn. Not looking good.

“And I head over to his place in the morning, and he won’t let me in, and after I _expressly ask him if it’s because of last night_ and he _says_ —and I quote—‘Yes, of course. You realise it’s not safe, right? Because of Mist.’”

Tsunade sighs. Yeah, that’s pretty incriminating. She didn’t think the Hatake brat was one to hold prejudices like that, especially with what he’d gone through as a prodigy—and being his father’s son, and being in so many Bingo Books anyways.

She summons Shizune and sends her to babysit at the Umino house. Her _segare_ needs her tonight.

She grabs two of her best bottles of sake from her hidden stash in the office supplies closet and barricades them in her office, leaving ANBU stationed outside the doors. Telling them only to knock once Cat and Snake have brought back the food she’d ordered. She pulls the curtains closed and lights the lamps on the end tables and lastly, drags a huge old quilt out of the trunk at the end of her desk, wrapping it around herself and her arms around Iruka.

She doubts he’ll consider his brother’s plea of removing the seal now. She bets once he sobers up in the morning, they’ll be burning Oshika Nara’s file tomorrow.

Iruka sends a prayer of thanks up to God that he’s found—against all odds—a _third_ mother-figure, and he cries into her shoulder.

_It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was supposed to move in with his best friend in three months and they were supposed to live happily ever after, with half a dozen kids that Iruka got to spoil and love and raise with the man he loved._

_Damn seal. Damn ice._

He’d bring the file in tomorrow.

Oshika Nara would _burn_ in the morning.

\-------------

Kakashi leaves his kids with Gai. He should stay with them himself. He knows. He shouldn’t be doing this, but he just found out that the man he loved—the man he _trusted_ —the man he was building a life and family with..... Had _stolen_ his memories and stolen their chance at a happily ever after a decade ago. But Gai is pretty indestructible. He doesn’t think Gure-kun can kill him. And Kakashi needs a drink.

Or two.

Or ten.

He stumbles into the nearest dive bar and orders a full bottle of rotgut right off the bat.

\-------------

Iruka wakes to the feeling of delicate fingers stroking through his hair. He looks up through long lashes at the Hokage. She smiles down at him.

“How’d you sleep, kid?”

“I’m too old to sleep on an office floor,” the brunet grumbles and sits up, leaning back against the leg of the sofa.

She snorts. “ _You’re_ too old?” She waves a hand at herself.

Iruka laughs softly, then regrets it as his head sears. He grabs his temples. “Oh, God.”

Tsunade laughs heartily. “We drank the good stuff, Segare.”

His lip quirks slightly. “How do you _stand_ this?”

She grins. “Practice.”

He can’t help it, even though he knows it’ll kill his poor, hungover brain. Iruka laughs out loud.

“Lots of practice.” She tilts her head and opens her arms.

Iruka slumps forward into them. “Thanks, Tsunade.”

She pats his back. “No problem, Segare.”

He feels her kiss the crown of his head. If she’d married and had children indeed. He smiles to himself. Even storm clouds have silver linings.....

Segare may mean brat, but Iruka also knows it means ‘my son.’ He wraps his arms tightly around his Hokage’s middle and holds on for dear life.

\-------------

Kakashi wakes to a shadow hanging over him. It’s Gai mini-him. _Rock Lee_. Kakashi swats haphazardly at the bowl-cut and huge eyes.

“G’way.”

“Gai-sensei has sent me to wake you on this fine, lovely morning—”

Kakashi cuts of his ‘youthful’ speech with a pillow to the face. Hard.

The Gai-clone pouts and takes his exuberance out of Kakashi’s bedroom. The Copy-Nin’s mouth tastes like sandpaper and his tongue feels like a cotton ball.

He groans and rolls out of bed. He staggers to the bathroom and splashes some water on his face. He looks like shit.

But..... Hurt or not—Iruka is the only ice-user he knows of in Konohagakure. He needs to ask him for his help. Gure-kun and his kids’ safety depends on it.

Kakashi just hopes he can hold his tongue and not start a fight before getting his request out.

\-------------

When Iruka walks into his yard, he’s surprised to see Kakashi sitting on his stoop. The man was concealing his chakra, which is why Iruka was caught off guard.

The brunet stops in the gate.

“What are you doing here?”

Kakashi stands, frowning. “I need to speak to you.”

Iruka pushes past him and reaches to unlock the door. “I have nothing to say to you.”

The Copy-Nin grabs his arm. He makes an impulsive, split second decision. “You owe me, _Nara_.”

Iruka wrenches his arm away and turns back angrily. “Excuse me? I _owe_ you nothing. _You_ walked out on _me_ , Kakashi. Because of something _I couldn’t control_. You’d think, that you, of all people, would know what it felt like to bear an inherited burden, oh, son of the White Fang.”

Iruka opens the door and steps in.

Kakashi snorts derisively. “No. You’ve got that backwards, Nara. _You_ walked away from _me_. Or don’t you remember? Because I certainly didn’t until yesterday. And you owe me because you _stole_ something from me.”

Iruka moves to slam the door. “What the fuck are you talking about, _Hatake_? I would _never_ have left you over something like this. I loved you, you asshole. And I don’t have anything of yours. Feel free to check the house.”

Kakashi stops the door with a raised forearm. “A secret for a secret, Konoha?”

Iruka lets go of the door, and it swings open slowly as his arms hang limply by his sides. He whispers, “What did you say?”

His breathing is speeding up, his eyes are wide. No way. No way, it’s not possible.

“You stole my memories.”

Iruka gasps. “Sukea?” He reaches out a hand to touch Kakashi’s face.

Kakashi bats it away angrily. “You owe me. You stole my memories and I need your help.”

Iruka licks his lips, then gulps. He pulls his hand back shakily. He bites his lip unsurely. “Kakashi. I didn’t know it was you. I—”

“Save it for someone who cares. Meet me at my place at midnight.”

Kakashi turns and walks away, then adds as an afterthought, because he really needs Iruka to show up and not blow him off, “It’s about what happened at your place with Guremurin the other night.”

Kakashi knows nothing would stop Iruka from showing up for one of the kids.

Once he’s gone, Iruka hits his knees and lets out a sob. He never thought he’d see the ANBU again. It had broken his heart, but he’d made peace with it a long time ago. But, _Kakashi_ was his ANBU?

When he’d let the other boy’s memories be sealed to protect him. When Kakashi had run. When Kakashi had pulled away. When Kakashi had walked out on him yesterday. And finding out today Sukea and his lover were the same man? It felt like he was losing them all over again. Losing Kakashi a fifth time. And this time, it felt so final. How did this happen?

The lump in his throat was too big for him to speak, so when Shizune came up behind him and softly placed her hand on his shoulder, he didn’t. He just broke down in wracking sobs.

Konohamaru crept downstairs. He’d heard yelling, then saw Kakashi leave the yard. Then Shizune had gone downstairs, and he heard his dad crying. No. Wailing.

The almost seven-year-old walked up slowly. He knelt in front of his Touchan. He wrapped tiny arms around him and held on as best he could.

It wasn’t until Iruka felt his son trying to comfort him that he pulled himself together. His kid shouldn’t have to see him like this. Taking care of him wasn’t his son’s job. It was the other way around. Iruka held on tight, then kissed Konohamaru on the top of his head.

He stood and dried his tears, then took his son in the kitchen to make breakfast with a wobbly smile. Konohamaru smiled back tentatively.

Iruka asked Shizune to stay for breakfast. She frowned at the open door where the Copy-Nin had disappeared, then closed it and nodded to the brunet with a smile. She went upstairs to go get Hato-chan.

\-------------

Iruka is so distraught by the new development that he forgets to pick up the folder and burn it with Tsunade. He doesn’t know what Kakashi means by ‘what happened with Guremurin’ at his house, but he sounded worried enough about his kid that Iruka was worried now, too.

He might not have rescued him like Kakashi did, but Iruka had thought they were going to blend their families and live happily ever after. He thought of that little boy as his own, whether or not Kakashi shared that opinion anymore.

He loved him as much as he loved Naruto, Konohamaru, Hato and Shikamaru, and _nothing_ —not even a broken heart, could stop him from helping that boy if he needed it. Iruka was going to Kakashi’s tonight.

Tsunade gets worried enough about him not showing that she blows off the last half of her Missions Desk shift to hunt him down at the cottage.

She ends up watching the kids when Iruka leaves for Kakashi’s after nightfall.

After all, no matter how he feels about his ex-lover, Tsunade knows, Iruka would never turn his back on a kid, much less one he loved as his own.

Because now, for Iruka at least, it’s not about Kakashi anymore. It’s about Guremurin.

\-------------

Kakashi keeps telling himself it’s Iruka’s fault. Iruka had his memories sealed. Iruka threw an irrational fit when Kakashi was just trying to protect all of their kids. Iruka lied and left him and then got mad at him for doing the right thing. He shouldn’t feel bad. Their fighting was Iruka’s fault.

(It didn’t work. He still felt like shit.)

(He was being childish and he wasn’t thinking of any perspective but his own, and he knew damn well that he’d made things worse by being defensive and trying to protect his heart by getting in the first blow before Iruka could hurt _him_..... but if you didn’t hit hard, you got eaten alive. He was a ninja. He wasn’t going to beat around the bush and pander to a man who thought he could make decisions for the Copy-Nin and then sulk and whine like a baby.)

So he was going to be Cold-Hearted-Kakashi tonight. His and Iruka’s hearts be damned, he wouldn’t show any weakness in front of the chuunin.

He didn’t want him here.

(Liar, liar, pants on fire.)

He only needed him for Guremurin and he’d make sure he made that clear.

(You’re going to make yourself look like a complete asshole, Hatake.)

He took a deep breath. He didn’t want him here. He only needed him for Guremurin and he’d make sure he made that clear. (Keep telling yourself that, buddy.)

He heard a soft knock on the front door.

Iruka didn’t say anything when he opened it.

Kakashi didn’t either. He stepped aside to let the sensei enter. Then turned and walked to the boys’ room (Goburin was in Kakashi’s room with Panupkin, under a warming jutsu).

Kakashi notices Iruka wistfully run a finger over the orange and white striped wallpaper of his boys’ room. He hadn’t changed it from when it was Naruto’s room. HE still doesn’t say anything. Neither does Iruka.

But the brunet chuunin-sensei does gasp when he sees the thick sheet of ice beneath the sleeping, dark-haired four-year-old.

He walks towards the bed quietly, then rests a hand on the sheet of ice. He brushes the hair back from the tiny face, then stands and walks into the kitchen. Kakashi follows.

“How long?”

“The last two months.”

“The same, every time?”

“No, it’s gotten worse.”

“Only him?”

“Yeah.”

Iruka takes a deep breath. “I don’t know how much I can do, but I’ll try.”

Kakashi nods curtly.

“I’ll come back in the morning.”

Kakashi nods again.

“Pack him a bag.”

Kakashi frowns. “Why?”

At his wits end with Kakashi theatrics and antics, Iruka snaps. “Because I said so, Kakashi.”

Kakashi glares. “ _Kakashi-san_. And my kid isn’t going anywhere.”

Iruka snorts. “Sure, whatever, ‘Kakashi _-san_.’” He pushes himself off the counter where he’d been leaning and leans into Kakashi’s space, leaving only a centimeter between their noses. “Have you seen Raidou’s scars?”

“No.” (Kakashi is _not_ trembling, damnit.)

“You should ask him to see them.”

Iruka starts to leave the kitchen, but turns in the doorway.

“I did that. I did it _by accident_.” He sighs. “Pack him a bag, Kakashi.”

The brunet leaves.

\-------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P. S. Hey! I kind of wanted them to have it out while they were both drunk, so there’d be the excuse of ‘well, I said a lot of things I didn’t mean because I was drunk,’ but I wanted Iruka’s scene with Tsunade even more. So, yeah. It’ll make sense later.
> 
> Aaaaand, I think it’s about time I did an update on ages, since we’ve been jumping by weeks, or months multiple times. So:  
> Kakashi- 30 ½ish
> 
> Iruka- 28ish
> 
> Shikamaru- Just over 12
> 
> Naruto- Just under 12
> 
> Konohamaru- Just under 7
> 
> Guremurin- Just over 4
> 
> Goburin- Just under 2
> 
> Hato- Between 1 and 1 and a half
> 
> Panupkin- 3-4 months-ish  
> So, we’ve covered a period of about a year and a half to two years total since the beginning of the fic, as Naruto and Shikamaru had been about ten to ten and a half when they made genin; and Konohamaru was about 5 ½ when Iruka adopted him.


	21. Try, Try, Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! I just want to say a few things before I start this chapter.
> 
> 1\. Iruka is not threatening Kakashi at the end when he talks about Raidou’s scars. Upon re-reading my writing, I don’t think I made it clear, but basically, he’s just telling Kakashi that he and Guremurin need to be isolated because uncontrolled ice is so dangerous, as evidenced by magnitude of the damage to Raidou—which was only an accident and not even on purpose.
> 
> 2\. For those of you that didn’t read Black Ice—I now realise you might not have gotten the moment between Kakashi and Iruka where they’re fighting, and then the entire atmosphere changes just because Kakashi pops in a ‘A secret for a secret, Konoha?’ but basically, that was kind of their catchphrase when they (almost) fell in love on a return trip from a mission when they were teenagers. It was their thing, like an insider’s joke/nickname. Which is why it changes everything.
> 
> 3\. I see summons as kind of ‘super’ versions of their regular counterparts, since they’re from another plane (just like yokai are) and so, despite (real) captive tigers living at the longest only about twenty years, let’s just assume that lifespan is duodecupled (multiplied by a dozen) in summons; making Howaitotaiga, who has lived through at least Iruka’s nearly 30 years, his mother’s 25ish before that, her father’s 25ish before that and at least two more generations, possibly three (so maybe another 60)—so, about 140 years old, still with a good hundred years of life left in him. Which makes him middle-aged.

\-------------

Iruka knocks on the door. He shifts from foot to foot. Knocks again.

\-------------

Kakashi pouts at the door, arms crossed petulantly (childishly) across his chest.

He didn’t pack a bag.

He doesn’t want Guremurin to go anywhere, even with Iruka (who, despite their fighting, he knows loves Guremurin and would die for him if it came down to it).

He opens the door. Iruka steps in, then glances around.

“Hatake?”

(Kakashi knows that he himself corrected Iruka last night, to ‘Kakashi-san,’ but it hurts to hear his last name come out of the man’s mouth like he means nothing to him. Like he’s a stranger.)

Iruka sighs. “Look, I get it, ok? Our differences aside, you know I went through a helicopter phase. You said you hadn’t seen Raidou’s scars.”

Iruka scrubs a hand through his hair, knocking his ponytail askew. “They’re scary, ok? Not because there’s anything wrong with scars, but because I didn’t even do it on purpose. It was an accident. I almost killed one of my childhood friends because I was too weak to control the ice.”

Iruka steps into the Copy-Nin’s space and takes him firmly by the shoulders. Kakashi can almost imagine he’s doing it because he wants to hold him, not to make him (his _stubborn ass_ ) listen.

“If I could do that much damage by _accident_ , as a teenager— _a chuunin trying for jounin_ , Hatake—what could happen to someone else if Guremurin—by all counts, still a pre-schooler, not even a pre-genin—loses control? I mean, _really_ loses control, _not_ just leaking chakra while he sleeps?”

The sensei steps back decisively, and crosses his arms over his chest stubbornly. To Kakashi, he’s like an implacable stone wall.

“You can’t melt his ice without a jutsu, can you? You’ve tried containing it, and it strains even you—a gifted jounin, one of Leaf’s _best_ —, doesn’t it? You’ve fought a Yuki, Kakashi. A talented one. Haku. Naruto talked about him all the time. He felt bad for him, but he was also awed by him.”

He jabs a finger in Kakashi’s direction. (Ah, there’s _~~his~~_..... there’s the Iruka-sensei he knows ~~and loves~~. (And misses.))

“I’m _not_ Haku. I’ve grown up _repressing_ the ice, not embracing it. I’m a Nara, too. As you so _kindly_ pointed out yesterday. My ice, as much as I’ve researched the clan, is inherently different than theirs. It’s not pure. It’s made of Nara shadows. Do you know how hard it’s going to be to adapt? To change _everything_ I’ve tried—that didn’t even work for me the first time, mind you—, to suit someone whose inheritance is, at a basal level, as _different_ as it is the same to mine? With the little guidance material that survived the civil war?”

He drops his hands to his sides, but looks no less determined.

“I’ll try it. I’ll try it because _I love him_ and I will do my best. But you need to damn well meet me halfway, Hatake. It will be all I can do not to get _myself_ killed trying to train him. I can’t be worrying about anyone else, much less one of our kids.”

(He says ‘our,’ and Kakashi knows he doesn’t mean ‘theirs,’ as in _together_ , but as in, ‘his’ and ‘Iruka’s’, only, _all of them or any of them_ , but his heart skips a beat anyways. His lips tighten into a line. _It hurts_.)

“Pack. Him. A. Bag.” Iruka turns abruptly and stands in the hall, just outside the apartment, to wait.

(Kakashi thinks back to the night at Iruka’s. He thinks about Shikamaru, lying so still, covered in frost and jaw clenched. He thinks about Konohamaru, confused and scared for his cousin, clutching Guremurin in the hall. What if Guremurin had reacted instinctually and lashed out at Konohamaru—at Kakashi’s favourite, crayon-wielding monkey—when he dragged him from the room trying to protect the younger boy from a threat he didn’t understand? Kakashi thinks about Shikamaru. His faint heartbeat. His chilled, blue-tinged skin. _How damn, fucking_ **purple** _his lips were._ How close to death had he been? What if he had _died_? He thinks about Guremurin, in his lap, small and afraid. Of the guilt in his eyes on the run home.)

_Am I bad, Tousan? Did it hurt Shikimara?_

Kakashi stomps off (childishly) to Guremurin’s room.

\-------------

Iruka had let Kakashi follow them to where they’d be staying for (hopefully only) the next few days. It was on the Nara grounds, unsurprisingly. One of their personal training fields.

Iruka had obviously chosen this one because of the yurt Kakashi saw at the treeline. At least they were within both Konoha and Nara boundaries. It meant there would be patrols running the perimeter.

His son and ~~lover~~ Iruka wouldn’t be completely alone.

Not that Kakashi was worried or anything.

(Liar, liar, pants on fire.)

Iruka was _used_ to dealing with kids. He was _good_ at teaching.

So what if Kakashi had more than triple his chakra reserves and couldn’t contain his kid’s ice himself? It didn’t matter that Iruka had very limited chakra reserves. _It didn’t._

Because, most importantly—Iruka would be _immune_ to any ice mishaps. Just like Guremurin didn’t shiver when he iced the apartment—because he was an ice-user too, and once their latent talent was awakened, it became second-nature to them to automatically adjust to the temperatures of their ice. It wouldn’t be a very efficient kekkai genkai if the ice harmed it’s wielders.

Guremurin _couldn’t_ hurt Iruka.

They would be fine.

Everything was fine.

\-------------

**_TRAINING DAY ONE_ **

\-------------

Kakashi is taking a walk around the village to clear his head, Panupkin in a sling and Goburin toddling about when Yamato calls out to him.

The little ones had kept him busy all day, stopping him from thinking too hard about Iruka and Gure-kun, but it had been too quiet in the apartment after dinner. Usually the boys were making a ruckus in the living room, playing together. He’d needed to get the fresh air and change of scenery. For his sanity.

“Sempai!”

Kakashi grabs Goburin by the hand to stop him wandering off. He turns to one of his oldest comrades in arms.

“Hey, Sempai.” Yamato pauses to catch his breath. “I just wanted to check up on you and Iruka-sensei.”

The brunet smiles. “When he invited me to that party for your son, I was a bit surprised. But he was really nice. And you’ve seemed so happy this past year. Except..... I heard him with Tsunade two nights ago, though. Snake and I were on duty. He was crushed. He said you left him?”

Kakashi scowled. Ignoring the reference to Naruto as _their_ son, he snaps, “Mind your own business, Kohai.”

“But, why would you do that? I thought you were happy—”

Kakashi cuts him off. “He made a choice about our future without—" He frowns.

“Wait.”

Yamato cocks his head.

“You said **_two_** nights ago.”

Yamato nods. “Yeah. Two nights ago, Iruka spent the night in Tsunade’s office, bawling about you dumping him. She sent Snake and I to get them take-out, like errand-boys. I thought it was weird, because you wouldn’t—”

“Thanks, Tenzo. Bye, Tenzo.”

Kakashi walks off with his kids, leaving a thoroughly, **_thoroughly_ **puzzled friend behind.

Not that Kakashi was any _less_ puzzled.

He hadn’t fought with Iruka about his memories until _yesterday_. Why would Iruka have thought Kakashi left him _two_ days ago? Why would he even think Kakashi was at fault? _Iruka_ was the reason they were in this whole, fight-y mess.

Except..... Tenzo wasn’t just Kakashi’s kohai. They’d had each other’s backs in _Root_ , when neither of them had anyone else. If Iruka was his ~~lover~~ ex, and Gai was his best friend, then Tenzo was his _brother_.

Tenzo **_never_** lied to Kakashi.

Ever.

\-------------

If Iruka was exhausted, then Guremurin was dead on his feet. Iruka smiled at the little boy, curled up beside him, head resting on the brunet’s knee.

Iruka was watching the last embers of their fire die down before settling them in the yurt for the night. He couldn’t risk setting fire to one of the Nara forests. It would devastate the herd.

Gure-kun had been a trooper. He’d tried everything Iruka had asked of him today. But Iruka had learned something.

Guremurin was like him. Not because of the ice. But because, like the Nara and his oldest son, Naruto, Guremurin wasn’t great at learning by theory.

He needed to see, to touch, to feel. He needed hands-on learning. By example.

Which Iruka couldn’t give him. Because Iruka was no longer an ice-user. Because of his seal.

Iruka flexed his fingers and slid his sleeve up to his elbow. He peered down at the injury he’d very carefully hidden from the boy.

If he wasn’t primarily fire-natured, the ice that had encased his forearm would have done permanent nerve damage. As it was, he was covered in the tell-tale white splotches leftover from frost-bite.

His eyes snapped up as he heard a rustling in the underbrush. He dropped his sleeve back over his arm and pulled Guremurin closer to his side protectively, a kunai sliding into his other palm from up his sleeve.

On Nara grounds or not.....

\-------------

Sunoshuhare crept closer to the fire where Iruka was sat with the boy he knew as Guremurin. Sunoshuhare had known him back home as Hyozan.

She scuttled into the small circle of light cast by their dying fire.

“Don’t be alarmed, Sensei.”

Iruka arched a dark brow. “Don’t be alarmed?”

She nodded.

The pony-tailed man scoffed. “ _My son’s pet rabbit_ apparently not only followed me out of our home, but three-quarters of the way across the Nara grounds.”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “And can **talk**.”

She shrugs. “You’re shinobi, Iruka-sensei. Surely you’ve heard a summons speak before?”

He snorts again. “You’ve been living in my home for the past _three months_. My son _loves_ you. He takes care of you. I built you a hutch and run in the yard for you. In all that time, you didn’t think it pertinent to inform me that you were a damn _summons_?!”

He raises his voice as loud as he dares without waking his young charge. The rabbit, he notes, at least has the decency to look sheepish. (As sheep-ish as a rabbit can get, anyways.)

“I didn’t follow you here. I’m here because I’m the more..... _approachable_ option. Howaitotaiga wanted me to warn you about him. He tracked you here.”

“Howaitotaiga?”

A very large shadow stalked into the glow of the last embers. Iruka’s eyes widened in a double-take.

That was a _fucking huge_ tiger. He surreptitiously tried to tuck Guremurin behind him. The large beast looked amused.

“Iruka Umino. Son of Kohari, daughter of Yuki Boshi. Scion of the Yuki.” The gigantic cat lowered himself to the ground, lying comfortably, directly across from the teacher.

Iruka arched a brow and answered ( _so intelligently_ ), “Uh, what?”

The white tiger let out (oddly enough for a _cat_ ), a short, deep bark of laughter. “Iruka Umino. Son of Kohari, daughter of Yuki Boshi. Scion of the Yuki.”

Iruka shakes his head impatiently. “Yeah, no. I heard that. I—”

The cat tilts his head and interrupts. “Why do you teach him that way?”

Iruka frowns.

The cat continues. “Why do you not _show_ him?”

“I can’t.”

The tiger frowns. “You can.”

Iruka purses his lips. “I _could_.”

The tiger waits. Iruka sighs.

“Maybe. _Maybe_ I could have. More than a decade ago. Now, I _can’t_.”

The rabbit interrupts. “So, the seal I’ve heard you speak of. It isn’t only a chakra seal?”

Iruka frowns. “No.”

The tiger rumbles, “What does it seal, Iruka?”

Iruka bites his lip. “My Wind Release.”

The rabbit sucks in a breath sharply.

The tiger speaks in a monotone that betrays no emotion. “Without the wind release to compliment the water release, a Yuki cannot use their ice release.”

Iruka nods. “Exactly.”

“ _Exactly_?” The tiger sounds both disapproving and indignant. He rises. “You are in a _free_ country, boy. How could you desecrate your gift, your—”

Iruka matches his indignation. He stands, fury beginning to colour his words.

“ **Yes** ,” he grits out, “I live in a _free country_ , Howaitotaiga- _san_. A free country where my mother was followed home by Mist scum and where my parents were murdered in front of my eyes in our own home when I was _six_ damn years old because of our ‘ _gift_.’” He snappishly whips off air quotes.

“I live in a _free country_ , where I was pushed and pushed and _pushed_ to be stronger, better, _more_. Just because I am shinobi. Because it is _expected_. Pushed until I tried to harness my _gift_ to **be** stronger, better, _more_. And I almost killed my _friend_ , my comrade in arms, by _accident_ , with my _gift_.” He strides forward, his primary fire-nature making waves of flame lick through the tendril-y wisps of hair fanning around him as his chakra becomes severely agitated, over two decades worth of frustration reaching its boiling point within him.

He spat the word ‘gift,’ venomously each time he uttered it, “A free country, where I was free to have my wind release sealed so neither of those things would happen _ever again_ , to protect the _free country_ I live in and the people **_I love_**. And _because_ of that seal, I had to watch _my_ _second father die protecting me,_ because it makes me _weak_.”

He strides forward menacingly. “I have to live without half of my chakra, without the control over my tenketsu I once had, without _any_ wind jutsu, without the _two_ fucking sets of parents I lost and without a whole DAMN PART OF ME, SO _FORGIVE ME, TIGER-SAMA_ , IF _I_ DON’T APPRECIATE MY _GIFT_ ENOUGH FOR _YOU_.”

The clearing is silent save for Iruka’s panting. He turns to Guremurin, who woke up with his last declaration and picks the boy up, cradling him to his chest protectively.

“I teach the boy, not because I want him to _use_ Ice Release. It is dangerous for him to know. You.” His eyes snap to the rabbit. He presses the boy’s head to his chest and covers his ears before he speaks again.

“You were _there_ when his biological parents were _murdered in cold blood,_ just like mine, because of our so-called _gift_. How can you stand in front of me, in front of _us_ and berate me for trying my best to help him control something that left alone could kill our loved ones in his sleep? You make it seem like you are _so_ dedicated to the Yuki. To the gift they can wield that you admire _so_ greatly. And yet, you raised no hand to protect his parents. To protect _him_. An innocent _child_.” Iruka tightens his grasp and whispers almost inaudibly, “One of _my_ children.”

He clenches his free fist and, instead of raising his voice, he lowers it to a dangerous growl.

“Get _the fuck off Nara land_ , Tiger, and stay _the hell away_ from me and mine. The Yuki are _not_ my kith and kin. The ice has brought me nothing but pain and loss...... It is nothing but a curse. And you have _not_ earned the right to have a say in _our_ lives.” He adjusts the pre-schooler on his hip and kisses his dark tresses.

“If I see you again, anywhere near one of Kakashi’s children, then make no mistake, Tiger-san..... I will _not_ hesitate to try and kill you.”

They stare at each other in silence for many moments. Howaitotaiga meets the sensei’s blazing eyes.

The tiger does not agree with him, but the sensei..... has earned his respect.

The enormous tiger bows his head respectfully. “I am sorry, Iruka Umino.”

\-------------

**_TRAINING DAY TWO_ **

\-------------

Iruka can sense Kakashi outside the yurt.

He crawls out. “He’s sleeping.”

“I just want—”

“Believe me, he needs the rest.”

Kakashi scoffs. He takes his frustration about the situation on the easiest target. The one standing closest to him. “ _Believe_ you? How can I believe _anything_ you say?”

Iruka arches a brow. “Excuse me?”

“You stole my memories, Iruka. Oshika..... whatever the hell you’re calling yourself these days.”

“That’s not fair, Kakashi! I didn’t know it was you and even if I had, I couldn’t know back then how things were going to turn out. I did it to _protect you_.”

“Protect me? That’s rich, coming from a chuunin with a third of my chakra reserves and a bad attitude. You had no right to make that decision for me.”

Iruka knows his limits. He accepts them. But it hurts to be called weak when Kakashi _knows_ he has the seal and why. Especially when he’d only had good intentions—and losing Sukea had been _just as hard_ for Iruka—if not more because _he had to live with the memories and the decision_. (That he’d made when he was only fourteen, for fuck’s sake.)

So he retaliates. “Oh, no? Kind of like how _you_ made a decision for your teammate, despite her wishes to protect Konoha; despite her asking otherwise; telling you clearly what she wanted— and then _you_ wallowed in self-pity because she made her own decision, about her own life, that _you_ didn’t approve of? And then you spend the next twenty years bitter about it and pushing everyone else away? How are you any better than me?”

Kakashi pales. “Don’t you _fucking, dare_ , you _self-righteous_ , _egotistical_ , _self-centred, ego-centric_ —” Kakashi continues, his voice rising, not noticing his son creep out and huddle, afraid, in the half-obscured opening of the yurt as his adoptive father allows all of the hurt over his friend’s death, all of his pent-in frustrations with his and Iruka’s recent arguments and the bottled-up emotions over his kid’s safety flow out and onto the current target of his anger. “ _You have no right_ to talk about—”

“Tousan?”

Kakashi turns, sees his son’s lip wobble.

“What are you doing?”

_“I’m not—”_ .....Kakashi looks down, only to realize he’s moved forward unconsciously during his tirade, crowding the brunet’s space; face inches from his, fingers wrapped tightly around his ex-lover’s biceps.

“Tousan?”

Kakashi drops his hands like Iruka is on fire. He swallows frantically. His heart speeds up, his breathing ratchets into ragged puffs.

“I didn’t—” he pulls his mask down, tries to pull in deep breaths.

Iruka’s mouth thins out to a tight line.

“I think it’s time for you to leave. Gure-kun and I have work to do.” His voice betrays no fear, no emotion at all. Kakashi’s gaze sweeps back to him frantically.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

Iruka brushes past him and takes Guremurin’s hand in his own. He kneels and whispers soothing words, then nods to Kakashi tightly as he pushes the pre-schooler back into the tent structure.

“Get your towel, kiddo.”

He turns to Kakashi while Guremurin is in the yurt.

“You’re not the type to lose your temper Kakashi, or hurt people on purpose. These past few months. I know they’ve been rough on all of us..... but especially you. You used to take everything out on yourself..... Which wasn’t healthy either, but holding it all in until you’re fit to burst isn’t any more productive.”

Iruka looks at him calmly as he kneels to meet Gure in the door and stands with the boy in his arms.

“What if it wasn’t me?”

Kakashi swallows.

“Let’s go get washed up in the river, buddy. Your dad’s gotta go.”

He watches, distressed and lost, as two of his most precious people disappear into the morning fog, his son’s anxious expression playing over and over in his head.

\-------------

Howaitotaiga is very careful not to be seen by the fiercely protective and strong-willed sensei. But he hadn’t gone far.

And, he’d had a lot to think about after their discussion last night.

Howaitotaiga was a summons trapped on the human plane, much like Sunoshuhare with him, because his contract was incomplete. The night the Yuki compound had been massacred by Yagura’s forces, he had been released from his contract with his former master and the last head of the clan, Yuki Tsurara in order to be bound to the man’s only son—the then three-year-old Yuki Boshi.

Tsurara had felt the change in Kirigakure and was binding his summon to his heir so the giant cat could protect the boy if Tsurara’s fears came to pass. Only Tsurara had run out of time. Before Howaitotaiga could be bound to the boy, the Yondaime Mizukage— Yagura’s— men had attacked. The civilian nanny, in a desperate bid to save the baby she loved—had stolen Boshi and run.

Despite being unbound, Howaitotaiga had spent the next year hunting them down. He had found Nozomi and Boshi in Konohagakure. He had stayed to watch the boy—it was what his master would have wished.

Only, the boy’s adoptive mother had refused to have him trained. She was afraid of her son’s gift and eventually, Howaitotaiga had grown resentful. When they boy’s only daughter still hadn’t shown any inclination towards Ice Release by her sixteenth birthday, the large animal had given up.

Perhaps, if he’d stayed...... if he hadn’t been as apathetic or if he had surmounted his anger towards the civilian nanny—perhaps Iruka’s story may have been very different.

Perhaps, if he hadn’t been so fed up with being stuck in the human plane and hadn’t left Sunoshuhare alone with that family for weeks at a time while he did as he pleased—perhaps, then, weak as the mother’s gift had been, perhaps he’d have arrived on time to do more than follow her children out of Mist country to Konohagakure.

The Yuki family did not summon one type of animal, unlike many clans. Instead, they summoned one _colour_ (shade) of animal—snow white. Snowshoe hares, arctic foxes, white wolves, snowy owls, _Siberian tigers_..... The type of animal each clan member was _gifted_ (like the summons were chattel, and not bonded naturally, as partners) with depended heavily on their personality. Some well-balanced shinobi even had multiple summons, of various kind, if the clan head deemed them worthy enough.

Only one thing was certain—only the main branch could summon the strongest of each animal (the leader of each herd/flock/pack, etcetera). As the strongest tiger, Howaitotaiga had always _served_ (been made to serve, and never deemed good enough to work with as an equal) a member of the main family. Since the contracts were passed down generationally, however, _he_ ever _chosen_ a master. His contract was _given_ to a new summoner when the family deemed fit (or necessary), as his mother’s had been before him.

Iruka’s off-hand comment, _‘You have not **earned the right** to have a say in our lives,’_ stayed with the large cat. Iruka had not grown up in the clan. Iruka was different.

_‘The Yuki are **not** my kith and kin_.’ He had spoken, the entire conversation, to the summon like he would speak to another human, another shinobi.

Like he would speak to _an equal_.

He gave up pieces of himself freely for the safety of others. He protected fiercely, even when he knew himself to be outgunned. He did not waver in his convictions. He believed a summon could have a say if they earned his trust and respect.

Despite Iruka apparently feeling nothing but murderous rage towards his person (tigerson?), Howaitotaiga had found the first shinobi that he wished to fight alongside.

Howaitotaiga wasn’t leaving. He had no intention of going anywhere.

He sends Sunoshuhare—difficult to detect due to her small size and chakra—to keep an eye on Iruka and the boy.

\-------------

Iruka could cry. Not because of the injuries. No. He’d sustained several new ones today, of course, but they were nothing. He was a shinobi. He could handle pain. And training with a handicap.

What hurt him the most was the look of defeat in Guremurin’s eyes. Iruka knew the little one was doing the best he could, trying his _damn hardest_. But he couldn’t learn the way Iruka could teach him.

Guremurin was as scared as Iruka had been when he’d hurt Raidou. Only, he wasn’t a sixteen-year-old kid that could _do_ something about it himself. He was a four-year-old kid, who needed Iruka to help him.

Guremurin couldn’t learn the way Iruka could teach him.

Not right now.

But.

\-------------

Kakashi is taking a walk around the village to clear his head again, from their argument this morning. Panupkin in a sling and Goburin toddling about when Inoichi calls out to him.

“Hatake.”

“Hatake!”

“KAKASHI HATAKE!”

The sound finally registers and the silver-haired shinobi turns.

He arches a pale brow at the blond.

“Yamanaka-san.”

The blond smiles. “Hey, I’m sorry about the other day. You looked flummoxed.”

Kakashi frowns.

“It’s just, I thought you knew already. Shikaku said you’d gotten in to the archives where the mission report about you and Oshi—Iruka was filed..... and he also said his brother told him Iruka was going to tell you about his seal four days ago, after you had dinner at Shika’s place. So, I’m sorry if I startled you. Brought back bad memories, whatever. I didn’t mean to.”

Kakashi nods absently.

Inoichi smiles apologetically and starts to turn to walk away. “Well, I should probably get—"

Kakashi’s hand shoots out to catch the older man as he realises something. “Iruka..... told me about a seal, four days ago?”

Inoichi frowns. “Yeah.”

Kakashi bites his lip. “What seal?”

Inoichi pulls back and peers into Kakashi’s visible eye. “You’re..... _kidding_ , right?” The blond sucks in a breath. “Oh, God, please don’t tell me I showed you something I shouldn’t have? Iruka _did_ talk to you that night, didn’t he?”

Kakashi thinks hard.

~flashback~

_‘Kakashi?’_

_‘Mmhm?’_

_‘Before we do this, before we move in together, there’s something I need to tell you.’_

_‘Mm.’_

_‘Kashi, I’m serious!’_

~end flashback~

Oh God. He’d tuned him out. It wasn’t Iruka’s fault.

It made more sense now. Whatever Iruka had said that night—when he’d asked Kakashi the next morning if it was about what happened the night before—he **_hadn’t_** known about Guremurin and Shikamaru. He’d thought Kakashi had run from him because of what _he’d_ told him (that Kakashi hadn’t listened to)..... and if it was about Iruka being a Yuki—then the brunet probably thought that when Kakashi said he’d left because of the danger from Mist, that Kakashi had left because _Iruka_ was the cause of the threat.

Oh God, all of his reactions in the last few days had been _because_ of that, and because he’d thought Iruka lied to him.

And..... Was he really any better than the brunet, like he’d claimed?

Iruka had only been fourteen when he’d let Inoichi seal Kakashi’s memories. They had a connection— **yes**. But they’d also only known each other a few weeks. Iruka couldn’t have known they’d be the love of each other’s lives after a few weeks when they were just teenagers any more than Kakashi could have predicted what would have happened had Rin been returned to Konoha carrying the Three-Tails.

_And_ he’d told Kakashi about being Oshika and having a seal with ample time before they moved in together to make sure Kakashi could adjust—but Kakashi obviously hadn’t listened, so—

Oh, God. Wait.

Kakashi grips Inoichi’s arms desperately. “I tuned him out, Yamanaka. I need you to tell me. What does the seal _do_?”

Inoichi frowns. “You _tuned him out_?”

Kakashi shakes the older nin. **_“What does it do?!”_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \-------------
> 
> Note: Ok, so I stopped in the middle of the "Training Days' only because the chapter was getting MASSIVE. It wasn’t technically meant to be two, but I needed to split it somewhere. The next half should be up as the following chapter sometime this afternoon.


	22. Six Feet Under Rock Bottom Below Sea Level (That’s How Bad It Is)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \-------------  
> Note: Okey, dokey. So, If the chapter title isn’t enough to tip you off, this is going to be a GONG show. (Um, sorry not sorry?)
> 
> Just to point out before I let my fucking melodramatic drama kings take the stage, Kakashi is both CHILDISH and PARANOID. Please excuse him.
> 
> Iruka is a total downer....... but at least he’s, you know, pragmatic about it.
> 
> Yeah, no. There’s really no excuse that can explain this monstrosity. I couldn’t help myself.
> 
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> ....
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> Please don’t hate me for ... the scene (you’ll know it when you get there) ... it made my tummy kind of ill just writing it ... and I might have cried a little ... but I wrote it anyways, and for that, I really am sorry.

\-------------

**_TRAINING DAY THREE_ **

\-------------

Iruka hadn’t slept. It had taken him a long time to come to the decision, but it was what needed to be done.

He was holding the boy, _their_ boy, _his_ boy, close to his chest and murmuring soothing whispers into his inky locks as they waited in the underground training bunker where Iruka had practiced his more dangerous Black Ice techniques back when they’d still fascinated him as much as they scared him, before he’d tried (disastrously) to separate the ice and the shadows.

It was nearly indestructible.

Iruka bit his lip and held back the tears as Gure’s little hands fisted in his shinobi blues.

He hated himself right now. All his Nara brains..... the years he’d spent researching the Yuki. That his father and brother had. And this was all he had left. He’d tried everything else that he could find, that he could think of, over the last two days.

They were waiting for Ibiki. For Ibiki and..... _a prisoner_. Iruka had spent the last hour bartering with his brother. Shikaku had finally relented and explained everything to Ibiki. Then Ibiki had gone to fetch..... _him_.

Iruka _hated_ himself right now, but he also knew himself, so he knew Guremurin, who was so much like him it was eerie.

He’d lost both sets of his parents in the type of moment Ibiki was constructing.

He’d lost Hatsukoi and Sukea in the type of moment Ibiki was constructing.

His team and Hiashi-san had lost Hizashi-sensei in a moment like Ibiki was constructing.

Konoha had lost Yondaime and Sandaime in moments like Ibiki was constructing.

His son’s fate as the jinchuriki of the Ten-Tails had been sealed in a moment like Ibiki was creating.

The love of his life’s fear of commitment and family had been wrought in a moment like Ibiki was creating.

Sasuke had gone beyond anyone’s reach in the type of moment Ibiki was creating.

He’d decided to give up half his identity in the type of moment Ibiki was creating.

The most painful experiences were also the most life-altering, Iruka knew.

That didn’t mean he hated himself any less right then.

Ibiki was forcing a Point of No Return.

Iruka’s only consolation was that it wasn’t really his idea. Naruto had told him about one of the first things the idiot Toad-sanin had done with him.

Jiraiya had given him a great day..... and then dropped his life in danger to force him to tap into Kyuubi’s chakra. When Iruka had first heard, he could have _killed_ the sanin, sanin or not. But..... it had _worked_. And Guremurin was like Iruka and Naruto and they were a ninja family.

At least, the brunet told himself— _at least if he was going to allow Gure-kun to have to watch this, well, at least, he’d have to live it_.

They could do it via genjutsu, but if his kid was going to have to experience this, then Iruka felt like instead of just genjutsuing him, the brunet should have to damn-well live it and suffer the consequences too.

Whether or not it was his idea or if it would allow Gure-kun to harness his talent—the pain would be Iruka’s punishment for letting this happen this way and not being smart enough to figure out another way, for not being strong enough to have done better, made better decisions or harnessing his own ice.

. . .

. . . . .

. . .

Unfortunately, Guremurin learned like Iruka did. By doing, by trying.

Which means he’d never be able to _do it_ until he’d **_already done it before_**.

The trick was tricking him into doing it so that he’d know how to do it.

To control the ice, Guremurin needed to be _aware_ it was there.

To know it was _there_ , Guremurin had to _feel_ it.

And sometimes, to _feel_ it, if you didn’t know what you were looking for, you had to do it by _instinct_.

To do it by _instinct_ , you had to be motivated at a _basic_ level.

To motivate a pre-schooler who barely had any self-awareness at the most _basic level_ of humanity, it was going to have to be _extreme_.

As much as Iruka didn’t like it, he knew what he had to do.

**There were only two options.**

Put _Guremurin_ ’s life _in danger_ to _petrify_ him into harnessing it. Which Iruka would **_never_** do.

Or (hopefully) _anger_ him into harnessing it. By putting a _loved one_ ’s life in danger.

And the only loved one he was willing to risk, was himself.

He didn’t want to—

~~Traumatise.~~

~~Scare.~~

~~Hurt.~~

~~Force.~~

~~Push.~~

_Do this_ to the boy he thought of as his own. The boy who—in so many ways, was still just a baby. He held him closer, tighter.

But if he **_died_** on the table tomorrow, he _couldn’t_ leave Guremurin and his family helpless against the ice. It had already ruined so much. He _wouldn’t_ let it do the same to them.

**Whether he died trying it this way today, or he died trying it the other way tomorrow.**

(But hopefully, by some miracle, he’d survive and Gure-kun and Kakashi wouldn’t hate him.)

. . .

. . . . .

. . .

And if he didn’t..... _Well_ , he’d written his letters last night.

_And his will_.

Just in case.

\-------------

Oh God. Oh fuck. Kakashi had basically _black-mailed_..... or at least _bullied_ Iruka into training Gure-kun.

Iruka had his Wind Release sealed when he was sixteen, just like he’d had Kakashi’s memories sealed. He’d given up more than he’d ever taken away from Kakashi and the Copy-Nin had repaid him by guilting him into something dangerous for both Iruka and Gure-kun. By putting his life in danger and making him responsible for Guremurin and Kakashi knew the brunet would never forgive himself if anything happened to their kid.

Oh God, oh fuck, oh shit. He hadn’t _meant to_ —he didn’t _want_ this. He wanted his family _safe._

Because his Wind Release was sealed, Iruka was no longer an ice-user. _He wasn’t immune to the ice._

Iruka _wasn’t_ immune like Kakashi had been telling himself. He hadn’t been for over a decade. And he had _a third_ of Kakashi’s chakra reserves. And _Kakashi_ couldn’t contain the ice anymore even with his higher chakra reserves. _But Iruka had still agreed to train Guremurin. He still wanted to help and....._

Oh fuck, oh shit.

_Guremurin could hurt Iruka, and Iruka would hide it—so the little boy wouldn’t blame himself or feel bad. The ice could kill Iruka and he’d be gone forever and Guremurin would be traumatised and Kakashi would never forgive himself._

The ice could kill Iruka.

_The ice could kill Iruka._

**The ice could kill Iruka.**

_And he would die thinking Kakashi hated him. And his kids_ , their _kids would be orphaned_ again _._

_And Kakashi would break._ He knew it like he needed air.

Kakashi felt his knees hit the uneven cobblestones painfully as he heaved gigantic, gut-wrenching sobs that wracked his body. He kept trying to move forward, even as he clutched at his head and hyperventilated (it was all he could do not to scream) and ~~stumbled , crawled, tripped, crouch walked, hobbled, unevenly gaited~~ ahead like some possessed, desultory zombie.

\-------------

As Kakashi basically crawls around the village, looking for someone who might know where Iruka is, Anko calls out to him.

He’d started with the yurt on the Nara training grounds, obviously. Empty save for a recalcitrant tiger and Konohamaru’s pet bunny (he’d have thought, _WTF_?!, but he was too distraught).

Then he’d run to the cottage, where Shizune had been babysitting (it made him a bit jealous she looked so comfortable there, _and_ that she didn’t seem to like him very much.)

But, she’d still been worried enough about Iruka that she’d sent Kakashi to Tsunade. She’d looked worried when he told her he couldn’t find Iruka and Shizune had sent him, but she’d dismissed him quickly, after telling him she didn’t know either.

“Shitake Bakashi!”

Kakashi is hyperventilating too loud to register her.

“Hey, ASSHOLE.” Anko grabs him by the shoulder roughly. She digs her pointy finger nails in, _hard_.

He lets his head loll pathetically in her direction with a weird, gurgle-whine.

She raises a dark eyebrow, but berates him nonetheless. “I was sent on a mission, otherwise I’d have caught up to you a lot sooner, but what the _fuck_ did you do to my Ruka-chan? He was crying on the Hokage’s shoulder the other night because he said _you_ dumped him. She sent me and Cat for food, then I got off duty and was sent out, or I’d have stayed with him myself. So, spill, asshole. What’s up between the two of you?”

Kakashi grabs her desperately by her trench coat lapels. “ _Do you know where he is,_ RIGHT NOW?”

She frowns and tries, unsuccessfully, to pry his white-knuckled fingers off her coat. “No.”

“I can’t find him anywhere. I need to find him, I need to find them. Where are they? Where would he go? Where did they go? Where are they? Why can’t I find them?.............”

Kakashi continues his tirade as Anko tries to push him away.

“What the fuck are you babbling about, Hatake. You’d better be looking for him to apologise. He was actually happy with you, you know.”

Kakashi snaps out of it a little. “I’m not looking for him to apologise. That doesn’t matter right now. The only thing that matters is he could die if I don’t find him RIGHT FUCKING NOW, Mitarashi. Not even Tsunade knows where he is.”

She frowns. “ _What_ are you talking about?”

He whines piteously. He whispers, “Do you have any idea where he is?”

She purses her lips in annoyance. “Look, you sound pretty serious, whatever this is, so I’ll try to help you and whatever, but make no mistake, I expect you to _thoroughly explain yourself when this is over_.”

He nods vigorously. “Mitarashi, not even Tsunade knew where he was.”

Anko bites her lip. “Yeah, but who has almost as much power as her? Who has access to basically everything in the village, just like her, and is wrapped around Iruka’s little finger?” She makes a face at him. “His cousin, Shikaku.”

Kakashi sucks in a breath. Anko’s assumption they’re cousins aside, that’s actually pretty brilliant. Shikaku. Of course. The jounin commander was Iruka’s _brother_.

But Kakashi didn’t know where he was either, and he also didn’t know where Shikaku would have taken Guremurin and Iruka or _why_.

\-------------

As soon as the Copy-Nin left the missions room, Tsunade snapped at her ANBU guards to either fucking find Iruka or Shikaku, or find out what the hell they were doing and where the hell they were.

Then she’d high-tailed it several floors up to her office. It had kind of become she and Iruka’s meeting place. If he wanted her to know where he was, he’d have left her a clue there. Good God, if that boy was doing something dangerous, she’d fucking murder him herself. She didn’t have very many precious people left to lose. Once she got her hands on that pair of idiot genius brothers, there’d be _hell to pay_.

She was unsurprised to see Shikamaru leaning on her office door. He pushed himself up and handed her a large, sealed envelope.

She reached for it as the boy spoke. “Don’t know what’s in it, but Tousan and Jiisan said to make sure you got this,” he checked the clock, “at eleven.”

It was 10:59am. He didn’t let go as the pair held the envelope between them for almost two minutes.

When the clock read exactly 11am, he let go and walked away in a lazy slouch.

The Hokage closed herself in her office. She dumped the large envelope out on her desk. In it were a dozen or so smaller, letter sized, but very thick and full envelopes. The few she could read were addressed to many of Iruka’s family members or friends. _Oh, God, what were those idiot brothers planning to do?_

She reached in the larger envelope to see if there was anything else. There was.

It was a last will and testament.

She stood abruptly and shouted for more ANBU.

**ARGH!** When she got her _hands on those two **idiots**_!

.............

When one of her ANBU finally found out what those two were doing (booked an underground training bunker and asking for a day pass from the prison for one of the criminal nins), she’d shunshinned over. Or tried to.

Shikaku grinned wryly at her as she bounced off the barrier seal he was obviously maintaining around the building. She glared at him.

He sighed and slapped a folder into her chest. She looked down at it.

\-------------

Tsunade opened the folder. Inside, were both Iruka and Oshika’s information pages. There was a sticky note on the top one.

_Tsunade—_

_I’ve decided. Remove the seal. Shikaku will know when. He’ll let you in._

_P.S. Please don’t be too mad._

_I love you like a second mother._

_If I don’t make it, I just wanted you to know._

_Iruka_

She narrows her eyes at Shikaku.

\-------------

Shikaku can see the second she decides what she’ll do.

She raises a chakra enforced fist and brings it down on the barrier. It wavers, but holds.

Damnit. He sighs. Troublesome woman.

He braces himself. Holding this thing until Ibiki gives him the signal is going to _suck_.

\-------------

The hardest part wasn’t _not_ fighting back.

It was watching Guremurin’s face.

The four-year-old’s mouth hung open in hysterical sobs, tears soaking his cheeks over already dried tracks, his shoulder-length hair looks like it’s been windswept by a fucking tornado, he’s so worked up that his sobs are shaking his entire tiny frame, the screeches echoing through the room. His teddy is hanging limply from one hand and he’s holding it so tight his fingers are red and probably cramping.

But that’s not the worst part. Oh, God, that’s not the worst part. He’s screaming Iruka’s name. Ruka, Ruka. (Every now and then, he even throws in a drawn-out, broken “Touchan,” which Iruka knows Kakashi had been teaching him and Goburin. It about breaks his fucking heart.) And it feels like a thousand poisoned senbon are tearing through Iruka’s heart each and every damn time.

Ibiki had the boy in a one-sided barrier seal, so Mizuki can’t get in. Iruka would never have approved of this plan if Gure-kun was in any danger.

Mizuki can only reach Iruka—he believes Ibiki is giving the traitor a shot at killing the brunet in front of one of the sensei’s kids to get back at him for taking in Naruto.

And the former chuunin-sensei is milking it for all it’s worth. Iruka can feel that he has several broken ribs, and he knows he’s covered in bruises, scrapes and cuts. Mizuki also twisted his one wrist awkwardly, trying to break all the fingers in the hand (he’d partially succeeded, and Iruka couldn’t move it anymore) and dislocating the shoulder joint. One of his lungs was punctured and he was fairly certain both of his femurs were fractured in multiple places, with one of his kneecaps even being shattered. Thank God he hadn’t lost any teeth yet. Tsunade would kill him if she had to re-implant those, it was damn hard.

Iruka can’t see it, (because he only has eyes for Guremurin—if his kid is going to go through this, then he’s damn well going to be man enough to watch the pain it’s causing him and not look away in shame for letting him see this, for not fighting back—) but Mizuki’s sneer turns even meaner.

Pale fingers wrap around Iruka’s neck as he feels the whole room shake (Tsunade must be trying to break Shikaku’s barrier, he thinks distantly). His ears are starting to ring and no matter how hard he tries to stay awake, his eyes are slowly closing.

He can’t breathe. He blinks, slowly, slowly.....

Ibiki is torn. Iruka’s kid hasn’t done anything yet like the Naras thought he would, but Iruka is going to _die_ if Ibiki doesn’t intervene.

\-------------

There’s a deafening crash as the outer barrier ruptures, shattering around the building.

Tsunade pushes past Shikaku triumphantly as the goateed brunet rushes after her to slow her down.

She is not impeded by his grip on her arm. She marches on, her jounin commander being dragged on his heels behind her by his two-handed grip on her bicep.

_Idiots._

She bangs the door of the lower-most training room open and burst in.

\-------------

It all happens at once. Ibiki makes a move forward, intent on stopping Mizuki whether or not the kid has mastered the ice the Naras intended him to. The door is flung open, revealing a pissed Hokage and out-of-breath jounin commander.

And Iruka’s eyes fly open at the burst of light from Ibiki’s barrier around Guremurin dissolving as a veritable wave of ice cascades out from the boy towards the white-haired nin sitting on top of him.

\-------------

Guremurin rushes forwards on shaky legs as soon as the dumb see-through wall keeping him there was broken. He watches as that bad man, falls off of Guremurin’s Iruka. The four-year-old is panting in agitation.

\-------------

With his one (relatively) good hand, Iruka topples his former friend turned traitor off of him. The white-haired prisoner is bleeding, and frozen (in shock) and there are shards of icicles sticking out of his orange jumpsuit at odd angles. Tsunade looks incredulous, Ibiki relieved and Shikaku triumphant. But Iruka sees none of it.

He only has eyes for one person. Het rolls himself onto his belly and pulls himself forward, crawling to meet the only person that matters right now.

\-------------

Tears sting the corners of her eyes as Tsunade watches the two meet in the middle of the empty training room. Guremurin throws his little arms around Iruka’s neck, even at the odd angle; and his sobs quieten down slowly. Iruka wraps his usable hand around the boy.

Guremurin lands on his behind and Iruka leans back to look him in the face. The brunet smiles.

“I love you, buddy. You did so good. I’m so proud. You’re such a big boy.” He runs bloody fingers through dark tresses and kisses a smooth forehead. “So brave. So strong.”

The teddy is forgotten on the floor as the boy scoots down to lie under the brunet's weak arm.

\-------------

Kakashi’s desperation had finally made Yoshina crack. He shunshinned straight into the training bunker she’d told him about.

His mind briefly registers the image of his broken lover on the ground, their son cradled softly, protectively, in one arm, before his other senses are hit with a realisation.

Iruka’s chakra is dying.

It feels like Kakashi's heart stops. _He's too late._

\-------------


	23. The Super-Spy Versus the Super-Gossip and Super-Baka (Or the Pervy Sage Versus the Blonds)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Ok, so just a quick note. Siberian tigers are the largest breed of tigers. Males are on average, roughly three feet tall at the shoulder, 10 to 11 feet long and roughly 650 to almost 700 pounds. I want to point out that Howaitotaiga’s size is not going to be any more normal that his lifespan. Like Iruka said in more than one way more than once when he met him, Howa is HUGE. I was thinking like, 1 ½ times the size of a ‘regular’ Siberian tiger (so, just over 4 feet tall, close to 4 ½ at the shoulder, 15 feet long-ish from muzzle to tip of tail and over 900 lbs, but not 1000)—which basically means he’s a HORSE-SIZED tiger. SCARY. But true, lol. He’s also the rare white tiger, I think it’s a recessive gene in the wild, but yeah..... that’s him, because, well, snow ninja summons.
> 
> ALSO, I SHOULD have said this when I first introduced the character, but sometimes, I’m ditzy and forgetful AF. Sorry ‘bout that:
> 
> I feel it is important to point out that white tigers are not normally occurring (Think, less than one per generation, like, of all the tigers everywhere in the world). They are the result of selective breeding (in-breeding, that traces back to that one white tiger found in the wild) that also causes debilitating genetic anomalies. I DO NOT condone any of that. If you want to learn more about the truth of white tigers, see this website: https://bigcatrescue.org/abuse-issues/issues/white-tigers/ . It is convenient for this story for them to exist in this AU, but I imagine them more like the Kermode ‘Spirit Bears’ in B. C. (recessive, like one in 16 odds (if the breeding pairs were mathematically allotted, which, in nature, they definitely aren’t) or something and localised to one region), Canada and not the poor unfortunate creatures they are in reality.

\-------------

The funeral is on a sunny day. Fitting, given who is gone. Kakashi wasn’t sure if he could stand it. He ended up going, because he was the one responsible for the chuunin’s death.

Tsunade didn’t blame the Copy-Nin, not really. She told him she understood.

\-------------

The chuunin paces in front of his (decidedly small—but he supposed he understood why; they didn’t like nin escaping from here) window.

They had considered letting him out for the day, just for the funeral, but had decided against it.

Apparently, it would be too dangerous to have him running around the village, even if he wanted to go because he, surprisingly, felt so bad for what had happened in the end. No amount of wheedling had changed their minds.

Tsunade had been so angry at him for suggesting it that it’d gotten to the point where she’d threatened him. And that silver-haired idiot wouldn’t even look at him. He sighed. That bothered him more than he’d like to admit, though, given the circumstances, it was understandable.

\-------------

Ino smiles victoriously. She opens her eyes and quickly sketches out the last image Naruto had sent her through the mind-meld. They’d been chatting at least once a week since he’d been gone—so he wasn’t suspicious of why she’d upped it to everyday the last week. And she’d told him she was practicing a new mapping technique with Shikamaru to get the other blond to describe his surroundings.

They’d never gotten along that well before they’d been made a team, but once Shikamaru had gotten them to work together, well...... the blonds had figured out that not only did they have a lot in common (Sakura had dropped her like a rock after Ino had befriended her because apparently, you couldn’t like the same guy and still be friends; and no matter how nice Naruto ever was to the strawberry blonde, she was mean to him and only nice to Sasuke.)—like their ‘relationships’ or lack thereof with Sakura; the fact that they were both gorgeous blonds (even _if_ Naruto refused to let her make him over, she just knew that face structure had potential); the fact she was a Yamanaka and he was sort of a Nara (adopted—but still); and they both liked to surprise others by doing the unexpected. They were both loyal, hard-working and blonds just had more fun (especially in groups!).

And once they’d figured that out, well, they’d also figured out what a stellar team they made. Naruto was so unpredictable that no enemy nin they’d met yet could predict what he’d do next, and with her mind-meld technique, she always knew—so they could work together and win. They were unstoppable!

(As much as Ino-Shika-Cho was a traditional and expected teaming, Ino would admit she thought she worked better with the other blond. Shikamaru agreed and enjoyed working with his cousin too. Chouji was just glad Sakura had been sent to work with other teams. As tolerant as he was, the strawberry blond’s antics got on even his nerves...... The only downside to working with the boys was that, well, Ino worked with only the boys. It’d be nice to have another girl around sometimes.)

That Sanin wouldn’t know what him. Ino couldn’t believe he wouldn’t tell him, much less let Naruto come home despite what had just happened to his dad. It was inexcusable. Family needed to be here for events like this, no matter how difficult it was.

Naruto needed to be home right now. His little brother and sister needed him without their dad at home anymore—it just wasn’t the same at Shikaku-san’s house as it was at Iruka-sensei’s (she knew because she’d slept over at both places before).

The Sanin wasn’t going to get away with this. Naruto and Ino were going to find out where he and the sage were, and she and his cousin Shikamaru were going to find him a way home.

\-------------

Shikamaru sorted through his friend’s sketches. He gestured at Chouji, who passed him an unrolled topographical map of Northern Fire Country.

After studying it for a few minutes, the brunet nodded to his two teammates. He rested his index finger on one of the maps, then drew an invisible line across it; pointing out the route he believed Naruto and the Sanin to be taking, based on their location matches over the last few days.

\-------------

Anko smirked. She’d seen Iruka’s nephew and his little friends lurking around the Mission Room doors. They’d spot someone, discuss, and then wait some more. Now she knew why.

“So, you want me to submit this, as if I’m some civilian requesting the mission?” She raised a brow.

The nephew nods.

“Why?” She taps the application/request into her opposite palm.

“Because our henges aren’t good enough to fool Iwashi-san or Genma-san.”

“And if I used the body takeover technique, I’d still have my mannerisms.”

“Because we asked you to, you old hag.”

She growls. “What’d you call me?”

“Shika, don’t piss her off!”

“What? She’ll do it anyways.”

“Oh, will I?”

The twelve-year-old snorts. “Of course you will. Don’t you think Naruto deserves to know he’s dead? To see proof for himself of what happened? Don’t you think your best friend’s child deserves closure? How about to visit with his siblings? Do you know how much they’re struggling, adjusting to life at my house, without Iruka-jii? And Bakashi, who was like their second dad, basically. He’s being totally spastic right now. He doesn’t even _really_ visit. He just stands at the end of our gate until someone notices him, and then Kono-kun goes out to talk to him. He only talks to Kono-kun. Naruto needs to be here, lady.”

The purple-haired kunoichi sighs. “Fine.”

\-------------

“You were requested for a special mission, Shiranui-san.”

“I was?”

Genma scratches his head and peers across the desk at his Hokage.

“Why?”

She raises an eyebrow. “Oh, I was actually hoping you could tell me.”

“I don’t know?” He looks very puzzled.

She sighs. “So, you have no idea why some civilian wants you to go pick up, and I quote, ‘Our village idiot?’”

Genma balks. “I’m supposed to fetch someone’s idiot?”

“Apparently.” She purses her lips. “And the person paying for it requested you have a very specific set of comrades, too.”

“Do I want to know, Lady Tsunade?”

She smirks. “Do you like kids, Genma?”

“Sure.” He scratches his head sheepishly. “Actually, there’s three who even call me Jiisan. I uh, take the two younger ones for walks in the park sometimes.”

Her eyes crinkle at the edges. “Oh, good.”

\-------------

“Why are we here again?” Kiba whined. “You have your own teammate, and we have Shino.”

Shikamaru rolls his eyes as Ino answers, “Because you’re an Inuzuka, idiot. We needed a tracker.”

“And Hinata?”

“Because she has the Byakugan. It can see through hiding places and stuff.”

“So, why are you two here then? Aren’t you a chuunin now, Nara?”

Shikamaru stops and turns to face him. “I’m here because this is about family. You’re an Inuzuka; you eat, sleep and breathe pack mentality. I’d think that you, of all people, would understand how important this is. And Ino is here because she’s the only one who can communicate with him long-distance.”

“Don’t worry, you can go back to your boring little missions with Shino and your sensei soon, and we’ll go back to our Akimichi.” The blonde flips her ponytail. “Besides, we’re paying you, so just shut up. This mission came out of our own money because we think it’s important.”

“So, how come we’re not telling the grown-up the truth again?”

The blonde groans and throws her head back in frustration. She answers, annoyance on both her features and in her tone, “Oh, my God, you’re an idiot!”

Ahead, Genma glances back. “What are you four doing back there?”

\-------------

Kakashi huddles on the edge of his couch, one of Iruka’s blue uniform shirts balled up in his hands and shoved in his face, so he can breathe in the brunet’s scent. God, he misses him.

Guremurin wanders in from his bedroom, where he and Goburin had been playing blocks. Their sister is napping in her bassinet in Kakashi’s room. Gure-kun drops his teddy bear (Kakashi had finally washed the bloodstains out yesterday, and Guremurin hadn’t parted with the bear since) nearby and sits between his dad and the kotatsu. He pulls a colouring book and crayons towards himself. (He’d stopped colouring on the walls, thank God. And, since he was now very much more aware of his ice release, he’d been sleeping peacefully (and frost-lessly) through the night.)

“Tousan?”

“Mm?”

Kakashi brings the uniform shirt to his chest and wraps his arms around himself and the blue fabric. Maybe he’ll start wearing blues instead of blacks. Iruka had always preferred blues.

“I want to see my Ruka.”

Kakashi drops his eyes. He places a hand gently on his son’s head and tousles the dark locks. “We can’t, buddy. I’m sorry. We can’t see Ruka.”

“Is my Ruka still my Touchan like you said he is?”

Kakashi scrunches his eyes up. This is so hard.

“Guremurin.....sometimes......” Kakashi reaches down and pulls the boy into his lap, wrapping his arms around him from behind and nosing at his baby-soft hair.

“Sometimes, things change, even when we don’t want them to. You will always have your Ruka’s love, but.....”

\-------------

Last night, Kiba had finally, finally caught the scent. When he’d signalled Shikamaru and then veered off to the right, the Nara had nodded to the other three pre-teens. This was it. He dropped to a position behind Genma as they all took off following the Inuzuka.

\-------------

They had to camp sometime. Kiba said that at the strength of the scent, they’d come upon their target sometime tomorrow. As Genma took first watch, the kids conferred in the boys’ tent.

“Ok, so tomorrow morning, we set out as usual.” The other three solemn faces nod. “When we get close, Genma is likely to start to notice something is up. I’ll bind him with my shadow jutsu, which is why I’ve been following behind everyone else today, so he doesn’t think it’s suspicious tomorrow.”

Kiba pipes up. “But if you’re holding him, who’s going to be stopping that Toad-sage? He’s pretty strong, guys.”

Ino answers. “That’d be me. I’m going to take over his body from outside, once Hinata gets the layout of their hideout and I can pinpoint his chakra.”

“It’s your job to protect Ino’s body while she’s out of it, Inuzuka. Usually I do that, but I’m going to be pretty pre-occupied. Genma is pretty strong. I’ve seen him spar with both my dad and uncle before.”

“A-a-and I-I’ll head in-inside, to get N-n-narut-to.”

Shikamaru nods at Hinata. “Yeah, he’s more likely to go with you than Kiba. He trusts you. Tell him we’re here to rescue him.” The Nara grins rakishly.

“Then we’ll give the Toad-sage a sedative.” Ino looks at the other, dark-haired girl. “You and Sakura have started training as Tsunade-Hime and Shizune-san’s apprentices, right?”

The shy Hyuga nods.

“So, do you think you can do that?”

She nods again.

“Good. Make sure it’ll last at least 24 hours.” Shikamaru rolls up the outline they’d been planning with. “Once that’s done, we’ll start to head out. Genma can’t put up too much of a fuss once we’ve accomplished the rest and made a whole day’s journey worth of travel time towards home. I’ll let him go when we rest.”

\-------------

Less than ten hours later, at the crack of dawn, Genma’s team heads out. The young Nara chuunin’s plan goes off without a hitch.

Ten hours after _that_ , when the Nara releases him from the shadow-jutsu at a camp a third of the way home, Genma throws a fit. (But, once Naruto gets out an excited, “Jiisan, I’m so glad to see you!” and one of his gut-busting hugs, the tokubetsu jounin stops fighting the insanity and just goes with it. He _had_ missed the obnoxious little ball of sunshine.)

\-------------

Tsunade scrubbed at her face tiredly and drops her head onto her desk. She was still struggling with it.

She had done everything medically possible for Iruka, and it still hadn’t been enough. She was so annoyed, and disappointed with herself. What good was being the world’s top medi-nin if she hadn’t even managed to help the man she’d begun to think of as a surrogate son?

\-------------

It had been a week since the events unfolded at the underground training ground. It had been long enough. She had to be frustrated by now. And if Howaitotaiga could get the Hokage on his side, he’d be all set.

He didn’t give a damn that civilians were dropping produce in the market to launch themselves over stalls and hide as he stalked down the main street of Konoha.

He would stay here, in this village, and watch over the next generation of ice-users. The little boy the sensei had been trying to train. Surely, if he had the gift, his siblings would have it too. He would like to be a part of the boy’s training, of his life.

Iruka had loved that boy so much that he had risked his life for his good. Howaitotaiga could perhaps begin to correct his past mistakes and start over fresh.


	24. Practice, Rinse, Repeat

\-------------

Kakashi sighed. “It’s not that easy.”

Konohamaru tilts his head to the side. “Sure it is. Repeat after me.”

Kakashi rolls his eyes (eye).

“I’m sorry.”

Kakashi sighs.

“I’m sorry.”

“No! Not like that, you sound like you’re pretending.” The boy frowns. “Like this: I’m _sorry_.”

Kakashi stands a bit straighter. “Ok. I’m _sorry_.”

Kono-kun scratches his nose. “Well..... that’s _better_. Try it again. _I’m sorry_.”

“ _I’m sorry_.”

“Perfect! Now.....”

\-------------

Genma cocks his head to the side. They’d only slept in two two-hour shifts. They didn’t know when Jiraiya would wake up, but they knew he’d be hot on their heels as soon as they did.

They formed up and headed out. Genma shook his head. He was such a damn softie for kids. Especially Iruka’s. It was like the man taught them an endearing-no-jutsu or something.

Tsunade would not believe he had nothing to do with this since it was the Sensei’s kids that called him uncle and he’d been specially requested. He glanced over at the Nara, whose doing this was, no doubt. Damn kid was too smart it was scary.

Fuck this mission. Fuck his life.

\-------------

“I’m naked.”

“I know.”

“I’ve been naked for over a week.”

Sigh. “I know.”

“Well?”

“Well, what?”

“You’ve wanted this for _years_. And now look how I’m stuck! _Do_ something about it!”

Shikaku scrubs a hand over his face.

“You realise, that because _I’m naked_ , you’re one of the only people who _can_ or _has_ visited me?”

The brunet sighs. He’s getting _way too fucking old_ for this.

\-------------

“Well, I feel special. _Two_ visitors in one day.”

Tsunade rolls her eyes. “ _You’re_ in a mood.”

“My kids can only see me through a six-inch, bullet-proof glass window. Because I’m naked. And kind of, literally, on fire.”

Tsunade looks the man up and down. If she weren’t a medi-nin, it might bother her. She shrugs. “I know.”

“And since I’m butt-ass naked _all the fucking time_ , I have to stand super-close to said window if anyone else wants to visit, so they can’t see that I’m naked, and on fucking fire, not that you’ve let anyone else visit!”

“What am I supposed to tell them?”

“The truth?”

“You’ve meticulously hidden your complete identity from everyone for over two decades. In a ninja village, they probably won’t even _believe me_ anymore.”

Double sighs.

“I’ve done everything possible. You need to get your shit together so you can damn well show everyone.”

Hands are tangled in long hair in frustration. “Don’t you think I’m fucking trying?”

They both sigh.

“Imagine your chakra reserves like a tap. And you’re restricted to a drip, a _fucking drip_ —for over a decade. The elbow pipes in your plumbing system are all rusted and full of sediment, so even when that small trickle goes by, it’s flow is uneven and disrupted by the sediment. Then, one day, someone cleans the pipes and turns the tap on full blast. And what used to be cold water is now boiling hot. Wouldn’t that be overwhelming for anyone?”

“I know, but.....”

“And _I know_. I’m stuck in here, isolated, away from my family and job and life. I want out and I want normalcy. But..... it’s not that easy. They more than doubled, Tsunade. We didn’t expect that. Which means that what was once below-average is now well above-average.”

“Yeah. That’s because it was buffering against itself for all those years, and it got stronger, just like a muscle—say your heart—being exercised by you pushing yourself and then getting stronger.”

“And the fire..... and it’s made worse by the wind.”

Tsunade purses her lips. “Yeah, well the fire is because it’s your primary. Your entire chakra reserve is steeped in it. Then the wind, I’m assuming, because it grew stronger too. So much so, that I’d assume that when you do get a handle on it, it will be as strong as, if not stronger, than your primary affinity.”

Double sighs again.

“It’s not like it’s easy for me to train..... Naked, on fire..... wind whipping out every now and then. Any equipment I’ve used literally burns.”

“I know, _I know_.” The blonde doesn’t know what else to try. They’ve tried everything.

The other nin is quiet for a long time, seemingly lost in thought.

“How about a modified chakra cuff?”

“The kind we use on shinobi prisoners?”

Her shinobi nods. “If we modify one with a seal, we could make it so that it only restricts part of my chakra. Then I could slowly increase the amount I’m allowed to use. It’ll only dampen it, not stop it.”

“How?”

He grins. “Remember who designed the original seal, Tsunade.”

She facepalms. “You’ll burn any paper you touch to try and design it.”

“Send me Inoichi. He’s like a big brother, pretty sure me being naked won’t bother him much. He can mind-meld with me and do the drawing for me, pluck it straight from my head.”

\-------------

Shikaku sighs. His wife is having _fun_.

This is _not_ fucking fun. He doesn’t get how his brother _did_ this. It’s exhausting.

Konohamaru climbs into his lap. “What’s wrong, Jiisan?”

He lets his head loll forward and makes a face at his nephew. “I’m tired. I need a nap.”

Konohamaru cocks his head to the side. “Wanna go cloud-watching? Touchan says it’s calming.”

“Your dad taught you how to cloud watch?” The Nara perks up.

“Of course. He said it’s a really important skill to know. We used to do it every weekend afternoon.”

Shikaku ruffles Kono-kun’s hair. _This_ was more his pace.

Though..... he’s kind of worried Yoshina might want another baby after this.

She’s _seriously_ enjoying this.

\-------------

The chakra cuff, redesigned as a pair of bracelets, is relief. Blessed, blessed, relief.

He can wear clothes.

Then Tsunade enters with..... That tiger.

He glares.

\-------------

Tsunade still doesn’t want him to be seen in the village. Which is why that damn beast is here. He needs a sparring partner.

He sighs. He’d rather eat soap. But..... He’s already been away from home for almost two weeks now.

He summons a dozen clones. Damn, that was easy. And to think, two weeks ago, half a dozen were too many. This will make the training go that much faster. And he set the cuffs to only let out about a two-thirds of the new chakra size—which was almost, but not quite the double of what he’d had before, with the seal on.

\--------------

The Toad-sage wakes up.

_What the fuck?_

\-------------

He has to admit. The tiger has been very helpful. And polite. He hadn’t thought it would be. After training with him for two weeks, he almost feels _attached_ to it.

_Almost_.

\-------------

Howaitotaiga can feel it. The nin is softening to him. He decides to tell him the story of how their contracts were handed round before..... He has a feeling it will put them over the edge, firmly into decidedly _ally_ territory, _maybe_ even friend territory. Kindred spirits, at least.

\-------------

The brunet can feel it. She’ll agree soon. He can go back to regular life.

He won’t have to hide anymore. He’s lived in this five-by-ten-foot room for six weeks now. Only getting out to train in the same training room, every time.

He is so fucking bored.

And you can’t see the clouds in here.

Not from his six-by two-foot window.

\-------------

Tsunade gets his permission to take the two sheets to the Jounin College that evening. She’s going to tell them. He can’t hide forever.

It’ll be a shitstorm, yes.

A village upset.

But the uproar will eventually die down.

And he’ll be an asset. There’s no arguing with that, even with the current Mist politics.

Maybe they’ll even inspire Terumi Mei’s uprising, spur it to go faster. That would be beneficial.

She knows there are definitely some arguments in their future. The Council is going to push and push and fight them on everything. At least, she knows, they’ll be fighting together.

It’s been so long that she almost doesn’t remember what it’s like to have a family to fight for.

It’s a nice feeling.

\-------------

He hasn’t visited him. _Not once_.

He wonders if it’s because he hates him, or because Tsunade really has hidden him so well from the rest of the village.

He’s not sure which one he wishes it is.

\-------------

Note: Ok, sorry if it wasn’t clear who Iruka was..... I realised after a commenter that maybe I'd overdone the 'hiding' too well, lol. I just wanted a ‘secretive’ feeling because of how he’s being hidden from everyone; not just because of his lack of chakric control right now—but because of who he is.


	25. The Super-Spy Versus the Super-Dad and the Super-Monkeys (Or Jiraiya Versus Pissed Off Iruka and His Kids)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: To anyone who thinks it inappropriate they all pile in the same bed, because wow, north American society is so taboo about those kinds of things—it’s not inappropriate at all.
> 
> I grew up in a family where that kind of thing was ok, because my dad’s family were immigrants from an Asian country where they literally just roll bed mats out at night, the whole family—from grandparents to toddlers—all on the living room floor.
> 
> So..... Chill out, people. They’re sleeping as a family. If it bothers you, get over it.
> 
> \-------------

\-------------

It’s his first day out. He’d shunshinned directly home, to the Nara compound, obviously.

Thank God Hato wasn’t growing as fast as she used to but still, the moment he’d had both his younger kids back in his arms had been the best moment of his life.

He’d been kind of glad Naruto hadn’t been told what was going on, so he wouldn’t worry—but to his surprise, Naruto had been home for most of the last four weeks.

(And Jiraiya was pretty peeved. But Shikaku, at his son and nephew’s request— _behest_ — (and because Naruto loved doing the work to take care of his sister, which saved his uncle a helluva lot of work—not that the brunet was about to admit that’s why), had been keeping the obnoxious Toad sage at bay.)

_So_ , he’d proceeded to spend the long weekend shuttered up at home with his kids. He’d missed them so much and Naruto had been gone so long.

They ended up all piling into his bed instead of their own rooms at night, and the boys had been helping him do the cooking, so they could be together all weekend. They’d made some messes and had some fun in the kitchen.

Iruka wasn’t looking forward to Naruto leaving again, and now that he was home, Shikaku wouldn’t be able to keep the Toad-sage at bay much longer.

His ex-boyfriend still hadn’t visited at all.

Iruka was dying to see Guremurin again, but he wasn’t going to cross a line Kakashi obviously didn’t want crossed.

\-------------

Tsunade had given him an extra week off after the long weekend, so he’d kept Konohamaru home (it was a sub _anyways_ ) and they’d enjoyed the time at home.

It was the end of the week, the weekend before they’d be going back to school. Iruka was out shopping with Naruto (they’d left the younger two with their aunt Yoshina, because Iruka didn’t know when Jiraiya would whisk his oldest off again).

People had been giving him curious looks (and a wide berth), but whatever.

So, his grandfather and great-grandmother had been from Mist. So what.

He was the same Iruka he’d been five minutes ago, yesterday, before they’d known and twenty years ago.

They were meandering through the vegetable stalls when he sees him.

Kakashi startles when they make eye contact, then drops his eyes. The silver-haired shinobi is about to slink off when Naruto catches sight of him.

“Kakashi-sensei! Kakashi-sensei!”

The Copy-Cat Ninja freezes.

“I’m home, I’m home!” The blond bounces over. He grabs onto the man’s forearm.

“How come you haven’t been to visit, huh? I thought you were gonna, like, marry my dad?”

The Copy-Nin blanches and carefully extracts his arm. “I’ve gotta go,” he mumbles.

Iruka wishes the ground would swallow him whole.

Naruto frowns as his sensei high-tails it out of there.

“Hey, what’s wrong with him, Touchan?”

\-------------

Konohamaru can’t believe it. He leaves Kakashi alone for a week. Just a week while he spends time with his family now that his dad is back and the Copy-Nin..... acts like an idiot.

His brother had just explained to him what had happened while he and their Touchan was in town. How could the Copy-Nin mess that up that bad? It would have been the perfect opportunity.

They’d _practiced_ and everything.

Konohamaru tells his dad he’s going to Moegi’s and storms out of the house.

Why does he _always_ have to fix this?

\-------------

Kakashi frowns at the paper. He wants to cry. It’s the lease papers. His last, six-month renewal is up in another four weeks. He doesn’t know what to do.

He hears insistent rapping at the door.

Guremurin joins his dad at the door as Kakashi opens it. The little boy brightens up when he sees it’s his best friend, Konohamaru.

“Kono-kun!” The four-year-old launches himself at the seven-year-old in pure joy. Kono catches and hugs him..... but he’s glaring at Kakashi over the younger boy’s head.

The Copy-Nin gulps. It looks like Konohamaru has mastered the ‘Iruka-sensei glare’ since the last time they’d visited at the commander’s house. And possibly, probably, ok, definitely—heard what happened this morning.

_Blabber-mouth Naruto_. Kakashi pouts. Tattling on _him_ , his favourite sensei. The nerve.

Guremurin slides his hand into Kono-kun’s, and the brunet holds on, but doesn’t let himself be pulled into the apartment.

Kakashi sighs. He summons Kagami and puts his sandals on in resignation.

How he lets himself be pushed around by the little crayon-wielding monkey, he doesn’t understand. Just that he always does. Every. Damn. Time.

It’s like the kid has a charisma-no-jutsu that hypnotises him into obedience. He must get it from his Touchan. God, he misses his Ruka.

The more he thinks about it, the more agitated and worried he gets. Technically, Iruka had done nothing to him _now_ —he’d only loved him and helped him get his kids and even after Kakashi had blown up at him over ancient history and (from a certain perspective) broke up with him over the man’s family history—which he couldn’t control—the brunet had still stuck around and helped Guremurin contain the ice, and the Copy-Nin was pretty sure that even if they never made up, he’d always be there for his kids. Continue to train Gure-kun, if he asked.

And it made him feel so rotten. Emotionally inadequate, because he hadn’t even paused to see the other perspective. Sure, Iruka had fought back and eventually said some pretty mean things too—but there was no getting around it. He’d only been on the defense. Kakashi had started every fight and for some petty shit at that. He’d got all butt-hurt and bent out of shape..... and he didn’t know how to fix it.

(He’d tried practicing apologising, with Kono-kun and even alone, later, in the mirror. He was still too petrified to approach the Sensei. And when his ex and their blond had caught him in the market, he’d panicked and bolted (as usual), so he now felt like he’d missed his chance, somehow. He’d never even plucked up the courage to visit Iruka and he’d known how close to death he’d been, then how isolated. Don’t get me wrong, he’d waited in the hospital while Iruka was in surgery and then in the seal-release suite, but as soon as Tsunade had promised the brunet would pull through—Kakashi had been out of there. Sometimes, his emotional constipation really bothered him. It definitely put a damper on his relationship.)

\-------------

That’s..... not what he expected.

Iruka is doing dishes in the kitchen and looking out the back window of the cottage while Naruto reads to Hato-chan in the living room. She loves it when he does the different voices.

The brunet catches sight of his middle son returning, but instead of Moegi, as expected, he had..... Guremurin?...... in tow. Guremurin?

**Guremurin!**

Iruka drops the plate he’s drying and doesn’t even care if it shatters. He leaves the back door wide open as he runs down the path. Guremurin catches sight of him and drops Kono-kun’s hand with a gasp.

“ _Ruka_!”

And then the brunet is on his knees with the little boy in his arms and he’s running fingers through hair to soothe and over a little back to make sure, just to make sure, that he’s safe and sound and in one piece. And he doesn’t realise it, but he’s crying, and Gure-kun is crying and they’re holding onto each other _so_ tight.

And they’re both babbling (and Konohamaru is rolling his eyes), but nothing else matters, because they’re both safe and sound, healthy and alive and together again.

Konohamaru clears his throat and shoves _teddy_ at the younger boy. He’d been dropped at the gate in the little one’s haste.

“Are you guys, like, done being sappy?”

Iruka pats his son on the head. “I thought you were going to Moegi’s? You know I don’t like it when you tell lies, Konohamaru.”

The boy shrugs. “I think you’ll make an exception this time.”

“Oh, really, you do, do you?” The chuunin raises an eyebrow.

His son turns and heads back to the gate and Iruka sucks in his breath sharply when he sees who his son pulls out from behind the tree.

_Kakashi._

Kono-kun grabs Kakashi’s hand, marches him up to Iruka and says, “Ok. He’s sorry. Do you love him? ‘Cuz he loves you and I think you should stop being mad at each other, because you told me that’s what families do, when me and Naruto-nii used to fight.”

Iruka bites his fist to keep from crying.

Kakashi walks closer, slowly, shyly.

“I don’t want to renew the lease on the apartment again.” (He says the first thing that pops in his mind.)

(Iruka understands everything he doesn’t say, can’t say, because he’s his best friend, and even if he’s an idiot, he loves him.)

The brunet drops his hand and launches himself at the older nin.

Kakashi catches the man in surprise, but smiles into dark hair and inhales his scent deeply. Arms wrap around the sensei tightly.

_Home._

As his dad pulls back and wipes his tears, reaching for his (hopefully, now) other dad’s mask and pulling it down to kiss him deeply, Kono-kun’s mouth drops open a bit and he slides his hands over Gure-kun’s eyes.

There’re just some things a kid shouldn’t have to watch his parents do.

He only wishes he had _two_ sets of hands, one for his own eyes. Oh, the pain.

Having walked his sister by the hand into the kitchen to grab them a juice box, Naruto notices the back door is open. He sits Hato on the floor and goes to close it. He looks out into the yard.

Oh, _gross_.

“What the _hell_ , guys?”

The adults break apart, Kakashi with a huge smile and Iruka laughing.

“ _Language_ , Naruto.”

“ _Innocent eyes_ , Touchan.”

“ _Back in the house_ , everyone.”

If they ignored Naruto’s pink tongue peeking out at them, well, they were in a good mood and that was understandable.

Iruka took another week off of work. Tsunade didn’t say anything.

(But Genma did. He said lots of things. Mostly about sex. And how he knew what they were spending their time doing. He also kept trying to get Naruto to teach him the Shadow Clone jutsu, for some reason. Naruto mostly ignored him.)

Oh, and Iruka _does_ let Konohamaru get away with the little lie. For this time, anyways.

\-------------

Jiraiya is at the door. Iruka pushes the hair out of his face. He hasn’t the time for this shit today.

“No.”

“I didn’t even say—”

“Go away. My boyfriend and half our kids are in the middle of moving in. I don’t have the patience for you today. Leave us alone.”

The Toad-sage places a hand on the door. “Sensei—”

Iruka sighs. **_Fine._**

“I’m his father, Jiraiya. Out of everyone in the fucking world, I am the one who most wants him to be safe and sound.”

“Sensei—”

“You were his God-father and I know how reading a Last Will and Testament goes. You had a chance to be his family and you left, for whatever reason you told yourself so you could sleep at night, you left.”

Jiraiya opens his mouth.

“No. Don’t interrupt me. I’m not done.”

His mouth snaps shut in surprise.

“You are the damn Toad Sage. One of the fucking Sanin and if there was something that you _truly_ wanted, you could have made it happen. There is always another way and family is more important than _anything_. I found him, and I kept him and I fought for him and I didn’t throw him away like you. So, believe me. I want him safe. More than any fucking other body on this planet, I want my child to be safe. Don’t you ever question that. You don’t have the _right_ to question me. I don’t care if you’re a fucking sanin. He is my child, _not_ yours and that was your choice and that was my choice and you gave up the right to say anything about it years ago.”

Iruka leans forward.

“And now you waltz back into our lives and you up-end them because you think you know what’s best for everyone else? The Akatsuki is _one_ organisation. I’ve read your reports, so don’t even. _Of course_ I read your reports, I am one of the highest-clearance desk workers and it’s about my own damn son, _of course_ I looked them up.”

He raises a hand in a ‘stop’ motion.

“There isn’t more than two dozen members, even at your highest estimates. Even if they’re all S-class nins, we are one of the single strongest shinobi nations. We employ hundreds of the most skilled ninja. Our village is surrounded by a guarded gate and the Forest of Death. There are no less than a hundred able-bodied, active-duty shinobi in the village at one time. I know, I damn well schedule the majority of them. Including the Hokage and her ANBU retinue of half a dozen co-vert operatives. If you think my son is safer running around the fucking country-side with just _you_ at his back, you’re more of a fucking lunatic than I thought. You’re delusional. No organisation in their right mind would attack our village. Another, smaller one? Maybe. But Konoha? The only asshole idiotic enough to do that is your old buddy Orochimaru and look how well that turned out for him. In case you didn’t get the memo—we won. He fucking ran off with his tail between his legs and his prize capture? The kid he risked it all for? Last I heard Sasuke dropped him like a fucking rock. Though, maybe it’s the arrogance that you and your old teammate have in common that makes you think you can protect my kid better than a full fucking village of shinobi and our damned Hokage. Or don’t you have faith in her? And don’t forget you prick, they’d have to go through _me_ and chuunin or not, he’s my kid and come hell or high water I will fucking rip apart anyone that threatens one of my kids with my bare teeth if I have to. I will fight for them with every last breath in my body and you— _don’t you dare_. Don’t you fucking dare say you’d do the same, because you already had that chance. You had that chance, you had that choice and you LEFT. No. My son will not be leaving with you again. He is staying with his family. He is staying where he belongs.”

Iruka moves to shut the door, then pauses. He adds as an afterthought, “If you’re so worried, then _you_ can stay _here_. You’re not the only nin who can run around the nation spying. Or did you think I hadn’t put two and two together? Not only do you only like to do it because then you get to visit all the women’s bathhouses, but I know you’ve been ‘borrowing’ my kid’s money to do it.”

Before the door closes the last inch, Jiraiya hears a faux-chipper, “Have a nice day, Sanin-san. Konoha thanks you for your service.”

As the properly chastised sanin wanders off down the path to the gate, he catches sight of two small faces in the window. Both of them stick their tongues out at him.

He sighs. It’s not his day.

\-------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: The faces are, obviously, Kono-kun and Gure-kun. Kids have no respect these days, lol. ('Specially not 'Ruka's if you piss'em off.)


	26. Two Peas in a Pod

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Ok, so I know in the notes in like, chapter 7, I'd said I'd pencilled out the rest of the 19 chapters. Buuuuut, I had to separate a few chapters that had gotten too long, so no, we're not done yet. There are still plans for several more chapters. Which may end up getting longer themselves too. You never now. Anyhow, read on my lovely dears.

\-------------

“I tried, guys.”

Iruka sighs.

“But Kono-kun is in his class!”

The blonde Hokage shrugs. “There wasn’t anything they could really do about that. Konohamaru was in his class before he adopted him. And—before you say anything else, so was Naruto.”

“Technically—”

She shakes her head. “Doesn’t matter that the adoption papers for each other’s kids are still sitting on your kitchen table and haven’t gone through yet. Everyone knows you intend to marry and adopt each other’s brats.”

She shuffles some papers about the desk. “You’re not exactly _subtle_ , guys.”

“And the Council never had much reason to hate Iruka before now. I mean, sure, they weren’t _happy_ he’d adopted Naruto—but now, _now_ all they see when they look at him—and _don’t look at me like that!_ , I’m just saying what _they assume_ , not what _we_ _feel or know is true_ —is a threat from Kirigakure. And someone who is smart enough to have hidden in a hidden village in plain sight for nearly twenty years. They’re _afraid_ , Hatake.”

She steeples her fingers.

“But he was born here as was his mother before him, and like hell the reigning Ino-Shika-Cho is going to let them try to expulse him—but _this_ , no matter how important it is to _you_ guys, is considered too small of a matter for it to advance to the Jounin College, much less the House, where the clan heads get to have a say. And the council isn’t going to change its mind because this is the _only_ thing they can push us on right now.”

Iruka turns to Kakashi. “I’ll make sure he gets Yasashi-Sensei. He was my sensei when I was a student.”

Iruka takes Kakashi’s hands and smiles softly. “Yasashi-Sensei is kind and patient, he’s smart and thorough.”

Kakashi frowns. “Yeah, but if he was _your_ sensei, then he’s also _old_!”

“Excuse me?!”

\-------------

Kakashi slumps in Iruka’s hold. He whines petulantly. “I’m going to miss it, Iruka!”

Iruka lets his fingers card through silver tresses comfortingly. “I know. I’m sorry.”

He lifts Kakashi’s head by the chin and kisses him softly on the lips. “I’ll take lots of pictures, I promise.”

Kakashi pouts. “Not the same.”

“I know, and I’m sorry they’re doing this. I know it’s because—”

Kakashi interrupts. He mumbles, “Not your fault.”

Iruka smiles and kisses him again. “How about you go and tuck them in for the night, then, hm? You can tell him all about what your first day was like.”

Kakashi sighs. He heads upstairs. As he passes Naruto’s room, he glances pointedly at the light switch. Naruto rolls his eyes.

“I have an hour left before bedtime! I’m not going to school tomorrow like the little kids.”

Kakashi leans in the doorjamb. “No, you’re just going to meet a new captain and teammates tomorrow. “ A silver brow arches. “Don’t you think you should get some rest for that?”

Naruto sighs. “I don’t know why I can’t just go back to working with you and Sakura. Or Shika, Ino and Chouji. Why do I need a new team, _again_?”

Kakashi reaches out and ruffles blond locks. “If it makes you feel any better, kiddo, I know your new captain. I asked for him, specifically. We used to work together. He’s like my brother.”

Naruto peers up at the Copy-Nin. “How about the teammates?”

Kakashi shrugs. “Not sure.”

Naruto sighs. “Fine. I’ll go to bed. But I don’t like it.”

Kakashi huffs a quiet laugh and plops a kiss onto the top of the blond’s head. They both look at each other in surprise for a second, then Naruto smiles. He throws his arms around Kakashi’s middle and mumbles a muffled, “Night, Tousan,” into his belly.

Kakashi smiles to himself as the blond then proceeds to tuck himself in to bed. The Copy-Nin reaches for the light switch. “Ready?”

Naruto wiggles his butt, and adjusts the bright orange comforter in his lap. “If my captain is like your brother, do I get to call him Jiisan?” He asks cheekily.

Kakashi laughs as he switches the light off. “You can _try_.”

The Copy-Nin closes the door on the indignant, “What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

He checks on Hato and Goburin next. Their cribs are right next to each other in Hato’s room. (Panupkin, at only six months, still sleeps in her crib in his and Iruka’s bedroom.)

Goburin is sleeping peacefully, while Hato is sitting up in her crib, a _very_ mischievous look on her face as she reaches through the bars. Her hand is _just_ over Goburin’s ear when she notices Kakashi watching her. She pulls her hand back to lift both arms in the universal, ‘up,’ gesture and smiles at him winningly. He huffs quietly, but enters the mostly dark room to pick her up.

“And what were you going to do, young lady?”

She grins around the fingers in her mouth. “Wake-up, Gobu-chan!”

Kakashi, despite himself, smiles. “It’s bedtime. You shouldn’t wake up your brother.”

She smiles. “But I wan oo.”

He lays her down in the crib, then pushes some soothing green healing chakra into her belly. It’s the trick Iruka once taught him, and despite being just over one and a half now, it still worked to make Hato sleepy.

He pulls their door closed behind him too, then heads over to the room Konohamaru now shares with Goburin. He can hear them still playing around from down the hallway.

Konohamaru is standing on one of the beds, plastic shuriken in his hands, as Guremurin pops up from behind a wall of blocks to toss a plush ball at the older boy. Konohamaru lets it hit him, then collapses dramatically to the bed.

Kakashi laughs in the doorway.

“What are you two doing, this late at night?”

Guremurin grins up at him, and Konohamaru ‘wakes up’ comically.

Guremurin asks hopefully, “Bedtime story?”

Konohamaru perks up. “We’ll clean up!”

Kakashi arches a brow. “Of course, you’re going to clean up. He lifts what looks to be a dirty nightshirt off one of their lamps. “It’s a mess in here. It looks like a war zone. Have you two brushed your teeth yet?”

Guremurin nods as Konohamaru answers, “That’s ‘cuz it _is_ a warzone! See, Gure-kun is from Sand, that’s why he’s got the stone wall and can throw boulders,” (Kakashi assumes the plush ball he picks up and puts away is the ‘boulder’), “and I’m from Iron, which is why I use the best weapons.” He holds up the plastic shuriken before dumping them in a nightstand drawer.

Kakashi shakes his head. “First off, kiddos, we are now allies with both Sand and Iron, so they don’t fight each other. And second,” he picks up a squirming Guremurin and tosses him gently into the bed as Konohamaru shoves the last of the blocks into their toybox, “I think you’re mixing up Sand and Stone.”

The Copy-Nin sits on the end of the bed as Guremurin crawls under the covers, then turns and leans on his pillow. Konohamaru passes him _teddy_ and then gets _his_ teddy from his own bed, and curls up with Guremurin, facing Kakashi.

Kakashi smiles. He pats the bed and smooths out the covers. “No book tonight.”

The boys frown.

Kakashi continues. “Instead, I’m going to tell you a story about when I was a little kid, just like you.”

They nearly bounce in excitement as their eyes light up.

“I started the Academy when.............”

\-------------

Iruka smiles. Guremurin is bouncing around the kitchen, trying to pack every piece of fruit he can get his hands on (at four years old, he doesn’t quite get the concept of school yet—really, if he hadn’t presented a kekkai genkai so early, Kakashi and Iruka would never have sent him to the Academy at four—they’d have waited until he was five or even six, the usual age—and so he’s trying to bring all the food he thinks he’ll need, which is far more than he does).

Iruka laughingly plucks a plum out of his small hand.

“You’re going to school, munchkin, not camping.”

The boy still tries to reach for the plum. “What if I get hungry?”

Iruka places the plum in the bowl on the counter. “You have a lunch and a snack. We’re only going to be at school for six hours, kiddo. You’re not going to get that hungry.”

Iruka also pulls two oranges and a whole box of crackers out of Guremurin’s bag. He decides that at the next school holiday, they’re going to take their kids camping and teach them how to pack a _real_ missions kit.

“’Sides, Touchan and me are at school too. I’ll share my bento if you get too hungry.”

“Kono-kun, please don’t talk with your mouth full. I can _see_ the toast.”

Konohamaru shrugs. “Let’s go!”

The older boy helps Guremurin pull his backpack on, then they both look up at Iruka.

The brunet smiles. He takes one last picture, then pats them both on the head.

“Okay, guys, let’s go to school.”

Naruto sleepily stumbles in the kitchen as the rest of the family turns to leave. Iruka kisses him on the forehead, Konohamaru gives him a quick side-hug on the way out and Gure-kun, being as tall as a four-year-old, and it being all he can reach, smacks him on the ass gleefully as he rushes out after Konohamaru.

“Bye, Niisan!” They chorus.

Naruto slumps. It’s too early to be awake. He wishes he didn’t have to meet his new team at ugh-o’clock in the morning.

He picks up a box of cereal and starts pouring..... until he realises he’s pouring it onto the tissue box on the counter.

_Way. Too. Early_. Uggggggggggggghhhhh.............

Aaaaand..... now his butt smarts. Ugh.

“You had better not be planning on leaving that mess on the counter, young man.”

He turns at the voice. It’s his aunt, Yoshina. It must be her that’s staying with the little ones today. Which means he gets the brunt of her over-bearing mothery-ness his Shika complains about all the time (but never to his mom’s face, _shudder_ ).

_Oh, joy_.

\-------------

Iruka takes a few more pictures in the school yard, then pushes Guremurin towards a group of five and six-year-olds, the other new starts this term. There’s about a dozen of them total. Iruka is only getting two of them. They’re all at least four inches taller than his kid, and wider, too. None of them still have much baby-fat on them like Guremurin and a few already have smiles with grown-up teeth mixed in to their baby teeth. He sighs. He hopes everything goes well.

\-------------

Konohamaru waits until his dad goes into the school, then he sneaks up to the new kids and grins at his brother. He hands him a full chocolate bar (they’re not supposed to have them before supper, but the Copy-Nin had snuck Konohamaru one for each of them for Guremurin’s first day when their Touchan wasn’t looking last night) and gives him a wink and thumbs up. Guremurin pockets the chocolate bar and bites his lip.

“It’ll be okay, Gure-kun. My first day was the best! And do you remember Tousan’s story last night? He was just your age when he started too! You’re gonna be okay and Touchan and I are right down the hall, ‘mmkay?”

Guremurin nods.

When a couple of the other new kids gawk at them openly, Konohamaru narrows his eyes and scrunches his face, drawing himself up to his full height. It’d be better for these little punks to know Guremurin has a _big_ brother now, just in case any of them get any bright _ideas_.

He puffs out his chest and kisses his brother on the head like his Touchan does.

Guremurin waves as the older boy swaggers away.

\-------------

Guremurin likes his teacher.

Yasashi-Sensei has dark blond hair like Genma-Jiisan, only it’s short and he has a soft voice like Touchan. He wears a long dress like a girl (it’s a yukata, people, but Gure-kun is seeing this all through the eyes of his four-year-old self) and he taps on the tables when he walks by.

He draws big pictures on that big green wall at the front of the room when he talks, and he gives things like plastic shuriken and lollipops to the kids who raise their hands and then talk to him (they’re prizes for answering questions correctly).

When Guremurin and the three other new kids came in, Yasashi-Sensei had helped them all hang up their bags and find a seat. He’d even helped Guremurin climb up into his spot, because he was too short, so it was hard.

And he’d patted him on the head and said, “You must be Iru-chan’s little one. He told me about you.” And he’d winked. Guremurin thought maybe Iru-chan was his Ruka-Touchan.

Guremurin was having a good morning. All the new kids had gotten these little books with lines in them (scribblers, for taking notes) and Guremurin was drawing pictures in it. He liked drawing pictures. He was drawing him and his new friends, the other new kids. They had all sat together at snack time, and Hibari-chan had shared her grapes with him, so he’d given her some of his chocolate bar. He’d tried to wrap the rest up as good as possible and put it back in his pocket.

He couldn’t wait until recess. At recess, he got to go outside and play, and Kono-kun would be out there. Kono-kun had told him he could play with him and his friends. Guremurin liked Kono-kun’s friends, and he was going to bring Hibari-chan with him too, then there’d be enough of them to play tag!

He’s so wrapped up in his pictures that he doesn’t notice when the whispers start.

\-------------

It’s an eleven-year-old, and he’s as big as Naruto-niisan, but Konohamaru doesn’t care. Guremurin is _crying_.

He throws his scarf to Gure-kun’s friend Hibari-chan so the big kid can’t grab him by it and leaps at the other boy with a mighty roar.

He’s used to sparring with Naruto-nii and Shika-nii.

He’s going to kick this punk’s _ass._

\-------------

Tsunade pinches the bridge of her nose. She’s tuning him out right now, but she’s aware that Iruka is still talking and gesturing wildly in front of her desk.

She slams an open palm down on the top of it.

“Iruka!”

He stops talking, and pauses mid-gesture, his arm hanging in the air.

She sighs. “You do realise, I just had this same discussion— _the same damn discussion, segare_ , with your son. Who’s seven. You have the same temper and the same excuses as your _seven-year-old son,_ just to be clear.”

The brunet opens his mouth to protest again, and she cuts him off.

“No. I can’t just let this go, Iruka. You’re suspended for the rest of the week.”

“For _defending my kid_?”

“For _attacking a parent_ , Iruka!”

“He started—”

“Don’t.” She held a hand up. “Don’t even start again. I don’t care. It doesn’t matter if he started it or if he even deserved it. You are an Academy teacher. You can’t let your temper get the best of you.”

He crosses his arms petulantly across his chest. “I’m a parent too.”

She rolls her eyes at him and sighs. “For all intents and purposes, in the eyes of the council and the civilians of this village, you are an Academy teacher _first_.”

He snorts. “So, you want me to send _Kakashi_ after him instead?” The brunet finishes smugly, “He’s not even a jounin-sensei anymore, so that shouldn’t be a problem, _right_?”

“You’ll do no such thing and you need to tell your temperamental, stubborn, recalcitrant son that he’ll not be fighting anymore either or he’ll be suspended as well!” She’s standing on the other side of the desk, hands planted on the top and yelling.

Iruka narrows his eyes. “I will _not_ be telling my son it’s not okay to defend his brother. In my opinion, he damn well did everything _right_.”

Tsunade drops her head in her hands in exasperation as she drops into her seat.

_Of course_ he believes that.

The sensei was going to be the death of her. For his sake, it’s a damn good thing she loves him.

\-------------

As it turns out, Tsunade thinks it’s a good idea to suspend Konohamaru too.

Iruka passes him the popcorn.

They’re sitting on a bench outside the bully’s house, staring at it intently at it as the father (tries) to go about his day.

They’re not doing anything, per se. Just sitting on a _public_ bench _all day_ eating popcorn and glaring death daggers at the jounin and pre-genin (he’d been suspended too) inside.

Tsunade sends ANBU to escort them home.

He’ll be the death of her.

\-------------

Note: So, here’s what went down at school:

For all those wondering, it’s hard being the little kid in a class of children up to pre-teens, because unlike a regular classroom, where the older kids might go, “Aw, they’re so cute,” here, the older pre-genin might feel threatened or over-shadowed by a child who is apparently gifted enough to start the Academy early, so they already didn’t like Guremurin from second one.

Then, he put his chocolate bar back in his pocket only half-wrapped and it melted. So, the older kids started making fun of him for being a ‘baby’ and ‘pooping his pants.’

When Kono-kun finds out at recess (Hibari-chan tells him Guremurin won’t come out of the toilets), he helps his brother change clothes, then goes to confront the bullies. Their ring leader goads him and continues to taunt Guremurin until Konohamaru snaps and beats the shit out of the bigger kid.

The principal calls Konohamaru and the other kid to the office. Then he informs Iruka and the other kid’s dad. When the other kid’s dad picks him up, the other dad—a jounin with an attitude problem as big as his kid’s—demands Iruka make Konohamaru apologise. Iruka obviously refuses, since the big kid had not only picked on his younger son, but then physically fought his middle son—who was smaller and had less years in the Academy than him.

They argue about it, until they, too, get into a brawl.

The principal and several teachers and nin parents have to pull the men apart.

Despite Tsunade wanting to side with Iruka, the fact is, he’s an Academy sensei and therefore, held to higher standards than everyone else. (This is true IRL, I work in a school and even though they’re just people and deserve to be treated as such, our teachers need to appear fucking perfect in public, at all times, because the y work with kids.)

But..... _Iruka and Konohamaru_. ‘Nuff said.

Which is why they stalk the bullies, lol.

Needed to set this up for the next chapter.

Also, it was inspired by a friend’s kid.. She was a tiny first-grader getting picked on by a third-grader (and he was almost three times her size, literally). She told him to stop and he didn’t; she told a teacher and nothing happened. So when he picked on her again, she popped him one in the nose and then _she_ was sent to the principal’s office and sent home. _Not_ the bully. Fuck the system. I think she gave her kid ice-cream for standing up for herself.


	27. Famous, Outed, Infamous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Okay, all. For those who don’t know, I’m Canadian. And while I was lucky enough to have great teachers who taught me to be tolerant, despite my mother being a raging racist—I do realise that racism is a big problem in our country, even if we claim to be ‘multi-cultural,’ ‘humanitarian,’ and are known as the ‘polite’ country. (Take, for example, the government’s systematic racism against First Nations, and Quebec’s insistence that hijabs are a religious symbol but the Cross can hang in parliament; and that’s just two examples, people. I’m lucky enough to be a part of the majoritarian religion (Christian), but I am a very visible minority (I’m half Asian, so..... I’m very obviously brown-skinned. We are more open than most..... but damn far from perfect.)
> 
> And given that, and my experiences being judged—and treated differently because of my skin—I wanted to include something on racism in this piece. So, for the beginning, keep in mind that while Iruka was having issues with his chakra, he was isolated. Everyone’s whose memories were originally wiped in Black Ice (other than Kakashi) still don’t have the memory of Iruka being an ice-user back.
> 
> They just now know he’s descended from people from Mist (which, let’s imagine is a ‘taboo’ racial group, which is why they’ve treated him slightly differently so far). But what happens next is worse because he actually (as does Guremurin) USES an ice release, instead of just ‘being’ from that country.
> 
> Second—most of you probably already know this, but Taicho/Taichou means captain and Jiisan means uncle, so Naruto is basically saying, ‘Captain Uncle’ all the time. Which, TBH, completely sounds like such a Naruto thing to do.

\-------------

Iruka had gotten used to it. He didn’t like it..... But in the grand scheme of things, he was better off than some. His own fiancé, for instance, had basically been the talk of the town since he was made chuunin at an unprecedented ten-years-old. Then the whole White Fang thing.... well. At least he could now control his full chakra and in doing so, control his ice. They might not like that part of his family hailed from Mist, but at least he was still just unassuming Iruka-sensei otherwise.

The people who mattered, didn’t care and the people who cared didn’t matter. It just meant there was an extra stall or two on the Umino family no-go list. They already avoided shops that hated the jinchuriki, so what were a couple more in the long run?

And being outed as a Mist descendent had had an upside. A little old man, Enmu Moya-san— Iruka knew him form the teashop he liked to frequent near the Academy, had approached the now famously-Mist-descended sensei and invited him to a small group gathering. Of fellow Mist refugees.

They’d been treated even worse than the few stares Iruka got when they had first come over, so they’d created their own little tight-knit community. Which, he was now a part of (and his family by extension—the refugees knew what it was like to be ostracised, so they accepted his whole family—jinchuriki included; which was why he’d frequented the teashop regularly in the first place, as it used to be one of the few places that would serve Naruto before the sensei adopted him).

All in all, being the talk of the town for a few weeks wasn’t such a big deal. At least, the giant tiger, Howa, that he’d made friends with while training, had agreed, albeit reluctantly, to stay at home, rather than follow he or Guremurin around, like it wanted to. Iruka didn’t even want to imagine what kind of spectacle they’d be if the tiger got his way.

The beast had the run of both the Nara grounds because Iruka’s brother didn’t mind, and the Sarutobi grounds because Konohamaru (and his other two school-aged boys, for that matter, too) loved him, so Iruka didn’t feel too bad for the creature.

Howa had even promised not to hunt the deer (God help the beast if he ever broke that promise). Instead, he hunted in the Forest of Death.

Iruka and Konohamaru had gone back to school at the end of their suspension (Iruka had sheepishly apologised to the teachers that had to separate he and the other father, and while a couple had been disapproving, Yasashi-sensei, Anko (obviously) and Kurenai (she’d taken a teaching position since it was less dangerous, once she and Asuma’s daughter, Mirai, had been born) had his back. As did the few Nara and Akimichi chuunin that taught there too.

Konohamaru, much to both of their surprise (and Konohamaru’s delight at being known for something _other_ than being Hiruzen’s grandson), had returned to instant popularity amongst the middle and younger-aged students—many of whom had been bullied by the little gang that had picked on Guremurin.

Apparently, in a show of solidarity for the kid that had stood up to the head bully, the middle and younger kids at the school had been on guard for Guremurin—he always had at least three other kids with him, so the remaining bullies wouldn’t seek retribution for their leader while his brother was suspended.

Iruka and Konohamaru had been so touched that they had planned a barbecue and invited all of the kids that had stuck with Guremurin. (Which, obviously, given the Copy-Nin’s luck—had been when Kakashi had returned from his mission, tired, dirty, hungry, dead-on-his-feet and then having to deal with the not-peacefulness because of the thirty kids in his yard. Iruka had made sure to make it up to him later.)

\-------------

That first day Naruto had met his new team, he had indeed, tried to call his captain, Tenzo—Jiisan. It had not gone over well. The man had just looked at him.

Only, with this weird, scary look on his face. And he got right in the blond’s space, like an inch form his nose. (This, obviously, had not deterred the blond. He now only ever referred to Tenzo as Taicho-Jiisan. When Tenzo complained to Kakashi, the Copy-Nin had just laughed at him.)

He hadn’t minded the girl on his team, her name was Kotori, and she and her sister (who, apparently, was in Guremurin’s class—a five-and-a-half-year-old named Hibari) were both training as Konoha ninja like their mother (their father was a samurai from the recently allied Iron, and he himself had half his ancestry from Lightning Country—her primary affinity was lightning, like his Tousan).

He had a love-hate relationship with the other member of their team, Sai. No last name. Naruto thought it was weird, but whatever. He kind of reminded him of a cross between Sasuke-teme and their captain, Tenzo. He was trying to make an effort to get along because Ino apparently had a thing for Sai since he’d called her beautiful the first time they’d met. He didn’t see it, but she was his friend, so, he made nice with the other boy.

  
They were on a re-con mission. Fast. In, watch and out quickly.

It’s on the way home they’re approached by a wavering, cloaked chakra.

\-------------

It was a school day like any other. Nothing out of the ordinary had occurred all morning. It was about a month and a half after Iruka, Konohamaru and the bully were back from their suspensions.

The bully hadn’t done anything too bad in the last month and a half.

In hindsight, that’s what should have tipped Iruka off. Kids were always the most dangerous when they were being unnaturally quiet. It was a lesson he’d learned both as a teacher and a parent.

The bully hadn’t been picking on his brother lately, so Konohamaru had let down his guard. Hibari-chan and Gure-kun had wanted to go play soccer with the other little kids in the field instead of staying with Konohamaru and his friends.

The older boy had thought nothing of it since there hadn’t been any more trouble recently.

But the bully had been watching. Waiting.

He was going to graduate at this next promotion ceremony, in four weeks. But before he left, he was planning on making those upstarts learn not to mess with him.

He and his gang approached when Guremurin and Hibari were alone.

They made sure they were far enough away from the school that the teachers on duty wouldn’t see. The gang knew all of the hard-to-spot places.

This would teach those kids to mess with him. Nobody made a fool of him.

His father was a jounin, and he ruled this school yard.

Those uppity sons of a chuunin and that immigrant girl from Iron (how could she not be, with a last name like Tetsunoken?) were going to be taught a lesson.

\-------------

_I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts, diddly-dee. There they are -a -standing in a roooow. Big ones, small ones, some the size of your—_

Itachi’s internal singing was cut off as his chakra pinged on four signatures within walking distance. He was in bad shape and Anchovy Asshole and his Shrimpfish Sword had left him hanging. _Again._

Itachi supposed he really shouldn’t expect more from a _callous, careless, caustic, clueless, corrupt criminal shitty-sad sack-scumbag from a clumsy, condescending, confused, contemptuous criminal organisation_.

But still. Was it too much to ask to have proper back-up?

Anyways..... back to his problem at hand.

The reason he was out of it enough to be fucking singing to his fucking self (in his head..... at least, he was _pretty sure_ it was only in his head, but given his current state of mind, it was _entirely possible_ that Itachi had been singing out fucking loud for the last hour and a half without knowing it..... actually, given the absence of birds and squirrels in his immediate vicinity, he probably _had_ been singing out loud. Oh, _fucking bugger_.) was because he’d sustained a rather nifty little head injury.

He pondered the four chakra signatures. He _really_ shouldn’t approach that one. **_Really_**.

( _And not just because the bright, pulsating chakra was so warm it made him want to sing about **walking on sunshine.**_ It was because he should stay away from that boy. For his mission and the kid’s safety, and his own sanity and curiosity.)

But he needed help and two of the signatures were former Root, like he and Kakashi. Which meant two of them were _probably_ well aware he wasn’t the enemy he’d been pretending to be all of these years (or at least, suspicious of authority enough that they’d give him a chance to explain it, like Kakashi had. Maybe. Hopefully. He’d take his chances?). And the fourth was completely unknown, but not a major threat.

Oh, well. Today was as good as any day to risk his life. He turned in the direction of the four chakras. It would take him maybe half a day at his current speed.

If they held still. Which they probably fucking _wouldn’t._

How inconsiderate.

Oh, well.

_This is the song that never eeends. Yes, it goes on and on my frieeend! Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever, just because....._

\------------

Guremurin couldn’t see the Academy anymore. There was a wall of big kids between him and it. He had no idea where his brother and Kono-kun’s friends were. It was just him and Hibari-chan.

And the gang of mean big kids.

His brother had fought the bully to protect him.

And his Touchan had fought the bully’s dad for him and Kono-kun.

He couldn’t just stand here.

They were pushing Hibari-chan around.

She had gone to get Konohamaru’s help that first time. She was his best friend and he loved his best friend. And she’d helped him when he was getting picked on.

The biggest bully kept pulling her pigtails and her knee was bleeding where she’d fallen down. Her lunch—that she hadn’t gotten to eat any of—was lying in crushed up bits in the dirt. They’d stolen her ribbons from her pigtails and one of her sleeves was ripped. Her backpack was ripped and dumped out. She was crying and then sniffling, trying to hide from the bullies that she was crying. The elbow in the ripped sleeve was scraped and scratched up too.

Guremurin narrowed his eyes.

_Hibari-chan was bleeding_.

He remembered what it felt like when that bad man was hurting his Touchan and how he’d stopped him. He remembered how his Tousan had attacked the bad man when he’d shown up.

All his family stood up for each other and Guremurin decided a best friend was like family too.

_He was going to_ stop _the bully._

He scrunched up his nose and felt the burning in his belly, the same as the day he’d stopped the bad man from hurting his Touchan.

Guremurin was going to stop the bully, just like his big brothers and Touchan and Tousan fought bullies all the time.

_His best friend was crying. She was bleeding. **He was going to stop the bully.**_

With a mighty roar, he shoves his hand in the direction of the big kid.

\-------------

Iruka is walking back to the Academy from the teahouse. He treated himself to lunch there once a week, on Fridays. Old man Moya would come out from behind the counter and sit with him to talk. He had a small bag of chinsuko with him, for his boys. He was just at the edge of the of grounds when he felt it.

That was _Guremurin’s_ chakra.

_And it was angry_.

The brunet broke into a jog as he felt his son’s chakra become increasingly agitated and irate. He made it to the Academy grounds boundary and jumped the fence just as Gure-kun’s chakra lashed out the first time.

Iruka barely made it in front of the big kid he recognised as his son’s bully before an icicle the diameter of Guremurin’s fist slammed into the quick barrier he shot up.

Guremurin didn’t seem to notice Iruka was there, he just kept attacking who he thought was the bully. Iruka tried to stop him with barrier seals and fire jutsu—he did. But Guremurin was an angry little ice-user and eventually, to stop him, Iruka had to give in and he sent out his shadow ice on the ground below their feet, to safely encase his son in a dome of black ice.

Only, as the noise and chakra had escalated, more and more students and teachers had spilled outwards of the Academy, surrounding them.

_And everyone had seen both Iruka and Guremurin use their ice release._

\-------------

Tenzo cocks his head to the side, placing the kebab he’s roasting over the fire on the log beside himself. The three young teens in his care look at him questioningly. He motions them to stay with a hand signal.

\-------------

Itachi waits in the dark, outside of the circle of light from the campfire. If he waits long enough, Yamato will approach _him_.

He does.

“Yamato-sempai.”

The brunet frowns. “What are you doing, Itachi?”

Itachi licks his lips. “I—”

The other former Root operative steps out into the shadows. “Itachi-sempai.”

Unlike Yamato, Sai shows no emotion.

“Kohai.”

“You should not have approached us.”

Yamato frowns. “Sai, I signalled you to stay with the others.”

Sai turns to his captain. “I have information that you may not, Taicho. I was placed on the team by Tsunade with Naruto for a reason, since the Toad-sage left.”

Yamato frowns.

\-------------

Tsunade shakes her head.

She knows this upsets her segare, but if she’s being honest, for her, it’s a relief. Having ice-users out in the open will be a good show of strength, as well as possibly giving them political pull against Mist.

“But—”

“I _know_ Inoichi and Hatsukoi helped you seal memories before. But segare, this is not a handful of friends or a teenager in puppy-love. This is a _whole school ground_ of teachers and students, as well as several village citizens who were nearby at the time. The by-standers outside of the grounds number in the dozens alone. And you, one of the Academy’s senseis, know that our students are hundreds strong and our staff over a score of capable shinobi.”

“Tsunade—”

“With Mei finally gaining a handhold in Mist, the execution order against its former clans has been lifted. You and your son are in no immediate danger.”

“But—”

“It may be uncomfortable to deal with the notoriety this will bring your family, segare, but you’re going to have to get used to it.”

Iruka frown-pouts.

Hm. She hadn’t known that facial expression was possible.

“Tsunade, with all due respect. Kakashi pulled our kids from a civil war zone not even a year ago—”

She sighs. “It has been nearly a year, though, and things have finally started to change. We’ll take precautions, segare and move slowly. But we are not going to hide this again, do I make myself clear?”

Another frown-pout, accompanied by a sigh this time.

That really was an interesting facial expression.

\-------------

Iruka hunts down Howaitotaiga in the Forest of Death.

“Howa!”

The white tiger turns his massive muzzle towards his friend.

“Iruka-san.”

Iruka jumps up into the tree beside him.

“Your wish is my command, Howa.”

The tiger arches an eyebrow.

Iruka smiles wryly. “Our dear Hokage, mother of my heart, lovely princess Tsunade has just informed me that my and my son’s Ice Release affinity will be announced to the Jounin College and the Council tonight, to try and get ahead of any nasty rumours from the gossips who saw us today.”

The tiger sits up.

“You expect negative blowback, Iruka-san.”

Iruka nods. “Of course. We’re different. No one likes what they don’t understand.”

“What has this to do with my wishes?”

“You wanted us to sign your summoning scroll. You wanted to accompany us in the village. Well, I figure, if they’re going to be pointing at us and staring anyways, we might as well give them a damn good show.”

The tiger smiles.

“I can tell you where the scrolls are. And we’ll need to rebuild the clan libraries.”

\-------------

As he walks back into camp, Tenzo holds up a hand in a ‘pause’ gesture at Naruto and Kotori. Itachi steps into the light behind him.

Kotori, the more aware of the two, immediately takes a defensive stance, kunai already in hand. Tenzo sighs.

Then Naruto breaks the silence, in typical Naruto fashion.

“Who the hell are you? You look like an old, _girl_ version of Sasuke-teme!”

\-----------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the song that never ends. If it makes you feel any better, it's still stuck in my head, too.


	28. Not exactly a chapter....... more like an apology

Sorry- this isn't the next chapter. It's more like an apology and a promise. I haven't been writing lately, because I'm too stressed (I have been looking for a new rental since June, for an October 1st move in) and looming homelessness is scary and stressful, because there were so many 'no's just because my dogs are on the 'too big' side (though they're better behaved than the toy and teacup poodles I had as a kid who bit someone and peed everywhere). I am working towards a lease with a more understanding landperson now, and once it's settled, I promise I'll be back!


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